random ramblings

Awesome!

the captians wench said:

Grades are in for the quarter bringing me to the following:

Sociology: A-

Teaching and Schooling: A

Roman Cities: A

Psych: C

Victorian Gothic Lit: A

Psych of Gender: B

18 credits down....

Click to expand...

midwestyankee said:

Between you and Curi, you're doing your best to make it look like we're really smart folk around here. Good on you!

Click to expand...

FurryFury said:

Awesome!

Click to expand...

Thanks guys.

That C in Intro Psych really bugs me, but I know it's because I chose to be done rather than mess with tech anymore. I don't know why all the computers in the building were set for me to fail that exam, but there ya go.

I guess it's kind of a reminder of what I have to live with when I fail to react, or choose not to.

I can't believe it's been a year since I've done this!

I just needed a place to blurt this out and didn't want to over take any more other threads with my "catch up with Wenchie" posts.

So I've posted in a few places that the mcjob put me on goals and my supervisor looked me in the eyes and said that if I didn't make my numbers by the end of 8 weeks they were firing me. Then her boss told me just a week later that I needed to "start looking for a new job"

Well I ran with it, and I told every fucking person in that store that they were firing me. And my numbers have never looked better, well, not since they fired the people who were actually fudging numbers.

Yesterday I was told that I "misinterpreted the conversation" and that I wasn't going to be fired at the end of the month. I was also told that I wasn't really on offical goals. Me having now discovered my "you can go fuck yourself" attitude responded with the fact that I was told that at the end of 8 weeks if I didn't hit my numbers I would be fired, and I'm not sure how "start looking for a new job" could be misinterpreted. And explained how the end of 8 weeks is just 2 weeks after the end of this month.

I was assured that it would take a lot longer to put me on offical goals, that all he wanted was to see improvement, and that I'm doing good, so I shouldn't worry about loosing my job. Which I smiled and said, "Oh, I was never worried about loosing my job!"

But, I've let go, which I really needed to. So now I just have to stay focused with what I had planned. Keep up what I'm doing both there and out side of there, and at the end of August, if they haven't fired me, then I'll be in a position to quit and completely dive into what I love with out having to pay back any money.

Or I could step down, set my schedule firmly, and stick it out for another 2 years and milk an 8 week paid sabatical out of them.

Well, vacation from the day job is over tomorrow, and school starts back up as well.

What I've learned on this time off is that I've lost focus on what I really need to be focused on. I need to make a move and stop trying to play the middle. I need a plan, goals, time lines....LISTS!!!... I need to make a decision and stick with it.

I've worked out a deal so at the next burly show I'll have a merch booth. Part of this deal included making a corset for the girls to all be photographed in. The big boss lady blinged it out and decided that after the shoot they will give it back to me to be sold, and will even sign it. This has just floored me!

My mom thinks that I need to have more things for people to buy, but my items are so custom that I don't think I should think of this as an opportunity for sales, but as another way to get my name out there. At any rate, I don't feel ready.

Maybe it's my confidence shaking, maybe it's a healthy dose of fear, maybe it's all the self doubt from the McWorld creeping in, but I feel myself avoiding getting ready for this show.

I need to just make a move. I'd be so much happier.

the captians wench said:

Well, vacation from the day job is over tomorrow, and school starts back up as well.

What I've learned on this time off is that I've lost focus on what I really need to be focused on. I need to make a move and stop trying to play the middle. I need a plan, goals, time lines....LISTS!!!... I need to make a decision and stick with it.

I've worked out a deal so at the next burly show I'll have a merch booth. Part of this deal included making a corset for the girls to all be photographed in. The big boss lady blinged it out and decided that after the shoot they will give it back to me to be sold, and will even sign it. This has just floored me!

My mom thinks that I need to have more things for people to buy, but my items are so custom that I don't think I should think of this as an opportunity for sales, but as another way to get my name out there. At any rate, I don't feel ready.

Maybe it's my confidence shaking, maybe it's a healthy dose of fear, maybe it's all the self doubt from the McWorld creeping in, but I feel myself avoiding getting ready for this show.

I need to just make a move. I'd be so much happier.

Click to expand...

Get some appointment cards made up - could be just the back of your seamstress business card. Advertise that you'll give a discount on a corset (or other wear, too,if you like) to anyone who schedules a fitting any time during the time the show is open. Have other samples around - even if it's only material - so potential customers can imagine themselves wearing your stuff.

Dearest wenchie,

I can relate to the dancing of wanting it and fearing it. You can do it. At some point you ARE going to do it... sew why not today?

You sound ready to me. Sometimes we have to chew harder and swallow the fear and get the hell out of our own way. Shine up and strap on some new Nikes and just do it!

midwestyankee said:

Get some appointment cards made up - could be just the back of your seamstress business card. Advertise that you'll give a discount on a corset (or other wear, too,if you like) to anyone who schedules a fitting any time during the time the show is open. Have other samples around - even if it's only material - so potential customers can imagine themselves wearing your stuff.

Click to expand...

See I knew you would have great ideas for me.

I will have samples of my corsets, and a couple of "ready to wear" ones. Fabric samples will be easy to gather too. And I have discounts on my business cards already, but I didn't think about a fitting discount...

Curious_in_Cali said:

Dearest wenchie,

I can relate to the dancing of wanting it and fearing it. You can do it. At some point you ARE going to do it... sew why not today?

You sound ready to me. Sometimes we have to chew harder and swallow the fear and get the hell out of our own way. Shine up and strap on some new Nikes and just do it!

Click to expand...

Well, you know, I think I'm just the kind of person who wants to make things work. So I went in Monday and really tried to do the things that they have been telling me. And Tuesday the same...by the end of the shift Wednesday I put in my notice. As of Sept 14th my McBosses can kiss my fucking ass.

I had no plan other than to try to find some sort of steady income to supplement my costumes, and make contact with a place to do consignment with. I did better than I could have dreamed.

I landed a job that will only be 40 hours a week, has the same benefits that I had before, is only open 9am-9pm, and is paying only $2 less than I make now. On top of that, it turns out that the guy who owns the shop I was looking into, is the same one that helped me get started. So he is thrilled to have my stuff again. And with working a steady schedule, and less hours, I will be able to work on my costumes more, which means I can load up his shop, and my online places, and work more with the photographer, and the burlesque troop. . . In other words, it was just meant to be.

Oh, and yeah, all of that happened on Friday. The job is call center work. I'll be tech support for internet services for businesses. Mostly I'll be the one people call when their cashless system has gone down. A call I've made many times myself as the onsite tech person for MCD.

And I am already so much happier.

Way to go !!!!!

I am so happy for you.

That's great!

Working in, or owning, a business you love is the key to success and happiness. I tell my daughters to find something you love to do, and make a career out of it. I would rather be happy and look forward to going to work, than dread it and make more money.

Follow your dream!! Congratulations!

the captians wench said:

See I knew you would have great ideas for me.

I will have samples of my corsets, and a couple of "ready to wear" ones. Fabric samples will be easy to gather too. And I have discounts on my business cards already, but I didn't think about a fitting discount...



Well, you know, I think I'm just the kind of person who wants to make things work. So I went in Monday and really tried to do the things that they have been telling me. And Tuesday the same...by the end of the shift Wednesday I put in my notice. As of Sept 14th my McBosses can kiss my fucking ass.

I had no plan other than to try to find some sort of steady income to supplement my costumes, and make contact with a place to do consignment with. I did better than I could have dreamed.

I landed a job that will only be 40 hours a week, has the same benefits that I had before, is only open 9am-9pm, and is paying only $2 less than I make now. On top of that, it turns out that the guy who owns the shop I was looking into, is the same one that helped me get started. So he is thrilled to have my stuff again. And with working a steady schedule, and less hours, I will be able to work on my costumes more, which means I can load up his shop, and my online places, and work more with the photographer, and the burlesque troop. . . In other words, it was just meant to be.

Oh, and yeah, all of that happened on Friday. The job is call center work. I'll be tech support for internet services for businesses. Mostly I'll be the one people call when their cashless system has gone down. A call I've made many times myself as the onsite tech person for MCD.

And I am already so much happier.

Click to expand...

Go go go you!
I'm going to tell you the one thing I am regretting at this moment.

Like you, I spent a lot of focused energy trying to transition to freedom out of day job hells of various degrees.

What I'm regretting now is this: I had great exit plans, plans that launched me out of the loop. But I didn't have as much of an idea of how to scale up to AWESOME not just "survive on my own, yeah!"

I'm doing that scaling now, but if I had always kept my idea of completely fucking awesome in front of me, it would have saved me some insanity.

ecstaticsub said:

Way to go !!!!!

I am so happy for you.

Click to expand...

IrisAlthea said:

That's great!

Click to expand...

You know, Jounar was pretty shocked that I finally did it. I actually was too a bit. But this new GM likes to say "what's it called when you do the same thing over and over again and expect different results? Insanity" Yup boss, that's exactly what I've been doing.

KrazyWhiteBoy said:

Working in, or owning, a business you love is the key to success and happiness. I tell my daughters to find something you love to do, and make a career out of it. I would rather be happy and look forward to going to work, than dread it and make more money.

Follow your dream!! Congratulations!

Click to expand...

I was one of those children that was told "you can be anything you want to be" by everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. Even the aptitude tests that were designed to help guide me in one direction or another came back with high results in every field. So they always told me it came down to choosing what I love. There are two problems with this, well as far as it relates to me.

The first of these is that I love so much, so many different things, that it's hard to decide just one thing. At one point I wanted to study turtles, another be a music teacher. I love psychology, I also love motivating people, discovering what makes them tick, and teaching new things. And then there's the costumes and corsets and all around pretty things... I'm still having a hard time deciding what I want to be when I grow up and I'm 31 and "supposed" to be settled in a career at this point.

The second issue I have with this is that not one of those people who told me I could do anything helped me figure out how to do that. My parents were clueless, they'd not learned how to do it themselves. My teachers and councilors were not of much help either. They failed to tell me what education I would need, if any, for any given field, or how to obtain it. How to apply for loans, or business licencing, or where to find insurance...

So, while I like the sound of "follow your dreams" being told to children (or hell even adults) I just think it needs to be followed up with how to go about doing that.

Then again, maybe I just need more direction than most.

Netzach said:

Go go go you!
I'm going to tell you the one thing I am regretting at this moment.

Like you, I spent a lot of focused energy trying to transition to freedom out of day job hells of various degrees.

What I'm regretting now is this: I had great exit plans, plans that launched me out of the loop. But I didn't have as much of an idea of how to scale up to AWESOME not just "survive on my own, yeah!"

I'm doing that scaling now, but if I had always kept my idea of completely fucking awesome in front of me, it would have saved me some insanity.

Click to expand...

I think this is part of my problem. I'm not sure what I want to do with what I do.

Do I just want to make and sell costumes? Do I want to own a shop? Do I want to travel to shows? Do I want to break it down to just corsets or some other specialty? Or do I want to make costumes for theatre/movies/shows/dance? Do I even need to narrow that down?

And I have no idea how to go about doing any of that. I've taught myself to draft my own patterns now, and I can alter to fit any shape. I feel like not knowing how to draw to holding me back a bit.

I am loving making stuff for the pin up models and the burlesque troop.

I just don't know what "awesome" would look like right now. I guess I need to start looking for that vision.

First week at the job and I can already tell a huge difference.

I have so much more energy.
I am not so physically sore/exhausted.
I'm so much happier.
I have so much more time to do all of the things I want/need.

I think this was a really good move.

My mom is one of those women who "need a man" in their life. So much so that she chooses men who have some sort of dependency on her so that she can "take care" of them. The problem with this is that they usually are men who treat her like shit, but she expects me to be accepting and open to them as if they are wonderful additions to the family... which, by the way, I hate her family and have nothing to do with any of them, or as little as possible. But this one is really pissing me off.

He's actually one of my (dead) step-father's nephews. When I was a kid I helped him set up a youth ministry. And I mean I did everything from create form letters, to plan activities, to painting rooms. I did it all. Twice in my youth I did this for him, and twice he up and moved and took the program some where else with me receiving no credit. Not even enough credit to be able to put it on college applications or anything. He's also the one that convinced my ex husband (then high school boyfriend) that we needed to get married before we moved in together because we were working with his ministry and it wouldn't look good on him to have two leaders living together out of wedlock.

He left the second time and I didn't hear from him again for 10 years. That's when he moved back to the area. When he came back he came back very sickly, like near death. He told my mom that he wanted me to come over to cheer him up. I refused. We had just lost father figure #2 a few months earlier, and I couldn't stand to see her nursing another sick man who she says she's in love with.

That's been a few months. And where she was coming over and helping me with organizing and cleaning (which I was paying for) she now spends all of her free time cleaning his house, driving his kids around, doing secretarial and janitorial jobs at his work and cooking for him. (which he's not paying for) And he's not even giving her any appreciation for it. In fact, she's usually upset because he says she's not as smart as he remembers, or she's not as strong as he remembers, and other put downs.

Now he's wanting me to put on one of our fancy Christmas dinners for him because he is depressed. He hasn't made any mention of getting together before this, not since he first came back depressed. He only wants to see me because he wants me to cheer him up. AND SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS! She actually said, "well, isn't that how it works with everyone?" Um, no. I have people in my life who want to see me because they like my company. They invite me because they want to spend time with me, and they think I'll enjoy it, not because they want something from me. And she totally doesn't understand this.

It's actually kind of sad that this is how she thinks relationships (of any kind) work. And it pisses me off that she's okay with this. It's like the whole fat thing. These men in her life have always been less than happy with how heavy she is, and she accepts that they keep her despite of what she looks like. What's worse is that when I tell her that the men in my life have loved what I look like, and love (or care for) me whether I'm heavy or not, she doesn't believe me. She absolutely does not believe that anyone could love some one the way they look if they are not "perfect".

But what really upsets me about this whole thing is that she's upset with me because I won't give in and allow this person to treat me like he is her, and even trying to make me feel guilty over it! Or at least like I should feel guilty.

I will not let some one (undeserving) use me like a tool like that!

Gah! I can't focus on homework now.

Dearest Wenchie,

Don't back down. Hold your value and honor yourself!

I just read today that some families are like a bucket of crabs. If one tries to climb out, the others book and tug them back down. If she let you "be different" then it has to challenge if she should be.

People get comfy with their status quo and will do anything to protect it because change requires energy. Energy is hard to have in a state where comfort seems the most important thing. It's kind of dumb, but soooo common among humans.

She may not be comfortable with it, but the more self worth you hold in your life the more it will give her permission to do the same. All of us evolve in our own time. You have found yours, and that is awesome. Be you and if you can do nothing else for her just do your best to hold space for her to be as authentic as she can be as best you can. I can't tell you just how often I am called to love this way. It's not always easy, but for me it's about being the change I want to see.

That said, when it comes to mothers around the holidays a little bourbon can help.

Hug.

Curious_in_Cali said:

Dearest Wenchie,

Don't back down. Hold your value and honor yourself!

I just read today that some families are like a bucket of crabs. If one tries to climb out, the others book and tug them back down. If she let you "be different" then it has to challenge if she should be.

People get comfy with their status quo and will do anything to protect it because change requires energy. Energy is hard to have in a state where comfort seems the most important thing. It's kind of dumb, but soooo common among humans.

She may not be comfortable with it, but the more self worth you hold in your life the more it will give her permission to do the same. All of us evolve in our own time. You have found yours, and that is awesome. Be you and if you can do nothing else for her just do your best to hold space for her to be as authentic as she can be as best you can. I can't tell you just how often I am called to love this way. It's not always easy, but for me it's about being the change I want to see.

That said, when it comes to mothers around the holidays a little bourbon can help.

Hug.

Click to expand...

*snuggles*

I love working with the burlesque troup. They are such lovely ladies.

It has been one wild summer.

hormones are crazy.

I've lost weight, and for the first time in an age it effected my bra size, not the cup, but the band.

So I try on and find a 40F as a perfect fit.

Today I'm swollen and sore and I'm over flowing that same bra.

And I want to punch something.

gah

the captians wench said:

hormones are crazy.

I've lost weight, and for the first time in an age it effected my bra size, not the cup, but the band.

So I try on and find a 40F as a perfect fit.

Today I'm swollen and sore and I'm over flowing that same bra.

And I want to punch something.

gah

Click to expand...

Still having hormone issues. I swear that since I turned 30 I have had a crazy libido (not that is was ever slow) and I'm having mood swings. Gah! Seriously I'm not used to all of these emotions and shit.

That moment when... you wake from a dream visit with some one from your past.

A surprise visit from my first English bloke. Not completely far fetched as he did drift in and out of my life. That feeling of being small and precious he gave me, and such soft hands and lips. I remember being completely taken aback by how soft his hands were, I never knew a man's hands could be so soft. But firm and strong.

It was a lovely visit.