Quick grammar question: determiner (the)

ltpc

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Hi guys,

So, I decided to try out a certain program that rhymes with mammary... I fully understand the limitations of such things. Anyway, it spat something back from my first sentence that's thrown me for some reason. I'd appreciate your opinion.

'Cool, clear water lapped around his ears as he floated, basking in tropical sunshine. He could feel it, hot on his eyelids, and perfectly warm on his pleasantly full tummy.'

The suggestion is that I need a THE in front of tropical. I can see that it fits in there, but is it necessary? Is it a must? The examples I'm finding on the net don't seem to quite fit and I'm starting to feel like a bit of a boob myself.

Thanks for any assistance!
 
Hi guys,

So, I decided to try out a certain program that rhymes with mammary... I fully understand the limitations of such things. Anyway, it spat something back from my first sentence that's thrown me for some reason. I'd appreciate your opinion.

'Cool, clear water lapped around his ears as he floated, basking in tropical sunshine. He could feel it, hot on his eyelids, and perfectly warm on his pleasantly full tummy.'

The suggestion is that I need a THE in front of tropical. I can see that it fits in there, but is it necessary? Is it a must? The examples I'm finding on the net don't seem to quite fit and I'm starting to feel like a bit of a boob myself.

Thanks for any assistance!

I don't think you need it. Using "the" is probably more common, but this strikes me as a judgment call.
 
I don't think I would have put a 'the' in there, and I can't imagine why you would need to.
 
The best part of writing is that you can throw out any rule you want to as long as it works.
 
The

Without "the", it would refer to any or all tropical sunshine. generic t s
With the "the", it refers to the specific tropical sunshine there at that moment.
So, say whatever you want it to be and it will be right for you. Cheers
 
Definitely use a human editor. That computer programs are more programmed for emails and document writing than for creative stuff.
 
Definitely use a human editor. That computer programs are more programmed for emails and document writing than for creative stuff.

Haha yeah, I do use human editors. It was the first time I've tried the program, in an attempt to make my editor's jobs easier. It has been good for spotting simple errors and repeats but entertaining to watch the program struggle to suggest adjectives and misconstrue sentences.

For instance, I had it tell me that savage wasn't suitable to describe a fight.

In the sentence: Parched brown and scattered here and there with the bastions of termites, his view of the prairie outside reminded him of his time in another desert. The program tried to tell me I should have used DESSERT.
 
how about trying this:

As he basked in the tropical sunshine, he was floating in the cool, clear water lapping about his ears.

instead of this:

'Cool, clear water lapped around his ears as he floated, basking in tropical sunshine.
 
For fiction, the second example is superior to the first, which has the flavor of a technical manual. Less life and art in the first example.
 
For fiction, the second example is superior to the first, which has the flavor of a technical manual. Less life and art in the first example.

Agree. Plus, the first example is wordier, and it refocuses the action from the simple crisp past tense verbs "lapped" and "floated" to the more bloated past continuous "was floating."
 
how about trying this:

As he basked in the tropical sunshine, he was floating in the cool, clear water lapping about his ears.

instead of this:

'Cool, clear water lapped around his ears as he floated, basking in tropical sunshine.

Interesting, you've definitely opened my eyes to reworking the sentence so, thanks. However, it's the first sentence in a chapter, so I'm loathed to start with 'As he.'

What do you think of: Tropical sunshine poured down on him as he basked, floating through the cool, clear water lapping pleasantly around his ears.

For fiction, the second example is superior to the first, which has the flavor of a technical manual. Less life and art in the first example.
Ha! My only experience in writing before 'all this' was scientific and technical stuff.
 
Ha! My only experience in writing before 'all this' was scientific and technical stuff.

I've written and been published in both, extensively. You can lead a . . . but . . .
 
What do you think of: Tropical sunshine poured down on him as he basked, floating through the cool, clear water lapping pleasantly around his ears.


.

Your original is much better.

No adverbs. The new version adds the unnecessary adverb "pleasantly."

It's much shorter and crisper.

"Cool, clear water lapped" is a nicer way to start the sentence. "Tropical sunshine poured down" isn't as good. Water definitely laps, but sunshine doesn't really pour.
 
"Cool, clear water lapped" is a nicer way to start the sentence. "Tropical sunshine poured down" isn't as good. Water definitely laps, but sunshine doesn't really pour.


"The sun pours down like honey on our Lady of the harbor" -Leonard Cohen.
 
Hi guys,

So, I decided to try out a certain program that rhymes with mammary... I fully understand the limitations of such things. Anyway, it spat something back from my first sentence that's thrown me for some reason. I'd appreciate your opinion.

'Cool, clear water lapped around his ears as he floated, basking in tropical sunshine. He could feel it, hot on his eyelids, and perfectly warm on his pleasantly full tummy.'

The suggestion is that I need a THE in front of tropical. I can see that it fits in there, but is it necessary? Is it a must? The examples I'm finding on the net don't seem to quite fit and I'm starting to feel like a bit of a boob myself.

Thanks for any assistance!

I don't think any software is yet equipped to accurately deal with the kind of complex sentence you have there. I'm old enough to have been taught to diagram sentences in school, and I could do yours with no problem. I mean, 'sunshine' is a noun, absolutely a legal object of the preposition 'in', and how could the adjective 'tropical' not be a legal modifier of 'sunshine' with no other addition? Really, THE or not to THE is just a matter of style. Personally, I like your original just as it is.
 
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