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Your favourite INCEST story in Literotica .

BonnevilleFlats said:
A story can start in the morning. But starting it the moment a character wakes up in bed is cliched and wastes at least a paragraph before any real action takes place. "I read the news today, oh boy" is fine. "Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head" not so much. It is okay if you wake up with a stranger in bed or something. Just not a typical wake up in the morning, piss, where no action starts until the conversation at the breakfast table. Instead, start the scene at the breakfast table or the office or whatever.
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Back in creative writing (high school level) the teacher said one thing that has always stuck with me.

The only rule in fiction is there are no rules. Tell a good story and no one cares about anything else.


This is one of my personal favorite openings that I have written. I even had a few people remark on it, that it really caught their attention.




I awoke with a pounding in my head, the taste of Jack Daniels in my mouth and the smell of pussy on my face; pretty much a morning like any other these days. The only question was whose pussy was it, and for that matter where the hell was I?

Unlike most people whose first reaction upon waking up is to open their eyes, I had learned to keep mine shut until I was sure it was okay to open them. After all, a sleeping child is a quiet child and quiet children don't get beaten.
 
Since we're sharing our writing on how we think the cliche of waking up in bed can be more than a wasted opening paragraph, here's my opening paragraph in the Clint Folsom detective series novel Death in the Rockies:

I was coming up from a fog; I could hear the buzzing, but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was and was struggling with whether I should even care. Where was I and what was I doing when I drifted off? It was dark in the room, but the curtains weren’t drawn over the window, so the blue and yellow alternating flashing of the neon sign across the canyon of a street was bathing the room in pulsing, if soft-focus, light, and the noise of not-yet-dead-of-the-night traffic was drifting up from several stories below. I forced my eyes open and saw the bullet head, with the buzz cut, the nose that probably had been broken several times and indifferently set, the scar running from lower eyelid and over the cheek toward the cauliflower ear. Much too close though, and the breath smelled like a beer hall on the morning after. Pulling my head back, I was now staring into a blue-and-black-ink tattoo of a grinning skull on the side of his neck.
 
sr71plt said:
Since we're sharing our writing on how we think the cliche of waking up in bed can be more than a wasted opening paragraph, here's my opening paragraph in the Clint Folsom detective series novel Death in the Rockies:

I was coming up from a fog; I could hear the buzzing, but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was and was struggling with whether I should even care. Where was I and what was I doing when I drifted off? It was dark in the room, but the curtains weren’t drawn over the window, so the blue and yellow alternating flashing of the neon sign across the canyon of a street was bathing the room in pulsing, if soft-focus, light, and the noise of not-yet-dead-of-the-night traffic was drifting up from several stories below. I forced my eyes open and saw the bullet head, with the buzz cut, the nose that probably had been broken several times and indifferently set, the scar running from lower eyelid and over the cheek toward the cauliflower ear. Much too close though, and the breath smelled like a beer hall on the morning after. Pulling my head back, I was now staring into a blue-and-black-ink tattoo of a grinning skull on the side of his neck.
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Seeing your area of expertise I have a couple of questions.

One- you said the room was dark, but yet bathed in the glow from the signs. So in reality, it really wasn't dark, no? I'm not busting balls, I want you to tell me as an editor how that works.

Two- I bolded where you have the dashes between the words. Why do you use them? Is that a grammar rule or a style?

Three. Not a question, I like the description of the guy, makes me think he was either a former(or current) boxer/wrestler or perhaps a bouncer or "muscle" for some street hood.
 
lovecraft68 said:
Seeing your area of expertise I have a couple of questions.

One- you said the room was dark, but yet bathed in the glow from the signs. So in reality, it really wasn't dark, no? I'm not busting balls, I want you to tell me as an editor how that works.

Two- I bolded where you have the dashes between the words. Why do you use them? Is that a grammar rule or a style?

Three. Not a question, I like the description of the guy, makes me think he was either a former(or current) boxer/wrestler or perhaps a bouncer or "muscle" for some street hood.
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A room can still be dark with the play of light into it from an external source. For instance, a room can still be dark with a moon beam streaming into it in the dead of night. It's only providing limited, and contained light, not illuminating the whole room. The light of the moon beam (and in this case the glow of the neon signs) is quite distinguishable from the overall darkness of the room. In fact, I think it's quite distinct visually and most have seen it--at least as used as a technique in film. (Later today I'll be putting up a cover in the "New Story Advertisements" above on a chapter novel that began running on Lit. today that shows the effect, I think.)

That said, "bathing" probably wasn't the best word to use.

Combined adjectives of equal-weighted strength immediately preceeding a noun are, most properly, hyphenated (soft-focus light, dead-of-the-night traffic, blue-and-black-ink tattoo).

Bingo on a club bouncer--brought home at the end of a drinking binge and closing of the club. (The buzzing was from the bathroom light--a couple of more paragraphs and a second pickup bruiser comes back from a trip to the john--and then the real fun begins.)
 
lovecraft68 said:
Back in creative writing (high school level) the teacher said one thing that has always stuck with me.

The only rule in fiction is there are no rules. Tell a good story and no one cares about anything else.


This is one of my personal favorite openings that I have written. I even had a few people remark on it, that it really caught their attention.




I awoke with a pounding in my head, the taste of Jack Daniels in my mouth and the smell of pussy on my face; pretty much a morning like any other these days. The only question was whose pussy was it, and for that matter where the hell was I?

Unlike most people whose first reaction upon waking up is to open their eyes, I had learned to keep mine shut until I was sure it was okay to open them. After all, a sleeping child is a quiet child and quiet children don't get beaten.
Click to expand...

True, there are no rules and great writers, like Cormac McCarthy, have earned the right to break any rule they want with impunity. But try teaching a class of beginners, whether it is an Ivy league college of freshmen wannabe novelists or an adult school of retirees ready to finally write their masterpiece, and you soon see how every beginner opens up their short story or novel with a waking up scene. Three things you need to teach beginners. One, you don't need to find other words to substitute for "said". Two, whenever possible, strike the word "that". Most of the time a sentence can get by perfectly well without it. Three, don't open a story with a character waking up in bed unless there is a strange woman in the bed next to him. Also, for undergrads, you need to tell them that 99% of the time turning a Saturday night drinking binge into a short story rarely works. Likewise, for adult school students, most travelogues cannot be turned into short stories.
 
sr71plt said:
A room can still be dark with the play of light into it from an external source. For instance, a room can still be dark with a moon beam streaming into it in the dead of night. It's only providing limited, and contained light, not illuminating the whole room. The light of the moon beam (and in this case the glow of the neon signs) is quite distinguishable from the overall darkness of the room. In fact, I think it's quite distinct visually and most have seen it--at least as used as a technique in film. (Later today I'll be putting up a cover in the "New Story Advertisements" above on a chapter novel that began running on Lit. today that shows the effect, I think.)

That said, "bathing" probably wasn't the best word to use.

Combined adjectives of equal-weighted strength immediately preceeding a noun are, most properly, hyphenated (soft-focus light, dead-of-the-night traffic, blue-and-black-ink tattoo).

Bingo on a club bouncer--brought home at the end of a drinking binge and closing of the club. (The buzzing was from the bathroom light--a couple of more paragraphs and a second pickup bruiser comes back from a trip to the john--and then the real fun begins.)
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I'll watch for the cover. The bouncer idea came to me from the tat.

The part I put in bold reinforces to me the fact that Grammar seems beyond my grasp. I should understand what you said, but it just does not sink in. :rolleyes:
 
BonnevilleFlats said:
True, there are no rules and great writers, like Cormac McCarthy, have earned the right to break any rule they want with impunity. But try teaching a class of beginners, whether it is an Ivy league college of freshmen wannabe novelists or an adult school of retirees ready to finally write their masterpiece, and you soon see how every beginner opens up their short story or novel with a waking up scene. Three things you need to teach beginners. One, you don't need to find other words to substitute for "said". Two, whenever possible, strike the word "that". Most of the time a sentence can get by perfectly well without it. Three, don't open a story with a character waking up in bed unless there is a strange woman in the bed next to him. Also, for undergrads, you need to tell them that 99% of the time turning a Saturday night drinking binge into a short story rarely works. Likewise, for adult school students, most travelogues cannot be turned into short stories.
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Now you're hedging with "unless" caveates. Maybe if you hadn't been so absolutist in the beginning . . .

I think teachers are actually doing a disservice by being absolutists like they are in high school and into college. If the writing continues into the commerical world editors have to undo a whole lot of damage done earlier--just like on this thread.
 
sr71plt said:
Now you're hedging with "unless" caveates. Maybe if you hadn't been so absolutist in the beginning . . .

I think teachers are actually doing a disservice by being absolutists like they are in high school and into college. If the writing continues into the commerical world editors have to undo a whole lot of damage done earlier--just like on this thread.
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My first post on the topic read It is one of the things in fiction you are told not to do until you've gotten to a place in your writing where you can break the rules with impunity. I hedged from the very beginning. In one undergrad workshop I submitted a story with dashes instead of quotation marks. The instructor asked why I did so. I said, "James Joyce did it." His comment was, "You're not James Joyce. Until you write a story as good as "The Dead" use traditional grammar and punctuation."
 
BonnevilleFlats said:
My first post on the topic read It is one of the things in fiction you are told not to do until you've gotten to a place in your writing where you can break the rules with impunity. I hedged from the very beginning. In one undergrad workshop I submitted a story with dashes instead of quotation marks. The instructor asked why I did so. I said, "James Joyce did it." His comment was, "You're not James Joyce. Until you write a story as good as "The Dead" use traditional grammar and punctuation."
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This thread isn't about grammar and punctuation.

And I responded to absolutist statements on content technique:

A story can start in the morning. But starting it the moment a character wakes up in bed is cliched and wastes at least a paragraph before any real action takes place.

The rule [REPEAT: RULE] isn't that a story can't start in the morning, just not when the character first wakes up. Undergrad Fiction Workshop 101.
 
That was the second quote on the topic and you are taking it out of context. Somebody asked about the nature of that "rule" and the logic behind it. I wasn't being absolutist, I was answering a question and trying to explain it as best I could.
 
BonnevilleFlats said:
That was the second quote on the topic and you are taking it out of context. Somebody asked about the nature of that "rule" and the logic behind it. I wasn't being absolutist, I was answering a question and trying to explain it as best I could.
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The point is that there is no such RULE and that opening can be rendered well as well as any other. Asserting rules in creative writing technique pretty much fingers someone as not a commercial fiction writer--and not particularly helpful to those trying to be commercial fiction writers.
 
Last edited:
http://www.literotica.com/s/up-the-chimney

Gina let out a quiet groan when she was awakened by the clock radio alarm. Blue Christmas by Elvis was playing, and the music merged with her feelings as she'd drifted off to sleep. The bed shifted, and she knew Brian was sitting up to shut off the alarm.

In a fit of pique, she rolled over, facing the wall. A quiet sigh let her know that the gesture hadn't gone unnoticed. When he slipped out of the bed without a word or a touch, she knew that he'd likewise received the message she was sending.

====

That one did quite well :) 4.67 831 votes 75526 views 17 PCs 19 Favs. The paragraph is only wasted if you waste it.

Of all the "rules", this one makes the least amount of sense to me, and it's the first time I've ever heard it. It's not unusual for me to start a chapter this way -- as it's a natural transition point -- though this is one of the few times I've stated a whole story waking up.
 
sr71plt said:
The point is that there is no such RULE. Asserting rules in creative writing technique pretty much fingers someone as not a commercial fiction writer.
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No skin off my nose how somebody starts their story. On a site where there is no editorial selection process it really doesn't matter. It does matter if you start submitting stories to a peroidical or a publishing house. Same if you apply to an MFA program. As it is, it takes a whole lot to get an editor to read past the first page of a story or novel. If you start off with an alarm clock, sun beaming through a window and a groggy stretch as the character puts his feet on the floor you will have two strikes against you. It puts a whole lot more pressure on your narrative voice.
 
Darkniciad said:
http://www.literotica.com/s/up-the-chimney

Gina let out a quiet groan when she was awakened by the clock radio alarm. Blue Christmas by Elvis was playing, and the music merged with her feelings as she'd drifted off to sleep. The bed shifted, and she knew Brian was sitting up to shut off the alarm.

In a fit of pique, she rolled over, facing the wall. A quiet sigh let her know that the gesture hadn't gone unnoticed. When he slipped out of the bed without a word or a touch, she knew that he'd likewise received the message she was sending.

====

That one did quite well :) 4.67 831 votes 75526 views 17 PCs 19 Favs. The paragraph is only wasted if you waste it.

Of all the "rules", this one makes the least amount of sense to me, and it's the first time I've ever heard it. It's not unusual for me to start a chapter this way -- as it's a natural transition point -- though this is one of the few times I've stated a whole story waking up.
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I would have told you to start it when she is preparing the Christmas Eve buffet and put in the backstory there. Not because of any rule. I had a hard time figuring out if it was Christmas Eve morning and she was angry because he was about to go to work or Christmas morning where she is pissed at him for having gone to work the night before and springing it on her at the last minute.

Congrats on the score.
 
Can anyone recommend good grandpa/grand daughter stories? I dont care if they just turned 18 because I am 18 lol
 
BonnevilleFlats said:
I would have told you to start it when she is preparing the Christmas Eve buffet and put in the backstory there. Not because of any rule. I had a hard time figuring out if it was Christmas Eve morning and she was angry because he was about to go to work or Christmas morning where she is pissed at him for having gone to work the night before and springing it on her at the last minute.

Congrats on the score.
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Starting it there completely eliminates her coming to grips with her own part in the tension between them. If you go back to it, it doesn't have the impact, because you already know everything is resolved. That's the only tiny bit of tension in this stroker. Why would it be a good idea to remove it?

Paragraph 3
It wasn't enough to overcome how upset she was at him going in to work on Christmas Eve — and waiting until the last minute to tell her.
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Paragraph 9
He wasn't here to see her little displays of anger anyway, and it just felt wrong not to light the room up on Christmas Eve.
Click to expand...

Feel that part is pretty clear.
 
Darkniciad said:
Starting it there completely eliminates her coming to grips with her own part in the tension between them. If you go back to it, it doesn't have the impact, because you already know everything is resolved. That's the only tiny bit of tension in this stroker. Why would it be a good idea to remove it?

Paragraph 3


Paragraph 9


Feel that part is pretty clear.
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Actually, I would have suggested that she's still pissed at him when she's setting up the buffet and she's pissed at Santa when he first comes to the door. The husband dresses up as Santa while on a quick break from work, she knows its him and begins the exchange where she's pissed. Ratchet the tension up a little bit more. Santa hands her the presents. She thanks him, tells him he's much too busy to spend any more time with her, shuts the door before opening it. Then she finds out it is a cruise and she's sorry.

Because the story is in the anal category the reader expects the couple will end up having anal sex before all is said and done. More tension makes the trip to the end a bit more fun.

Para. 3 was where I got confused thinking it might be Christmas morning and she's angry at him for having gone into work the night before. That sentence can be taken both ways. It took another six paragraphs before that was made clear to me.
 
Why would she be going ahead with Christmas festivities if she's pissed at him? It actually makes her feel like a complete bitch to me when I think about it.

"Here's your fucking chex mix. I'm still pissed at you."

I could have her get up at the same time as her husband and snub him during the morning process, but that feels bitchy as well. It's far more active bitchiness than just rolling over in bed and ignoring him.

I suppose I could start it with her moping around the house after he's gone and explain what happened to start her moping ( thus eliminating the bitchy thing I'm feeling ) but why? That eliminates the interaction between the characters, and forces the whole thing to be exposition. At least the way I wrote it, there's something happening between them in "real time".

Sorry, but it just seems to me that you're dancing around "He who breaks the law goes back to the house of pain!" I see nothing in the suggestions to start it elsewhere that makes it a better story. At best, I see the exact same story, starting at a different point. Honestly, I can find far more reasons not to start it elsewhere.
 
Darkniciad said:
Why would she be going ahead with Christmas festivities if she's pissed at him? It actually makes her feel like a complete bitch to me when I think about it.

"Here's your fucking chex mix. I'm still pissed at you."

I could have her get up at the same time as her husband and snub him during the morning process, but that feels bitchy as well. It's far more active bitchiness than just rolling over in bed and ignoring him.

I suppose I could start it with her moping around the house after he's gone and explain what happened to start her moping ( thus eliminating the bitchy thing I'm feeling ) but why? That eliminates the interaction between the characters, and forces the whole thing to be exposition. At least the way I wrote it, there's something happening between them in "real time".

Sorry, but it just seems to me that you're dancing around "He who breaks the law goes back to the house of pain!" I see nothing in the suggestions to start it elsewhere that makes it a better story. At best, I see the exact same story, starting at a different point. Honestly, I can find far more reasons not to start it elsewhere.
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If you are happy with it I guess that is what matters most. All of this is subjective. I mean, there is no way of "proving" one way is better than the other. I am seeing it a bit differently, that's all. I see her bitchier. Not a complete bitch, but she is married to a guy who makes enough money to give her a cruise and she resents that his job calls him in on Christmas Eve. Unless you are going for a Gift of the Magi theme, these people are pretty well off.

But anything I say about the story is moot. It is posted and going back to that story is probably the last thing you want to do. You have new stories you are working on.
 
And I see her as someone who has her favorite time of year turned on its head by her husband, resulting in a fit of bitchiness that she quickly regrets and apologizes for.

Regardless, there's no reason to start it anywhere else except "It's a rule!"
 
Darkniciad said:
And I see her as someone who has her favorite time of year turned on its head by her husband, resulting in a fit of bitchiness that she quickly regrets and apologizes for.

Regardless, there's no reason to start it anywhere else except "It's a rule!"
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Actually, I see potential for a bit of humor only suggested at thus far. After all, try using the word "Santa" and "anal" together in a sentence without laughing.

If this were some kind of twisted MFA program where students submitted stories about incest and anal sex I would have suggested this: They are one of those couples who exchange sex coupons that are good for one year. Last Christmas she gave him a coupon for anal -- good for one year! -- that he hasn't cashed yet. When he shows up dressed as Santa and hands her the gift and the envelope she thinks the envelope contains the anal coupon. She gets offended -- he should be apologizing, showing up at the door with a dozen roses to say he's sorry for working on Christmas Eve, but instead he presents her with the anal coupon! -- shuts the door in Santa's face. Only after he leaves does she open the envelope and see that it is not the anal coupon but a cruise! She is guilty as hell! There is only one way she can make it up to Santa...

You can be funny and twisted in these stories without turning them into a farce. Don't be afraid to be funny or that the humor will be a boner killer. It is only a boner killer if you can't deliver the hot sex scene. You've already proven you can and your readers know that.
 
http://www.literotica.com/s/ghost-of-a-chance-2

I play with a bit of everything. The formula I use for my stories as RR is simply the most popular with the largest number of readers.

Since I've participated in running this thread off the rails, I'll offer up mine in incest as a bit of penance. I won't say they're the best, but it's at least on topic :p If someone who came here because of the thread title likes them, then all the better :)

http://www.literotica.com/s/adams-aunt-ch-01 ( first of a three part, multi-chapter series. Lust, not love. Aunt-nephew, Aunt-neice, Brother-sister, Father-daughter, cousins. Pretty much pure stroke fare. )

http://www.literotica.com/s/kindled-in-fiction ( First of a two chapter. Love, not lust Brother-Sister )

http://www.literotica.com/s/no-purer-love ( LONG story in a single submission. Father-Daughter. More love than lust. First experiment in the genre )

http://www.literotica.com/s/paige-from-her-diary ( Brother-Sister. More lust than love )

http://www.literotica.com/s/peppermint-patty ( Brother-Sister. More lust than love )

http://www.literotica.com/s/moms-stocking-stuffer ( Mother-Son. Kind of a mix in my opinion, but most readers seem to consider it love over lust. )

http://www.literotica.com/s/moms-second-chance ( Mother-Son. Same as above on the love/lust scale )
 
Have to go with some previous comments and say "Words on Skin" by PacoFear. I felt it in my chest when I read that story.
 
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