making him last longer

Having turns teasing each other helps prolong the sex act, plus oral sex is a lot of fun and makes it last longer.

Crap, I forgot something else.
I don't think I've seen anyone say anything about the amount of time he is lasting.
I found a study on the National Institute of Health that had researchers looking at the "appropriate" length of time for intercourse.
The end result was this which was copied directly from the findings on the .gov wesite

MAIN OUTCOME MEASURE:
Intravaginal ejaculatory latency, in minutes, for four different conditions: coitus that lasts an amount of time that is "adequate,""desirable,""too short," and "too long." Results. The interquartile range for the sex therapists' opinions regarding an "adequate" length for ejaculatory latency was from 3 to 7 minutes; "desirable" from 7 to 13 minutes; "too short" from 1 to 2 minutes; "too long" from 10 to 30 minutes

Now trying to put a personal preference into a scientific study is a bit whack to start with IMO. However, I also believe that every sex adventure isn't like a porn where the intercourse lasts for an hour. What you don't see are the fluff girls, the accidental ejaculations with wait time for the actor to get it up again, the fact that there are tons of people around, hot cameras, etc. that will potentially slow things up.
I just wanted to let OP know that it's not like there is something wrong with her husband because sex is 5 or 6 minutes long. Someone can orgasm in 60 seconds of intercourse if the foreplay is long enough.

Cumference said:

Try to go for "the second coming".

How long is his refractory period after an ejaculation?
Make him come (or be a bit dominant and tell him to masturbate for you) an appropriate time in advance before you go for penetrative sex.


It might take a bit more work on your part to get him erect..... But it will take a lot more work to make him come.
Be ready to accept, that he may not be able to come the second time. It is not your fault, but physiology, and remember that you are having fun and experimenting.

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i second this. many guys aren't even aware that they CAN do this.

after he cums, just keep going in some way--even if it means just having him pull out while you jerk him off with your hands.

a lot of the time a guy is super-sensitive for about 30 seconds to a minute, then is kind of able to "take" additional stimulation. his dick may start to go soft, but if you are vigorous and aggressive enough, you should be able to get his dick to stay hard. many of the guys i've done this with actually get a better erection the second time around--both harder AND longer lasting.

but one of the main things will be getting him over that hump after he cums of initially being super sensitive.

SashaGaga999 said:

but one of the main things will be getting him over that hump after he cums of initially being super sensitive.

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And getting him over the loss of interest. Try as we may, many men just lose interest once they've popped. The refractory period gives us a chance to reignite the interest to go again. Some guys don't experience a wane in interests or a need for the refractory period, though, IMHO, that is a pretty rare occasion/individual. Age does seem to have a bit to do with this as well, the younger a guy is, the less popping and refractory factor in, the older a guy is, well, sometimes we need a nap before you can ride us into the sunset.

I have to disagree with the "second coming" concept.

Why, is because it is rewarding a bad behavior. Better to break a bad habit, then reward it. When he gets older, he will less likely be able to have a second coming and will still be a minute man the first time.

Advice on Kegels is always good, for both men or women. Here is a trick most people don't or forget to mention. If the asshole winks, its the wrong muscle. Some flex of the anus is okay because the PC muscle runs from the pelvic bone to the coccyx bone (which means around the anal canal), but a strong flex of the anus suggests that the wrong muscle is being flexed.

Note, he might be already, naturally, familiar with his PC muscle. Since the prostate is located behind the PC muscle.

Which brings up a touchy subject. Make sure he vacates before sex. If his bowel or bladder is full, there may be overbearing pressure on his prostate. By being full or even partially full, his prostate may be getting "massaged" by the act of sex itself. Since the prostate is the male version of the G spot, man or woman alike, once their g-spot is massaged just so, orgasm is likely seconds away.

LWulf said:

I have to disagree with the "second coming" concept.

Why, is because it is rewarding a bad behavior. Better to break a bad habit, then reward it. When he gets older, he will less likely be able to have a second coming and will still be a minute man the first time.

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You are welcome to your opinion, but, pardon my bluntness, you're flat out wrong. The "second coming" is based in reality, an inexperienced and untrained man is going to pop with VERY LITTLE effort because his penis and brain isn't used to this type of stimulus, it is a sensory overload, of sorts. Edging and "second coming" work to train him to the new sensations, with practice, he can achieve longer duration. The caveat here is that he's got to be willing to increase his staying power for any sort of efforts to pay off. If all he wants to do is get it up, get it in, get it off, and go to bed, then there is absolutely nothing that can be done to increase his stamina. IF, however, he cares in the slightest for his partner, a man will work to achieve longer duration, which will not only benefit his partner, it will benefit himself. So, if you believe that a woman is nothing more than a cum receptacle, then you're right, there's nothing that can be done to sustain your stamina. IF you care about your partner, then most of the advice offered here is spot on in helping to achieve longer duration.

NippleMuncher said:

You are welcome to your opinion, but, pardon my bluntness, you're flat out wrong.

The "second coming" is based in reality, an inexperienced and untrained man is going to pop with VERY LITTLE effort because his penis and brain isn't used to this type of stimulus, it is a sensory overload, of sorts. Edging and "second coming" work to train him to the new sensations, with practice, he can achieve longer duration.

The caveat here is that he's got to be willing to increase his staying power for any sort of efforts to pay off. If all he wants to do is get it up, get it in, get it off, and go to bed, then there is absolutely nothing that can be done to increase his stamina.

IF, however, he cares in the slightest for his partner, a man will work to achieve longer duration, which will not only benefit his partner, it will benefit himself. So, if you believe that a woman is nothing more than a cum receptacle, then you're right, there's nothing that can be done to sustain your stamina. IF you care about your partner, then most of the advice offered here is spot on in helping to achieve longer duration.

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Ever notice people use "but" too much to the point of inconsequentiality?
e.g. "I'm sorry, but you're wrong."
People using "but" thus, are usually anything BUT sorry in that instance.

I won't bother with the banality and trite posturing of looking like I am being polite while saying I disagree in return. That's just me being non-politically correct.

Point of reference, while her husband may be acting "inexperienced," they have been married for 13 years, right? It's a bit late to say he is "inexperienced" don't you agree? "Untrained" yes, definitely, yet that is what I have been saying from the beginning. He needs to get a hold on controlling himself (unless he is simply experiencing hypersensitivity, which is what I mentioned in my first post).

I never said anything negative about "edging." I was merely pointing out, as you did, that the older you get, the less likely a second coming will be possible (without a nap or a lot of work). I feel (a useless caveat, no?), it's better to retrain his mind into getting it right the first time.

"Second comings" tend to be less orgasmic. The thrill, the anticipation, the buildup ...are already over. A second coming is like having a second desert. While it's nice, it isn't as "great" as the first desert. This trains the mind to thinking that it's okay to come quick, as long as you have a crutch to fall back on like a second coming. However, what happens when he gets older and second comings are less likely? oops! There goes the crutch! Now he has the harder task of learning to get it right without any youthful enthusiasm to support him.
Mission: failure inevitable.

However, I agree that it depends on his hunger to appease his partner over the hunger of pleasing himself, whether he will gain control of his orgasms.

Madeline92 said:

I'm 32 he is 34
We've been married 9 years
We've been having sex for about 13 years
---its always been this way.
Sex happens about once a month but lately more
We are each others firsts

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I think your problem is right there

Make a plan to fuck daily, at least once a day

It will improve with practice

LWulf said:

This trains the mind to thinking that it's okay to come quick, as long as you have a crutch to fall back on like a second coming. However, what happens when he gets older and second comings are less likely? oops! There goes the crutch! Now he has the harder task of learning to get it right without any youthful enthusiasm to support him.
Mission: failure inevitable.

However, I agree that it depends on his hunger to appease his partner over the hunger of pleasing himself, whether he will gain control of his orgasms.

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It occurs to me, we are both wrong . . . he HAS been trained, he's been trained to have a short fuse and that it's ok that he's got a short fuse. His wife has been telling him for 13 years that it's ok, and he obviously doesn't care to correct it, if he did, this wouldn't still be a problem 13 years later.

So now the questions are, why has it been allowed for 13 years, and why are they only having sex 1 a month. More importantly, why weren't these two things rectified early on?

NippleMuncher said:

It occurs to me, we are both wrong . . . he HAS been trained, he's been trained to have a short fuse and that it's ok that he's got a short fuse. His wife has been telling him for 13 years that it's ok, and he obviously doesn't care to correct it, if he did, this wouldn't still be a problem 13 years later.

So now the questions are, why has it been allowed for 13 years, and why are they only having sex 1 a month. More importantly, why weren't these two things rectified early on?

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...not for nothing, but I knew this since my first post, but was trying to avoid going into a tangent because I already have suppositions of "why" which discussing them are not going to be helpful to the OP.

LWulf said:

...not for nothing, but I knew this since my first post, but was trying to avoid going into a tangent because I already have suppositions of "why" which discussing them are not going to be helpful to the OP.

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But tangents are the spice of life!

Pardon my lack of caring to go back and check, has anyone seen the OP since her original post? Seems to me someone truly interested in finding a resolution, much less the opinion of the people being asked, would check back in on a thread they started. Oh well, not uncommon for hit and runs.

NippleMuncher said:

Pardon my lack of caring to go back and check, has anyone seen the OP since her original post? Seems to me someone truly interested in finding a resolution, much less the opinion of the people being asked, would check back in on a thread they started. Oh well, not uncommon for hit and runs.

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madeline92 posted initially to this thread on 05-01-2014, 12:22 AM

added a reply on this thread on 05-01-2014, 11:30 PM

and Last Activity: Yesterday 02:14 AM

dump him

hes just after his own!!!

Sorry for not responding much after my initial post. I have been checking in frequently to see what everyone has to say. We have tried many things, and I think it's getting better. We try to have sex more, (which helps), we try the edging technique, and we have tried the 'second coming' idea.

We're excited to try more and build on our relationship. If you have any other ideas, please feel free to share!

Maddie

Madeline92 said:

.....
We're excited to try more and build on our relationship.
.....

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Good to see that you are still around (and that neither disappointment nor "humped to oblivion" got you!).

An enthusiastic and experimental approach is the way to go (IMHO)!


..... if you have tried any of the above more than once, you have had what was previously half a year of sex in just a single month.

Madeline92 said:

Sorry for not responding much after my initial post. I have been checking in frequently to see what everyone has to say. We have tried many things, and I think it's getting better. We try to have sex more, (which helps), we try the edging technique, and we have tried the 'second coming' idea.

We're excited to try more and build on our relationship. If you have any other ideas, please feel free to share!

Maddie

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Thanks for the update, let's us know that we're not in here alone.

Madeline92 said:

If you have any other ideas, please feel free to share!

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Not sure if these points have been touched on.

Cock rings are fairly effective in delaying male orgasm. You have to experiment with size.

There are condoms, Durex Performax is one (Amazon), that have an anesthetic material on the inside which reduces male sensitivity. You have to give this a dry-run first because in some men it deflates the erection.

I've been told that wrapping your fingers around the base of his cock and squeezing will slow down male orgasm. Pressing without wigglng against the clit is supposed to have a similar effect.

I have a weaker version of the same problem and we try to spend more time bringing my GF closer to orgasm before I enter her. She also uses a vibrator on herself when I'm in her, either vaginally or anally. (Also nice because it tightens things up!) Talking dirty helps her some but unfortunately it also speeds me along.

I used to worry about this too

for me - I can last up to 20 minutes or no more than 2 minutes - it depends upon lots of factors including;

how long since last organsm / ejacualtion - if too long ago then Im a two minuter.

How long was foreplay and stimualtion before "PIV" ? Again if too long or much I cant last long ?

Who is in drivers seat ? Sometime she takes lead and rushes me to finish line with a big grin on her face ... I call it "a look what I can do" grin. By contrast if Im "on top" then I can more readily control the pace.

I dont let it worry me anmore - I enjoy everytime I make love and try not to get too hung up about anymore - Im more relaxed about who gets there first and by how - if this varies then I dont see there is any issue.

If the 2 minute problem is repeating, or if I feel Ive come too fast and she has not received enough of my attentions then

I try for second comming, I just keep on slowly stoking after orgasm - with lots of other body parts giving stimualtion - mounth, hands, talk etc - just keep on going ... penis comes back to life after 3 or four minutes - this time with plenty of stamina.

I also might consider masturbation during day prior too sex - again mkaes me want sex and also helps delay.

Squeezing right behind the head can help too!