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Anyone been to a munchs meet?

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allforfun86

Really Experienced
Joined
Jul 18, 2014
Posts
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Hey everyone, Im pretty new to the bdsm lifestyle as a dom/daddy type and from posts I've seen on this forum wveryone, mostly, sas to try out fetlife.com and go to munchs. Well I joined fetlife and it turns out there's a munch next week for my area and I'm curious about going. I just have a issue going to someplace and not knowing anyone there. Part of it is my time from the army, the beat battle buddies into my head so hard ive actually become uncomfortable going out without someone I know with me, along with other factors. I've tried sending messages to some ppl that say they are going, but they either won't respond or haven't been online for awhile. What I'm asking for, out of this long winded post lol, is for anyone that has been to one and can give me some advice on what to expect and do. I read on the site about some rules and things like that, but I'm hoping that talking to someone could ease my nervousness some. All input would be appreciated, thanks!
 
Message one of the group moderators. Tell them you're new and want to attend. I was a moderator for a local group and appreciated a heads up when a new person was coming. That way, we could look for you and introduce you around. If you aren't offered that, you pretty much walk in to the place, verify you're in the right spot and introduce yourself. I'm working off the assumption it's at a public venue and not a private residence.

It can be daunting to walk in to any group alone! But that's the thing... Except for the subject matter, its really no different than any other group. Read the rules provided on fet. Most all are vanilla looking to any outsider - casual attire, no kink talk in front of servers.

A lot of the munches I've been to are pretty boring. Like an after work get together. Small talk, at some you eat if you want.

Good luck. Have fun. Thanks for your service.
 
Thanks, I think I contacted one of them already, just waiting to hear back. This one is in a public setting, looks to be a privately owned business and the munch is in a back room or something. The site says it is exactly that, a vanilla setting and mostly some small talk about a certain subject. To me it looks like just a way to meet and greet others before moving on to a larger venue like the red chair or something similar.
 
I can't speak for all groups, but the one I almost joined and the one I did join both had online questionnaires that needed to be filled out first and sent to one of the moderators of the group. And there was a meeting with a moderator prior to the munch for approval. He or she will introduce you around at the munch (depending on acceptance, of course).

Unfortunately, the group in my area seems to have died. So I haven't been to a munch in the last four years.
 
dale124 said:
I can't speak for all groups, but the one I almost joined and the one I did join both had online questionnaires that needed to be filled out first and sent to one of the moderators of the group. And there was a meeting with a moderator prior to the munch for approval. He or she will introduce you around at the munch (depending on acceptance, of course).

Unfortunately, the group in my area seems to have died. So I haven't been to a munch in the last four years.
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I didn't see anything about that, but I'll have another look to make sure. Thank you
 
I haven't heard of any groups that require anything filled out prior to a munch. Many play parties require new members to be vetted in some way, but that's kinda the point of a munch - to let people get a feel (so to speak) for each other and try to make friends and find common interests without the intimidation factor that can be present at events.

As Cookie suggested, try to find the person running the munch. Do you know who created the event? If so, send them a message and explain that you're new. They might even be willing to meet with you ahead of time, just so you can change one on one.

Feel free to PM me if you want help figuring out the best person to message on Fet. Sometimes it's not as easy as others.
 
I had the same worries about my first munch. It helped that it was in a public setting with vanilla clothes. It lead to a demo / play party but now the group is being run by others. Now they own a play space for the group. The munches are now in a public place but in a back room. Now I'm too damn busy to go.
 
Where I live, there is a munch each month. its held at a local resturant, vanilla setting, vanilla clothing. We have a few people that posted at one point they were willing to meet people before hand but I"m not sure that they still do that. If I am sitting with a newbie, I try to include them in the conversation but it can be difficult sometimes.
 
I've never worked up the nerve to go to one yet but I would like to o, just to see what they're all about and meet some people.
 
stargazer214 said:
I've never worked up the nerve to go to one yet but I would like to o, just to see what they're all about and meet some people.
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They are honestly like after work get togethers. Totally vanilla, sometimes boring, just hanging out and chit chatting. A couple I've been to had discussion topics, so the first hour of the munch was doing the mingling thing and the last hour was discussion of something specific. Most, though, were just all about the small talk.
 
I've been to several munches (although not recently) in the NYC area, and I like them because they are casual, non-pressure gatherings, usually held in a restaurant or diner, or similar vanilla venue. Usually the people are friendly, and very open to an exchange of ideas and stories. It's a potentially good place to meet like-minded people in a totally non-threatening atmosphere. I'd strongly encourage you to try it out!
 
cookiecat said:
They are honestly like after work get togethers. Totally vanilla, sometimes boring, just hanging out and chit chatting. A couple I've been to had discussion topics, so the first hour of the munch was doing the mingling thing and the last hour was discussion of something specific. Most, though, were just all about the small talk.
Click to expand...

Sounds nice... No pressure and just meeting others. It always sounds intimidating for some reason
 
Just wanted to thank everyone for all the input and help. Sadly I'm not going to be able to event go because of some personal things, but hopefully I can make the next one.
 
I'm terribly shy!

stargazer214 said:
Sounds nice... No pressure and just meeting others. It always sounds intimidating for some reason
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It's always intimidating if you're on the shy side, but mostly because it's something new (for me!) I was given great advice to go in a mingle and talk (and not to stop talking! lol). January was the first time I went, and I moved to different groups where there were not more than 4 or 5 people to make it easier.

Last month, it was a little easier. I picked up someone who was new and wanted to go, and promised to meet another and sit with another who was attending their first munch.

If you can, contact the leader and let them know you're new and interested in attending. Sometimes, they will set up a meeting ahead of time, or meet you just before the 'regulars' arrive, and then introduce you around.

:)
 
barefootgirl69 said:
It's always intimidating if you're on the shy side, but mostly because it's something new (for me!) I was given great advice to go in a mingle and talk (and not to stop talking! lol). January was the first time I went, and I moved to different groups where there were not more than 4 or 5 people to make it easier.

Last month, it was a little easier. I picked up someone who was new and wanted to go, and promised to meet another and sit with another who was attending their first munch.

If you can, contact the leader and let them know you're new and interested in attending. Sometimes, they will set up a meeting ahead of time, or meet you just before the 'regulars' arrive, and then introduce you around.

:)
Click to expand...
That's a really good idea... To reach out to the leader beforehand. I am shy by nature, sometime debilitatingly so.

Where do you finding out aboutt meetings in your area? I understand these are tame public events and such
 
Back when I was looking I googled. There was a yahoo group.

Now I might look on fetlife.

:rose:
 
I have been to so many different munches that I have lost count. All I can say is each one is different and don't just take one at face value, try a couple of times at least and if you still aren't feeling it then try a different munch if possible.

The issues I have run into include cliques, meant to be vanilla and being really embarrassed when people bring out toys to show off in a vanilla setting, event organiser only running them to meet the female newbies first and just not having anything in common with anyone at the munches except for kink.

I am a total introvert but have found that the best way to make a munch work for you is to get out of your comfort zone and actually talk to people. I hear so often from people that the munch was really bad but they just sat in a corner and didn't try to talk to anyone and when people tried to talk to them just gave one word answers.
 
stargazer214 said:
That's a really good idea... To reach out to the leader beforehand. I am shy by nature, sometime debilitatingly so.

Where do you finding out aboutt meetings in your area? I understand these are tame public events and such
Click to expand...

FurryFury said:
Back when I was looking I googled. There was a yahoo group.

Now I might look on fetlife.

:rose:
Click to expand...

Yep. Have a gander over on Fet. There's a Places link at the top of the page that will show you all of the groups and events in your area. I went to my first munch by myself and was really nervous, but had contacted one of the leaders so at least I had someone to look for when I got there. Everyone was really nice, it was very low-key - like a monthly business meeting, but kinky.

What sticks in my memory from that night is this:

1) everyone stopped talking or abruptly changed the subject when a server came in, and

2) there was a much older lady who kept asking if there was going to be a play party after. :D Get it, granny!!
 
I have been to many munches. They have been very vanilla and no pressure. It a way to get to know others with a similar kink that stays in the background. It's just a meeting to get to know something about each other not about the kink you want to live out. Like others have said you can't sit in a corner and wait for others to come to you. The topics won't be about sex. It's finding common vanilla interests.

Most of they munches I have been have led to a party later on that were bdsm themed. Maybe not that night but within a week.

Like in any other part of life people want to get to know you before they let you in the inner circle. Just be yourself.
 
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