Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Posts
- 50,279
Some topics are worth staying up for.
And you just happened to be in the neighborhood?
Or you smelled it from 200 miles away?
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Some topics are worth staying up for.
Thank you for understanding that it's different for someone who usually operates in one role to do it the other way.
It takes a lot out me to be in charge, it makes me vulnerable in a different way than subbing does. It's worth it if I know that the goals are being accomplished, but I need to hear that.
This thread is really interesting for the wide variety of views yet the understanding that all have of the need to explore this side of things.
That's a very excellent point. Understanding both sides of the sub/dom dynamic from personal experience makes the whole experience so much richer for both parties. (that's, unfortunately, the dynamic missing between me and my husband)
I know this probably strays off course, but as an older bi women I think the understanding both sides is even more important for women who are curious about exploring gentle femdom with another woman/women.
,
Agree? Disagree?
Hello, and thank you for joining us!
It seems that by 'Gentle,' most are meaning that it involves fewer of the more extreme aspects of typical FemDom, and leans heavily in the direction of a more sensual style. Would you agree with that?
Some good posts here! Loved reading this thread. Thanks to all.
I really like the idea of 'gentle' FemDom, with the occasional pushing of limits to "hard" stuff as long as it was 1) fully consensual and 2) pleasurable for both partners.
One thing that I worry about with a female led relationship is the possibility of it becoming a "Slave" vs "Submissive" thing. I.e. it becomes more about the male submitting to a laundry list of chores and protocols outside of "playtime" as opposed to strictly in a steamy BDSM session. NOT that I am opposed to the idea of a malesub wanting to do thoughtful things to please his partner, in fact I believe that should be a part of ANY relationship regardless if whether there is any "kink" involved.
But it seems like a lot of female dominants want a service oriented slave boy, someone she can rule every aspect of his life as much (if not more) than a BDSM play partner.
<snip>
So if gentle femdom is taking a little of my liberty, choosing a little of my clothing, edging me and teasing, and a light OTK spanking, the odd toy and the final sharing of orgasmic pleasure, then bring it on. Finding someone to trust to do this and right is a little harder I think.
I'm 29 and was mostly introduced to BDSM on Lit. I consider myself a switch, but tend to play a dominant role more. I've done a fair bit of role playing here and elsewhere that's gone pretty far, but my sex life at home is mostly vanilla with the occasional dash of spice.
It usually takes someone special to draw out my submissive side though I do love it when it happens. I'm not a fan of humiliation or stomping on my genitals. I'm not adverse to a little pain, but I just don't see where that gets fun.
I would like to note at this point that I don't know if I what I enjoy constitutes gentle fem dom or not, but it sounds way closer than anything else I've seen. I love the idea of her just being willing to walk away being enough to make me cringe and behave. I like a woman who takes control and takes what she wants, and enjoys it. I like a woman who controls my pleasure, not denies it. Sometimes she'll be predatory and other times kind. Sometimes she will be downright sadistic, but I can't help, but want more.
I guess what I'm echoing of everyone else is that I'm not a fan of cold or detached. I'm a huge fan of controlled passion. And when I'm truly able to slip into being submissive its damn addictive.
Oh, and separate note, whether a dom is wearing jeans and a t-shirt or leather she can be damn sexy either way. I enjoy both.
Good morning, Lucy and Erlind - glad you've joined the conversation!
Lucy, I like the reminder you give that subs feel they need permission to do things they already want, and that Dom/mes are doing them a favor (in a nice way ) by 'forcing" them to do it. I also love the bit about shared orgasmic bliss. That's really what it's all about - or should be - sharing the pleasure.
THIS. So much.
This is why the more extreme versions turn me right the fuck off. I'm a pleaser, I want to give pleasure, not deny it. How can I have a good time if I know he isn't? If that works for some people, okay, but it's not for me. D-types are in positions of serving just as much as s-types, and have a responsibility to meet their subs' needs as well as their own.
Well, this thread was probably created with the spirit of open (or not) confession only to the degree that is comfortable for you. So if you need to turtle WH, you go right ahead.
I totally agree with everything Fara just said btw. The doms pretending to be subs don't have nearly the concern and caring for me, at least in my experience, as a true sub.
In my own life, my husband is pretty much by all definitions a dom. 6'4", ex-jock now in professional security. On the few and too far between occasions he lets me turn the tables on him and tie him up, or step on him, or spank him, or make him cum on his own face (for a change lol), it's a total thrill but in the end kind of sucks because it's pretty obvious how he acts afterwards, he pretty much shuts down for a day or two, it's pretty obvious he didn't really enjoy it nearly as much as I did.
Nothing is 100% one way all the time. Open lines of communication, and even more importantly like Fara mentioned, TRUST, are critical for any healthy relationship no matter what the roles in the bedroom are.
You'll know when the person and/or situation is right for you to explore "gentle femdom" further. Wait for it. Cherish it. And most of all, don't beat yourself up over it.
I was with someone I called Master, at that time I thought in "slave" terms. At one point, he asked me to use a strap-on to fuck him. <--- my reply. I thought that was soooooo submissive of him.
How cliche of me! A dominant man can't enjoy having his ass fucked by a willing, sexy woman!? He actually had to "order" me to do it - which was the mindset I had at that time. It was awesome. He enjoyed it. I learned a huge lesson that what you like is what you like.
He enjoyed it when I picked out his clothes - he was terrible at it. He loved it if I initiated sex. Again, at that time, I needed to be given permission to take the initiative. Now, that wouldn't really work for me. My point though, is the act doesn't really define the relationship. It's more the mindset. Right?
Hey Cookie, I think that for some subs, the Dom showing a liking for something that could be perceived as sub takes something away from the Dom. For me it would have enhanced our relationship but that option has gone now... life moves on and a learning experience adds to the fun!
Picking out my clothes, choosing a position or occasionally leading the sex... mmm, sounds like gentle femdom could be fun. An occasional sub friend I meet fancies a switch meet and is a fan of my interest... and I am tempted because I think I would like to see things from the other side. That is the spice, but its also the trust, and I have rarely found anyone who understands and accepts.
Hey Cookie, I think that for some subs, the Dom showing a liking for something that could be perceived as sub takes something away from the Dom. For me it would have enhanced our relationship but that option has gone now... life moves on and a learning experience adds to the fun!
Picking out my clothes, choosing a position or occasionally leading the sex... mmm, sounds like gentle femdom could be fun. An occasional sub friend I meet fancies a switch meet and is a fan of my interest... and I am tempted because I think I would like to see things from the other side. That is the spice, but its also the trust, and I have rarely found anyone who understands and accepts.
I'm a sadist, but I'm sweet (generally). I'm not sure what that makes me.
I consider myself a Gentle Domme. I don't like the idea of humiliation and I never did. Instead I boost his ego until he is so dependent on me that that he allows me to do anything to him later on.
It has always worked for me and although most Dommes disagree with me, men love it. In fact I was at Domme party few months ago and one particilar Mistress, the hottest one, laughed at me only to find out the next day that her slave decided to team up with me;-)
That's what happened to me at first when he asked me to play with and fuck his ass. It took me out of my awesomely wet headspace. In the end, though (pun!!) - I realized it's about enjoying what he enjoyed. The whole point of this thread!?!!
I wonder about a thread on switching? I think switches get a bad rap. It sounds like you have a good partner to try this with. I went to a class on switching and about five people showed up. It's like no one wanted to admit they stepped outside the label.
That's what happened to me at first when he asked me to play with and fuck his ass. It took me out of my awesomely wet headspace. In the end, though (pun!!) - I realized it's about enjoying what he enjoyed. The whole point of this thread!?!!
I wonder about a thread on switching? I think switches get a bad rap. It sounds like you have a good partner to try this with. I went to a class on switching and about five people showed up. It's like no one wanted to admit they stepped outside the label.
I was surprised to read this. Even though I don't have much real life experience on the subject, I have always thought that "switches" had the best of both worlds....hmmm, I guess I still think this. Perhaps this isn't the thread for this but; based on your experience, why the bad rap?
There are purists out there who don't believe you can be a dom AND a sub. That switches can’t be ‘real’ submissives or ‘real’ dominants. And the only reason they call themselves switches is because they haven't found the right person yet.
That's not my view, but one I've heard before.
Perhaps this isn't the thread for this...
There are purists out there who don't believe you can be a dom AND a sub. That switches can’t be ‘real’ submissives or ‘real’ dominants. And the only reason they call themselves switches is because they haven't found the right person yet.
That's not my view, but one I've heard before.
That lets me off the hook then since I'm not very pure But seriously, I find all kinds of things about me tend to be fluid...Hmm, now that doesn't sound good either !
LOL! I find it amusingly ironic that in the BDSM lifestyle, where people have all kinds of weird fetishes, that there are those who would become strict and rigid about the lines between dominant and submissive. And that they would ridicule people who want to cross those lines when they choose to.
I was the one who wrote I thought switches got a bad rap. I don't think anyone is ridiculed - at least in the examples I'm thinking of. It's more that there seemed to be an mindset that you're one way or the other. Dom/me or sub.
Why? It's a bunch of different reasons.
A lot of guys seem like they don't want to admit wanting to be spanked or pegged. Sure, I think they're ok with saying they want to pleasure a woman, make her orgasm, even be told what to do in the bedroom in order to please her. But when it comes to saying spank me, use a plug up my ass, tie me up -- that seems to be not as out in the open if you also want to be a Top or a Dominant as well.
I will say that I've been out of the local kink community for about 3 years. I'd been involved in it for about 10 years. As I was leaving, lots more people were coming in to the community. People seemed to be less hung up on labels and more interested in experiences. More willing to try on different hats, so to speak.
I wonder about a thread on switching? I think switches get a bad rap. It sounds like you have a good partner to try this with. I went to a class on switching and about five people showed up. It's like no one wanted to admit they stepped outside the label.
There are purists out there who don't believe you can be a dom AND a sub. That switches can’t be ‘real’ submissives or ‘real’ dominants. And the only reason they call themselves switches is because they haven't found the right person yet.
LOL! I find it amusingly ironic that in the BDSM lifestyle, where people have all kinds of weird fetishes, that there are those who would become strict and rigid about the lines between dominant and submissive. And that they would ridicule people who want to cross those lines when they choose to.
I was the one who wrote I thought switches got a bad rap. I don't think anyone is ridiculed - at least in the examples I'm thinking of. It's more that there seemed to be an mindset that you're one way or the other. Dom/me or sub.
Why? It's a bunch of different reasons.
A lot of guys seem like they don't want to admit wanting to be spanked or pegged. Sure, I think they're ok with saying they want to pleasure a woman, make her orgasm, even be told what to do in the bedroom in order to please her. But when it comes to saying spank me, use a plug up my ass, tie me up -- that seems to be not as out in the open if you also want to be a Top or a Dominant as well.
I will say that I've been out of the local kink community for about 3 years. I'd been involved in it for about 10 years. As I was leaving, lots more people were coming in to the community. People seemed to be less hung up on labels and more interested in experiences. More willing to try on different hats, so to speak.