Looking for Feedback on Non-Human Story

Looking for Feedback on first time in Non-Human genre

Welcome you taking a look at "Destined to Keep Cumming" a tale of a young girl's sexual encounter with a modern day vampire and the consequences it brings.

https://www.literotica.com/s/destined-to-keep-cumming

Published as a stand alone but may add extra chapters if people enjoy the story. Never done Non-Human before so not sure if it hits the mark or not. Would welcome your thoughts.

I haven't read this yet (I will), but I think you're already making a mistake in waiting to decide to continue something based on the reception it gets.

Good storytelling has purpose. Direction. Those are not qualities you can just keep stapling to your existing tapestry in an unending chain. Conceive of your story and execute it. Don't let anyone else tell you what to write.

I have read about half. Here's what I think so far. Normally, I would be picking apart your grammar flaws, crossing out your run-ons and reducing your superfluous words. I did none of that. Your story had grabbed me. I wanted to read more. Amazed, I had to tell you. One more thing, then I'll go back and finish the story. Yours is the first story on Lit. for a long, long time to have an actual style. Don't change that and don't stop writing. Bye back later, maybe.

PS. I disagree with awkward. All the great short story writers wrote to their audiences. There is nothing wrong with listening to critics or fans. If you create strong characters they will have a life of their own and will jump up and go back to work whenever you call upon them. One of mine even decided to go jump in Lake Michigan and I had to change my story to fit his perceived need to destroy himself.

"It's probably time I introduce Emma to you, the reader. Yes you know she is 26 and an academic but so far you know nothing about Emma the person. So, here goes. Think Amy Pond in Doctor Who (Google it if you are not English) and you won't be far off the mark. Emma had the same shockingly ginger, shoulder length wavy hair. She was rather pale skinned, and rather understated in her use of make up, preferring to keep her demure youthful girl next door looks than tart them up. Emma was around 5'8" tall (1.72m for the non-imperialists amongst you) and had a rather slender frame, narrow hips, thin waist and small yet pert B-cup breasts, usually hidden by the loose fitting tops that she tended to prefer.

As the story goes on we'll find out a lot more about Emma but for now at least you know a little about her appearance."


You have gone too far here. You, (the writer), have stepped into replace the narrator (a character in the story) if you are going to do that, you pretty much have to be "Emma", Doc Watson can speak to the reader, but Doyle cannot, as Dr. Watson is not Conan Doyle. You were doing well with the narrator 3rd person pov omniscent. Your comments to the reader in this section and elsewhere weaken the '"Feel" of he story that I spoke of earlier as "style".