As The Hospital Pervs

Status
Not open for further replies.
Nurse Sue would do anything for Dr. Luke, she would work in his love lab doing whatever was necessary to obtain the data for his research.
Dr Luke: You will fuck these men in the lab while I watch.
Nurse Sue: Yes Dr. Luke. I will do anything you say.
Dr. Luke: Be kind with the samples.
Nurse Sue: Yes Dr. Luke, I understand.
Research%2BNurse.jpg
 
After a week off, I'm going back on tonight. New station and partner. I get to work the rich side of town. Sounds like fun but I've been there before. I do not enjoy arguing with patients who have the time to sit at work all day, smoke like a train and drink like a fish but complain because they don't have time for a AMI.
 
My nurse friend is struggling with the shift work and trying to do uni too. How goes it sweep?
It goes alright, my face is irritated and is about to break out like a teenager. My cheeks are like hot plates. I am about to crack an egg on my face to see if it will cook.

I shouldn't really say 'shift work' because I am not swinging shifts. I never worked a night shift in my life, and hopefully never will! My scheduler is really giving it to me without any surgi-lube. Pencilling me in for shifts: on 3- off 1- on 2 like an insane drum beat.

The nurse education sink hole, I am so behind. The best way is for your friend to just keep on going cause once you stop it seems you get lost on the floor.

Doing alright?
 
After a week off, I'm going back on tonight. New station and partner. I get to work the rich side of town. Sounds like fun but I've been there before. I do not enjoy arguing with patients who have the time to sit at work all day, smoke like a train and drink like a fish but complain because they don't have time for a AMI.
I have worked community and city, I see the disparity.
A week off is nice!
My bandage shears have hot pink handles and a few weeks ago I saw a medic with hot pink handled trauma shears in his pocket! I took his picture because he was all big and tough looking with hot pink shears! I asked him what in the world he was doing with those pink shears in his pocket, he said something like: it gives me an excuse to beat the shit out of someone when they laugh at me.
Oh!
 
So remember to bring the medicine cart when you do the rounds in the Psych. unit Sweepthefloor.
 
i need professional advice.
what is the correct way to wash a patient's penis?
how do you deal with unexpected uprisings?
 
Specialty!

i need professional advice.
what is the correct way to wash a patient's penis?
how do you deal with unexpected uprisings?
From start to finish!
  • Gather Equipment.
  • Provide privacy.
  • Explain to the man what you are about to do.
  • Wash hands and glove.
  • Raise the bed to avoid hurting your back.
  • If possible place the man in the supine position.
  • Drape the patient's legs to minimize draft and embarrassment. Expose the genital area.
Remember the circular motion!
  • Hold the shaft of the penis with one hand, and wash with the other. Start at the tip in a circle motion from the center out to avoid introducing germs into the urethra. Use a clean section of the washcloth for each stroke.
  • If the patient is not circumcised- gently retract the foreskin and clean beneath it. Rinse but do not dry. The moisture provides lubrication and prevents friction when replacing the foreskin. Never forget to replace the foreskin to avoid constriction of the penis.
  • Rinse again, using the same circle motion.
  • Wash the rest of the penis with downward strokes toward the scrotum.
  • Rinse well and pat dry.
  • Clean the top and sides of the scrotum. Rinse well and pat dry.
  • The scrotum must be handled gently to avoid discomfort to the patient.
  • Turn the patient on his side. Clean the bottom of the scrotum and the anal area. Rinse well and pat dry.
  • Apply ointment if needed.
  • Change gloves and provide back care. Sometimes I double glove, so I can remove the top glove and continue. Lighten the touch to indicate the near end of the back rub.
  • Reposition the patient and make him comfortable. Replace the bed linens.

If the male patient develops an erection: continue perineal care as if you don't notice. If he apologizes about it and appears distressed: provide emotional reassurance. If the male patient with an erection is confused and frisky: re-orientate the patient: "Mr. Jones, My name is Dolf. I am here to provide care to you. It is time to get washed up."
 
Do you teach nursing classes? When my wife went to nursing school, she was taught by a 80+ year old nun. That instructor took no shit from anybody.
 
Do you teach nursing classes? When my wife went to nursing school, she was taught by a 80+ year old nun. That instructor took no shit from anybody.
I am bedside nursing. To be a nurse educator would require going back to school to obtain a Masters degree and I am just not ready to write more papers. The nurse educators are making less money, so I figure I am getting more buck for my bang right now. I will go back to school before I actually break my back, and then when my back is surely broke, I will teach.

Yeah! I love those old school nurse educators. I had a few, one was a retired Navy Nurse. I must have changed the linens on the lab bed fifty times one night in Nursing 101 because I just wasn't doing it right.
 
I am bedside nursing. To be a nurse educator would require going back to school to obtain a Masters degree and I am just not ready to write more papers. The nurse educators are making less money, so I figure I am getting more buck for my bang right now. I will go back to school before I actually break my back, and then when my back is surely broke, I will teach.

Yeah! I love those old school nurse educators. I had a few, one was a retired Navy Nurse. I must have changed the linens on the lab bed fifty times one night in Nursing 101 because I just wasn't doing it right.

Holy shit, a masters? Gee, with that much work, you might as well go for nurse practitioner. I would like my very own DEA number to hand out happy pills to all.

Problem is, I am only qualified to wipe ass.
 
you're good!
and double gloving? genius!
That is what all the men say. ahahahahahhahaha
Seriously.....
Confused male patient: What! What is this?! What are you doing to me? <looks at my hand on his shaft> Where is my wife?
Me: I am washing your penis. Your wife is at home, she will be here shortly. You are in the hospital, and I am your nurse.
 
Holy shit, a masters? Gee, with that much work, you might as well go for nurse practitioner. I would like my very own DEA number to hand out happy pills to all.

Problem is, I am only qualified to wipe ass.
I know! All that work, all those papers to write. I have thought about Advanced Practice Nursing in the acute care setting. Pick a doctor I love and be his NP, round on his patients, set everything up for him, fill out the discharge forms and write his scripts...All he would have to do is sign his name on my assessment note, check my work and say Hi to the patient. I only say 'he' because I am naturally thinking about one cardiologist in particular.

Being qualified to wipe ass is great! Not everyone can wipe an ass right. There is no shame in my ass wiping game. I love wiping ass and giving bed baths! It may look like I am just wiping the ass but by the time the bath is over: I got my complete assessment and I know what is going on.
 
I know! All that work, all those papers to write. I have thought about Advanced Practice Nursing in the acute care setting. Pick a doctor I love and be his NP, round on his patients, set everything up for him, fill out the discharge forms and write his scripts...All he would have to do is sign his name on my assessment note, check my work and say Hi to the patient. I only say 'he' because I am naturally thinking about one cardiologist in particular.

Being qualified to wipe ass is great! Not everyone can wipe an ass right. There is no shame in my ass wiping game. I love wiping ass and giving bed baths! It may look like I am just wiping the ass but by the time the bath is over: I got my complete assessment and I know what is going on.

Yep, been wiping ass for almost 20 years. The pay is shit, but I love my job.
 
From start to finish!
  • Gather Equipment.
  • Provide privacy.
  • Explain to the man what you are about to do.
  • Wash hands and glove.
  • Raise the bed to avoid hurting your back.
  • If possible place the man in the supine position.
  • Drape the patient's legs to minimize draft and embarrassment. Expose the genital area.
Remember the circular motion!
  • Hold the shaft of the penis with one hand, and wash with the other. Start at the tip in a circle motion from the center out to avoid introducing germs into the urethra. Use a clean section of the washcloth for each stroke.
  • If the patient is not circumcised- gently retract the foreskin and clean beneath it. Rinse but do not dry. The moisture provides lubrication and prevents friction when replacing the foreskin. Never forget to replace the foreskin to avoid constriction of the penis.
  • Rinse again, using the same circle motion.
  • Wash the rest of the penis with downward strokes toward the scrotum.
  • Rinse well and pat dry.
  • Clean the top and sides of the scrotum. Rinse well and pat dry.
  • The scrotum must be handled gently to avoid discomfort to the patient.
  • Turn the patient on his side. Clean the bottom of the scrotum and the anal area. Rinse well and pat dry.
  • Apply ointment if needed.
  • Change gloves and provide back care. Sometimes I double glove, so I can remove the top glove and continue. Lighten the touch to indicate the near end of the back rub.
  • Reposition the patient and make him comfortable. Replace the bed linens.

If the male patient develops an erection: continue perineal care as if you don't notice. If he apologizes about it and appears distressed: provide emotional reassurance. If the male patient with an erection is confused and frisky: re-orientate the patient: "Mr. Jones, My name is Dolf. I am here to provide care to you. It is time to get washed up."

Hawt!!
 
Well, not just wiping ass mind you. It is also preparing meals, doing laundry, changing linens/chucks, house cleaning paying particular attention to sanitizing the bathrooms and places that come into contact with food. Infection control is top priority, probably next to adhering to HIPPA.
 
Well, not just wiping ass mind you. It is also preparing meals, doing laundry, changing linens/chucks, house cleaning paying particular attention to sanitizing the bathrooms and places that come into contact with food. Infection control is top priority, probably next to adhering to HIPPA.
You have fun having the poor guy squirt his load all over your ass. I have wastebaskets to clean. They are really dusty.
Quit that job! You can work on my unit! Maybe the CNA will squirt on me, let you watch-- and then you can wipe it off my ass. You can be in charge of infection control! Don't let any of his man juice drip into my...orifice.
It will be a front to back wipe protocol.
 
Quit that job! You can work on my unit! Maybe the CNA will squirt on me, let you watch-- and then you can wipe it off my ass. You can be in charge of infection control! Don't let any of his man juice drip into my...orifice.
It will be a front to back wipe protocol.

It is always a front to back protocol, especially for women. Nobody wants an infected cunt.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top