Frequency of play?

I have a libido that is too high for my own good . My partner does not. We have talked about this and while we do have 'fun' far more frequently than we used to I'm still feeling like I could do with more (I'd really like to do something everyday, for at least an half hour). Now as I know that my libido is high, I'm wondering if my desires are reasonable. Especially as these cravings are for play of the kinky variety and I'm far kinkier than my partner. He is doing an awesome job of topping for me and I'm very grateful for his openmindedness so I don't want to push him into doing more than he is ready for.

I suspect that my fantasies may be clouding my judgement a bit here so I think some feedback would be good before I bring this up with my partner again. If you are in a similar situation to me (as in living with and participating in kinky play with your significant other) I would really appreciate it if you could answer my poll to help me see what a reasonable amount of play for others looks like. Also if you want to comment please feel free, I could use all the help I can get!

Hmm, too bad I have have no idea of how to create a poll! Though I would still appreciate your comments on how often you 'play' and what you feel is a reasonable amount.
Thanks

Ropebunny, for me I play as much as I can with my Mistress or my cute litter-mate. I would think that your desires are reasonable enough for your situation. You bring up a good point about not wanting to push him into doing more than he is ready for. If he is your Dom then I would think he would sit down with you and establish limits. Or discuss the frequency of when you want to "play". I am usually "on call" as it is now so maybe that is something that you and your Dom can discuss. I am hesitant to use the word "Master" b/c I don't really know your relationship. Hope that helps. Also sorry if it is a bit rambly as I have a few drinks in me.

Ropebunny said:

Hmm, too bad I have have no idea of how to create a poll! Though I would still appreciate your comments on how often you 'play' and what you feel is a reasonable amount.
Thanks

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May be you need to entertain yourself a little bit. Reasonable is up to your mate, I would do it more if my mate let me.

I find its like alot of things in life, the more you get, the more you want or think you need. Sometimes it's good to take a step back and have a really good think about what you truely want, is what you are getting not the right type of play, do you need to move to heavier/harder play etc.

I also find when I am trying something new that I tend to want to go overboard on it and try as many different variations as possible as soon as possible until I worked out that sometimes it's alot more fun just holding back and taking things slowly and really enjoying each new experience rather than looking to the next.

It's an age old issue isn't it? What is enough for some isn't enough for others.

For me, daily is usually too much, second daily is my optimal. However I go through stages. Sometimes my sex drive is very high. Other times it's really low and I don't want it for weeks, which usually annoys my partner.

My decline in drive is often linked to stress, like work or study or too many other things going on. Maybe your partner is experiencing some kind of other worries and sex isn't high on their mind.

Also, if he is topping for you because that's what you like and enjoy, maybe you could try doing something's that he likes. Something a little more vanilla or find out a fantasy of his and try that for him. Maybe that will increase the frequency if frequency is what you're aiming for.

Just suggestions

If your partner has a low libido, why not just play instead of include sex? Kinky activities don't have to include sex at all. With a low drive he can still tie you up, inflict pain, humiliation, or whatever. Turn it into a game-- maybe he sticks you in a chastity device so you conform to his sexual schedule. Punishment if you try and pleasure yourself or something.

I'm sort of on his end of things. Due to medication I have a very low, if not mostly dead, libido, but still sometimes crave BDSM activities from my more sexual, less overtly kinky partner. It's all about compromise unless you want to seriously start rocking the boat.

KoPilot said:

If your partner has a low libido, why not just play instead of include sex? Kinky activities don't have to include sex at all. With a low drive he can still tie you up, inflict pain, humiliation, or whatever. Turn it into a game-- maybe he sticks you in a chastity device so you conform to his sexual schedule. Punishment if you try and pleasure yourself or something.

I'm sort of on his end of things. Due to medication I have a very low, if not mostly dead, libido, but still sometimes crave BDSM activities from my more sexual, less overtly kinky partner. It's all about compromise unless you want to seriously start rocking the boat.

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Or conversely, sometimes sex time does not need to include play.

Play is let go and relax time for you. Play for a Top is let go but not relax time. You're hitting your adrenals. You're going for a run. Everyone may think that deciding things you really want to decide isn't work at all but it is. It always is.

Maybe he's not aware that relax and let you do all the sexual work is an option. Is it?

I am more inclined to be evil when I am relaxed and regularly vanilla sated.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone, it's given me a lot to think about.

I wouldn't really class my partner as a dom, maybe one day but surely not now. I think part of the way I'm feeling is that we will talk the night before about what we will do in the next day or so but lately life is getting in the way (think evening meetings, assignments, him getting struck by the 'flu) and there hasn't been a lot of follow through. His problem isn't low libido, he still feels horny and is happy for me to help him with this but isn't up for the longer, kinkier things that get me off. This is making me feel a bit sexually neglected. I uh *entertain* myself at least once a day but it hasn't been satisfying me at the moment.

I really like what you said Netzach. I think that at the moment with all the busyness and stress playing as a top is not giving him the release he needs. I was too busy thinking about my needs to think about all the other things happening for my partner at the moment and I think I needed these comments to get me to realise that I wasn't being very reasonable.

We've talked about it a wee bit and I have topped him before and he enjoyed it so when we've got a spare evening we'll do that again. I'm actually quite excited too because he's agreed to let me try some new things on him (there's some sadist in me thats just dying to come out!)

I think for the time being I'm just going to have to stop asking my partner for something he just can't provide and wait until everything calms down a bit. I'm a terribly unpatient (and I will admit, kinda selfish) person so it's not going to be easy but I think it's the best thing to do.

Maybe you could compromise with you giving up some quantity in exchange for more quality. On your off days you can take care of yourself, maybe fantasizing about what will happen over the next few days or relive what happened last time. Also, keep remembering to dominate him once in a while.

What ever you want you should have! Sex is the best part of life. It never gets boring if you don't let it. Your mind can always comand your body if you are open to it. You being a woman with a high sex drive, you are the desire of most men in the world! Know you are wanted, know you can learn your body better than anyone, build the list of turn ons as big as you like. And best wises always!

Mike

Ropebunny said:

Hmm, too bad I have have no idea of how to create a poll! Though I would still appreciate your comments on how often you 'play' and what you feel is a reasonable amount.
Thanks

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DenverFunguy said:

What ever you want you should have!

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That is the reasoning every small child has

Almost every night, taking turns who is on the receiving end.

Well, since Sir and I got married and we now live together in the same house with my children our play time has gone down drastically. He still owns his old house and we go there on weekends, when we can, but he is so busy with work lately that I am frustrated and it's not easy controlling myself. On top of everything, he had me quit my job, so when the kids go back to school and I am home alone I worry about climbing the walls. He is willing to let me take a part time volunteer position, so I am looking forward to that come August.

So now that I have whined, might I suggest that you try and meet him in the middle and have more vanilla sex? Does that work for you? I would have a very hard time going back to a vanilla relationship. Maybe if he does something passive, on his behalf, such as you begging or degrading yourself, would that help? Is there ever such a thing as a perfect balance?