Get a guy at a bar

BuckyDuckman said:

This sort of body language is powerful. Catching his eye (or letting him catch you noticing him) is an important first step. Guys, especially nice guys, can be a bit shy, too! It takes us a moment to build up the courage to approach a woman, even if she's sending us all the right signals.

That glance and smile goes a long way towards letting him know, "I won't bite." You don't need to stare. The tiny smile and the awkward little glance away is cute and effective. Especially if you happen to glance back to see if he's still looking.

Try to keep an open seat next to you. If he circles close, he's interested, but he's unsure what to say. If you can manage to smile and say nothing more than, "Hi," it's a huge relief to him. What do you say next? "How are you?" works just fine. So does, "Nice night." Or nearly any general, moronic question that pops to mind like, "Is it a full moon tonight?" Or, "Sure is dark tonight, isn't it?" Or, "Is that what you always drink?" Just whatever, anything.

Looking approachable is important and it doesn't require dressing up or down, slutty or conservative. And it might take more than one glance to convince him that you're really interested. That first glance and smile says little more than, "Hi there fellow human." It's the second or third one says, "Hi there, fellow human, I seem to like you."

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Thank you for elaborating. This is exactly what I meant. Be approachable! It's a must. Then, reality sets in, it works, he comes over, buys you a drink, talks for a few minutes and you realize you made a terrible pick. Hahah.. Not always, but it is just a risk you take. You may have to throw him back and start over.

bubblybit said:

A few times in the past couple of months I have gone to bars attempting to pick up a guy, but I haven’t had a ton of success. I’m not about to be a porn star but I’m hardly ugly; I think the problem is more that I don’t really know how to approach guys (or, ideally, get guys to approach me).

What is the best way get a guy’s attention in this scenario? Show a ton of cleavage and seductively chew a cherry? Am I supposed to pick out the “target” and just hope he doesn’t blow me off? Just make eye contact and smile until someone comes over to me? Or are there more subtle things that I can do to get noticed or turn the odds more in my favor?

I will freely admit that I am an introvert and a little bit shy, so I could use some advice in this regard.

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OK Let's start with the basics. I'm a guy and I'm older and I'm alone in the hotel bar. You walk in and check out the scene. There might be several prospects and it's up to you to pick one to start with. That said, if I am the lucky guy and you go to the bartender and ask him or her what I am drinking and then buy me another, the bar tender will bring me the refill and say that it is from "the woman in the corner". I would naturally look for you and acknowledge your generosity and if I like what I see I would smile and maybe give you the come hither sign. If that doesn't work, I would get up and come over to you to thank you. Depending on the warmth of your reception, I would see if the two of us can find a table and get to know each other while we have our drinks. Should we decide that a bit of "adult activity" is warranted because we were whispering closely, maybe a bit of hand contact or maybe even a kiss or two, I would say that you have a catch and it's time to go to either one's room. There might be some logistics but if you take me to your room and you wish to move forward with the "adult activities" It would be only the right thing for you to excuse yourself to the bathroom only to return in your robe, maybe even adorned with something flimsy and flattering. It would be obvious by then what your intentions were and to get things going you start to help me get more comfortable. The rest falls into place.

One thing for sure, a woman who goes into a hotel bar or a club or even a store like Target, knows she plans to "get lucky" whereas a guy just hopes to "get lucky"!

JaneRamsey said:

I tend to agree. If your going to a bar, you're definitely going to find some random dude I'm sure will bang you, but if you're already shy and nervous wouldn't you rather find a more long term partner, then you can have sex regularly without having to go scout someone out all the time. Plus the lack of STDs etc. Goes way down.

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Solid thinking, but occasionally women do just want a quick fling, and a bar is a great place to find it. You can find a guy who looks good and rings your bell without any real substance behind him. I've been that guy and I get it.

As far as STDs go, it goes without saying protection should always be used for these kinds of encounters.

EllaClaire said:

Pick one out, make eye contact, look down while giving half smile, as if you both just shared a private joke. His wheels start spinning, he is curious what you were thinking. Works almost every time.

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I think this is good advice. Also, dress nicely, but not trashy (too much skin) and don't overdo make-up. Natural and approachable. Smiles are good. Chatting up the bartender in a friendly way. And, don't drink too much.