Advice on Attending A Swingers Club As A Single Man (No Expectations)

Hi All,

So, I've moved to a large city in Spain, and I understand the swinging lifestyle is pretty good here, though I haven't partaken. I'm interested in hearing advice or experiences as a single man working up the courage to attend a swinger's club alone.

About me:
- 42
- Well dressed and groomed
- Well behaved
- In good shape
- Curious and adventurous, like to meet new people
- Speak Spanish

So here's the deal. If I go, I'd be expecting nothing more than a couple of drinks and the opportunity to chat with people and hopefully observe. The clubs here allow single men (higher charge of course). If anything fun happens that's great.

I think I'm worried that 1) I'll waste my money and 2) maybe I'm worried that I'll have a great time. I've only been to a club once before, with an ex of mine, and we only observed. I've been in a group situation another time but not on premise.

I know the etiquette and how not to act like a jerk and all that. But I'd love any insight anyone has on this type of situation. Thanks!

If you try it and decide you like it, it's money well spent.

If you try it and decide that it's not the scene for you, it's money well spent.

So try it.

jehoram said:

If you try it and decide you like it, it's money well spent.

If you try it and decide that it's not the scene for you, it's money well spent.

So try it.

Click to expand...

Hmm, good point. I am thinking of going tonight. Been mentally preparing for a while now.

"I'll waste my money" well you will likely get the opportunity to speak with a lot of guys -"The clubs here allow single men". Probably tourists would be my guess. The club won't really care for a negative reputation as there will be plenty more tourists coming through.

You are on your own, what have you got to lose? If you don't like it then leave. One way or another you would have had an experience.

I've attended some myself albeit with a lady friend, but I can assure you it's still nowhere near as daunting as you may be thinking beforehand and definitely worth a go. Plus how else will you ultimately know if it's for you or not.

So, I'm curious, did you end up taking the plunge?

Swinger clubs and single guys

I can mainly speak of the swingers scene down here in Australia although hubby and I have been to clubs in London and Amsterdam. Most couples go to meet other couples and it isn't easy being a single guy in that scene, even if the club says 'single men welcome'. Lots of guys on their own think that every woman wants to be fucked by every guy. Not so. You need to start a conversation with both the M & F and be willing to participate in a threesome. Not many guys will stand by while their partner is fucked by another guy, but quite a different thing when its a threesome. One suggestion is to try to meet a couple before going to a club and asking if you can go as a threesome. We have done that with single guys before and it is a nice way for the guy to be accepted when he is in a threesome.

Hi All,

Thanks for your feedback. I was on my way to one last weekend but I turned around. I'm not sure why - I guess I just wasn't up for it.

I understand the dynamics of the sexual marketplace. Single guys are everywhere, and some bad apples give the whole bunch a bad rep. I was at a swinger's club years ago in South America, but with a girlfriend. I saw some thirsty single men there. But I did enjoy the experience there, if only as a voyeur.

As for me, I don't mind being in a MFM threesome, depending on expectations.

Perhaps I will wait until I find a woman here who's game to go.

Ok, so my advice is:
1) Start by talking with club owners, they will advice you something as well as tell you the rules
2) Treat everyone else as if you are attending a friend's party, and not a swinger's club. Be pleasant, don't talk about sex unless they start the conversation, be tame with compliments. In short - imagine that it's your friend's birthday where you know no one and meet lots of people.

Don't stand around with your hand stroking the crotch of your Dockers.

I understand the dynamics of the sexual marketplace. Single guys are everywhere

Click to expand...

Unless you are living in a country where it's normal to have a harem of 10 wives - then it doesn't matter.
The gender distribution is roughly 50/50. In a monogamous societies that means that for every single guy out there - there's a single girl. And those girls, just as you are, struggle to find a partner.

This is actually exactly why quantity approach to finding a date works. Just walk out of your home, take a stroll through the city, and ask 100 girls (that you find pretty) out. Among those girls, 50 will reject you because they already have hsband/boyfriend. another 40 may not be particularly interested in you. But 10 will happen to be single and interested, and by sheer law of chance you WILL get some phone numbers.
Also if you really do that, then after being rejected 50 times you will get desensitized to it, less anxious about it, and thus will seem much more confident when approaching women. The main thing to remember here is that being rejected isn't bad. You will likely never see that girl again, and even if you do - she will never remember you. It also has nothing to do with YOU, because 90% of rejections have other reasons than disliking you personally. That is, unless you are dressed like a bum.

Don't stand around with your hand stroking the crotch of your Dockers.

Click to expand...

That's a really good advice. I agree. You should always sit down on the couch and masturbate normally.

Nezhul said:

Unless you are living in a country where it's normal to have a harem of 10 wives - then it doesn't matter.
The gender distribution is roughly 50/50. In a monogamous societies that means that for every single guy out there - there's a single girl. And those girls, just as you are, struggle to find a partner.

This is actually exactly why quantity approach to finding a date works. Just walk out of your home, take a stroll through the city, and ask 100 girls (that you find pretty) out. Among those girls, 50 will reject you because they already have hsband/boyfriend. another 40 may not be particularly interested in you. But 10 will happen to be single and interested, and by sheer law of chance you WILL get some phone numbers.
Also if you really do that, then after being rejected 50 times you will get desensitized to it, less anxious about it, and thus will seem much more confident when approaching women. The main thing to remember here is that being rejected isn't bad. You will likely never see that girl again, and even if you do - she will never remember you. It also has nothing to do with YOU, because 90% of rejections have other reasons than disliking you personally. That is, unless you are dressed like a bum.
That's a really good advice. I agree. You should always sit down on the couch and masturbate normally.

Click to expand...

Thanks Nezhul. I've got no problem with meeting or dating women - no anxieties and love rejection to the extent that it's better than regret. From that standpoint life is good.

What I meant was that the "single guy" isn't the same as the "single girl," all things equal. It's just a dynamic of sexual reality. I don't want to get bogged down in theory but it's the reason men do most of the approaching. Same reason why single women get into swinger's clubs for free or for minimal cost.

Nezhul said:

This is actually exactly why quantity approach to finding a date works. Just walk out of your home, take a stroll through the city, and ask 100 girls (that you find pretty) out.

But 10 will happen to be single and interested, and by sheer law of chance you WILL get some phone numbers.

Click to expand...

In my world, they turn and walk the other way before I get close enough to speak.

By then, 50 of them have probably already called the cops.

jaF0 said:

Don't stand around with your hand stroking the crotch of your Dockers.

Click to expand...

That's my trademark move!

Just wondering: Since you 'd be expecting nothing more than a couple of drinks, why are you worried that you 'll waste your money?

jaF0 said:

In my world, they turn and walk the other way before I get close enough to speak.

By then, 50 of them have probably already called the cops.

Click to expand...

Then dress up better and work on your approach / facial expression.

Or infinitely regret those full-face skull-in-flames tattoo and those 50 piercings that you wear.

I am a single guy. Can I come to the club and what should I expect?
Single men are welcome every night except Saturday which is couples and single women only. You can expect to meet open minded couples and single women. It’s important to be well mannered and dress to impress. For videos and other useful information for single men coming to the club please go to openlove101 . com.


It’s our first time. What should we expect?
The most important thing to understand is that nothing is ever expected of you. You may simply dance, talk, or watch. We have many regulars that do just that. Of course, if you decide to partake, that’s OK too! Our members are very respectful creating a comfortable enjoyable atmosphere. You are ALWAYS in control.


What should I wear?
Most people dress as though they are going to a nightclub. People familiar with the lifestyle tend to dress a little bit more risque, such as lingerie, short/tight dresses, etc. However, you may wear WHATEVER you are comfortable in. We would like to see you dress as though you were going out to an upscale restaurant. For the guys, this could mean a polo, button-down or casual shirt or designer t-shirt with slacks or nice jeans and some men prefer to wear a jacket. We ask that the guys do not wear work jeans, sports shoes, jerseys, oversized clothing, baggy shirts, shorts or hats of any kind. For the ladies, anything from a semi-formal, casual or party dress or a sexy outfit is fine. Some women prefer to wear lingerie. Fetish, leather, and gothic wear are always welcome! Dressing in theme can also be fun!! PLEASE make sure your clothing is street worthy while entering or leaving the club. You may avoid attracting outside attention by wearing a light coat, jacket or sarong.

occasional_lovers said:

Just wondering: Since you 'd be expecting nothing more than a couple of drinks, why are you worried that you 'll waste your money?

Click to expand...

You clipped my quote. As I said, I'd like also to meet and chat with some (m/f) couples, perhaps see some things if not partake. I can get a couple of drinks anywhere for a lot less than 50 euro. It is probably better if I find a like-minded woman and we go as a pair.

HoldYouDown said:

You clipped my quote. As I said, I'd like also to meet and chat with some (m/f) couples, perhaps see some things if not partake. I can get a couple of drinks anywhere for a lot less than 50 euro. It is probably better if I find a like-minded woman and we go as a pair.

Click to expand...

If I was a woman (or, really, as a man as well), it would take me at least a few months being in an active relationship before I agreed going to any kind of sex-related club with my partner.
Just FYI, it's not a fast process, I don't think, for most.

Nezhul said:

If I was a woman (or, really, as a man as well), it would take me at least a few months being in an active relationship before I agreed going to any kind of sex-related club with my partner.
Just FYI, it's not a fast process, I don't think, for most.

Click to expand...

It all depends.

Perhaps. But while I'm not really against swinging, it would strike me as extremely odd and even a bit hurtful that my partner wants to switch me for someone else barely a few months into relationship.

That would tell me that either:
a) I'm not good enough to satisfy them on my own
b) They're interested in swinging more than myself.

It's good and well to be a fetishist, be it swinging or something else. But a relationship should be built on interest in ME, regardless of any fetishes. Involving others, for me, dilutes it.
If a relationship is built on mutual fascination with a certain fetish as a core - I don't think it's as strong.

Nezhul said:

Perhaps. But while I'm not really against swinging, it would strike me as extremely odd and even a bit hurtful that my partner wants to switch me for someone else barely a few months into relationship.

That would tell me that either:
a) I'm not good enough to satisfy them on my own
b) They're interested in swinging more than myself.

Click to expand...

As for a} Well, that could happen at any time, whether the relationship is six years old or three days old. The whole thing about a tryst at a swinger's club is that the third person is turning on your partner RIGHT NOW ... it has nothing to do with your ability to satisfy the person on a long term basis. It's just lust. That's the understanding you both had when you went to the club in the first place.

As for b} I don't see how that's a deal-breaker. Say I'm a big fan of a certain rock group. I find out that she is, too. I'll ask her to go to the concert with me, and if she says "yes" then I'm not going to assume that I mean more to her than the music itself. It's companionship and convenience, not commitment.

No, (b) is not a deal breaker. But that would leave a crack in the relationship for sure.

As for (a) yes, it could happen, but it's different if it happens after 3 days or 3 years.
If it happens after 3 years, I could sign it off on getting used to me, wanting something new, etc.

But if (a) happens in the first few MONTHS - then it's really disturbing. Either my partner gets bored of me too quickly - then how the hell can I expect them to be faithful for years upon years of marriage (which is an endgame of every worthwhile relathionship)? They will just keep seeking excitement on the side, and that's NOT what I want from my life.
Or, if it's something about my performance - I would rather them TELL ME, instead of seeking another sex partner through swinging. I know that for myself several months is definitely not enough to get bored with the partner. Why should I take it from them.

If my partner offered me to go to a swinger club within the first several months of relationship - tha'd definitely sow distrust and raise a bunch of red flags in my head.
I mean... Look, are you here because you like me, or are we together because you need a pair to go to a swinger's club?!

Maybe I have a mentality of a 18-yo schoolgirl with this stance, but I'd be extremely annoyed, upset or disturbed. First establish a solid relationship with me - then offer switching partners, when I know our relationship is rock solid.

Everybody's different, that's what I've learned over the years.

Anyway, thanks everybody, I know what my plan is.

I want to revive this thread. I still haven't made it to the swinger's club. Mainly because of money...I'm in grad school and am living off of savings, so spending 50 euro is a big deal.

A few weeks back I met a girl and we had sex...we talked a lot about kinks, and she said she'd be really interested in seeing a club. So I thought, this is a great opportunity, I can bring a woman.

Only this is, our sex wasn't great. And when we got together a second time, something about her turned me off. I won't go into details, but I don't think we clicked as well as I'd thought.

Nevertheless, am considering giving the club a go, maybe this Friday, but probably solo. Give me all the courage you can!

HoldYouDown said:

Only this is, our sex wasn't great. And when we got together a second time, something about her turned me off. I won't go into details, but I don't think we clicked as well as I'd thought.

Click to expand...

Maybe she'd still be interested in the club, even if she doesn't work out for you as a fuckmate. After all, you won't be fucking her at the club, will you? And she won't be fucking you. So she might still be willing to be a "ticket of admission."

Think about what I said before about going to the rock concert. The fact that you're going together to share a common experience doesn't mean that you have to have a deeper commitment with her, or she with you. It's just convenience.