Financial domination

Yes? No? Howso?

Discuss.

KoPilot said:

Yes? No? Howso?

Discuss.

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Oh boy. Where's the popcorn??? Do you have Slurpies? Cause if you don't have Slurpies I am not sure how I'm gonna be able to sit and watch this whole thing.

Yes, so long as they're the ones sending me money, and I don't have to talk to them or otherwise be bothered with their presence.

Yes, if we're in a serious relationship and I trust that they're acting in my best interests. Or if they're sending me money.

Utterly don't get what the sub gets from it, but I'm happy to receive tributes and shoes from people I don't want to interact with in any way shape or form.

If someone wants to glare at my bank balance until it starts to behave itself, they're more than welcome.

I would call it an "ideal" for us, but something I've been disappointingly unsuccessful in achieving. I will say that Sir has never outright insisted on total financial submission, and has often been clear about what it "my" money. But, as a married couple and with my two kids to raise, it's been complicated. It's probably THE biggest source of contention between us. I'm not deliberately resistant, but I have years of financial independence to counter what he wishes from me. It's incredibly frustrating for both of us.

desertslave said:

I would call it an "ideal" for us, but something I've been disappointingly unsuccessful in achieving. I will say that Sir has never outright insisted on total financial submission, and has often been clear about what it "my" money. But, as a married couple and with my two kids to raise, it's been complicated. It's probably THE biggest source of contention between us. I'm not deliberately resistant, but I have years of financial independence to counter what he wishes from me. It's incredibly frustrating for both of us.

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Interested in chatting about this via pm if interested

For me, it came up in conversation yesterday and a little light in my head went off when I realized that giving up some financial control is very much going to be part of our dynamic when I move in with S.

1. Because of my chronic illness, I can't really work full-time, so my financial contributions will be less and I'll be relying on him more.

2. Pets don't buy their own toys, their owners do. ;P

You're talking about two things.

Financial domination as financial control within a relationship. (I make the money in mine, and I have control of the discretionary, but it's her job to actually talk to the various entities that the bills go to and make that happen. I hate that shit, and it's actually annoying enough to me that this is a fair trade.)

Financial Domination as in money-is-a-taboo-fucking-hot-toy. And gift-giving has a strong protocol of kindness that it's amazingly out there to shatter. And it's superrb if you like humiliation in some forms.

Pets don't usually buy their own toys, but sometimes sexually rejected hump faces buy toys for Mistress to use on pretty ladies not on their repulsive selves. (And they love this.)

For me, it's an extension of power and humiliation. It goes best with a heaping helping of brutal humiliation. And it's tingly-making all kinds of WRONG inversion of what's supposed to happen when a totally nice man gives you something expensive and thoughtful. The nice man also loves this inversion.

You can play this game at a distance, and you can play this game at home with cherished experimental subjects, it's fun that way.

I actually get off on this to the point where seeking out the biggest "whales" isn't the point at all, bragging about the biggest gifts is boring as fuck, it's all about the signifiers and the being mean, so long as my time isn't being wasted.

Pay and fuck off is OK as a scene once in a while, but I actually like the variations, so long as they're not wasting my time.

You're right, I am.

Ok so for the record: I mean financial donination as either the "pay me tribute" variety or the "may I have a little more allowance this week, sir/ma'am?" variety.

KoPilot said:

You're right, I am.

Ok so for the record: I mean financial donimation as either the "pay me tribute" variety or the "may I have a little more allowance this week, sir/ma'am?" variety.

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The funny thing about this aspect of our overall dynamic is that it's probably the most obvious to my vanilla friends and the thing that makes them bounce off walls the most. I swear most of them are less likely to blink if I tell them that I love to be tied up and caned until I cry than when I tell them I need to check in if I'm considering making a purchase that wasn't previously discussed.

desertslave said:

The funny thing about this aspect of our overall dynamic is that it's probably the most obvious to my vanilla friends and the thing that makes them bounce off walls the most. I swear most of them are less likely to blink if I tell them that I love to be tied up and caned until I cry than when I tell them I need to check in if I'm considering making a purchase that wasn't previously discussed.

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I can relate to the bolded part very much.
And it's not even a d/s thing to be honest.
While I'm quite capable of glaring at myself until I behave finacially and others too as needed, I bores me to tears. This is why I'm quite ok with needing to ask about spending.

Netzach said:

Financial Domination as in money-is-a-taboo-fucking-hot-toy. And gift-giving has a strong protocol of kindness that it's amazingly out there to shatter. And it's superrb if you like humiliation in some forms.

Pets don't usually buy their own toys, but sometimes sexually rejected hump faces buy toys for Mistress to use on pretty ladies not on their repulsive selves. (And they love this.)

For me, it's an extension of power and humiliation. It goes best with a heaping helping of brutal humiliation. And it's tingly-making all kinds of WRONG inversion of what's supposed to happen when a totally nice man gives you something expensive and thoughtful. The nice man also loves this inversion.

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I can see how this can be hot but it has never worked that way for me for some reason. Not from any side of it.
I've actually wondered a little bit about why.
I can totally see how "is it ok if I buy this" and on top of that with money I earned my self, could be humiliating for example, but it isn't for some reason.

desertslave said:

The funny thing about this aspect of our overall dynamic is that it's probably the most obvious to my vanilla friends and the thing that makes them bounce off walls the most. I swear most of them are less likely to blink if I tell them that I love to be tied up and caned until I cry than when I tell them I need to check in if I'm considering making a purchase that wasn't previously discussed.

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My young daughter (about 5 at the time) asked me "why can't you decide, Mom?" when she wanted to buy some candy at the store and I stood there hesitating, saying "I'll have to ask Dad." He was at work and wouldn't be home for hours.

In that moment, I didn't think I was giving her a good role model - I wanted her to feel that she could always make decisions about her own life - so that night, I asked him for more freedom when I was alone with the children.

It led to a lot of conflict over the money I was spending.

In our household, it is always easier if I have permission. And avoid surprises.

I work with women who are financially dependent on their husbands, who never even touch money and must ask for everything that they need. Though many of my co-workers can't imagine living that way, I think it would alleviate a certain kind of stress - create others, perhaps, depending on the generosity and character of your husband - but I certainly can imagine living that way.

What's also interesting to me is that many of these marriages are arranged. Is decision-making a learned behavior? And by extension, free will?

Funny, until reading this thread, I had not realized, that "financial domination" would be a hard limit for me!

(And that is from both the dom and sub-side). It can be needed in some cases, but that would be because the "sub" was not able to manage the financials to a satisfactory degree, and had to be put under administration.....


I learned something new about myself today, thanks!

eastern sun said:

My young daughter (about 5 at the time) asked me "why can't you decide, Mom?" when she wanted to buy some candy at the store and I stood there hesitating, saying "I'll have to ask Dad." He was at work and wouldn't be home for hours.

In that moment, I didn't think I was giving her a good role model - I wanted her to feel that she could always make decisions about her own life - so that night, I asked him for more freedom when I was alone with the children.

It led to a lot of conflict over the money I was spending.

In our household, it is always easier if I have permission. And avoid surprises.

I work with women who are financially dependent on their husbands, who never even touch money and must ask for everything that they need. Though many of my co-workers can't imagine living that way, I think it would alleviate a certain kind of stress - create others, perhaps, depending on the generosity and character of your husband - but I certainly can imagine living that way.

What's also interesting to me is that many of these marriages are arranged. Is decision-making a learned behavior? And by extension, free will?

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I think a lot about decision-making is learned, yes.
Personality is part of it but I think being raised to make decision or being raised to have decisions made for you, makes a huge difference.

Very good subject. I have been financially independent for many years now - or I have made the decisions.

I do have a submissive that wants to hand over his bank accounts and give me total control. We discussed it at complete length. He has a prestigious job that is very stressful. He didn't want control in that area. So, we decided that I would "counsel" him in his decisions right now. I didn't feel right taking over his accounts when we weren't living with each other. I also have a service sending him his food so that he no longer has to deal with that anymore. His job is stressful and he wanted someone to take care of the menial crap. So, that's what I did. I put all his bills online, took over his grocery shopping - and have a cleaning service for him. I don't have complete access to his accounts - I just counsel him.

As for toys - I buy them with my money. It's something that I usually do on a whim sometimes.. I might see a lovely pair of panties for him... something like that.
We do also have a situation where he will buy me gifts. He likes to... and I just send him basically what I want and a few days later, they show up via UPS. We live 2 hours apart so this is how we deal. If we lived together.... which we have talked about for years... I would completely take over everything.

I did have a situation where the accounts were combined and I ended up one day at the flipping gas station with NO money on me. Oh, there was hell to be paid because sub went out to the farmer's market and spent all the money we had switched to checking. Not a good thing to do to me. Oh the anger...

Read this thread like 3 times now. Just can't wrap my brain around the idea. Does that make me a bad sub?

How frickin weird that I can trust him with my body but not my money? Is that normal or sensible or stupid? We've lived together a while but seprate on money stuff. I mean, what if you split up? I guess married peeps get lawyers to do the job. That gets nasty to.

laceNlthrgrrl said:

Read this thread like 3 times now. Just can't wrap my brain around the idea. Does that make me a bad sub?

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No

How frickin weird that I can trust him with my body but not my money?

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Not weird

Is that normal or sensible or stupid?

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All of the above/none of the above

I mean, what if you split up?

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Like everything else, it depends

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I wonder what kind of role financial domination might have in our relationship once we finally start living the life we want-- aka as off-grid and moneyless as possible hahaha.