Claymore and Dagger (closed)

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Sam glared viciously at her, rising as the cold water sapped the warmth from his body. He wouldn't be able to catch her without catching pneumonia for it, so he didn't give her an answer. He simply picked up his shackles and put them back on his belt, smoothed his wet hair back out of his face, and trudged with some difficulty up the muddy bank. He limped a bit at first, having landed badly on one hip, but he'd get over it quickly.
 
"When you are ready to sit and talk to me like a sane person, then we can talk about what happened. Until then, I'm not going to turn myself in, Ghis. I don't fancy hanging for a crime that I didn't commit." Fiona told him, watching as he tried to remain as calm as possible as he limped out of the river.
 
"I don't make the judgements, I haul sorry hides like yours to my brother, then he decides what happens to you," he snarled back at her, even though his father's words about being more reasonable and kinder to Fiona, who was afraid for her life, so they could figure things out. But Sam was set on his prey, even if he'd failed this chase."
 
"Perhaps you should be the one to be judged by your brother for your miserable attitude." Fiona murmured as he snarled at her. "Maybe one day you'll find something that makes you happy."

With that, she turned and disappeared into the woods, leaving him to be miserable as he dripped on the banks of the river.
 
Sam made his way back to the keep, ignoring the concerned and questioning stares of his men. He sent a replacement to take his patrol route while he dried off and warmed up. It wasn't very late yet, so Julia was still in the main hall when Sam entered and tried to skirt around her to avoid questions. He knew he'd just get another stern talking-to.
 
Julia was in the middle of lessons for Heather and Ashelin when Sam entered, soaking wet and in a dark mood. She watched as he skirted around her, heading towards his room to get dry. She let him go, finishing the lesson and sending the girls on to their father to read. After the twins were on their way, Julia made her way to Sam's room, tapping on the door quietly before she entered and closed the door behind her.

"Love." Julia said softly as she watched him run a towel over his short, dark hair. "I'm worried about you, my moon."

She hadn't called him by his childhood name in such a long time. When she was concerned about them, she would often slip and call them by the nicknames they earned at birth.
 
Sam had always been the darker and moodier of Julia's twin boys, but since Rho had lost his arm, he only seemed to have grown steadily darker toward outsiders. He never let his hair grow out like most Scotsmen did. Most men cut their hair as a sign of grieving, and some men in constant grieving never let it grow out again, much like Sam. He could be happy with his family, but it had always seemed like his ability to experience joy was stunted, and he tried to keep up his appearance of absolute neutrality in judgement and loyalty to the laws of his father. He lived by the phrase he often told people when they asked him to have a heart; it wasn't his job to have his heart. It was his job to uphold the law and bring the lawless before judges as he refused to judge anyone himself.

When Julia entered, Sam tossed aside the towel and finished buttoning his shirt. "You don't need to be worried about me," he said almost emotionlessly. "I'm doing my job."
 
"Samuel." Julia said softly as he buttoned his shirt and tried to remain motionless. "I'm doing my job. Just as you always tell Heather, I am just being a mother."

She moved forward and took her son by the broad shoulders, turning him to look at her. His emerald eyes were the same as they had been when he was a baby. However, he looked so sad and that absolutely shattered her heart.

"I'll never know what you saw out there on the battlefield that day when Rho lost his arm. I'll never pretend to understand what you feel about that. However, I want to know what happened to my little boy. My happy, sunny Sam. My moon."
 
Sam stared at Julia for a long moment before he simply couldn't hold her gaze anymore, and he finally answered quietly, the question she'd been asking him since he was twelve and still following Rho like a shadow to protect and help him while he healed.

"He died with the man he killed," Sam murmured, looking down at the floor in shame. To Sam, it was murder, even if it was a battle and even if it was in the attempt to protect his parents from war and the horrible stress it brought that eventually resulted in Brogan's heart attack and played into Julia's near-death giving birth to her little girls. Sam had killed men since then, but as an executioner of murderers and horrible men who had forfeited their lives by committing unspeakable acts. That didn't bother him. But it had always bothered him, that first blood on his hands, the blood of a beloved man whose own mother Sam had to face every week when he visited the Erygonian village as Suara Corel was still its leader. And Sam remembered that death every time he even glanced at Rho or his little sisters, because that kill had been to defend Rho, and to make sure his little sisters would come into a safe world.
 
"Oh, love." Julia said softly as he looked down at the ground in defeat and told her what she had wanted to know all along. "You were a little boy who was protecting his wounded brother. The man that you killed was a bad man. Never feel guilty over that."
 
"He wasn't bad, he was... those people loved 'im. He was Suara's son. He had a whole family... and because I killed him, his brother went mad and killed his own father and Lyr, an' we nearly lost Kate an' Kell, and even you an' Da. I killed a person's child, Ma, a person's brother, an' so many people's beloved Shaman. I'm trying to pay for tha' crime. But no one calls it murder when y'kill t'the sound of war trumpets. They called me a hero instead. So it's up to me t'serve out a proper punishment for it, an' this is how I'm doing it. How else can I better prove I'm repentant than by upholding the laws I broke?" He held no other person responsible for killing in war, only himself because of the way he'd felt about it.
 
"Samuel, war is a horrible thing. The things that you had to do to survive do not make you a bad person. Love, if I had known that this was how you felt, I would have told you that a long time ago. There is nothing to repent for. There is nothing to feel upset or angry over. Suara respects you. Rho is happy and healthy. All of us are happy and healthy." Julia tried to convince her son that what he had done wasn't the end of the world, but she knew that Sam was as stubborn as they came.
 
"I wish it was just tha' easy t'let these feelings go, Ma, but I can't shut it off jus' because people call it necessary defense. I took th' life o' someone people loved, Ma. No laws 'r reassuring change tha'. It's nothin' like the murderers I've executed." He finally let his head rest on her shoulder with a pained sigh.
 
Julia hugged her son tightly as he rested his head on her shoulder, his safe place since he was a young child. She kissed his cheek and showed him the love that she had always had for him, no matter what he had done wrong.

"I love you, Samuel." Julia whispered softly. "Never forget that, love. Never forget that you have people that love and care about you."
 
"I love you too, Ma," he muttered, his arms wrapping around her turn. When he finally stepped back, he looked far too tired for his own good. "I think I'll 'ave someone else take up my watch tonight... I don't think I'll be any use."
 
"You could spend the evening with your Da and sisters and I. Or perhaps you would just come keep me company in my sun room." She murmured, touching his cheek as she gave him a soft smile. "It's a lot better than sulking in your room, wishing that you could sleep when it never comes."
 
"I suppose I wouldn't mind the parlor," he murmured. He really didn't want to be around anyone except perhaps his mother at the moment.
 
"I think that's an excellent choice." Julia said with a smile as she took her son's arm and they made their way to her parlor.

She ordered a meal for the two of them and she sat and talked to him about nothing and everything while she knitted. She planned on making him a new scarf for the winter, one that would keep him warm while he was out with his guards on patrol.
 
It had been a long time since they'd had any time alone together, Julia having been at Brogan's side or running things in his place over winter with Rho often at her side discussing plans and ongoing projects.

During dinner, Sam looked across at his mother. "So when're we goin' t'meet Rho's mysterious love? I understand she's a werefox."
 
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"I've already met her." Julia said with a smile as Sam asked about Rho's secret love. "So has your Da. She's lovely. I think she compliments Rho very nicely."

Julia took a bite from her plate and glanced towards Sam for a moment. "And what about you, love? Is there anyone in your life that you've been keeping secret from us?"
 
"Ma, you know I don' 'ave time an' I'm no' interested anyway," Sam reminded her. He'd been that way since age fifteen after getting over a small crush he'd had on King Gallus' daughter in Glasgow. "I don' need t'be distracted by all that anyway."
 
"Samuel, love is one of the greatest things in the world. Men have died for it. Poetry has been written about it." Julia said as Sam insisted that he didn't need someone in his life. "Your Da was saved by love many times. It keeps a person honest and open."
 
"I've got plenty from you an' the rest of th'family. I don' need t'distract myself wooin' some girl. I 'ave work t'do an' people to protect." He met her gaze and offered her a small smile. "I work better on my own anyway, Ma."
 
"You think that now, but one day someone will cross your path and it will be like you have been struck by lightening. You will wonder how you ever did anything without them." Julia said as Sam gave her a small smile. "They will always be on your mind. Your Da is never far from my thoughts. I wonder what he is doing and if he is happy. I fear the day that he is no longer with me."
 
"Tha's no' somethin' I want t'face, Ma," Sam murmured. "I can' stand t'love any more people I'm goin' t'lose in th'end. It's hard enough with you an' Da an' all my brothers an' sisters."
 
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