How to get back into relating and dating...

Hi all-

I am a recently divorced older guy (over 50) and have not dated in more than 24 years. (other than my ex-wife of course.) Any tips on moving (gently) back into dating women? Not really interested in LTR, more companionship on several levels.

I have enjoyed reading Literotica as one avenue to put me in touch with myself again. I am a fairly open minded guy and enjoying my growth and freedom.

Any thoughts, especially from women are appreciated.

GoldenYearsGuy

Same boat here. Kind of wondering about this too.

Don't really go to bars. Don't figure potential mates will just 'show up' at the door. So have to make some kind of plan, but it has been decades and the world has changed.

Not even sure if I have 'game' left.

I would join some kind of dating club where you can be up front about not being currently interested in a LTR but I would not do it in a way where you come across as a player who just wants sex, unless that is really all you want. I would use the venue more as wanting female companionship but aren't ready to jump in with both feet yet. There have got to be women out there that feel the very same way.

PrymeNumeric said:

I am a recently divorced older guy (over 50)...

GoldenYearsGuy

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You are what you believe of yourself. In your case, old. Shake off that nonsense, that would be a good start.

Connect and communication will achieve far more satisfying results than ticking off criteria in a dating site. Even if you are not looking for a long term relationship (especially if you are not) look to expand your friend circle. Be polite, friendly, interested and engaged in your communications. I hear it is an approach that has worked for quite a while now.

Aim for friendships and let the rest follow naturally - just like you did in your twenties. Don't place high expectations on a situation, just let it flow. The person who may not have romantic interest in you may recommend you to another.

Start conversations, be respectful, smile and listen. Let conversations flow from what is offered to each other. Avoid prattling on about yourself, ask questions and be engaged and interested in the replies.

Look up and look around, just say hello with a smile to those who pass you by.

If you go down the dating website avenue, aim to meet in person as quickly as you can. Online messaging is devoid of a lot communication that factors in on understanding if there is a genuine connection. All that body language stuff of posture, a smile or frown you don't see, the leaning in to listen or the pulling away and obviously tone of voice.

Be honest about yourself and of your intentions to the person you are interested in.

Think about how people may view or judge you on first appearance. How do you stack up? What type of people interest you and how do you think you measure up in their eyes? A laid back hippie may well look for different criteria in you than the business executive.

Push yourself beyond your traditional comfort zone, you may be surprised who dwells there.

Don't be a pushy jerk unless you have had a very clear invitation that is a game willing to be played.

If it is not fun, don't do it. When there is no connection exit politely and with dignity. They will not speak of you highly if you are an arse.

All common sense really. If you look for short cuts you will short cut the experience.

The first thing you have to do is knock the dust off of your dick. I suggest a hooker from backpage.com. After that remember that broads of all ages like assholes, it's in their dna. So, 1. Get a hooker. 2. Find a broad and treat her like shit. 3. Be confident.

This might prove amusing...

I'm not real big on online hookups. They happen, sure, but...

IMHO the best way to meet people, including potential partners or fuckmates, is just... meet people. Physically be where people are, people who might share similar interests. Social clubs and activities, church groups if you're so inclined, political events, classes (taking or teaching), hobby or music or sports gatherings, volunteering, anything that puts you in a press of warm bodies. You might gravitate towards situations where people are not overdressed, hint hint. Make sure you're presentable.

If you decide to use a dating site, then take the time to actually respond to what women write in their profile. A fishing buddy of mine got divorced about a year and a half ago. He's in his mid 60s. I know that he's dating, so I occasionally ask him how the dating scene is treating him. He used two paid dating sites. His experience pretty much echos with what I've seen the ladies here on Lit say; There are plenty of women who want to date, and there are a lot of men responding to ads. Most of those responses are about as interesting as cardboard, from men who don't take the time to show any interest in a woman. My friend's take on things is that responding to what a gal writes, commenting on her hobbies and so on, moves his responses to the front of the inbox. He's dated a few attractive ladies before starting something steady with a gal who seems very compatible. It probably doesn't hurt that he has a real job ;-)

I am happily married, but (long story) I don't wear a wedding band. At 50 I am discovering that many gals at this point in their lives have no trouble letting me know that they're interested. I suppose with the divorce rate being what it is, it shouldn't be surprising that there are so many single gals my age. I'm not particularly good looking, except maybe to my wife and dog, but I am usually doing something that I'm passionate about. I think that women just want to see that you have interests of your own and aren't going to suck the life out of them.

Good luck

Another thing you might want to consider is taking a look at why your marriage failed and improve on yourself. It's possible that your failed marriage is 100% your wife's fault but in almost all cases both sides can share some fault. Be honest to yourself and see if there are any areas where you can improve so that the same thing doesn't happen all over again. If you had any undesirable traits that were part of the problem then a new person may pick up on this right away. Anyone with any brains isn't going to want to hear a guy say that it was all his ex's fault.

nastyaheyyo said:

It’s terrible – to feel yourself alone!

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That is called masturbation - apparently many are quite happy about it.

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