Red Callum, Sweet Cate

Bramblethorn

Sleep-deprived

Joined

Feb 16, 2012

Posts

16,735

• Oct 22, 2014

• #1

Hey, can I trouble anybody for feedback on my Halloween contest entry?

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-callum-sweet-cate

 

Magnetron

Deep Under Groundhog

Joined

Feb 12, 2014

Posts

4,089

• Oct 22, 2014

• #2

Well, I think everything is working in your favor with the exception of the scheme. Being a long winded piece without a change up in the rhythm, a monotony begins to settle in. Otherwise, it was very imaginative and entertaining.

 

P

pensivepoet

Love dangerously

Joined

May 21, 2014

Posts

7,667

• Oct 22, 2014

• #3

Magnetron said:

Well, I think everything is working in your favor with the exception of the scheme. Being a long winded piece without a change up in the rhythm, a monotony begins to settle in. Otherwise, it was very imaginative and entertaining.

Click to expand...

That's the first time i ever saw~long winded, monotony, entertaining, imaginative~in the same critique.

 

UnderYourSpell

Gerund Whore

Joined

May 20, 2007

Posts

15,794

• Oct 23, 2014

• #4

Quite amusing as dirty ditties go.

 

Bramblethorn

Sleep-deprived

Joined

Feb 16, 2012

Posts

16,735

• Oct 26, 2014

• #5

Thanks all! Yeah, I might have gone for something more ambitious in the rhyme scheme, but I was having enough difficulty writing couplets in time for the contest deadline. Maybe next time.