problems with sex...

I think your wife needs to see her OB/GYN about getting the "problem area" repaired before the two of you attempt to conceive again.

I agree... I have had 5 kids and I had an episiotomy w/ my 2nd boy and no problems...my guess it didn't heal right because it was not stitched right to begin w/. have the dr repair it again, the healing time is quick and well worth it because if she has a nother baby, and that hasn't healed right, you think sex is painful there is NOTHING like tearing and that can cause wayyyy more problems depending on how bad you tear.

Eilan said:

I think your wife needs to see her OB/GYN about getting the "problem area" repaired before the two of you attempt to conceive again.

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She said there was nothing that could be done, and had an attitude like we were waisting her time with something that was unimportant. as for second opinions there are very few around here and are in the same practice. The GYN told us that we would have to deal with it probably forever, but suggested that "it might re-rip and possibly heal better" they and not offer any other advice.

That's a bunch of BS from the doctor. If the site keeps re-tearing it's a serious risk for infection and if she does catch an infection from it and happens to get pregnant, it could potentially get passed on to the unborn babe. You may have to travel a little ways to find a quality doctor that can properly repair the injury for good. Oh, and from personal experience, it may be wise to wait for a second baby until the first one is potty trained. It's a nightmare having two in diapers, not to mention horribly more expensive. But you'll do what you want of course.

Fun4UsHere said:

She said there was nothing that could be done, and had an attitude like we were waisting her time with something that was unimportant. as for second opinions there are very few around here and are in the same practice. The GYN told us that we would have to deal with it probably forever, but suggested that "it might re-rip and possibly heal better" they and not offer any other advice.

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That's simply not acceptable. Do some checking around in the nearest major city and find a doctor who can properly diagnose and repair the problem, or work with a good specialist who can. I believe this would be considered a necessary reconstructive surgery, so even if the best person to fix it is a plastic surgeon, it should be covered by your insurance. This is definitely worth some extra hassle and expense to take care of - your wife deserves FAR better than this shitty doc and to hope "it might re-rip and heal better"!

If you do have another child, I'd strongly suggest getting a new OBGYN, even if you have to travel to appointments and/or to deliver (some people see one doc for prenatal and have a different one deliver and do postnatal care). Surely you don't want her current doc making things worse the second time around or his/her incompetence to interfere with the health of your child.

Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry your wife has suffered at the hands of this incompetent doctor!

SweetErika said:

That's simply not acceptable. Do some checking around in the nearest major city and find a doctor who can properly diagnose and repair the problem, or work with a good specialist who can. I believe this would be considered a necessary reconstructive surgery, so even if the best person to fix it is a plastic surgeon, it should be covered by your insurance. This is definitely worth some extra hassle and expense to take care of - your wife deserves FAR better than this shitty doc and to hope "it might re-rip and heal better"!

If you do have another child, I'd strongly suggest getting a new OBGYN, even if you have to travel to appointments and/or to deliver (some people see one doc for prenatal and have a different one deliver and do postnatal care). Surely you don't want her current doc making things worse the second time around or his/her incompetence to interfere with the health of your child.

Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry your wife has suffered at the hands of this incompetent doctor!

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we had a great OB but he didnt do GYN and moved soon after because he finished his residency. the majority of the doctors here are residents and the joys of living in middle of nowhere illinois. WE would travel to a good OB/GYN if we could find one but we dont know how the others she called says we need a referal but the last gyn she saw wont give one. also insurance is an issue because i have shit insurance so it would be difficult to get it billed.

Fun4UsHere said:

"it might re-rip and possibly heal better"

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Wow. . . I'm so sorry that you and your wife are have to deal with such a shitty doc. She wouldn't be singing that tune if it were her vagina!

Eilan said:

Wow. . . I'm so sorry that you and your wife are have to deal with such a shitty doc. She wouldn't be singing that tune if it were her vagina!

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agreed my wife suggested to me she should have her orifices connected with scissors and see how she feels afterward. Mrs. "I had three babies and you cant tell me what its like"

personally i have a fantasy about her whowho and a pineapple grenade...

New OB/GYN and consult with a plastic surgeon; I'd strongly suggest doing a lot of research on birthing techniques that support the perineum before having another baby.

She needs to know what degree the episiotomy was. Depending on how many layers of tissue/muscle were cut will determine how severe the damage was and course of recovery/repair - a 4th (or greater) degree episiotomy is going to have more challenges regarding recovery than a 1st degree episiotomy. How her body deals with scar tissue may impact healing/subsequent difficulties, as well.

In the mean time, there are things you can do to assist in healing/assisting the pelvic floor. Get some high quality extra virgin olive oil, wash your hands thoroughly, trim your nails, and do regular perennial massage at the vaginal opening to help the muscle learn to stretch and accommodate you/give birth while reducing risks of further damage. Spending time squatting each day (flat footed, bending at the knees) will also help strengthen the pelvic floor/stretch the perineum.

CutieMouse said:

New OB/GYN and consult with a plastic surgeon; I'd strongly suggest doing a lot of research on birthing techniques that support the perineum before having another baby.

She needs to know what degree the episiotomy was. Depending on how many layers of tissue/muscle were cut will determine how severe the damage was and course of recovery/repair - a 4th (or greater) degree episiotomy is going to have more challenges regarding recovery than a 1st degree episiotomy. How her body deals with scar tissue may impact healing/subsequent difficulties, as well.

In the mean time, there are things you can do to assist in healing/assisting the pelvic floor. Get some high quality extra virgin olive oil, wash your hands thoroughly, trim your nails, and do regular perennial massage at the vaginal opening to help the muscle learn to stretch and accommodate you/give birth while reducing risks of further damage. Spending time squatting each day (flat footed, bending at the knees) will also help strengthen the pelvic floor/stretch the perineum.

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[wife]
I wanted a midwife the first time around. The one I met said she could or could teach my husband, massage with grape seed oil. Used during labor to help the area stretch like it's designed to do.

If I do get pregnant and end up going the way of an OB again, I'd rather a C-section [ which I know has many of it's own risks and draw backs] than another episiotomy. Never again.

I'm looking into a midwife for next time, if there is a next time, even if the closest ones are 45 minutes away.

While the OB thinks I make too much of it, I miss having sex whenever I want to. I knew sex after the baby would be different and I knew we'd have to take things slow but he's almost two and I still hurt 75% of the time.

Hopefully I'll find someone who'll help us.

Now to find a doctor who takes our insurance and doesn't require a referral.

Oh, it was a 4th degree episiotomy. 28 stitches. Pout.

[/wife]

watching it happen was the most awful thing I've ever seen and i swear if guys did this the race would die out in a generation because we'd be too chickenshit for labor/delivery then again i was also afraid of the IV pole.

Fun4UsHere said:

[wife]
I wanted a midwife the first time around. The one I met said she could or could teach my husband, massage with grape seed oil. Used during labor to help the area stretch like it's designed to do.

If I do get pregnant and end up going the way of an OB again, I'd rather a C-section [ which I know has many of it's own risks and draw backs] than another episiotomy. Never again.

I'm looking into a midwife for next time, if there is a next time, even if the closest ones are 45 minutes away.

While the OB thinks I make too much of it, I miss having sex whenever I want to. I knew sex after the baby would be different and I knew we'd have to take things slow but he's almost two and I still hurt 75% of the time.

Hopefully I'll find someone who'll help us.

Now to find a doctor who takes our insurance and doesn't require a referral.

Oh, it was a 4th degree episiotomy. 28 stitches. Pout.

[/wife]

watching it happen was the most awful thing I've ever seen and i swear if guys did this the race would die out in a generation because we'd be too chickenshit for labor/delivery then again i was also afraid of the IV pole.

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It sounded like a 4th... get your medical records and get a consult with someone - OB/GYN, plastic surgeon, someone. They need to read your charts and do an exam - your previous OB may have stitched you up "a little tighter than necessary" (some doctors do that, assuming giving birth will make you "loose." ).

Sometimes 4th degrees are beautifully repaired and simply take a really long time to heal, and sometimes 4ths aren't stitched up very carefully and have to be re-done/repaired... I'm so sorry. Birth shouldn't be this traumatic.

Wife and I had a similar issue. Scar tissue from the episiotomy (3 years ago) was causing my wife some pain during sex. No tearing, just sensitivity and pain. OB prescribed a topical estrogen cream to apply daily for a few weeks. Evidently topical estrogen has been found to significantly improve the body's ability to heal. The doc said that it should help her scar tissue become less sensitive and painful. Just filled the RX today so not sure if it will work, but it is worth a try. (RX was a bit pricey at about $100, but will be fully worth it if it will help)

Fun4UsHere said:

WE would travel to a good OB/GYN if we could find one but we dont know how the others she called says we need a referal but the last gyn she saw wont give one. also insurance is an issue because i have shit insurance so it would be difficult to get it billed.

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Here's what I'd do in that situation:

1) See if the doc who won't give the referral has a boss. If so, call that boss, explain the situation (the 4th degree, the pain during light activities, the doctor not taking you seriously, the "re-rip and hope it heals better" thing) and INSIST on a referral so you can get a second opinion on her condition and getting it repaired. She has a genuine problem, and a RIGHT to get other opinions, according to the U.S. Patients' Bill of Rights

You could also write a letter including the above and referencing the specific rights the doctor is violating by not taking this seriously and refusing to give you a referral. Explain that you'd like this to be solved quickly and amicably by having the referral mailed to you within the next 14 days. If the referral is not given so you can seek the additional care you need, you can say something like, 'unfortunately, I will be forced to pursue this matter with the state medical board and patients' advocacy agencies, which may result in professional and legal action against you and Dr. ____.

2) Contact the doctor(s) that require the referral. Explain the situation, that your insurance does NOT require a referral for preferred doctors (if it doesn't) and that your current doc is not taking your pain and inability to have sex seriously and refuses a referral. With this info, they may agree to see you without a referral.

3) Get your records that refer to the episiotomy and those from your current doc. The new doctor might agree to see you based on those records, instead of a referral.

4) Contact an organization like http://www.patientadvocate.org/help.php?p=186 for help with the referral situation. Often orgs like this are more than happy to make the calls, write the letters and otherwise intervene on your behalf so your rights are protected. They know the laws, your rights, and usually get things done very quickly. They're there for situations just like this.

For more resources, google 'Illinois patient advocacy' and 'Illinois patients bill of rights.' Your state probably has an office to deal with this type of situation.

Illinois ?????

I thought you were going to say Yemen or Indonesia .... sad.

Failing other referrals one might mention a LAWYER. Nothing like tweaking a negligent doctor's sense of duty or empathy than the hint of a malpractice suit. "Learn to live with it" doctors should become lawyers and vice versa.

Do you have teen or adult sons yet?

Fun4UsHere said:

[wife]
I wanted a midwife the first time around. The one I met said she could or could teach my husband, massage with grape seed oil. Used during labor to help the area stretch like it's designed to do.

If I do get pregnant and end up going the way of an OB again, I'd rather a C-section [ which I know has many of it's own risks and draw backs] than another episiotomy. Never again.

I'm looking into a midwife for next time, if there is a next time, even if the closest ones are 45 minutes away.

While the OB thinks I make too much of it, I miss having sex whenever I want to. I knew sex after the baby would be different and I knew we'd have to take things slow but he's almost two and I still hurt 75% of the time.

Hopefully I'll find someone who'll help us.

Now to find a doctor who takes our insurance and doesn't require a referral.

Oh, it was a 4th degree episiotomy. 28 stitches. Pout.

[/wife]

watching it happen was the most awful thing I've ever seen and i swear if guys did this the race would die out in a generation because we'd be too chickenshit for labor/delivery then again i was also afraid of the IV pole.

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WOW!! I'm so sorry y'all are having to go thru this. I've had 2 babies & had to have an episiotomy with my first one, by my OB/GYN. My 2nd one was delivered by the midwife & I didn't have one.
So first of all...everything below the waist takes longer to heal. My dermatologist told me that when I had some moles removed & one on my leg got infected.
Secondly, I'd do just what has been suggested and get my records, file a complaint with the State Medical Board, try to get a referral from the referrals section (if your insurance is an HMO and you are able to), contact your insurance company and see what OB/GYN'S are seeing new patients and I personally would seriously consider getting a malpractice lawyer. I know it'd piss me off and make me go some kinda redneck on that doctor!!