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Fullmaledom

Virgin
Joined
May 29, 2017
Posts
6
I'm in a pickle I'm engaged to be married in two months to my gf of 10 years and have been with my sub for about 14 months. My sub has known I'm engaged for the majority of the relationship... since my wedding is getting closer I was thinking of not getting married and just being with my sub but I don't think I'll be able to do that as too much money has already been committed and my fiancé is going to move from about 6 hrs away and she already has a job and she's selling her place. My sub has 4 kids who are great and we've become a family this last year... I've been helping my sub a lot financially and getting her life straightened out and she's almost on the right track she's writing her last exam and she will be a full nurse!!!! But with the pressure of her exam and her other financial stresses are adding to her being stressed about the wedding and she's indirectly asking me to break it off or effectively asking me to choose. How do I get out of this choice? I love both of them dearly and although I'm doubting I'll be married forever which is when I want my sub to stay waiting for me till should I just tell my sub to move on and leave me? I know people will say I'm a bad person for getting involved on the side but I'm marrying a vanilla girl and honestly I would tell my sub to move on but she has terrible choices in men and our boys need a good father figure and I know she won't find one based off her history. Thanks for reading I'm excited to read responses as this is my first time on the site!!
 
Does the fiancee know you're in another relationship and have been for some time?

Honestly, given that you don't see the marriage lasting, she is vanilla and you're not, and it involves massive social and financial upheaval for the fiancee, I think it's a potentially horrendous step to take.
 
I'm also a pessimist about marriage which is why I say I don't see it lasting forever and we have good and bad days. Honestly I probably wouldn't have gotten engaged if I had my sub before I got engaged she's changed my entire life and I'm very in love with her. But my fiancé is the better choice on paper no kids good job financially stable and we do love each other very much we've been together for so long and she's helped me a lot if it came down to it I'd probably choose my fiancé but I want to keep my sub too.
 
I hope both women move on. No more cake for you.
"Dom"
*smh*
 
You need to man up and stop playing with people's lives. You've got someone willing to relocate all that way and basically your only reason to get married is because of the money you've already spent on it.

Mirror. Long hard look.
 
I'm not messing with anyone's life intentionally I just truly don't know what to do the financial side of things is a very small part I'm getting married because I love my fiancé I made a mistake we've been living a part for 2 years and I messed up and cheated and ended up stumbling upon sub/Dom and it changed my life. I'm sorry I'm not the norm on getting married my past has shaped me to have a twisted view of marriage. I'm not playing with anyone's life intentionally I'm living a double life right now and I feel very guilty about hurting anyone. Either way I'm an honest guy and if things didn't work out with my fiancé I'd help restore her life in anyway I could financially if she wanted it which She may not. I get that a lot of ppl wouldn't understand this situation but that's why I came here because I thought there might be a Dom in here with a similar circumstance I understand 99% of ppl think I'm a scum bag and that's true to some extent and I would leave my sub but I know my sub needs me to take care of her still she's not ready to be on her own or our boys and or her will be hurt again she's had a hard life and I hate to be someone else that disappoints her.
 
Fullmaledom said:
I'm not messing with anyone's life intentionally I just truly don't know what to do the financial side of things is a very small part I'm getting married because I love my fiancé I made a mistake we've been living a part for 2 years and I messed up and cheated and ended up stumbling upon sub/Dom and it changed my life. I'm sorry I'm not the norm on getting married my past has shaped me to have a twisted view of marriage. I'm not playing with anyone's life intentionally I'm living a double life right now and I feel very guilty about hurting anyone. Either way I'm an honest guy and if things didn't work out with my fiancé I'd help restore her life in anyway I could financially if she wanted it which She may not. I get that a lot of ppl wouldn't understand this situation but that's why I came here because I thought there might be a Dom in here with a similar circumstance I understand 99% of ppl think I'm a scum bag and that's true to some extent and I would leave my sub but I know my sub needs me to take care of her still she's not ready to be on her own or our boys and or her will be hurt again she's had a hard life and I hate to be someone else that disappoints her.
Click to expand...

Whether it is intentional or not, you are absolutely messing with their lives.

You love your sub, yet you let her feel unimportant because you can't put her first and you won't end your current relationship for this one. I'm sure you tell her you want to end your relationship, but you don't want to or you would. Ending it means publicly being that guy who cheated and then broke up with his fiancé.

You don't love your fiancé or you would not be letting her change her whole fucking life when you want to be with someone else and you don't even think the marriage will last anyway.

You dug yourself into this hole, and you are the only one who can climb out. How many people you pull down into that hole with you is up to you.
 
Another thing, you said people won't understand your situation. Everyone understands your situation. You've been selfish and greedy at the expense of two women you claim to love.
 
Ya I think the responses so far are right I think I'll end things with my sub and call off the wedding and let the chips fall where they may. I am being selfish and greedy and I need to worry about the people I'm with more and focus on one rather then trying to juggle two I'm sick of lying thanks for all your responses I truly appreciate them.
 
Edit: cross posted. OP, hopefully you stick to what you've said in your last post.

Fullmaledom said:
I'm in a pickle I'm engaged to be married in two months to my gf of 10 years and have been with my sub for about 14 months. My sub has known I'm engaged for the majority of the relationship... since my wedding is getting closer I was thinking of not getting married and just being with my sub but I don't think I'll be able to do that as too much money has already been committed and my fiancé is going to move from about 6 hrs away and she already has a job and she's selling her place.
Click to expand...

Consider the money you've spent a penalty and call it off so she can beg for her job back and stop selling her place.

My sub has 4 kids who are great and we've become a family this last year... I've been helping my sub a lot financially and getting her life straightened out and she's almost on the right track she's writing her last exam and she will be a full nurse!!!! But with the pressure of her exam and her other financial stresses are adding to her being stressed about the wedding and she's indirectly asking me to break it off or effectively asking me to choose.
Click to expand...

How you didn't see this coming is absolutely amazing.

How do I get out of this choice?
Click to expand...

You don't.

I love both of them dearly and although I'm doubting I'll be married forever which is when I want my sub to stay waiting for me till should I just tell my sub to move on and leave me?
Click to expand...

You are getting married to someone and you don't think the marriage will last and you want the other to wait for you to get a divorce? What the fuck? You can't even make a decent decision at this point and you think one should leave her life for you and the other should wait until you're done with that one? Dude. Seriously?

I know people will say I'm a bad person for getting involved on the side but I'm marrying a vanilla girl and honestly I would tell my sub to move on but she has terrible choices in men and our boys need a good father figure and I know she won't find one based off her history. Thanks for reading I'm excited to read responses as this is my first time on the site!!
Click to expand...

Her terrible choice in men as in you. She's doing a bang up job waiting around for you to toss aside your soon-to-be-wife. Do her a favor and help her leave a bad choice one last time.
 
Once upon a time, I was engaged to a man I was willing to change my whole life for. We were separated for about a year prior to the wedding because his job relocated him half a world away. I stayed behind, getting everything in order...securing a new job, selling my house, planning and spending for a big wedding. The day before the wedding, when he was slated to arrive, he didn't show up. Didn't hear from him until three months later. He had been having a long affair with another woman he had met while we were apart. At the time, I was hurt, devastated, angry. Later, I have never been more thankful for the ending of a relationship. What he did, what he put me through...the selfish choices he made were horrible, but at least he walked away before I completely ruined my life by making the mistake of marrying him when it obviously wasn't the right thing to do.

I got a new job...a better one. Sold all the unused wedding items. Eventually bought a new house. And went on to have a happy life.

He married the other woman about six months later. Called me several times with regrets that I didn't care to hear. Their marriage turned into an open marriage where they brought a third person into the relationship. His wife eventually left him for her lesbian lover, taking their children with her and moving thousands of miles away.

I won't even attempt to tell you what to do. But if I was your fiancé, I know what I would prefer.
 
Cancel the marriage.
Tell your fiancee about your fuck-up and face the circumstances.

Just please, PLEASE don't ruin her life by getting married and then cheating on her, then getting divorced (worst case scenario - with kids).

And seriously? I hate dickless jerks like you.
 
As the others have said, tbh. Both women deserve to be treated better. This isn't a BDSM issue, it's a not behaving like a douche issue.
 
ToPleaseHim said:
Another thing, you said people won't understand your situation. Everyone understands your situation. You've been selfish and greedy at the expense of two women you claim to love.
Click to expand...

Where is that LIKE button?

Dude, over eight years into a relationship you decide to start cheating and play it off as a D/s relationship? Seriously?

EDIT: To quote a writer I respect, no one can be a Dom unless they can first control themselves. You, sir, clearly can't control yourself.
 
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Honestly I don't even know where to begin. I could just C&P the other responses as my own, but I don't think they go far enough.

Go away loser. This isn't a place for you to come and brag about how dominant you are because you've fucked up the lives of 2 people who trusted you.
 
EDIT: To quote a writer I respect, no one can be a Dom unless they can first control themselves. You, sir, clearly can't control yourself.
Click to expand...
Wow, that's a bad-ass quote. I'll have to remember it:cattail:
 
Fullmaledom said:
I'm in a pickle I'm engaged to be married in two months to my gf of 10 years and have been with my sub for about 14 months. My sub has known I'm engaged for the majority of the relationship... since my wedding is getting closer I was thinking of not getting married and just being with my sub but I don't think I'll be able to do that as too much money has already been committed and my fiancé is going to move from about 6 hrs away and she already has a job and she's selling her place. My sub has 4 kids who are great and we've become a family this last year... I've been helping my sub a lot financially and getting her life straightened out and she's almost on the right track she's writing her last exam and she will be a full nurse!!!! But with the pressure of her exam and her other financial stresses are adding to her being stressed about the wedding and she's indirectly asking me to break it off or effectively asking me to choose. How do I get out of this choice? I love both of them dearly and although I'm doubting I'll be married forever which is when I want my sub to stay waiting for me till should I just tell my sub to move on and leave me? I know people will say I'm a bad person for getting involved on the side but I'm marrying a vanilla girl and honestly I would tell my sub to move on but she has terrible choices in men and our boys need a good father figure and I know she won't find one based off her history. Thanks for reading I'm excited to read responses as this is my first time on the site!!
Click to expand...

It will be amusing to compare and contrast his reception here and on the GB.

Your problems have nothing to do with your "domliness."

you simply like kinky sex and you feel like you're getting better kinky sex from the side piece. That's generally the case because the side piece is naughty simply by default.

At the time you began rooting around for a side piece was the time to end it with your long-term fiance.

Yes, the sidepiece has terrible taste in men, but so does your fianceé.

You should probably take some time to ponder as to why it is you attract women with terrible taste in men.

In addition to her terrible taste in men, the sidepiece is doing her children no great service getting them emmeshed with you. Even if you were a decent human being you had no plans to be in a long-term relationship with a side piece, yet she's involving you in her children's.

I'll leave aside all of Twue DOM and twue sub discussions other than to say that your side piece is weak-willed ,not necessarily submissive. In my experience women that like to play a submissive role in the bedroom tend to be strong women in their actual, real life.
 
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Delicious. A brand new virgin posting his melodrama on a forum for smut lit... First guess: we've just been punked. Second guess: "Fullmaledom" is really a masochist with a strong humiliation kink. Either way: delicious.
 
Fullmaledom said:
I'm not messing with anyone's life intentionally I just truly don't know what to do the financial side of things is a very small part I'm getting married because I love my fiancé I made a mistake we've been living a part for 2 years and I messed up and cheated and ended up stumbling upon sub/Dom and it changed my life. I'm sorry I'm not the norm on getting married my past has shaped me to have a twisted view of marriage. I'm not playing with anyone's life intentionally I'm living a double life right now and I feel very guilty about hurting anyone. Either way I'm an honest guy and if things didn't work out with my fiancé I'd help restore her life in anyway I could financially if she wanted it which She may not. I get that a lot of ppl wouldn't understand this situation but that's why I came here because I thought there might be a Dom in here with a similar circumstance I understand 99% of ppl think I'm a scum bag and that's true to some extent and I would leave my sub but I know my sub needs me to take care of her still she's not ready to be on her own or our boys and or her will be hurt again she's had a hard life and I hate to be someone else that disappoints her.
Click to expand...

There are no dominant men anywhere with your particular set of pratfalls. There are some sociopaths that can and do juggle multiple relationships with the full knowledge of those involved, others cheat and lie. That isn't really the issue the issue is you know that you personally don't have the stones to brazen this out, so you put off doing anything about the easilly forseeable train wreck because it's easier than making hard choices and doing what has to be done. Not just now, but day by day.

As others have pointed out it takes mastery of self. No one is perfect at that but you're not even striving in that direction.
 
DrDelirium said:
Delicious. A brand new virgin posting his melodrama on a forum for smut lit... First guess: we've just been punked. Second guess: "Fullmaledom" is really a masochist with a strong humiliation kink. Either way: delicious.
Click to expand...

Neither of those in most cases are bad guesses.

I think you can rule out choice number two by him wisely moving from the general board to a more friendly venue. The general board would be much better if he was into self-flagellation.


Personality-wise matches his story. I suspect this an authentic byproduct of somebody in a trailer park reading 50 Shades of Grey and deciding that she liked kinky
 
Conager said:
Neither of those in most cases are bad guesses.

I think you can rule out choice number two by him wisely moving from the general board to a more friendly venue. The general board would be much better if he was into self-flagellation.


Personality-wise matches his story. I suspect this an authentic byproduct of somebody in a trailer park reading 50 Shades of Grey and deciding that she liked kinky
Click to expand...

Two boards at once. Interactive prose, sociology study... the possibilities are endless. I haven't notice this being a more friendly venue, btw.
 
DrDelirium said:
Two boards at once. Interactive prose, sociology study... the possibilities are endless. I haven't notice this being a more friendly venue, btw.
Click to expand...

It is certainly more friendly to the concept of BDSM. Very few here at Lit are openly friendly or supportive to cheating.
 
ToPleaseHim said:
It is certainly more friendly to the concept of BDSM. Very few here at Lit are openly friendly or supportive to cheating.
Click to expand...

For me, it's not about him dallying with someone on the side (but I'm no true proponent of total monogamy, so there's that). No, my response to the OP is his blatant disregard for the thoughts, feelings, and lives of the other 6 people (2 women, 4 children) that he's deliberately choosing to devastate. Narcissistic manipulation. That's what I object to.

I also object to stupid people. Which apparently figures in here. :rolleyes:

Whether this is an authentic post by a real prick or just a made-up scenario to stir the pot, the idea put forth here is repulsive. And plain pathetic.
 
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