How to deal with stress/worrying...what works for you?

Recently realized that I worry too much...about everything, a lot. From little things that dont really matter much to big, possibly life changing decisions. Planning and packing for vacation, or 'overpacking' because what if something happens and you need this or that? Spend extra money on new furniture you really want, but what if your car breaks down next week? A better job offer comes along, but what if you take it and don't like it as much as your old one? End a relationship that's 'just fine' but not 'perfect' and possibly not find another one that even comes close? The million 'what ifs' that could happen as a result of any choice you make...

I do a lot of favors or things to help out other people, even when it makes it hard on me. It's hard for me to say no because I'll worry about them not being able to find someone else to help. And on the rare occasion I decide to be selfish and spend the day doing things for myself, I start to feel guilty and worry about all the other things that could have gotten done instead.

One at a time these things aren't really that difficult, but when several of them pile up at once it can be pretty stressful. I overthink, over analyze, and over plan in order to be comfortable with making a decision. Never viewed it as a 'problem' before (although I think I require a lot more 'alone time' than most people), but I would love to be able to worry less. But then, what if I stopped worrying about things and everything fell apart due to my lack of concern?

To help myself manage I usually make lists. Organization helps. I have lists for everything. To do lists. A list of priorities. Wish lists. Pros and cons lists. Lists of what kind of lists I need. Lol. I make sure to include things that can easily be checked off so I can see some progress to avoid feeling overwhelmed. I sometimes force myself to take a break from responsibilities so I don't get burned out. Other times I relieve stress by writing, exercising, or spur of the moment recklessness (not really).

If anyone has similar issues I'd love to hear what helps you cope. Or if you are a carefree, happy-go-lucky person please share your secret!

A lot of what you've mentioned sounds a lot like 'High Functioning Anxiety'. The over thinking and constant worrying. Making lists weighing up the pros and cons. I wonder if you have trouble sleeping and switching off at night too?

Sadly I'm about the worst person for chilling out and going with the flow, I mean in real life I come across as calm and relaxed but my mind is going in a thousand different directions. There are a few things that work for me. A drop of whisky seems to help. Exercise when I can. But I've been learning to play the guitar. That really helps me. Failing that? Well logging on to lit and posting messages?

doog_kuron1 said:

A lot of what you've mentioned sounds a lot like 'High Functioning Anxiety'. The over thinking and constant worrying. Making lists weighing up the pros and cons. I wonder if you have trouble sleeping and switching off at night too?

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Oh, wow. As ridiculous as this might sound - I've never even thought about diagnosing these 'symptoms'. But now that you've brought it up, I looked up high functioning anxiety and I DO have a lot of those characteristics. Huh...something else for me to worry about now! (Just joking)

I think most people face some form of anxiety on a semi regular basis...probably. I'm not really worried about having anxiety, just maybe better ways to deal with it. I think creative outlets like playing a musical instrument, writing, painting, or building things helps a lot.

I do have trouble sleeping sometimes...often wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep because of the millions of things running through my mind. Meditation, a relaxing cup of hot tea, or multiple orgasms sometimes help with that. If not, I usually end up on here or binge watching my current favorite show.

Thanks for your help! I appreciate you leaving a comment. And a diagnosis.

tryn2Bgood said:

To help myself manage I usually make lists. Organization helps. I have lists for everything. To do lists. A list of priorities. Wish lists. Pros and cons lists. Lists of what kind of lists I need. Lol. I make sure to include things that can easily be checked off so I can see some progress to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

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Do you have a "when I feel stressed" checklist?

Basic stuff: have I eaten recently? Have I been drinking water? Can I talk to a friend about this? A lot of that stuff is obvious when you're not feeling stressed, but harder to remember when you need it most.

Also: https://twitter.com/tinycarebot

While I'm not the "happy go lucky" type, I've learned to use humor (it's a natural outlet for me and most of it is poking fun at myself and the situation that's causing the stress and anxiety) and as others have mentioned, hobbies (musical instruments, gardening, etc).

I've also been blessed with a few very close friends I can talk with as well. Two of them I've found through Lit's chat side. Up until recently, I'd never realized how therapeutic it is to have friends to talk with when the anxiety gets intense.

Getting outside for walks in nature is never a bad thing.

A few things

Music
Walking
Sex
Visualization techniques
Sex
Thinking about sex
PMs on literotica

A lot of people have a hard time saying no and they end up piled up with things to do for other people to go along with their own responsibilities.

Conan - What Is Best In Life

LOL - just kidding, but it is a great quote.

Personally, I remind myself that life is in a constant state of change, nothing it permanent. I usually do this while meditating zazen (sitting and staring at the wall or contemplating my face in a mirror).

It works for me, but I have been at it for a long time. I think the only true liberation from stress is understanding, for yourself, the meaning of it all - and when the small things start to get to you, remembering that in the scope of the larger meaning of life as you perceive it.

When work or life get really stressful, I breathe, I focus on being present, and I do one small thing a time, with focus. Then the next and the next and the next.

Bramblethorn said:

Do you have a "when I feel stressed" checklist?

Basic stuff: have I eaten recently? Have I been drinking water? Can I talk to a friend about this? A lot of that stuff is obvious when you're not feeling stressed, but harder to remember when you need it most.

Also: https://twitter.com/tinycarebot

Click to expand...

Oddly enough, I do not have a "when I feel stressed" list. That's a good idea though. Definitely going to make one. Thanks!

Thanks for all the tips. Life can definitely be overwhelming at times. I went on a short vacation and took a little break to help clear my mind. Probably one of the most important things is being able to realize when you really do have too much on your plate. It is difficult when you have a hard time saying no and things just start to pile up on you. I had to take a good look at my "to do" list and evaluate which things really matter to me. Then eliminate a few projects with the least importance. (Maybe one day I'll come back to them, but they're off my list for now.)

I also started writing in my journal again. Just venting about your frustrations or worries on paper can help you understand how you're feeling about something. It also forces me to take a break from a busy schedule and take care of myself for a bit.

A lot of other good suggestions were made that I might try out as well. Thanks again to everyone!

I go fishing, preferably in a place with very few other people doing it.

A good therapist can help and it needn't be an ongoing thing. Maybe you just need a fresh perspective, an objective take on your methods of dealing with stress? We all suffer stress but I think we can end up chasing ourselves into an ever-tightening circle. Making lists sounds organised, but actually I started to feel a bit tense reading that!! tbh the lists sound a bit compulsive.
Not saying you're OCD, but a friend of mine was and her therapist got her to adopt a risk-taking strategy: like saying 'If you close your bedroom door at night, what's the worst thing that could happen?' ( she couldn't sleep without being able to see her kinds bedroom doors... ) Once she started to look at things that way, it completely changed her outlook.

I find that writing helps - which is how I wound up on this site.

I try to do a couple of hours of writing or reviewing and editing in the evening. When I'm finished I am usually in a much better mood.

During the day, if I have some time (like say riding a bus or train), I may plan out something new or think over work that I have already done.

i used to be like that. having a heart attack and almost dying helped tho i don't recommend it. i think you need a life change. at my very worst, i quit my job and went back to school, something i'd always wanted to do but was afraid to. i wound up practically broke and living in a squat and it was one of the best times of my life. my health improved, my mental outlook improved...it was amazing. i recently, in the last year, had a bad recurrence of anxiety/stress and my dr. put me on prozac. it isn't a miracle cure but i feel better and if i wash it down with a glass of wine, i sleep like the dead. unfortunately, i don't have the option for a life change...you can't run away from old age.

You have to keep yourself in the here and now. Focus on today. The past is behind you and you can't change it. Tomorrow is yet to come.

Also, look into Law of Attraction. If you use those techniques, you can manifest whatever it is that you need.

Lists

I used to go off lists but then I'd get stressed and anxious when I didn't get everything checked off.

I do something similar with listing things to do but I always have three groups

HAVE TO: (It gets done today and first)

BE GREAT IF: (It can be done today if possible. These often get upgraded to "have to" the next day if I don't check them off

BONUS: (If I have time, I get these ones)

I find that's easier than massive lists. I can think of literally 30 things I need to do and I prioritize the night before and plan out how the first two have-tos are taken care of.

That helps me sleep tremendously.

A new thought pattern

When I’m worried, I become sick and have a host of other physical symptoms. It’s important I avoid this.

I know I’m worried when I find myself playing out scenarios in my head. I think I know what will happen. However, I came to realize there are some things we will never know. Then there are others we do know. If you focus on what you do know instead of what’s uncertain, you will have less to worry about.

You can know or find out if you are healthy or not. You can know if you have money or not. You can know if there is currently good weather or not.

Other things you have to repeatedly tell yourself you don’t know.

If cancer runs in your family. You don’t know if you will get cancer. If a pet is lost, you don’t know if you will ever find it. If you are unemployed, you don’t know you’ll never find a job. Instead, you can know if you currently have cancer or not. You can know what steps to take if you lost a pet. You can also know what to do if you are unemployed.

The rest you don’t know and thinking about what you don’t know won’t solve anything.

I take Paxil so I don't worry or care about anything anymore.

Talking to Someone, Solving Problems

I find that when there's a problem that is not dealt with, other problems will start to pile up and then you forget the root cause of the problem.

Finding out the major things in your life that are causing problems, talking about it and then making a plan to solve them or what to do about it are important steps for me.

Vacations
Exercise
meditation

Those are also helpful.

I have many overwhelming personal problems that I can't deal with but can avoid if I distract myself with trivialities like Literotica discussions and a few animal sacrifices.