First Time Dungeon Visit?

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Hi all,

My wife and I have been talking about visiting a bdsm club for a while and may have the opportunity next month during a trip to California. But we're both hoping for some advice for us newbies if any of you have gone in the past. First, what do you wear for a general dungeon night? We both get off on bdsm but leather and latex are not really part of our typical wardrobe. How do we not stand out like total noobs while we're there? Second, our fetish is for male dom and female sub, but from the reading I've done online, it sounds like the reverse is more popular in the clubs. Will we find a fair amount of what we're hoping to see (and maybe do?) What other things should we expect? Do we have to worry about unsolicited groping, etc? (Stupid question, I know, but it is a concern for us.) We've also been thinking about wearing a remote vibe during our visit? Will that be frowned on?

Thanks for your help!
 
Hi all,

My wife and I have been talking about visiting a bdsm club for a while and may have the opportunity next month during a trip to California. But we're both hoping for some advice for us newbies if any of you have gone in the past. First, what do you wear for a general dungeon night? We both get off on bdsm but leather and latex are not really part of our typical wardrobe. How do we not stand out like total noobs while we're there? Second, our fetish is for male dom and female sub, but from the reading I've done online, it sounds like the reverse is more popular in the clubs. Will we find a fair amount of what we're hoping to see (and maybe do?) What other things should we expect? Do we have to worry about unsolicited groping, etc? (Stupid question, I know, but it is a concern for us.) We've also been thinking about wearing a remote vibe during our visit? Will that be frowned on?

Thanks for your help!

If you have a particular club in mind, you should be able to learn everything you need to know about typical dress from their website. Around here, unless there's a special event (say, for Halloween), it's pretty common for men to wear plain black slacks and dark shirts (no jeans, usually) and women tend to dress a bit more fetish-y. Latex and leather and such is hardly ever a requirement.

Chances are, there will be people in the club with responsibility for keeping everyone safe and comfortable, which usually keeps the groping and such to a bare minimum. Very real threats of being tossed out by these dungeon masters tends to ensure fairly good behavior all the way around. Again, check with the particular club that interests you.

One of my favorite local places does a Newcomers Tour event each month. You might be able to find something similar where you're going. This is a very low-key hour or so tour of facilities with a thorough introduction into rules and protocols required by management and such. Very useful.
 
Thanks, midwestyankee! We've been thinking about SF Citadel in San Fran. Good to know about the dress and the safety requirements. I'll do some more digging on the website. Thanks again!
 
Thanks, midwestyankee! We've been thinking about SF Citadel in San Fran. Good to know about the dress and the safety requirements. I'll do some more digging on the website. Thanks again!

I had to Google it but that's pretty cool. I didn't know places like that existed. Might try to visit next time I'm in San Francisco.
 
I did a tour of the Armory while in San Francisco. Hardly the same thing, but it wet my appetite. :)

So, I have no helpful advice. But, please come back and tell us about the experience! I'm dying to go to a dungeon, and would enjoy the the vicarious description.

If you don't mind sharing, of course. :cattail:
 
I did a tour of the Armory while in San Francisco. Hardly the same thing, but it wet my appetite. :)

So, I have no helpful advice. But, please come back and tell us about the experience! I'm dying to go to a dungeon, and would enjoy the the vicarious description.

If you don't mind sharing, of course. :cattail:

That sounds fun, I've always wanted to tour the armory. Is it possible to attend "shows" as well?
 
That sounds fun, I've always wanted to tour the armory. Is it possible to attend "shows" as well?

It's not. Or at least it wasn't when I toured. They did, if I recall correctly, have an option to sign up as an "extra" for group filming. Things like...voyeur sex, or humiliation sex (in front of a group) set in bakeries, or laundromats, etc..

I believe the film company hired out actual bakeries and laundromats. :eek:
 
It's not. Or at least it wasn't when I toured. They did, if I recall correctly, have an option to sign up as an "extra" for group filming. Things like...voyeur sex, or humiliation sex (in front of a group) set in bakeries, or laundromats, etc..

I believe the film company hired out actual bakeries and laundromats. :eek:

Hmm... interesting. Well thanks for the info.
 
I went to a demo at a kink club in ATL. Street clothes and/or in my case, white leather sleeveless dress with a high slit and garter / hose arrangement. Could be worn at a 'nilla affair, but yeah. Also had a black shirt for a jacket type of thing if I needed it.

Once in the club, some people went with more kinky clothes but most did not and were more nilla dressed than I was.

:rose:
 
All the advice here is good. Delve around the website of the citadel they will have most if not all the information you need. If not, call or email. You will cum (hehehe) to realize that most folks in this lifestyle are more than happy to answer questions or help a "newbie" out, after all we were all one once lol. Most of the times when my pet and I go to a dungeon or a play party we dress vanilla on the way there and change accordingly when inside. As for standing out as a newbie, don't sweat it. Just be polite and don't do anything with anyone unless you feel 100% comfortable. One thing that you will want to avoid, disturbing a scene. Feel free to watch and comment quietly to yourselves. If you have questions about the scene ask around or the participants AFTER they are finished. We've never ran into a problem with unsolicited groping, MOST lifestylers are very polite and respectful, but there are idiots in every group of society. If you feel uncomfortable with someone, politely let them know. If that doesn't work take it up with the staff. As for the remote vibe, have a blast! I usually stuff both of my pets holes and make her go out in public lol. I love watching her squirm lol. On a side note, there are a slew of things to do or see in SF as a lifestyler. Everytime we are there we stop at Wicked Grounds (http://www.wickedgrounds.com/) which is a kink friendly and themed coffee shop with good food and coffee. My girl usually ends up in the cage lol. Also if you're looking into stores look in Mr. S leather (http://www.mr-s-leather.com/) it's more catered to gay males but we've found that they have a great selection for people who don't swing that way, a bit pricey though. Kitty corner from Wicked Grounds is another shop called Leather Etc (http://www.leatheretc.com/) decent store decent prices. And finally if you're looking for any kind of events, hop on the calendar on the Society of Janus (soj.org)page. Hope this helps. Sorry if I rambled lol. Feel free to contact me if I can be anymore help.
 
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I used to head over to a couple of the fetish clubs in Manchester quite a bit with some friends of mine - always smart casual. I used to just go in my office gear with my hair down and a couple of extra buttons undone. In those clubs, you got a coloured band to put round the sub's arm if there was to be no touching or sharing but it was rarely necessary...the vast majority of those into the alt lifestyle are pretty respectful of each other.

The best thing you could do (if this advice is not already too late!), is maybe email the club for the lowdown if it's not on their website...the management will want you to have a fantastic time so you come back and bring friends *grins* Should be brilliantly helpful.
 
Thanks for the advice, everyone! We went to the Citadel and had a blast! It was a totally comfortable crowd, right from the start. There were quite a few scenes with great spanking and other kinks. We felt comfortable enough to get into it ourselves - not in a scene, but with some mild public play. Good times, and we will definitely be going back!
 
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