Distance Domination-Support Thread

HottieMama said:

Just popping in to say Hi...

Hope everyone is doing well.

As for me...Let's just say this...We need a Cloud 9 smilie here at Lit.

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awww really glad things are going so well for you hottie.

I have hardly seen my Master the last week or so and its flamin hard lol.

What with his studying, me visiting my mum and his work this week...its been far from ideal. I am feeling really needy too at the moment with everything thats going on....Still I think I'm doing pretty well all things considered and am doing my best to accept this is just how it is at the moment.

Patience is a virtue so they say lol. Plus we have had some really lovely chats on the phone which helps no end.

Just popping by to say that I hope everyone is going well in their relationships!



{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} for anyone who wants hugs!

sexycaz22 said:

Just popping by to say that I hope everyone is going well in their relationships!



{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} for anyone who wants hugs!

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Hey Caz *hugs*

Good luck for Friday...bet you are soexcited!

minx1 said:

awww really glad things are going so well for you hottie.

I have hardly seen my Master the last week or so and its flamin hard lol.

What with his studying, me visiting my mum and his work this week...its been far from ideal. I am feeling really needy too at the moment with everything thats going on....Still I think I'm doing pretty well all things considered and am doing my best to accept this is just how it is at the moment.

Patience is a virtue so they say lol. Plus we have had some really lovely chats on the phone which helps no end.

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You are doing just GREAT!!!!!! Just keep reminding yourself it is only temporary. Pretty soon...well...you know.

i'm really fortunate that LC and i have a lot of contact. Some things have been going on in the rest of my life, and without his constant support/care i wouldn't be able to handle it nearly as well.

HottieMama said:

You are doing just GREAT!!!!!! Just keep reminding yourself it is only temporary. Pretty soon...well...you know.

i'm really fortunate that LC and i have a lot of contact. Some things have been going on in the rest of my life, and without his constant support/care i wouldn't be able to handle it nearly as well.

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Hope things are ok chick! Glad that you have LC there though...its good to have that support.

I knew that when we got back together there would be weeks like this....mainly on his part. And I am trying to be as accepting and understanding of it as possible. Sometimes its easy to be honest and then other times...like this week, it sucks.
But we got to speak on Monday, his birthday and that was lovely and we have had texts too. I just hoped he would be here today....but he's been up at 2am to start work at 3am the last two days and as he is usually on to me at midnight his time.....that would mean no sleep.

minx1 said:

Hope things are ok chick! Glad that you have LC there though...its good to have that support.

I knew that when we got back together there would be weeks like this....mainly on his part. And I am trying to be as accepting and understanding of it as possible. Sometimes its easy to be honest and then other times...like this week, it sucks.
But we got to speak on Monday, his birthday and that was lovely and we have had texts too. I just hoped he would be here today....but he's been up at 2am to start work at 3am the last two days and as he is usually on to me at midnight his time.....that would mean no sleep.

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i guess i would just remind you of this...the distance/lack of contact might suck...but wouldn't it suck MUCH worse if he wasn't in your life at all??? (This is a revelation i had yesterday while talking to another friend about the distance btw me and LC.)

Seriously though, i hope contact improves soon.

HottieMama said:

i guess i would just remind you of this...the distance/lack of contact might suck...but wouldn't it suck MUCH worse if he wasn't in your life at all??? (This is a revelation i had yesterday while talking to another friend about the distance btw me and LC.)

Seriously though, i hope contact improves soon.

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oh no....I absolutely agree with you. 100%

and thats the point really. Like I said I knew it was gonna be this way and so am doing my best to adapt. Mostly its fine. Its just when you have stresses and you crave that support. But I know he misses me too and that goes a long way to helping.

Contact will definitely improve...but it won't be any more regular...just different. Better. *grins*

How are you finding the whole distance thing with LC hon?

minx1 said:

oh no....I absolutely agree with you. 100%

and thats the point really. Like I said I knew it was gonna be this way and so am doing my best to adapt. Mostly its fine. Its just when you have stresses and you crave that support. But I know he misses me too and that goes a long way to helping.

Contact will definitely improve...but it won't be any more regular...just different. Better. *grins*

How are you finding the whole distance thing with LC hon?

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Ahhh...sometimes i'm ok with it, and other times it is incredibly frustrating. It's good though, because we are building an incredibly open, honest, and intense emotional relationship...which will make the in-person physical stuff much more intense/meaningful. However, there are those days that i would love to be able to just see him and feel his arms around me...even for just a minute. i just keep reminding myself that the time will come for that....the time will come...

hey everyone! things here are going good but then again not so good at all. the good news is i got a job FINALLY...i've been looking for a year, and it seems when you are 30 years old and you've been a stay at home mom since you were 16 and have no job experience except a telemarketing job, it doesn't matter that you even have a college education, no experience=no job....anyway, there is a telemarketing place that was hiring agents, in the same building that the other one i worked for was in. this one however is, inbound calls where the other one was outbound calls. it's more customer service than anything. what i don't understand is why oh why do i have to be all dressed up (no jeans, tennis shoes, sandals, etc...) to sit behind a desk and talk on the phone??? ah well...i can handle it for the pay *smiles* my five weeks of training starts on Monday i'll be working 8-5 monday through friday.....woohoo! i'm so happy

ok, now for the bad stuff...i'm sure some of you have read my Dear X letter in the cafe for those of you who haven't. a friend of mine, whom i literally grew up with (i've known him since i was 3) has had tragedy hit him. he had a 2 year old son named Kieran, well wednesday night the boyfriend of Kieran's mom was trying to get him to go to sleep. at around 10:00 that night he comes in the front room carrying Kieran to the grandmother (the mom was at work) and says he is non responsive. now his first story was that Kieran had stuck his finger in the wall outlet and electrocuted himself. then at the hospital when the doctors said this boy has not been electrocuted, Emil (the boyfriend) told them that Kieran was jumping on the bed and had hit his head. then when the police decided this did not add up they asked Emil again, and he changed his story once more saying he didn't know what happened to him, that he just found him unresponsive.

later at the police station the truth came out that Emil was frustrated with Kieran because he would not go to sleep, so he 'pushed Kieran down onto the floor on his back with a pillow and held the pillow there on the baby's chest until the baby 'calmed down' after kieran 'calmed down' Emil realized he was not breathing right and that's when he brought him out to the front room and the grandma did CPR ...but it was too late, Kieran was pronounced brain dead on thursday evening and was taken off of life support.

the showing was last night and it was the worst thing in the world i've ever been through. His birthday was august 12th....he died august 16th. the funeral was today and i just couldn't bring myself to go, and i feel aweful i feel like i should have been there for Isaac (my friend, the baby's dad) i'm having a really hard time understanding why such a senseless act was committed. i do understand being frustrated with children when they will not cooperate, but christ, why couldn't he have just walked away??? he says that he was just trying to get him to calm down and that's why he held the pillow on his chest, but how do you NOT know putting pressure on a baby's chest will kill him??? *shrugs* i just don't get it, at all, and i'm not ready to forgive Emil for what he's done and i pray that someday, i will, but right now, i'm not sure i ever will.....he's been charged with Murder, Aggravated assault resulting in death, and neglect of a Dependant resulting in death, so he's going away for a while....but still...it won't bring Kieran back......*sighs*

intothewoods said:

I don't want to hijack the LDR thread, but I saw your post, rose. Who was this boyfriend and why was he entrusted with the care of a young child? It makes me sick to my stomach.

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i am posting the answer here as opposed to the Dear X thread because i feel like it would be hijacking the Dear X thread to 'chat' in it...more so than hijacking this one as this is what this thread is all about.

the guy was the boyfriend of the mother. i'm assuming that he was entrusted with the care of the child because i'm pretty sure she never thought he would do something like this. he has no criminal record at all, and like many of us, we trust our significant other, right? we never dream that maybe our children are not safe with them...ya know? *shrugs* she was at work and they had been together for a while, and he always watched the baby while she worked.

what i dont' get is the fact that there were two other adults in the house when it was going on and it's a VERY small house, why didn't they hear the baby screaming, or hear the frustration that Emil had and come help? they were awake in the front room. honestly, i don't get any of it...there are so many bad people in this world, why did an innocent 2 year old have to die? like you, it makes me sick to my stomach.

lil_slave_rose said:

i am posting the answer here as opposed to the Dear X thread because i feel like it would be hijacking the Dear X thread to 'chat' in it...more so than hijacking this one as this is what this thread is all about.

the guy was the boyfriend of the mother. i'm assuming that he was entrusted with the care of the child because i'm pretty sure she never thought he would do something like this. he has no criminal record at all, and like many of us, we trust our significant other, right? we never dream that maybe our children are not safe with them...ya know? *shrugs* she was at work and they had been together for a while, and he always watched the baby while she worked.

what i dont' get is the fact that there were two other adults in the house when it was going on and it's a VERY small house, why didn't they hear the baby screaming, or hear the frustration that Emil had and come help? they were awake in the front room. honestly, i don't get any of it...there are so many bad people in this world, why did an innocent 2 year old have to die? like you, it makes me sick to my stomach.

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There is only one person who can answer why and how it happened. While your friend was in a relationship with him, I also think too many women put too much trust too quickly in newer partners where their children are concerned and the children unfortunately pay the price for their wanting to make the new partner feel accepted and part of the family. He may not have had any experience with children that age, or children at all....he may not have been all that intelligent....he may not like children or have been jealous of the child's place in her life...he may not have liked her having someone else's child even though it predated their relationship...he may have been the victim of child abuse himself...or he may simply have had bad coping skills when placed under stress. It is a mystery why the other adults in the house didn't take part in caring for the child, especially if they were family, but perhaps that is symptomatic of the whole picture. I'm sorry you are feeling this pain lsr, but as I have said to you before, be careful about the people you have in your and your children's lives as so easily their behaviour can spill over into your own house too easily. BTW, congrats on the job...I am sure you will feel like a new woman once you get going.

Catalina

My son is almost 3...and would scream so fucking loudly if something like that happened there would be no way ANYONE could pretend they didn't hear it. Those people in the other room need to be questioned as well.

**sobs** That poor little boy. i know it won't bring him back, but i really hope this monster sees justice for what he did. Sick, disgusting fucker.

lil_slave_rose said:

i am posting the answer here as opposed to the Dear X thread because i feel like it would be hijacking the Dear X thread to 'chat' in it...more so than hijacking this one as this is what this thread is all about.

the guy was the boyfriend of the mother. i'm assuming that he was entrusted with the care of the child because i'm pretty sure she never thought he would do something like this. he has no criminal record at all, and like many of us, we trust our significant other, right? we never dream that maybe our children are not safe with them...ya know? *shrugs* she was at work and they had been together for a while, and he always watched the baby while she worked.

what i dont' get is the fact that there were two other adults in the house when it was going on and it's a VERY small house, why didn't they hear the baby screaming, or hear the frustration that Emil had and come help? they were awake in the front room. honestly, i don't get any of it...there are so many bad people in this world, why did an innocent 2 year old have to die? like you, it makes me sick to my stomach.

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Well, I echo everything cat said. Of course she never imagined it would happen, and it's hard for me to know how significant the "boyfriend" was, but I know I would never introduce a boyfriend/sig O to my kid unless this was a serious, committed relationship.

catalina_francisco said:

There is only one person who can answer why and how it happened. While your friend was in a relationship with him, I also think too many women put too much trust too quickly in newer partners where their children are concerned and the children unfortunately pay the price for their wanting to make the new partner feel accepted and part of the family. He may not have had any experience with children that age, or children at all....he may not have been all that intelligent....he may not like children or have been jealous of the child's place in her life...he may not have liked her having someone else's child even though it predated their relationship...he may have been the victim of child abuse himself...or he may simply have had bad coping skills when placed under stress.

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I just had to quote cat here because she expressed it so well. I'm still thinking angry thoughts. I know I don't know the whole story, or what he was like. I know she will never get over this. But...well, that's kind of the point. We can't bring that kid back, can we?

And I take it personally because I'm a mom, and I made mistakes that harmed my marriage, and that too, will affect my kid. So I've got some issues related to this topic. Obviously it's not the same thing. But kids don't ask to be born, you know?

There has to be a balance. Mothers are people too, and we want love, and we want comfort. But we have to fucking be smart about it. No, we have to be overboard-cautious-I-will-kill-to-protect-my-child-so-help-me-God about it.

catalina_francisco said:

There is only one person who can answer why and how it happened. While your friend was in a relationship with him, I also think too many women put too much trust too quickly in newer partners where their children are concerned and the children unfortunately pay the price for their wanting to make the new partner feel accepted and part of the family. He may not have had any experience with children that age, or children at all....he may not have been all that intelligent....he may not like children or have been jealous of the child's place in her life...he may not have liked her having someone else's child even though it predated their relationship...he may have been the victim of child abuse himself...or he may simply have had bad coping skills when placed under stress. It is a mystery why the other adults in the house didn't take part in caring for the child, especially if they were family, but perhaps that is symptomatic of the whole picture. I'm sorry you are feeling this pain lsr, but as I have said to you before, be careful about the people you have in your and your children's lives as so easily their behaviour can spill over into your own house too easily. BTW, congrats on the job...I am sure you will feel like a new woman once you get going.

Catalina

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ok let me clear something up. my friend was not involved with the boyfriend. my friend is the father of the child. His name is Isaac. the mother is Isaac's ex wife. the mother was the one involved with this guy. and they had been together since the baby was little, and as i said he always watched the baby while the mom worked. i don't really know either the boyfriend or the mother, nor do i know the grandma or the aunt that was there that night, so i have no idea of how the 'home life' was, other than what Isaac tells me. this wasn't a 'newer' partner..they had been together almost 2 years..he had been there pretty much since the baby was born (a couple months after) so i'm not sure what went wrong...

intothewoods said:

Well, I echo everything cat said. Of course she never imagined it would happen, and it's hard for me to know how significant the "boyfriend" was, but I know I would never introduce a boyfriend/sig O to my kid unless this was a serious, committed relationship.

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it most defiantly was a committed serious relationship. they were living together and had been for almost 2 years.....i'm really not blaming the mother here, she had no way of knowing that when she went to work that night just like every other night she's gone to work, that he would do this.

intothewoods said:

I just had to quote cat here because she expressed it so well. I'm still thinking angry thoughts. I know I don't know the whole story, or what he was like. I know she will never get over this. But...well, that's kind of the point. We can't bring that kid back, can we?

And I take it personally because I'm a mom, and I made mistakes that harmed my marriage, and that too, will affect my kid. So I've got some issues related to this topic. Obviously it's not the same thing. But kids don't ask to be born, you know?

There has to be a balance. Mothers are people too, and we want love, and we want comfort. But we have to fucking be smart about it. No, we have to be overboard-cautious-I-will-kill-to-protect-my-child-so-help-me-God about it.

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i don't know much about the guy either, but obviously she felt safe enough leaving him with the baby as she had left him with the baby all of the time. they were living together, it's not like they were weekend boyfriend and girlfriend or like they were just dating, ya know?

minx1 said:

*giggles* thanks for the comments DWB!

How you doing today hon. Is all good with you and your M?

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You are so welcome my friend for the comments...


I am doing okay....How about you...Things are good with me and M

Hello to all here that have stopped by..Leia, Caz, HM, Cat, Rose....Hope you all are okay or will be okay!

Rose I am so very sorry to hear about your friend...that stinks...That breaks my heart too as I sure hate to hear that something like this happened

lil_slave_rose said:

ok let me clear something up. my friend was not involved with the boyfriend. my friend is the father of the child. His name is Isaac. the mother is Isaac's ex wife. the mother was the one involved with this guy. and they had been together since the baby was little, and as i said he always watched the baby while the mom worked. i don't really know either the boyfriend or the mother, nor do i know the grandma or the aunt that was there that night, so i have no idea of how the 'home life' was, other than what Isaac tells me. this wasn't a 'newer' partner..they had been together almost 2 years..he had been there pretty much since the baby was born (a couple months after) so i'm not sure what went wrong...

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I already understood all that lsr. Unfortunately living together does not mean the partner is trustworthy and is not an unusual situation in child abuse cases. Also the fact he has been around for almost the duration of the child's very short life does not mean he was cool with looking after another man's child or even that child being a reality. I hope your friend is OK.

Catalina

catalina_francisco said:

I already understood all that lsr. Unfortunately living together does not mean the partner is trustworthy and is not an unusual situation in child abuse cases. Also the fact he has been around for almost the duration of the child's very short life does not mean he was cool with looking after another man's child or even that child being a reality. I hope your friend is OK.

Catalina

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oh i'm not saying that because they lived together that made him trustworthy, i just meant to say that it was not a new relationship and not like they were just dating or that she barely knew him. none of this really matters anyway, the fact remains, he did what he did and i just don't think it's fair to put blame on the mother. this guy acted alone and i'm sure the mother is putting enough blame on herself as it is....the blame lies with him...in my opinion.....

as far as Isaac goes, he's holding up 'ok' much better than i imagined he would be, BUT i'm not sure it's fully sunk in yet either.....

minx1 said:

Hey Caz *hugs*

Good luck for Friday...bet you are soexcited!

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Thanks!

And I also got a different date for next weekend - not the play date - but just a meet up for a coffee and a chat!

Soooo.....things are looking up!

Rose, I am really sorry to hear about your friend's tragedy. It's such an awful thing to have happened.

{{{{{HUGS}}}} for you, your friend and his family.

lil_slave_rose said:

oh i'm not saying that because they lived together that made him trustworthy, i just meant to say that it was not a new relationship and not like they were just dating or that she barely knew him. none of this really matters anyway, the fact remains, he did what he did and i just don't think it's fair to put blame on the mother. this guy acted alone and i'm sure the mother is putting enough blame on herself as it is....the blame lies with him...in my opinion.....

as far as Isaac goes, he's holding up 'ok' much better than i imagined he would be, BUT i'm not sure it's fully sunk in yet either.....

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You are most likely right about it not fully sinking in as yet,,,it will not be something he will get over ever I imagine.

I was not mother blaming btw as I think in these situations not only is it tragic, but it is often the case a lot of people played a part hence I mentioned the others in the household at the moment. What I do look at though given I have had to deal with abuse professionally is the whole picture, the signs perhaps not all was ideal (such as others being in the house and yet it still being possible the child was murdered without anyone being aware), patterns of relationships of those involved and those around them including the mother who it seems was the primary carer, and how those involved on a daily/weekly level played a part in the whole picture of what was before and after.

Abuse is never easy to confront, and child murder is horrible to even acknowledge as a reality, but rarely (when family or those involved with the family are involved) does it happen in a home where everything is perfect and in the best interests of the child but more often where dysfunctionality exists, though is not always visible or dealt with when brought to attention. It would be wonderful to be able to turn back the clock but we can't, but perhaps by looking at how it could happen instead of trying to be PC and not look to any cause except from blaming the one who did it, another child can be saved from going through the same experience. Too often people say after the event that they saw signs, or they were concerned, or reports had been made to government agencies, and yet no-one did a thing until it was too late...on the surface it seems one person is to blame and responsible, but the reality is more often than not many people played a part in allowing the situation to progress to that level where the child was/is harmed or killed. Do you understand what I mean? And yes, I understand you don't know the answers because you didn't know anyone but the father.

Catalina

i am so sorry rose *tears*