BDSM: Questions and Answers
- Thread starter cymbidia
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Natalie Nessus
Gypsy Soul
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cellis said:
Lorindellia
Really Experienced
- Joined
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I told a person here privately that my mother advised me her libido started soaring at 37 and hasn't stopped yet, she is now 56) That person responded:
Oh my, I hope she is correct as usual. I honestly am enjoying my new earth shattering libido. Even if my husband is not as into me as I wish he were - that is okay with me. I have found Literotica to be a great outlet for some of my overflow, my sexual fantasies are so profound right now... And also some parts of me are re-awakening after MANY YEARS of repression.
Not that you asked, but let me explain that I was very promiscious beginning from the age of 12. I wasn't that experienced though, I ran away from home at 13 and traveled all over the USA, usually by greyhound. I was an erotic Dancer in Boston for a long time, hungry, and desperate not to be sent back home. I didn't have a lot of sex though, really I was just quite the little tease. I was forced by my circumstances to be much more mature...
At the age of 15, (a long story- readers digest version I met a man who was 31 and a very experienced Dom. He was also very rich, and lived in Manhattan. He took me in, and really molded my sexuality as a sub. He did things to me no one ever would dream of doing to me since... and he had me preform with others as well... I lwas never so sexually aware in my life as I was during the next 5 years I spent with him. I would have grown old with him but his father found out some of the details of our relationship, my age, and although I was now over 18 he did not approve and threatend to cut my lover out of the family money if he didn't break it off with me. I assume he figured if he could find out what his son and I were up to anyone could. We were not very private about it, being regulars at NYC's Hell Fire Club, Plato's Retreat, and one other club, the name escapes me... While he never needed money, he took great pride in being asked to bring me to these clubs to do what was then called a "Scene" durin a part of the night specifically for these type of public demonstrations. They, of course never charged us entrance and many times paid him to preform with me there, publically (even though these were very exclusive private clubs at the time). So in a lot of ways it was my Dom's fault that I had to leave...
( Ifeel I should mention that his father paid for my formal education after he sent me back home)
None the less about August a person on the internet sent me a private tell which was provocative and asking no, telling me that he would like to tie my ankles to my wrists and eat me until I begged him to fuck me. Sorry, but that is what he said. At that moment, the thoughts of all that past just like flooded my mind, and I haven't been able to shake the image or the other images / memories that came flooding back to me.
The worst part about it is that I could never sub to my husband.
No way, could I ever let him control me that way. My mind just can not even go there. And so I am seeking a lover.
So now I am 36 and this is where I am at and I really am at peace with it. I welcome it infact.
Am I twisted and bent or what?
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia
Oh my, I hope she is correct as usual. I honestly am enjoying my new earth shattering libido. Even if my husband is not as into me as I wish he were - that is okay with me. I have found Literotica to be a great outlet for some of my overflow, my sexual fantasies are so profound right now... And also some parts of me are re-awakening after MANY YEARS of repression.
Not that you asked, but let me explain that I was very promiscious beginning from the age of 12. I wasn't that experienced though, I ran away from home at 13 and traveled all over the USA, usually by greyhound. I was an erotic Dancer in Boston for a long time, hungry, and desperate not to be sent back home. I didn't have a lot of sex though, really I was just quite the little tease. I was forced by my circumstances to be much more mature...
At the age of 15, (a long story- readers digest version
I met a man who was 31 and a very experienced Dom. He was also very rich, and lived in Manhattan. He took me in, and really molded my sexuality as a sub. He did things to me no one ever would dream of doing to me since... and he had me preform with others as well... I lwas never so sexually aware in my life as I was during the next 5 years I spent with him. I would have grown old with him but his father found out some of the details of our relationship, my age, and although I was now over 18 he did not approve and threatend to cut my lover out of the family money if he didn't break it off with me. I assume he figured if he could find out what his son and I were up to anyone could. We were not very private about it, being regulars at NYC's Hell Fire Club, Plato's Retreat, and one other club, the name escapes me... While he never needed money, he took great pride in being asked to bring me to these clubs to do what was then called a "Scene" durin a part of the night specifically for these type of public demonstrations. They, of course never charged us entrance and many times paid him to preform with me there, publically (even though these were very exclusive private clubs at the time). So in a lot of ways it was my Dom's fault that I had to leave...( Ifeel I should mention that his father paid for my formal education after he sent me back home)
None the less about August a person on the internet sent me a private tell which was provocative and asking no, telling me that he would like to tie my ankles to my wrists and eat me until I begged him to fuck me. Sorry, but that is what he said. At that moment, the thoughts of all that past just like flooded my mind, and I haven't been able to shake the image or the other images / memories that came flooding back to me.
The worst part about it is that I could never sub to my husband.
No way, could I ever let him control me that way. My mind just can not even go there. And so I am seeking a lover.
So now I am 36 and this is where I am at and I really am at peace with it. I welcome it infact.
Am I twisted and bent or what?
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
Where do you store your toys?
I just picked up this archery case for traveling. It's 49" wide at the base and over six inches deep, is lockable, airline approved, and not very expensive. With any luck, even my two spreader bars will fit.
http://cgi.ebay.aol.com/aw-cgi/eBay...&showTutorial=0&ed=1003194578&indexURL=0&rd=1
I just picked up this archery case for traveling. It's 49" wide at the base and over six inches deep, is lockable, airline approved, and not very expensive. With any luck, even my two spreader bars will fit.
http://cgi.ebay.aol.com/aw-cgi/eBay...&showTutorial=0&ed=1003194578&indexURL=0&rd=1
Vacation fun
This site is always changing & moving along-it's such fun. I'd like to pass on my vacation experience to you kind people who always seem to genuinely care. My wife is naturally less inhibited away from home and to my delight, one night ordered my to wear my cock ring & butt plug for her. She had me go get ice, wearing only a t-shirt & panties. There was a woman at the machine-I said I didn't think I'd bump into anyone & she giggled & said it's ok. I was sent out to the car a number of times in only the t-shirt. I got spanked while standing in front of the open window, and after much oral worship by me, I was allowed to cum by playing w/ myself & had to lick it all up off her! Whar fun! Still working on getting her to accept a lover for sharing her w/ me, but that's a big nervous step for her.
This site is always changing & moving along-it's such fun. I'd like to pass on my vacation experience to you kind people who always seem to genuinely care. My wife is naturally less inhibited away from home and to my delight, one night ordered my to wear my cock ring & butt plug for her. She had me go get ice, wearing only a t-shirt & panties. There was a woman at the machine-I said I didn't think I'd bump into anyone & she giggled & said it's ok. I was sent out to the car a number of times in only the t-shirt. I got spanked while standing in front of the open window, and after much oral worship by me, I was allowed to cum by playing w/ myself & had to lick it all up off her! Whar fun! Still working on getting her to accept a lover for sharing her w/ me, but that's a big nervous step for her.
RisiaSkye
Artistic
- Joined
- May 1, 2000
- Posts
- 4,387
Sounds like a good find, WD.WriterDom said:
I've got a four-draw bedside table that does the trick for most things. Anything too big to fit goes in the closet (of course!
) When we travel, the toys get their own bag. A word to the wise: always remember to CHECK the bag with the toys in it. We went on our honeymoon, and went through an hour-long ordeal because the airline thought we were dangerous--I forgot that the handcuffs and a chain were in my carry-on. Not an experience I'd recommend, although it's pretty damn funny in retrospect.
Lorindellia
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2001
- Posts
- 111
Hello,
Where to store your toys? Well I have very few, but I store them out in the open. If anyone comments I say that they are for decoration purposes and giggle.
But again, I haven't many toys... The ones I do have are very artful.
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia
Where to store your toys? Well I have very few, but I store them out in the open. If anyone comments I say that they are for decoration purposes and giggle.
But again, I haven't many toys... The ones I do have are very artful.
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Storing toys
Neither of us have travelled with anything beyond your basic vibrators and/or butt plugs, but i know we'll face the metal detectors at some point with much more in the way of eye-opening toys than that. We'll have to be ready to simply gut out and brazen through the visual inspection, i think.
For at-home use, we have two big all-purpose plastic bins, the kind one cannot see into, the kind with covers. In it, sorted by function, mostly, are the vast majority of our toys. When we drive someplace and need to carry a selection of the toys along, we use one or two atheletic bags. In one of them, MS long ago punctured a hole so the spreader bar can jut out a bit but still be carried along with the rest of the toys.
In January, MS and i will begin living together 24/7 (finally). Both sets of kids - he has two, i have two - will be very frequent, often daily, visitors and so we'll need a more secure (read: locking) arrangement for all the toys then.
Risia? Again, my abject apologies for our taking a dive on you guys last Monday.
I was in San Diego for 8 days. I spent 5 of them, and 5 nights, with MS in LA. My mother is beside herself. My father is all blustery. I don't care. After we talked with you guys on the phone on Monday, i was *supposed* to go home for the rest of the time. I did go home - just long enough to go to a fancy family dinner, then i gathered up all my stuff and went back to LA under cover of darkness, leaving a little note telling my family that i'm an adult and i can choose to do this. I spent as much of the rest of my time with him as i could. And that's why i didn't call on Tuesday, when i should have, or on Wednesday, as i left town.
I feel like a real jerk about it but...
MS and i needed the time.
We'll be in Santa Rosa soon and you come to northern CA, you said, so maybe then? In any case, you can make plans with us, have us change our lives all around to accomodate you guys - and then cancel at the last minute. We'll owe you an easy smile and a sincere "that's okay!" for doing it, too.
...and OH MAN did we get some pics this time!
They're already on thier way to being processed.
Sounds wonderful, WD. I'll point MS to your find.WriterDom said:
Neither of us have travelled with anything beyond your basic vibrators and/or butt plugs, but i know we'll face the metal detectors at some point with much more in the way of eye-opening toys than that. We'll have to be ready to simply gut out and brazen through the visual inspection, i think.
For at-home use, we have two big all-purpose plastic bins, the kind one cannot see into, the kind with covers. In it, sorted by function, mostly, are the vast majority of our toys. When we drive someplace and need to carry a selection of the toys along, we use one or two atheletic bags. In one of them, MS long ago punctured a hole so the spreader bar can jut out a bit but still be carried along with the rest of the toys.
In January, MS and i will begin living together 24/7 (finally). Both sets of kids - he has two, i have two - will be very frequent, often daily, visitors and so we'll need a more secure (read: locking) arrangement for all the toys then.
Checking it sounds like good advice. I'll have to remember that.RisiaSkye said:
Sounds like a good find, WD.
I've got a four-draw bedside table that does the trick for most things. Anything too big to fit goes in the closet (of course!
When we travel, the toys get their own bag. A word to the wise: always remember to CHECK the bag with the toys in it. We went on our honeymoon, and went through an hour-long ordeal because the airline thought we were dangerous--I forgot that the handcuffs and a chain were in my carry-on. Not an experience I'd recommend, although it's pretty damn funny in retrospect.
Risia? Again, my abject apologies for our taking a dive on you guys last Monday.
I was in San Diego for 8 days. I spent 5 of them, and 5 nights, with MS in LA. My mother is beside herself. My father is all blustery. I don't care. After we talked with you guys on the phone on Monday, i was *supposed* to go home for the rest of the time. I did go home - just long enough to go to a fancy family dinner, then i gathered up all my stuff and went back to LA under cover of darkness, leaving a little note telling my family that i'm an adult and i can choose to do this. I spent as much of the rest of my time with him as i could. And that's why i didn't call on Tuesday, when i should have, or on Wednesday, as i left town.
I feel like a real jerk about it but...
MS and i needed the time.
We'll be in Santa Rosa soon and you come to northern CA, you said, so maybe then? In any case, you can make plans with us, have us change our lives all around to accomodate you guys - and then cancel at the last minute. We'll owe you an easy smile and a sincere "that's okay!" for doing it, too.
...and OH MAN did we get some pics this time!
They're already on thier way to being processed.
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
Wow... I have had a really busy week and not been here in a long time... as to keeping toys... I have 2 dresser drawers devoted to toys... and for traveling I use a carry on bag... but not when flying... I like the idea of the archery case and will check that out....
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Well... hmmm... errr...
There's a funny story about that ring. Sorta funny. Well, actually, it wasn't THAT funny when it happened but it's funny now. Sorta.
Shall i begin in the heat of things?
So, i got to MS' place. He repierced my nipples almost immediately, a process i enjoyed, as i have all the piercings he's ever done on me. Then we started to play. Our play ranged widely, going from way heavy and deeply BDSM in nature, to light and romantic, to outside his house shopping for stuff we thought we needed/wanted, to back inside and deep into it again - over and over and over. We didn't sleep very much. We didn't eat very much. We were very focused on each other.
A few days went by, i'm not sure how many, two or three for sure. MS decided to pierce my genital area, beginning with labia rings, a whole row on each side, and ending with the hood pierce. We were both going on mostly adrenaline by then but still very focused on each other, the touching that was passing between us, and the intensity that touching caused for us both.
He put me into bondage on the bed and pressed the needle into my outer labia - and it HURT. I screamed. It wasn't a "gee, this is so much fun" scream either. It was a "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK someone's trying to kill me" kind of scream.
MS stopped immediately and released me. We were both shaken and scared. We talked and talked about it, trying to determine why it hurt me when he'd done the same thing several times before and i loved it. We finally decided that my sense of pain with regard to needles was all out of whack because we'd not slept or eaten much in the previous two or three days. Then we continued our play, sans needles.
So no hood piercing, this time.
Got some great shots of other stuff though. And, i ended up falling more deeply into my personal headspace ("subspace") sometime AFTER the abortive piercing attempt than i've ever been before. The play involved, among other stuff, vises and canes (which i've always been afraid of) and the writing of words on my body with marker. I was so deep into it that as i was coming out, i heard MS asking me a little worriedly whether i was okay, emotionally. I was so deep into it that i don't remember big chunks of the two or three hours over which the scene played out, existing, as i was, from moment to moment, without any future or past - each moment, each sensation, each word from him to me as pure and crystalline and immediate as to leave no possibility for anything of the past of future. It was, without doubt, the most intense few hours of my life. (AND i didn't scream as if someone was murdering me during it, so i am told.)
He'll do the hood piercing in the first few minutes, he says, next time we're together. That'll be in December, in the Santa Rosa CA area, where we're both moving - and will be the beginning of the time we'll be living together forever and ever.
BlondGirl said:I hope these new pix include your new ring.
There's a funny story about that ring. Sorta funny. Well, actually, it wasn't THAT funny when it happened but it's funny now. Sorta.
Shall i begin in the heat of things?
So, i got to MS' place. He repierced my nipples almost immediately, a process i enjoyed, as i have all the piercings he's ever done on me. Then we started to play. Our play ranged widely, going from way heavy and deeply BDSM in nature, to light and romantic, to outside his house shopping for stuff we thought we needed/wanted, to back inside and deep into it again - over and over and over. We didn't sleep very much. We didn't eat very much. We were very focused on each other.
A few days went by, i'm not sure how many, two or three for sure. MS decided to pierce my genital area, beginning with labia rings, a whole row on each side, and ending with the hood pierce. We were both going on mostly adrenaline by then but still very focused on each other, the touching that was passing between us, and the intensity that touching caused for us both.
He put me into bondage on the bed and pressed the needle into my outer labia - and it HURT. I screamed. It wasn't a "gee, this is so much fun" scream either. It was a "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK someone's trying to kill me" kind of scream.
MS stopped immediately and released me. We were both shaken and scared. We talked and talked about it, trying to determine why it hurt me when he'd done the same thing several times before and i loved it. We finally decided that my sense of pain with regard to needles was all out of whack because we'd not slept or eaten much in the previous two or three days. Then we continued our play, sans needles.
So no hood piercing, this time.
Got some great shots of other stuff though. And, i ended up falling more deeply into my personal headspace ("subspace") sometime AFTER the abortive piercing attempt than i've ever been before. The play involved, among other stuff, vises and canes (which i've always been afraid of) and the writing of words on my body with marker. I was so deep into it that as i was coming out, i heard MS asking me a little worriedly whether i was okay, emotionally. I was so deep into it that i don't remember big chunks of the two or three hours over which the scene played out, existing, as i was, from moment to moment, without any future or past - each moment, each sensation, each word from him to me as pure and crystalline and immediate as to leave no possibility for anything of the past of future. It was, without doubt, the most intense few hours of my life. (AND i didn't scream as if someone was murdering me during it, so i am told.)
He'll do the hood piercing in the first few minutes, he says, next time we're together. That'll be in December, in the Santa Rosa CA area, where we're both moving - and will be the beginning of the time we'll be living together forever and ever.
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
cymbidia.... I am wondering about your nipple piercings... I have very sensitive nipples... the lightests of touch can set me off... and I don't want to loose that sensation... did your nipples become less sensitive when you pierced them or more... piercing is something that I have been thinking about for sometime now...
also I am really interested in the hood piercing... so if anyone has one I would like to hear your thoughts on that....
also I am really interested in the hood piercing... so if anyone has one I would like to hear your thoughts on that....
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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- Mar 8, 2001
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There are quite a few of us here who have been pierced.
cellis, in my experience (and i've had my nipples, labia [inner and outer] and hood pierced and repierced and repierced, over and over as MS and i eroticize piercing), piercings make that part of your body *more* sensitive, not less. I know for sure that's the way it works for me - and it seems to be so for the others MS has pierced, as well.
There's a whole How To... thread devoted to piercing issues that you might like to have a look at, besides asking your questions here. Here's the link: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=42786
cellis, in my experience (and i've had my nipples, labia [inner and outer] and hood pierced and repierced and repierced, over and over as MS and i eroticize piercing), piercings make that part of your body *more* sensitive, not less. I know for sure that's the way it works for me - and it seems to be so for the others MS has pierced, as well.
There's a whole How To... thread devoted to piercing issues that you might like to have a look at, besides asking your questions here. Here's the link: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=42786
lilminx
...
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- Sep 13, 2001
- Posts
- 19,004
Cellis, I know Cymbidia directed you to the piercing thread, but I just wanted to let you know that I got my nipples pierced about 1 1/2 months ago. I had the same worries; especially after I got them pierced and they were sore as hell. Now that they're healing (it takes months for them to totally heal), they are even more sensitive than before (and they were pretty sensitive to begin with)! It's wonderful- Ihave to wear bras with some paddin in them b/c I don't want my students to see the rings. I went to the house of the guy I'm dating and he simply ran his hand on my breast over my shirt and bra with padding in it. Even through all that material I felt it, and it was amazingcellis said:
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
lilminx...
Mine are like that already!!! Even with a padded bra... which I wear to work because my nipples are so prominent... I can just brush them against something and WOW!! I can't imagine more sensation than that... but my lover asked me about it and I wanted to check it out with people who have had it done... Thanks for the imput...
However, I have been interested in having my hood pierced for a long time because it is really heavy and kind of prevents stimuation sometimes... I was thinking this would help with that and increase sensitivity there... cymbidia sent me that link for the Q&A on piercing and I have been reading that....
nipples.. clit... oh which one to do first..... mmmm
Mine are like that already!!! Even with a padded bra... which I wear to work because my nipples are so prominent... I can just brush them against something and WOW!! I can't imagine more sensation than that... but my lover asked me about it and I wanted to check it out with people who have had it done... Thanks for the imput...
However, I have been interested in having my hood pierced for a long time because it is really heavy and kind of prevents stimuation sometimes... I was thinking this would help with that and increase sensitivity there... cymbidia sent me that link for the Q&A on piercing and I have been reading that....
nipples.. clit... oh which one to do first..... mmmm
Blackbich
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2001
- Posts
- 2,564
Re: i have a question....
Okay, I'm new to this but I'm going to try to answer this for you and someone, please correct me if I'm wrong. You have a Master/Mistress if you are a slave and you have a Dom/me if you are a sub. I may be way off base but that's my understanding.
Hope this helps.
Lorindellia,
I don't think you're not twisted and bent. As Carrie-On said, you are rediscovering yourself - especially once those sexual peak hormones get reved up.
Our founding festival was this weekend. I've been trying to get things ready for it which is why I haven't been around for awhile (again). It went VERY well and today's panel discussion was excellent. I'm majorly exhausted now that it's over but I bought a signal whip yesterday . One of the workshops this weekend was using Bullwhips and Signal Whips. I didn't have my own during the training but bought it right after the class. I must say, the festival went better than I thought it would and I met some wonderful people. Just wanted to share with you guys - lol.
ChaoticLil said:
Okay, I'm new to this but I'm going to try to answer this for you and someone, please correct me if I'm wrong. You have a Master/Mistress if you are a slave and you have a Dom/me if you are a sub. I may be way off base but that's my understanding.
Hope this helps.
Lorindellia,
I don't think you're not twisted and bent. As Carrie-On said, you are rediscovering yourself - especially once those sexual peak hormones get reved up.
Our founding festival was this weekend. I've been trying to get things ready for it which is why I haven't been around for awhile (again). It went VERY well and today's panel discussion was excellent. I'm majorly exhausted now that it's over but I bought a signal whip yesterday
. One of the workshops this weekend was using Bullwhips and Signal Whips. I didn't have my own during the training but bought it right after the class. I must say, the festival went better than I thought it would and I met some wonderful people. Just wanted to share with you guys - lol.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Re: Re: i have a question....
Have things changed so much? Well, that's a complicated question, isn't it? Like you, i've been around the BDSM "scene" for many years, though i spent most of my really active time in San Diego and Amsterdam, never stepping a kinky foot into New York (where, it seems, i missed a lot of fun!).
In truth, 25 years ago, things were very different for those of us who needed BDSM sexuality in our lives, wasn't it? Everything we do (talk about, look at pics containing BDSM themes, hear about in advertising, etc) now so freely was illegal then. Back then, you had to know people to get into a BDSM club - someone had to bring you there - you had to be vouched for. The circle of those you knew who did this was much smaller and people, once you were on the inside, were much more likely to help you along your own road (though that wonderful tradition of helping newbies persists today, i'm happy to see). BDSM was a *very* clandestine thing to do back then, wasn't it? People did *not* change partners, subs or Dom/mes, on a whim. Collaring wasn't talked about often, and certainly never ever came with today's velcro fastenings. BDSM was a hands-on, learn-as-you-go enterprise; there were no good (or bad) books on how to tie knots or anything akin to Screw The Roses, Give Me The Thorns. Places like the Roissy Club were just getting started and were not unlike the small private play parties we all know/knew so well. One could go to jail for doing in private what we so freely and legally do today.
Today everything is different - in good and bad ways (to my way of thinking). Look at the wealth of info newbies have today! Wow! How cool is that? They can just read and sift and ask questions of ten thousand people on-line who will answer (sometimes with good info, sometimes with bad - but that's another issue). They can do a data search and know more before they ever actually touch a flogger than you and i probably learned in our first handful of years. Of course, sometimes the info they get is pretty bad, and can border on harmful, but such is the price one pays for such an incredible wealth of info at one's fingertips, right? No more do they have to actually go out there and do it to learn. That opens this kind of sexuality to people who cannot, for whatever reason, really put their bodies out there. I maintain, and this is my own personal opinion only and i hope it takes nothing from those who cannot actually do this for real, that one has to eventually go do this for real for the final bonds of submissiveness or Dominance to be forged in harmony between one's mind, body, and spirit. Until one feels the ache of submission quenched in the fire of one's Dominant demands, or feels the Dominance spiraling through and out to find it's natural home in the receptiveness of one's submissive, i don't think the final links in the mind/body/spirit unity can be forged. That hasn't changed, no matter how incredibly easy it is to find out about one's BDSM needs these days.
And as far as insisting specific things be a certain way, well, that has no bearing on whether one is or is not sub or Dom/me, as well you know. We are or are not particular about certain things as people, our sexualities have little to do with such needs - unless they're somehow tied to our fetishes. It amuses me when people lay down rules and laws for all the rest of us, for all the time. Hell, it took forever and ever and ever to even get the majority of us to agree that Safe Sane & Consensual was a good game plan, right? That's about as far along with a universal law as anyone has ever gotten. Someone telling you that you must be Domme cuz you want to play in a nice room with clean bodies is funny. I hope you laughed at... umm, with, i meant with... honestly... that person.
The problem with labels is that the second you get done neatly categorizing people into or out of a category, some other people come along and claim membership - or deny it - in your so-neatly-defined groups.
So, sometimes i'm a S&M slut, Lorindellia, and sometimes i'm not.
And sometimes there might be a sub/slave who needs to run around submitting to other men - and a Dom/Master/Mistress who needs to watch her doing that, all under the Dom/mes control, of course. For those people that sluttiness is a necessary part of their kink, of their sexuality, of their heat. It wouldn't do for me, or for you, but for them it's a good thing. Since i need pain with my sexuality, and think my Master sticking needles and pins into sensitive places on my body is *very* exciting, i'm the last gal to toss stones about people's peculiarities. And then there's the nillas who think we're all sick! It's sort of a reverse "grass is always greener" scenario, isn't it? Maybe we all feel good knowing we're definitely not the sickest puppies in the kennel.
Hey Lorindellia, it's good to see you found your way here. You'll likely be a real asset to the place with all your experience.Lorindellia said:About Q: Terms / B & D Vs. S & M?
Allright,
Now I know these terms, however I believe that over the past 15 - 20 years they have evolved to have some different meanings...So I ask, how can you be into B&D and not into S&M at the same time? and Vice Versa?
Back when I was a sub to my Master's beck and call, it was simply refered to a S&M...
S&M encompassed Bondage & Dicipline, any fetish that your master had you would preform to his specifications and no one had ever heard of the term "safe word". Hopefully you were in tune enough with him/her to know when what was going on was harming the psyche and possibly undermining the relationship. Not hopefully, you in fact WERE in tune enough.
Now it seems as tho there may be people running around moving from slave to slave, master to master as quickly as you shed skin; and frankly I do not agree that this is what it is all about, at least not for me anyway...
The whole idea and concept from my perspective is that I adored him, and he adored me. I adored him so much because he took care of me in all ways. I completely trusted him. I knew he would never seriously harm me.
I believe from his perspective he adored me because of the attention I showed him, my willingness to please him, my desire for him. I was also willing to be punished when he felt in necessary, but the punishment wasn't about inflicting pain, although it sometimes did, it was a mental pain. Knowing that I had displeased him was nearly unbearable and my desire for his physical and mental punishment led to the fulfillment of the ultimate reward, his forgivness.
I would like your views on this please? Have things change so much?
Also, someone recently told me I was Dom because I would have to insist on specific things to be a specific way... (i.e. no dumpy hotel rooms, safe sex practices, showers, etc) Before I agree to submit. I do not agree with this, as subs we have the right to select who we place our trust in, if we can't trust them to make us comfortable even, before anything is said or done, then how are we to trust them with our fragile psychies.
Have things changed so much? Well, that's a complicated question, isn't it? Like you, i've been around the BDSM "scene" for many years, though i spent most of my really active time in San Diego and Amsterdam, never stepping a kinky foot into New York (where, it seems, i missed a lot of fun!).
In truth, 25 years ago, things were very different for those of us who needed BDSM sexuality in our lives, wasn't it? Everything we do (talk about, look at pics containing BDSM themes, hear about in advertising, etc) now so freely was illegal then. Back then, you had to know people to get into a BDSM club - someone had to bring you there - you had to be vouched for. The circle of those you knew who did this was much smaller and people, once you were on the inside, were much more likely to help you along your own road (though that wonderful tradition of helping newbies persists today, i'm happy to see). BDSM was a *very* clandestine thing to do back then, wasn't it? People did *not* change partners, subs or Dom/mes, on a whim. Collaring wasn't talked about often, and certainly never ever came with today's velcro fastenings. BDSM was a hands-on, learn-as-you-go enterprise; there were no good (or bad) books on how to tie knots or anything akin to Screw The Roses, Give Me The Thorns. Places like the Roissy Club were just getting started and were not unlike the small private play parties we all know/knew so well. One could go to jail for doing in private what we so freely and legally do today.
Today everything is different - in good and bad ways (to my way of thinking). Look at the wealth of info newbies have today! Wow! How cool is that? They can just read and sift and ask questions of ten thousand people on-line who will answer (sometimes with good info, sometimes with bad - but that's another issue). They can do a data search and know more before they ever actually touch a flogger than you and i probably learned in our first handful of years. Of course, sometimes the info they get is pretty bad, and can border on harmful, but such is the price one pays for such an incredible wealth of info at one's fingertips, right? No more do they have to actually go out there and do it to learn. That opens this kind of sexuality to people who cannot, for whatever reason, really put their bodies out there. I maintain, and this is my own personal opinion only and i hope it takes nothing from those who cannot actually do this for real, that one has to eventually go do this for real for the final bonds of submissiveness or Dominance to be forged in harmony between one's mind, body, and spirit. Until one feels the ache of submission quenched in the fire of one's Dominant demands, or feels the Dominance spiraling through and out to find it's natural home in the receptiveness of one's submissive, i don't think the final links in the mind/body/spirit unity can be forged. That hasn't changed, no matter how incredibly easy it is to find out about one's BDSM needs these days.
And as far as insisting specific things be a certain way, well, that has no bearing on whether one is or is not sub or Dom/me, as well you know. We are or are not particular about certain things as people, our sexualities have little to do with such needs - unless they're somehow tied to our fetishes. It amuses me when people lay down rules and laws for all the rest of us, for all the time. Hell, it took forever and ever and ever to even get the majority of us to agree that Safe Sane & Consensual was a good game plan, right? That's about as far along with a universal law as anyone has ever gotten. Someone telling you that you must be Domme cuz you want to play in a nice room with clean bodies is funny. I hope you laughed at... umm, with, i meant with... honestly... that person.
You know, there are times when i feel like a S&M slut. I haven't been with anyone but my own Master for a long time, and there are no plans for that to change (he's very possessive) but sometimes i feel as wild and free and open and available and slutty as... anyone in the world. And i'm a masochist, too, which puts me way into the realm of liking S&M. So, am i a S&M slut?
The problem with labels is that the second you get done neatly categorizing people into or out of a category, some other people come along and claim membership - or deny it - in your so-neatly-defined groups.
So, sometimes i'm a S&M slut, Lorindellia, and sometimes i'm not.
And sometimes there might be a sub/slave who needs to run around submitting to other men - and a Dom/Master/Mistress who needs to watch her doing that, all under the Dom/mes control, of course. For those people that sluttiness is a necessary part of their kink, of their sexuality, of their heat. It wouldn't do for me, or for you, but for them it's a good thing. Since i need pain with my sexuality, and think my Master sticking needles and pins into sensitive places on my body is *very* exciting, i'm the last gal to toss stones about people's peculiarities. And then there's the nillas who think we're all sick! It's sort of a reverse "grass is always greener" scenario, isn't it? Maybe we all feel good knowing we're definitely not the sickest puppies in the kennel.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
My apologies if i inadvertantly give info that's already been given. Like Hecate, i'm just trying to get caught up.
In the beginning, i sometimes worried that if i seemed to step out of "my place", he might think i was trying to top him. Now, though, i know who and what i am to him - just as he knows who and what he is to me - and we don't give those kinds of worries any time. We're secure in what we are to each other and don't need the validation of the proper labels to assure us that we're still within the realm of socially-acceptable BDSM behavior.
For me, "the feeling of being submissive" has far less to do with who is wearing or saying what to whom than it does with the emotions and reality that flows from me to him and back again. My submissiveness to him is not only a thing of the bedroom but permeates my everyday life in a very basic manner, as does his dominance over me.
A caveat: when one considers "edge play", one has to define what it means. I think my definition might be different from yours. And no, i could not engage in what i think of as edge play and be the aggressor, or be dominant in any way, and still feel comfy. Such is the province of my Master, and for me, there is but the submission to his desires and will in our edgy areas.
Collaring, to me, is a deeply felt, indelibly special, incredibly rare occasion in one's life. It's often a signal that the bond between you and your Dom/me goes through your minds and bodies and into your spirits. It can be carry with it far more significance than wedding vows, and its requirements are often harder to uphold than those contained within such vows. Collaring is the tangible symbol of your almost unquenchable trust in and desire for each other, your intention to walk along a shared road with that person forever, and your acceptance of their dictates on your life.
A collar is a glorious thing.
Congratulations to you both.
The instant i say that, however, someone will come along and say the opposite. You know it and i know it. The truth is, the terms have come to be pretty damned interchangeable.
Tsk, tsk. No good ever comes of dissing oneself!
Good questions. I don't switch but i do, when allowed and encouraged, engage in somewhat rowdy sex play with MS wherein i am far more aggressive than i am "normally". Never, ever am i Domme. Never, ever is he sub. We always know who we are to each other and into what form our sexuality is most comfortably fits. However, on occasion, we both find it exciting for me to wear the strap-on, or tease him with my tongue, for instance, past that little fine edge of "enough", or take pics of him that will look like he's sub (cuz there's a market for that kinda kink, quite frankly, and we both *love* the whole pics-taking experience). Heck, he cross-dresses (a thing i mention only because he, himself, has been so open about it here at Lit) and, still, i always know who is inside the clothing - and what my response to him is.Spinoza said:
In the beginning, i sometimes worried that if i seemed to step out of "my place", he might think i was trying to top him. Now, though, i know who and what i am to him - just as he knows who and what he is to me - and we don't give those kinds of worries any time. We're secure in what we are to each other and don't need the validation of the proper labels to assure us that we're still within the realm of socially-acceptable BDSM behavior.
For me, "the feeling of being submissive" has far less to do with who is wearing or saying what to whom than it does with the emotions and reality that flows from me to him and back again. My submissiveness to him is not only a thing of the bedroom but permeates my everyday life in a very basic manner, as does his dominance over me.
A caveat: when one considers "edge play", one has to define what it means. I think my definition might be different from yours. And no, i could not engage in what i think of as edge play and be the aggressor, or be dominant in any way, and still feel comfy. Such is the province of my Master, and for me, there is but the submission to his desires and will in our edgy areas.
Congrats! What a lovely, warm, incredibly special gift you've been offered, Skitten.Skitten said:
Collaring, to me, is a deeply felt, indelibly special, incredibly rare occasion in one's life. It's often a signal that the bond between you and your Dom/me goes through your minds and bodies and into your spirits. It can be carry with it far more significance than wedding vows, and its requirements are often harder to uphold than those contained within such vows. Collaring is the tangible symbol of your almost unquenchable trust in and desire for each other, your intention to walk along a shared road with that person forever, and your acceptance of their dictates on your life.
A collar is a glorious thing.
Congratulations to you both.
In my mind, a Dom/me is someone with whom you may have less of an emotional attachment than you might with a Master/Mistress. A Dom/me is someone you could feel fondly toward, could respect and admire, but not someone for whom you would necessarily feel love.ChaoticLil said:
The instant i say that, however, someone will come along and say the opposite. You know it and i know it. The truth is, the terms have come to be pretty damned interchangeable.
With all due respect, Lady, your site is lovely and very indicative of your views on BDSM practices as well as being the repository of quite a lot of good quality info on the lifestyle.Hecate said:
Tsk, tsk. No good ever comes of dissing oneself!
Ohhhh... you've been lusting after one of those whips for months! I'd (almost) hate to be on the other end of that thing when you finally get to swing it around a little... and aim it at unclothed patches of bound-down skin. You're going to be a force to be reckoned with, signal whip in hand!Blackbich said:I'm majorly exhausted now that it's over but I bought a signal whip yesterday
RisiaSkye
Artistic
- Joined
- May 1, 2000
- Posts
- 4,387
FAIR WARNING--WAY TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFO TO FOLLOWcymbidia said:
Teasing and Switching--a different perspective:
I do switch, and because I switch, teasing opens a strange territory in our play. Typically, we set the general boundaries of our play before anything happens--it's important to know what side of the whip you're on if you're going to get into the "headspace" (to cop cym's term) needed, right? Teasing is an enormous part of my "topping" approach, at least when I'm feeling particularly cruel.
So, teasing him when being topped opens the potential for a host of unwanted associations, essentially breaking us both out of the proper headspace. In order to not cut hubbie out of the possibility of extended teasing when I sub to him, we've had to develop distinctly different teasing styles. Over time, we've learned that these teasing styles reflect our slightly different needs and pleasures from switching power positions. I tease him most when he's bound, and often intersperse gentle stimulus with discipline, because that's what we both need from that moment. He teases me, and tops me, by getting me to voice my desires and beg for his attentions as well as by giving and withholding pain. I'm more of a smart assed masochist than a sub, he's more of a discipline, praise, and direction seeking sub than a masochist. Our different needs have led to different kinds and uses of "teasing." It means different things to us both.
I wouldn't, however, use his style in topping him, nor use my Domme style while being anything like sub. (SAM, maybe) It's too hard to figure out where you are, moment to moment. Too awkwardly unnatural to constantly analyze the power shifts, especially if we're doing anything edgy and/or at all carrying potential danger. When in those contexts, the maintenance of non-shifting control takes precedence over the loss of the sub' subversive power potential.
Hmm...somehow I'm sure that makes no sense to anyone but me.
So, I'll try again to clarify. Instead, I'll just reveal some internal contradictions.
For me and hubbie (and, I imagine, some others), the feeling of being submissive has everything to do with wearing or saying things--it's how we (and just us, I make no claims for anyone else) signal our intended power exchange. Such signals take on additional importance when the power dynamic of the relationship and the play is subject to change.
However, our sexual play is also a ritualization of our everyday power relationship. In everyday life, I submit to him precisely as he submits to me.
In our wedding ceremony, it was termed "mutual obeyance."
It's a lot of work, and an apparently rare case of TPE with a different meaning than one person holding the voluntarily yeilded power of the other--total MUTUAL power exchange.
We still have verbal contracts, limits, etc. We are constantly balanced, it's just a balance that's constantly in flux. Where a 24/7 Dom(me)/sub relationship holds the power exchange in a permanently fixed position, ours changes by mutual consent. These cycles may last hours, or may last weeks. In a way, it requires an even more enormous amount of work than the usual M/s exchange of power.
We're freaks, which is why we're destined for each other. But enough about us.
Congrats on the whip, BB. Maybe we'll get a demonstration at the rescheduled Lit-munch?Ohhhh... you've been lusting after one of those whips for months! I'd (almost) hate to be on the other end of that thing when you finally get to swing it around a little... and aim it at unclothed patches of bound-down skin. You're going to be a force to be reckoned with, signal whip in hand!
Oh, and cym--
I'm glad you had such a great time with your MS.
I fully support your decision to stay up there with him, etc. And I hardly expect to be more important than your family. If even they take a backseat, clearly the priorities are elsewhere. I'd expect no less, given the intensity of this relationship, and the places it's leading you both. You're still my girl.
But don't forget, you owe me. Big.
I sure am the ramblin' girl this morning. Did I mention that I got my b-day flogger? It's three days early. I'm just fine with that; it'll be nice and broken in quite soon, if its trial run was any indication. He does well, my hubbie.
I'm even nauseating me, so I'll sign off.
RS
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
The toy case arrived yesterday. It's huge. I did have to cut an inch off the spreader bars to get them to fit. It would surely strike fear in the heart of a newbie submissive if I showed up at her door with it in my hand.
Got this in an email. Might be of interest to anyone near Atlanta. The erotic/sadomasochistic Art Gallery sounds cool.
Southeast Olympus Press Release
Contest date: Saturday, December 1 2001 @ PEP
www.southeastolympus.org
Come play with the Gods...
In an evening conducted in the spirit of ancient Greek competition.
Georgia Olympus is hosting the Southeast Olympus regional contests on Saturday, December 1, 2001. Mr. and Ms. Olympus titles will be available for each of the six states: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee. Each of the participating states maintains autonomy of its own titles. The Contest is inclusive and accepting of all
lifestyles, fetishes and orientations. Winners of the state titles will be advanced to compete for the national titles at the contest held in New Orleans during Pantheon of Leather.
Utilizing the Greek theme, a full schedule of events is planned over the weekend. Mingle with the Gods Friday, November 30, 2001, at the Atlanta Eagle (306 Ponce de Leon Avenue, Atlanta GA 30309). The Meet & Greet will begin at 8:00 PM, and there is no cover charge for the Eagle. Afterwards, there is a special Friday night BDSM play party at PEP-Atlanta (PEP is an
acronym for People Exchanging Power).
Saturday, December 1, join us at the top of Mount Olympus. An
erotic/sadomasochistic Art Gallery showing opens at 7:00 PM with the artists available to sell their work. The contest itself will begin at 8:30 PM, featuring fetish fantasies, speeches, entertainment, and basket auctions. Contestants will have approached local individuals and businesses to support
their contest entries by donating goods and services to baskets to be auctioned off to the highest bidders as well; the proceeds benefit the contestants' travel funds. After the contest, we will shift to a celebration mode to honor the winners with a Toga Party, dancing, Greek costume/toga contest, & dungeons available for BDSM exploration through the night.
All Saturday night events will be held at PEP Atlanta. PEP is a new venue for this contest. This move is an effort to build stronger unity within the pansexual leather communities.
Competing for their state titles, contestants will be judged in interview, fetish image, speech, and fantasy. Winners will be awarded the state title, a medallion, and travel fund raised from the basket auction. They will be expected to represent their states at Pantheon of Leather in New Orleans in February 2002.
Tickets should be purchased in advanced to save money. Special packages available include advertising in the program. Some also include t-shirts, pins, priority seating and access to the VIP lounge. In keeping with the Greek theme, money may be exchanged on the night of the contest for Olympus
Drachmas (the currency in Greece). The Drachmas may then be used to purchase t-shirts, pins, gallery art, or beverages at the event Saturday night.
For more information:
www.southeastolympus.org
Event Dates: November 30 & December 1, 2001
Program Book Deadline: November 19, 2001
Got this in an email. Might be of interest to anyone near Atlanta. The erotic/sadomasochistic Art Gallery sounds cool.
Southeast Olympus Press Release
Contest date: Saturday, December 1 2001 @ PEP
www.southeastolympus.org
Come play with the Gods...
In an evening conducted in the spirit of ancient Greek competition.
Georgia Olympus is hosting the Southeast Olympus regional contests on Saturday, December 1, 2001. Mr. and Ms. Olympus titles will be available for each of the six states: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee. Each of the participating states maintains autonomy of its own titles. The Contest is inclusive and accepting of all
lifestyles, fetishes and orientations. Winners of the state titles will be advanced to compete for the national titles at the contest held in New Orleans during Pantheon of Leather.
Utilizing the Greek theme, a full schedule of events is planned over the weekend. Mingle with the Gods Friday, November 30, 2001, at the Atlanta Eagle (306 Ponce de Leon Avenue, Atlanta GA 30309). The Meet & Greet will begin at 8:00 PM, and there is no cover charge for the Eagle. Afterwards, there is a special Friday night BDSM play party at PEP-Atlanta (PEP is an
acronym for People Exchanging Power).
Saturday, December 1, join us at the top of Mount Olympus. An
erotic/sadomasochistic Art Gallery showing opens at 7:00 PM with the artists available to sell their work. The contest itself will begin at 8:30 PM, featuring fetish fantasies, speeches, entertainment, and basket auctions. Contestants will have approached local individuals and businesses to support
their contest entries by donating goods and services to baskets to be auctioned off to the highest bidders as well; the proceeds benefit the contestants' travel funds. After the contest, we will shift to a celebration mode to honor the winners with a Toga Party, dancing, Greek costume/toga contest, & dungeons available for BDSM exploration through the night.
All Saturday night events will be held at PEP Atlanta. PEP is a new venue for this contest. This move is an effort to build stronger unity within the pansexual leather communities.
Competing for their state titles, contestants will be judged in interview, fetish image, speech, and fantasy. Winners will be awarded the state title, a medallion, and travel fund raised from the basket auction. They will be expected to represent their states at Pantheon of Leather in New Orleans in February 2002.
Tickets should be purchased in advanced to save money. Special packages available include advertising in the program. Some also include t-shirts, pins, priority seating and access to the VIP lounge. In keeping with the Greek theme, money may be exchanged on the night of the contest for Olympus
Drachmas (the currency in Greece). The Drachmas may then be used to purchase t-shirts, pins, gallery art, or beverages at the event Saturday night.
For more information:
www.southeastolympus.org
Event Dates: November 30 & December 1, 2001
Program Book Deadline: November 19, 2001
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
The art exhibit sounds very good, WD. Are you going? Maybe, if so, you could pass along some names of people that might have net sites the rest of us could visit?
Additionally, could you post a pic of your new "archery" case with a thing or two in it so i could maybe judge size, capacity, etc? If, of course, it's not any trouble.
Thanks.
Additionally, could you post a pic of your new "archery" case with a thing or two in it so i could maybe judge size, capacity, etc? If, of course, it's not any trouble.
Thanks.
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
cymbidia said:The art exhibit sounds very good, WD. Are you going? Maybe, if so, you could pass along some names of people that might have net sites the rest of us could visit?
Additionally, could you post a pic of your new "archery" case with a thing or two in it so i could maybe judge size, capacity, etc? If, of course, it's not any trouble.
Thanks.
Might go. I if I do I'll get the sites if I can. I will be a while before I can get a pic. But I've been loading up today and so far it's holds:
Two large floggers
a three tailed kangaroo whip
2 47" spreader bars
horsehair whip
2 battery powered vibrators
one electric vibrator
wrist/ankle/hogtie restraints
a tawse
50 or so clothes pins
assorted vibrating eggs and bullets
birch paddle
2 canes
blindfold
massage oil
condoms
A wooden spoon
steel yardstick
rope
There is still a lot of room. And that includes a 2" thick pad of egg carton type foam padding inside. If you really need more room you could remove that. I'll leave it in for now.
