COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

*Gulp*

Scrubber

Scrubber

Squeaky clean!
Joined
Dec 28, 2011
Posts
1,367
I've been hanging around other areas of Lit for a little while, but poetry has always interested me. I've taken the plunge and here is something I have written about meeting someone here. I'd be interested in comments if anyone has the time.

How can it be
That you and me
Should meet?
I'd like to know
Why it is so.
What cosmic plan's complete?

Just random chance?
Just happenstance?
Maybe.
If that is true
Then why do you
Keep filling up my dreams?

What made me spy
Your little cry
Just then?
In that great sea
Of misery
Of disappointed men

And women too
Who post how blue
They are.
Why did it touch
Me quite so much?
Was it some lucky star

That made you write
And me alight
On it?
I think that we
Were meant to be
Right there, right then, on Lit.
 
Poem

Scrubber said:
I've been hanging around other areas of Lit for a little while, but poetry has always interested me. I've taken the plunge and here is something I have written about meeting someone here. I'd be interested in comments if anyone has the time.

How can it be
That you and me
Should meet?
I'd like to know
Why it is so.
What cosmic plan's complete?

Just random chance?
Just happenstance?
Maybe.
If that is true
Then why do you
Keep filling up my dreams?

What made me spy
Your little cry
Just then?
In that great sea
Of misery
Of disappointed men

And women too
Who post how blue
They are.
Why did it touch
Me quite so much?
Was it some lucky star

That made you write
And me alight
On it?
I think that we
Were meant to be
Right there, right then, on Lit.
Click to expand...



Hope your dream comes true hon. There are tones of sadness, maybe the other tones of possibilities will win out. However, I believe we are responsible for what happens to us, good or bad, usually, there is always pure chance. I do not believe in a grand design theory. I wish you well, we can always wish and hope.
 
was it fate

Was it fate that brought me to you?
Sitting here thinking its too good to be true
I lay quietly across my bed
With ur face going thru my head
Im submitting to u by my choice
Brought about by ur sweet voice
Im urs completely
Mind heart body soul
Without u I wont be whole
I remember when we met
How I reacted to ur touch
And the way u smiled
When I said I love u so much
Times going by now
The future is bright
Cuz I met my master
On that fated night
We both know it's meant to be
So was it fate or destiny
 
Scrubber said:
I've been hanging around other areas of Lit for a little while, but poetry has always interested me. I've taken the plunge and here is something I have written about meeting someone here. I'd be interested in comments if anyone has the time.

How can it be
That you and me
Should meet?
I'd like to know
Why it is so.
What cosmic plan's complete?

Just random chance?
Just happenstance?
Maybe.
If that is true
Then why do you
Keep filling up my dreams?

What made me spy
Your little cry
Just then?
In that great sea
Of misery
Of disappointed men

And women too
Who post how blue
They are.
Why did it touch
Me quite so much?
Was it some lucky star

That made you write
And me alight
On it?
I think that we
Were meant to be
Right there, right then, on Lit.
Click to expand...

i'm surprised i like this, but as song lyrics

Me quite so much? no comma?, no comma, no drama

changed
Right there, right then,
Right on Lit.

this forms a triad, a sound pattern, hear the r? the th?




also say your last line

rightthen, onLit. or worse rightthenonLit.

don't think you want that
 
^ Thank you. Interesting comments.

Did you mean that you like it, but as song lyrics; or that you like it but if it is song lyrics it would work better with your suggested changes?

It's meant to be spoken rather than read. I can't imagine it being sung, but then I haven't a melody in mind.
 
Scrubber said:
^ Thank you. Interesting comments.

Did you mean that you like it, but as song lyrics; or that you like it but if it is song lyrics it would work better with your suggested changes?

It's meant to be spoken rather than read. I can't imagine it being sung, but then I haven't a melody in mind.
Click to expand...
it reminds me of cole porter
if you are speaking this, it would have to be very slowly

Just random chance?
Just happenstance?

lines like these rely on a vocal performance, to an extent they set up the performance, ranDom, haPpen, ch-ance, st-ance, with a question.
very effective

What cosmic plan's complete?

as pure and plain poetry this line is dreadful, but with a "performance" it has a wonderful playful feel to it

when i read this i see an eyebrow being raised, without that, it doesn't work

the rime is too close, too persistent for a straight read; it needs space
 
Thanks for your further comments.

Cole Porter. Deeply flattered that his name should even come up in connection with anything I have written.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Angeline
2024 Poetry Challenge Discussion Thread
2 3 4
Replies
79
Views
1K
42Below
42Below
Angeline
  • Locked
2024 Poetry Challenges Discussion
2
Replies
29
Views
955
Tzara
Tzara
Angeline
February 2024 Poetry Challenge B: Write An Acrostic Poem
2
Replies
42
Views
1K
Ashesh9
A
B
Poems of a Muslim Transgender 6
Replies
1
Views
67
Bigtitsbitch1000x
B
Angeline
  • Sticky
2024 Poetry Challenge Leader Sign-Up
Replies
21
Views
802
HarryHill
HarryHill
Back
Top