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bi/curious and married

Lost_Yonder

Lost_Yonder

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 9, 2008
Posts
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I assume there is already such a thread, but I couldn't find it in the recent postings. If there already is, my apologies.

I recently "discovered" my bi desires and had my first true experience with a married couple. Needless to say, the MMF fantasy fills my imagination these days. While my experiences, to date, are limited I am certainly open to exploring more. Only, I am married (20+ years! though no kids) and find the need to sneak around both mentally a challenge as well as just finding the time to meet others for erotic fun.

I would imagine there are a number of others in a similar situation. I'm wondering:
How does one deal with being married: confess? cheat/hide being bi?
How/where does one meet other like-minded guys?
Is it best to connect with another married guy or singles?
How do you know if someone else is bi?

c/l is too hit and miss and sketchy, but seems to be my only resource these days.
 
tmmmbrrr said:
This will sound corny, but its never failed me...

Don't over-think it and give up the idea of being in control of the minutia of your life. Leave it up to the universe to present you with your heart's desires. Its worked for me with many things: friends, girl friends, money, jobs... and I suspect that's how you ended up in a MMF

All that's required is taking it easy and having a little faith.
Good Luck!
Click to expand...

A very good philosophy - though sometimes easier said than done. letting go is so important, too much baggage drags us down...
 
tmmmbrrr said:
This will sound corny, but its never failed me...

Don't over-think it and give up the idea of being in control of the minutia of your life. Leave it up to the universe to present you with your heart's desires. Its worked for me with many things: friends, girl friends, money, jobs... and I suspect that's how you ended up in a MMF

All that's required is taking it easy and having a little faith.
Good Luck!
Click to expand...

I agree with this beautifully stated and profoundly truthful post.

:)
 
sannion10 said:
hello dear, cheating doesn't you a criminal. Your happiness is the most important to your husband.
Click to expand...
in fact as someone new to this, i prefer even going on swing ocean cruise with two chubby BBW married women. I am ready, if there is any out there.
 
Lost_Yonder said:
I assume there is already such a thread, but I couldn't find it in the recent postings. If there already is, my apologies.

I recently "discovered" my bi desires and had my first true experience with a married couple. Needless to say, the MMF fantasy fills my imagination these days. While my experiences, to date, are limited I am certainly open to exploring more. Only, I am married (20+ years! though no kids) and find the need to sneak around both mentally a challenge as well as just finding the time to meet others for erotic fun.

I would imagine there are a number of others in a similar situation. I'm wondering:
How does one deal with being married: confess? cheat/hide being bi?
How/where does one meet other like-minded guys?
Is it best to connect with another married guy or singles?
How do you know if someone else is bi?

c/l is too hit and miss and sketchy, but seems to be my only resource these days.
Click to expand...
By saying that you "find the need to sneak around' sissy presumes that the subject has cum up between the 2 of you.
While a sissy does not condone sneaking around, this will add both stress and pleasure to the act.
You should always do with your inner feelings with people, usually if that feeling hits then it will work out somehow.
 
SissySalina said:
By saying that you "find the need to sneak around' sissy presumes that the subject has cum up between the 2 of you.
While a sissy does not condone sneaking around, this will add both stress and pleasure to the act.
You should always do with your inner feelings with people, usually if that feeling hits then it will work out somehow.
Click to expand...

Sissy makes some good points. There is something alluring about cheating, the possibility of being caught. I love the idea of being with a married partner, though find my own cheating to be tiresome, it used to excite me, but now that I'm older, a bit more experienced, I just wish i could live a more open and honest life. but there are reasons I also prefer not to push that agenda, at least not at this point in time.
 
Lost_Yonder said:
I assume there is already such a thread, but I couldn't find it in the recent postings. If there already is, my apologies.

I recently "discovered" my bi desires and had my first true experience with a married couple. Needless to say, the MMF fantasy fills my imagination these days. While my experiences, to date, are limited I am certainly open to exploring more. Only, I am married (20+ years! though no kids) and find the need to sneak around both mentally a challenge as well as just finding the time to meet others for erotic fun.

I would imagine there are a number of others in a similar situation. I'm wondering:
How does one deal with being married: confess? cheat/hide being bi?
How/where does one meet other like-minded guys?
Is it best to connect with another married guy or singles?
How do you know if someone else is bi?

c/l is too hit and miss and sketchy, but seems to be my only resource these days.
Click to expand...
I was curious for over 20 years. I have been married for 35 years.
I finally got together with another married man that I trusted! Wow what a great time!
I still love having sex with my wife but being with another man is so hot!
 
1960curious said:
I was curious for over 20 years. I have been married for 35 years.
I finally got together with another married man that I trusted! Wow what a great time!
I still love having sex with my wife but being with another man is so hot!
Click to expand...

How did you meet the other guy and know he was trust worthy???

Being married trust is an issue, my challenge is that most guys i see posting on c/l are just into sucking whoever's cock - whereas i'd rather have some kind of connection or at least an accidental hook-up. Not plan to just come over to his place, drop my pants, get sucked, and leave...
 
Lost_Yonder said:
I assume there is already such a thread, but I couldn't find it in the recent postings. If there already is, my apologies.

I recently "discovered" my bi desires and had my first true experience with a married couple. Needless to say, the MMF fantasy fills my imagination these days. While my experiences, to date, are limited I am certainly open to exploring more. Only, I am married (20+ years! though no kids) and find the need to sneak around both mentally a challenge as well as just finding the time to meet others for erotic fun.
Click to expand...




I would imagine there are a number of others in a similar situation. I'm wondering: (my personal opinion)

  1. How does one deal with being married: confess? cheat/hide being bi: I take my vows serious. I don't cheat. I have NO reason to make my bisexuality as topic. my wife is aware of my past experiences. she isn't aware that for three yrs I chose to LIVED an active gay sex lifestyle
  2. How/where does one meet other like-minded guys? if you really want to meet...really want to....sign up on one of the top three hook up apps like grinder...you'll be sucking in an hour
  3. Is it best to connect with another married guy or singles? I enjoyed married cpls. most single are gay and use bi as pick-up
  4. How do you know if someone else is bi? don't they carry flags these days
  5. c/l is too hit and miss and sketchy, but seems to be my only resource these days. refer to #2
 
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klippert said:
I would imagine there are a number of others in a similar situation. I'm wondering: (my personal opinion)

  1. How does one deal with being married: confess? cheat/hide being bi: I take my vows serious. I don't cheat. I have NO reason to make my bisexuality as topic. my wife is aware of my past experiences. she isn't aware that for three yrs I chose to live an active gay sex lifestyle
  2. How/where does one meet other like-minded guys? if you really want to meet...really want to....sign up on one of the top three hook up apps like grinder...you'll be sucking in an hour
  3. Is it best to connect with another married guy or singles? I enjoyed married cpls. most single are gay and use bi as pick-up
  4. How do you know if someone else is bi? don't they carry flags these days
  5. c/l is too hit and miss and sketchy, but seems to be my only resource these days. refer to #2
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing the insights and suggestions. I'm not a fan of grinder as I'm not really looking for a hook-up. Something that happens 'naturally' or with someone I have a connection with or else with a couple seem to be my preferred mode.

If i may, you say you don't cheat, but are leading an active gay lifestyle without her knowledge - that is a little confusing to me - not that it matters, or what I think is a factor, just seemed curious.
 
I would like to think (albeit romantically), that most people are looking for more than a hookup. Sure, that may be what they want at that particular moment in time, but I think that honestly, deep down, they are looking for something more. Perhaps there is something missing in their lives, or they just arent' being honest with themselves...

I honestly think that if we didn't live in a society of toxic masculinity, and men were allowed to explore their homosexual feelings/desires, as well as their femininity more openly, and treated with society with acceptance and tolerance, the world would be a much happier place, and the incidences of cheating/infidelity would decrease.

Just my $0.02.

:)
 
Lost_Yonder said:
Thanks for sharing the insights and suggestions. I'm not a fan of grinder as I'm not really looking for a hook-up. Something that happens 'naturally' or with someone I have a connection with or else with a couple seem to be my preferred mode.

If i may, you say you don't cheat, but are leading an active gay lifestyle without her knowledge - that is a little confusing to me - not that it matters, or what I think is a factor, just seemed curious.
Click to expand...

you read my complete text...I made a typo. sorry...I "LIVED"....I got out of that life style decades ago...
Again...if you are truly interested...all you have to do is start typing in the search bar what you are looking for. Just sitting and waiting for it to fall in your lap may take near on forever
 
klippert said:
you read my complete text...I made a typo. sorry...I "LIVED"....I got out of that life style decades ago...
Again...if you are truly interested...all you have to do is start typing in the search bar what you are looking for. Just sitting and waiting for it to fall in your lap may take near on forever
Click to expand...

That's MY problem! I'm afraid to take that plunge. I don't know how to apprach guys in RL and say "Hi, okay, so, for all intents and purposes I present as a male with a bit of a feminine flair, but I'd love to live my life 24/7 as a woman and be a slutty and submissive wife."

Not sure how to start that conversation with guys! LOL! It seems to be easier online, at least on Lit...
 
The Same Boat

Like so many of those who have posted above, I am a married bi man who still loves to have aex with my wife but does secretly enjoy having sexual encounters with men from time to time. I was fortunate that several years ago a friend of mine, who was also married and bi, and myself began and very exclusive and mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. Now, however I am in the same boat as many others and have a difficult time finding men to spend time with. I don't trust CL and find it difficult to approach men I trust. But I do love to come here to chat with other like minded married bi/curious guys. Feel free to message me.
 
Stacy_TG said:
I would like to think (albeit romantically), that most people are looking for more than a hookup. Sure, that may be what they want at that particular moment in time, but I think that honestly, deep down, they are looking for something more. Perhaps there is something missing in their lives, or they just arent' being honest with themselves...

I honestly think that if we didn't live in a society of toxic masculinity, and men were allowed to explore their homosexual feelings/desires, as well as their femininity more openly, and treated with society with acceptance and tolerance, the world would be a much happier place, and the incidences of cheating/infidelity would decrease.

Just my $0.02.

:)
Click to expand...

Stacy, After many years of this I have to discourage your thinking that most men are looking for more than a hookup. But, there are many who are seeking a true and lasting connection. The good news is; It's not hard to sift the chaff from the wheat. But one has to be disciplined and patient. I have, in fact, used CL to meet some serious people. The key is to require that a non-sexual connection (friendship) be established first before any intimacy. This usually culls the casual sex guys out pretty quick (but, beware because in their callous selfishness they will be more than happy to pretend to want the same things you do...but once you actually prove that this is going to take some time they usually fade away.) Another important "sift" is the requirement to eventually visit their home :eek: Oh my, they run like a scalded cat if they are fakes ;)

Anyway, I believe there is someone in the world dreaming of someone just like you. You just have to help them find you. It can be done, just be cautious, and picky...remember that you're the lady in this game, it's up to him to prove himself.
 
Stacy_TG said:
I would like to think (albeit romantically), that most people are looking for more than a hookup. Sure, that may be what they want at that particular moment in time, but I think that honestly, deep down, they are looking for something more. Perhaps there is something missing in their lives, or they just arent' being honest with themselves...

I honestly think that if we didn't live in a society of toxic masculinity, and men were allowed to explore their homosexual feelings/desires, as well as their femininity more openly, and treated with society with acceptance and tolerance, the world would be a much happier place, and the incidences of cheating/infidelity would decrease.

Just my $0.02.

:)
Click to expand...
stacy, i totally agree w/you
 
Stacy_TG said:
That's MY problem! I'm afraid to take that plunge. I don't know how to apprach guys in RL and say "Hi, okay, so, for all intents and purposes I present as a male with a bit of a feminine flair, but I'd love to live my life 24/7 as a woman and be a slutty and submissive wife."

Not sure how to start that conversation with guys! LOL! It seems to be easier online, at least on Lit...
Click to expand...

You are a beautiful, smart, and very sexy girl, Stacy. Some caring man is gonna be very lucky and fortunate to find you. He is out there...
 
yukonnights said:
Stacy, After many years of this I have to discourage your thinking that most men are looking for more than a hookup. But, there are many who are seeking a true and lasting connection. The good news is; It's not hard to sift the chaff from the wheat. But one has to be disciplined and patient. I have, in fact, used CL to meet some serious people. The key is to require that a non-sexual connection (friendship) be established first before any intimacy. This usually culls the casual sex guys out pretty quick (but, beware because in their callous selfishness they will be more than happy to pretend to want the same things you do...but once you actually prove that this is going to take some time they usually fade away.) Another important "sift" is the requirement to eventually visit their home :eek: Oh my, they run like a scalded cat if they are fakes ;)

Anyway, I believe there is someone in the world dreaming of someone just like you. You just have to help them find you. It can be done, just be cautious, and picky...remember that you're the lady in this game, it's up to him to prove himself.
Click to expand...

SexyLitForAll said:
You are a beautiful, smart, and very sexy girl, Stacy. Some caring man is gonna be very lucky and fortunate to find you. He is out there...
Click to expand...

Thank you both sincerely for your kind and encouraging words. I'm trying to be as patient as I can, but I'm not getting any younger.

Seems like it's so much easier to meet people here on Lit than in real life. Too bad we can't have a meet-up/convention since some of us have meaningful online relationships with each other!
 
Stacy_TG said:
I would like to think (albeit romantically), that most people are looking for more than a hookup. Sure, that may be what they want at that particular moment in time, but I think that honestly, deep down, they are looking for something more. Perhaps there is something missing in their lives, or they just arent' being honest with themselves...

I honestly think that if we didn't live in a society of toxic masculinity, and men were allowed to explore their homosexual feelings/desires, as well as their femininity more openly, and treated with society with acceptance and tolerance, the world would be a much happier place, and the incidences of cheating/infidelity would decrease.

Just my $0.02.

:)
Click to expand...

Your two cents is worth a lot!

Very well put! We are much to socialized into a particular expression of masculine sexuality. While gayness is more acceptable these days, there seems less space for being bi. Many gays even see being bi as just a transitional phase to being gay and not accepting it as a sexual orientation in and of itself.

why can't we just fuck whoever we may want or not fuck, be who we are without the hangups??? :cool:
 
Stacy_TG said:
Thank you both sincerely for your kind and encouraging words. I'm trying to be as patient as I can, but I'm not getting any younger.

Seems like it's so much easier to meet people here on Lit than in real life. Too bad we can't have a meet-up/convention since some of us have meaningful online relationships with each other!
Click to expand...

There is a lot of good advice on here - I think the most significant is, you aren't going to meet anyone unless you put yourself out there. Lit has some great advantages, lots of people to support your desires, fantasies, and interests wherever they may lay (no pun intended! :rolleyes:) but one also has to realize that we are all real people too and there are others out there with regular lives that one has to connect with.

:rose:
 
Lost_Yonder said:
Many gays even see being bi as just a transitional phase to being gay
Click to expand...

Do you think there's any truth to this at all? I have confided to two people very, very close to me in real life, and although I've explained to them I believe that I'm bi, one of those individuals (whose opinion I value completely) insists that I'm gay
 
Stacy_TG said:
Do you think there's any truth to this at all? I have confided to two people very, very close to me in real life, and although I've explained to them I believe that I'm bi, one of those individuals (whose opinion I value completely) insists that I'm gay
Click to expand...

I personally don't as I know my own desires - i love being with women and i am really turned on by the idea of being with a guy. Reality is not so binary. In fact, i have a theory, cock-eyed as it is, that we are all inherently bi, we just tend to ignore aspects of our innate desires for various reasons...
 
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