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Old 08-18-2018, 11:44 PM   #26
KeithD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LightningSeed View Post
No problem. Stay vanilla.
Flavor wasn't the issue. The author-readership partnership was my issue. I'll leave the irrelevant personal jabs to you.

Last edited by KeithD : 08-19-2018 at 12:08 AM.
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Old 08-19-2018, 09:47 AM   #27
LightningSeed
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Perfect
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:05 PM   #28
LightningSeed
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Have a new one coming out later this week. It’s called Appetizers, Meals
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Old 10-27-2018, 02:28 AM   #29
waratah
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LightningSeed View Post
And that’s where we differ. To me:

“How are you,” she asked.
“Fine,” he responded.
“Good,” she said.

Has a whole different feel than:

She asked how I was.
Fine.
She says good.
I wouldn't bother reading a story written in either of those styles.

"How are you doin'?" He could see she was just feigning interest.

"Fine"

"Good"

Thats a convo i can follow, without being spoon fed.
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Old 10-27-2018, 12:54 PM   #30
lovecraft68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waratah View Post
I wouldn't bother reading a story written in either of those styles.

"How are you doin'?" He could see she was just feigning interest.

"Fine"

"Good"

Thats a convo i can follow, without being spoon fed.
I agree. Too many he said, she said in the example you quoted. If written correctly the reader should know who is speaking with just an occasional reminder. That and drop 'said' for what they're doing. But having said that, its a matter of style and opinion. Doesn't mean the writer needs to change.
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Old 10-28-2018, 07:55 AM   #31
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I think it's unfair and inaccurate to suggest that LightningSpeed is an "all about me" author or that he's seeking to be an "aggressive dominator" over "submissive" readers. That's unnecessarily antagonistic, and thoroughly unhelpful, language. The gist of the criticism can be made without it.

I agree that most of the time authors should follow standard conventions of style, grammar, and punctuation. Doing so usually will convey what the author wants to convey most effectively. But not always. Many successful and highly regarded writers have played with or abandoned these conventions: Joyce, Pynchon, Gaddis, Faulkner, McCarthy, to name just a few. Many readers enjoy seeing those conventions played with in an inventive or distinctive way. It doesn't make them "submissives" any more than it makes the authors "dominants."

I don't find McCarthy that difficult to read once I'm a few pages into his book. Once I get accustomed to a convention, I stop noticing it.

In the case of LightningSpeed's story, I found the lack of quotation marks off-putting, at first, but after a while, I did not, and I appreciated that he was trying to impart a particular kind of tone and feel to the story.

I thought the absence of quotation marks (and use of present tense) gave the story a dream-like, claustrophobic feel, as though the narrative couldn't bust through the narrator's warring emotions over what he was experiencing. It pushed the external action, including the dialogue, into the background, and pushed the narrator's descriptions and feelings into the foreground. The story has the feel of a frustration dream. The narrator wants something -- or he thinks he does. But he's passive, and he can't get a handle on events around him or even his own actions. This style fits the ending, too, which was a lot more ambiguous than most shared wife stories are.

I wouldn't want every story to be written this way, but I thought the author's choice worked for this particular story.

I scanned the companion story, Dave, and I don't think this convention works as well for that story, because Dave is not at all like the husband. Dave is active, while Husband is passive. I don't see Dave as a guy who would write this way. It would be stronger, and it would reinforce the peculiarity of the way Husband narrates his tale, if Dave told his in a different way, following normal conventions. That's how I felt, anyway. I looked quickly and noticed that other stories by the author use quotation marks.


By the way, LightningSpeed, if you care and want to avoid the nasty comments and low scores of LW, you might consider posting shared wife stories in another category. This story, for instance, has obvious exhibitionism elements and might be appropriate for E&V.
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Old 10-29-2018, 01:40 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonDoom View Post
I think it's unfair and inaccurate to suggest that LightningSpeed is an "all about me" author or that he's seeking to be an "aggressive dominator" over "submissive" readers. That's unnecessarily antagonistic, and thoroughly unhelpful, language.

By the way, LightningSpeed, if you care and want to avoid the nasty comments and low scores of LW, you might consider posting shared wife stories in another category. This story, for instance, has obvious exhibitionism elements and might be appropriate for E&V.
Thanks for the kind words and feedback.
As much as I wish the LW community was a little less...whatever it is, I think most of my stories have to go there. None of us do this for the ratings, right?
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