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Question for everyone!!!!

Since being a member of lit, I have accrued a large number of female friends.
I can put these into 5 categories.

1, friends (don't flirt) can only be friends and chat.
2, friends (flirty) can flirt could possibly become more.
3, flirts (friendly) mainly just flirty but with the occastional chat
4, flirts (flirty) just flirty don't try to chat it's not wanted.
5, lovers - there is only one and has only been one.

Below are some thing's people have mentioned.

Can a long distance relationship work ? I don't truely know. It is at the moment. 4630 miles between us.
I'm not in a position to suddenly be away from home for any reason so meetings at the moment are troublesome, but where there is a will there is a way.

Do I think the feelings are real ? Hell yes.

Would I leave my wife to live with this person? There is more than one family in this equation, it isn't one person's decision. We would need to seriously talk about it. If however today someone gave me the money that my current wife wouldn't want for anything ever again, and I could guarantee no pain for anyone. I'd be with her immediately.

Hope this helps in some way.
 
The_gladiator said:
I really love this thread, some good points and some good discussion and surprisingly little trolling. I think that speaks to the genuine nature of the OP or that's my impression of him from reading his posts. I really don't have much to ad at this moment but wanted to voice my appreciation for the points made and a few of them are helpful to me as well.
Click to expand...


Agreed!! Many valid points of what could be. Some I don’t think you have on my situation but may on someone else’s!! I know a big portion of not “all” of us have been ghosted before and this will hopefully give ideas as to why!

I know CCHunter said some times it could be a man posing as a woman! I had one and they were trying to get me to play along. Ended that one quick! Sorry I’m a straight guy!
 
snexxer said:
Since being a member of lit, I have accrued a large number of female friends.
I can put these into 5 categories.

1, friends (don't flirt) can only be friends and chat.
2, friends (flirty) can flirt could possibly become more.
3, flirts (friendly) mainly just flirty but with the occastional chat
4, flirts (flirty) just flirty don't try to chat it's not wanted.
5, lovers - there is only one and has only been one.

Below are some thing's people have mentioned.

Can a long distance relationship work ? I don't truely know. It is at the moment. 4630 miles between us.
I'm not in a position to suddenly be away from home for any reason so meetings at the moment are troublesome, but where there is a will there is a way.

Do I think the feelings are real ? Hell yes.

Would I leave my wife to live with this person? There is more than one family in this equation, it isn't one person's decision. We would need to seriously talk about it. If however today someone gave me the money that my current wife wouldn't want for anything ever again, and I could guarantee no pain for anyone. I'd be with her immediately.

Hope this helps in some way.
Click to expand...


Good points as well!!
 
KrazieKat69 said:
Ok, so! I’m having a hard time understanding something! First I’ll explain what has transpired then I’ll ask the question. Bear with me if you will. Ok, so I’ve chatted with a few ladies on forum and thought things were going well, that is until I complimented them on how good looking they were! Once I told them they had great eyes, great lips, or just all out good looking, you could almost hear the perverbial “click” as the tempo of the conversation changed! Then an answer that was quite a few lines long went down to answering in one or two words, then the response went from within minutes to days then never again.
Then in a couple othe cases, in their bio they have things written like, “What would you do to me?” Or “Talk dirty to me” or whatever the case may be. So trying what they ask I do on a mild level and then get the door slammed shut there too!

I try to be a decent guy and get to know people first and get an idea of, are they going to be ok if I say this or say that. So when I do say something or send a picture from the net pertaining to said quote.

SO! My question is simple, and I know the ladies who have done this probably won’t voice up and say. But guys and gals alike I’d like to know...

Why????

Because I’m baffled as all hell why we, as adults are on a “adult oriented- sexual site” and people get offended by talking sexy???????
Click to expand...

You've got to get to KNOW them. It's not about sex. It's about Movies, books, hobbies. Favorite meals, sports teams? Favorite memories, etc. Good sex must come from a good understanding of each other. Period. Getting to the good stuff first will never work.
 
A lot of the advice and suggestions offered up in this thread are great and all, butttttttt I dunno. I'll just share my bit of gibberish and that'll be that.

If you have the attitude that you're a nice guy but nothing seems to be working...
If you have the attitude that all girls are self obsessed ladder climbing sluts...
If you have the attitude that you're entitled to my free time or my privacy...

Well, expect a reply that is short and void of humanity.

Basically, BootieKittie said what I've always thought
if there were more women here no one would bother with me so I'm not flattered by compliments because I don't believe them to be genuine
Click to expand...

I must get the same "hey ran across u today, wanna chat?" or similarly "wow ur super hot, asl??" PM 10+ times a week, and that's with hardly posting on the forums. So if that's you... maybe, like, look up some one liner jokes. That would work better. Momentum is important, if yours is dragging behind, don't expect me to slow down or carry you along.

All of this white knighting, this poor me attitude... well, it doesn't win you guys any points. Participation or best improved ribbons aren't going to be handed out just because you did the bare minimum - you were a decent person. You need to be more than just decent. You need interests, outside of the internet and your dick. Things that will draw me (or anyone) in wanting to learn more. There must be a reason you're here and not pornhub, right? You don't want to talk to an airhead bimbofied sex doll (unless that's your thing, of course), so why would I want to talk to a brain dead dildo with thumbs?

I was rubbed the wrong way by a few of the posts here, honestly. We're all supposed to be here for fun, so what's wrong with being self-centered? When you're masturbating, it's your hand wrapped around your cock, right? Is that being selfish, self-centered? How about when you expect a hundred nudes in different positions but your only counter offer is a classic waist down dick pic?

How fortunate the women of Lit are, hm? :rolleyes:
 
As a relatively "new" male Litster, it seems you are in the process of learning the lesson that all guys who come here must internalize. I'll break it down for you. Don't take it personally, I'd tell my Dad the same thing.

First, Lit is not as much a sex site as it is a community with sexual undertones. Yes, it is billed as a playground for adults, but look at the bigger picture. There are way more threads here that don't have to do with sex, than do. People come here as much to blow off steam and laugh at dumb people, more than they do to get their rocks off, just like in real life. Not everybody in your church group wants to jump your bones.

Second, nobody here owes you anything. No more than a stranger passing you on the street owes you the time of day. If you want to get continued responses from women, you also have to accept that it takes work.... wait for it.... just like in real life. If I could walk up to any woman in a bar and convince her in 15 minutes that she should come back to my pad with me, I sure wouldn't be tooling around on Lit. And, just like 8 women I talk to in a bar may get bored and wander off, I expect the same thing here. Sometimes, things just don't click or she finds a hot hunk with sculpted abs who shits gold bricks and I'm just not her guy anymore. It's life. Accept it.

Third, sometimes it's better not to approach women. As has already been pointed out, a lot of the women here are literally inundated with PM's. Guess what? You are not a special flower and probably sound like so many others they get. If you would like to get someone's attention, give them a reason to notice you. Expand your profile, post on the threads, interact with people and eventually you'll get noticed.

Lastly, don't be pushy. Nobody likes that.

So, there it is. Super awesome dating advice. You should probably think carefully before you take it. Or not. I really don't care, I just like the sound of my keyboard clicking.
 
islandjoe2 said:
As a relatively "new" male Litster, it seems you are in the process of learning the lesson that all guys who come here must internalize. I'll break it down for you. Don't take it personally, I'd tell my Dad the same thing.

First, Lit is not as much a sex site as it is a community with sexual undertones. Yes, it is billed as a playground for adults, but look at the bigger picture. There are way more threads here that don't have to do with sex, than do. People come here as much to blow off steam and laugh at dumb people, more than they do to get their rocks off, just like in real life. Not everybody in your church group wants to jump your bones.

Second, nobody here owes you anything. No more than a stranger passing you on the street owes you the time of day. If you want to get continued responses from women, you also have to accept that it takes work.... wait for it.... just like in real life. If I could walk up to any woman in a bar and convince her in 15 minutes that she should come back to my pad with me, I sure wouldn't be tooling around on Lit. And, just like 8 women I talk to in a bar may get bored and wander off, I expect the same thing here. Sometimes, things just don't click or she finds a hot hunk with sculpted abs who shits gold bricks and I'm just not her guy anymore. It's life. Accept it.

Third, sometimes it's better not to approach women. As has already been pointed out, a lot of the women here are literally inundated with PM's. Guess what? You are not a special flower and probably sound like so many others they get. If you would like to get someone's attention, give them a reason to notice you. Expand your profile, post on the threads, interact with people and eventually you'll get noticed.

Lastly, don't be pushy. Nobody likes that.

So, there it is. Super awesome dating advice. You should probably think carefully before you take it. Or not. I really don't care, I just like the sound of my keyboard clicking.
Click to expand...
I like your attitude, you made me smile especially that last part.
 
I didn’t pose the question out of anger, I was just merely asking why is it so.. I’m just curious if it’s something about me or not and having not been on a forum like this, ever, I was having a hard time understanding that after awhile things just stopped after thinking things were looking good. I’m not trying to be self centered! I’m just trying to fix something if it is my doing!!
I like to chat and have a couple that I’ve chatted with for awhile and like chatting with them.
I am sorry to those if it was me!!!
 
KrazieKat69 said:
I didn’t pose the question out of anger, I was just merely asking why is it so.. I’m just curious if it’s something about me or not and having not been on a forum like this, ever, I was having a hard time understanding that after awhile things just stopped after thinking things were looking good. I’m not trying to be self centered! I’m just trying to fix something if it is my doing!!
I like to chat and have a couple that I’ve chatted with for awhile and like chatting with them.
I am sorry to those if it was me!!!
Click to expand...

Everyone has different experiences, different desires, different interests and is looking for something specific to their needs so it is not you so no need to apologize. You cannot be something different for different people, you can only be yourself and hope you find someone that clicks with you. Nobody's response is completely right and nobody's is completely wrong, it is just their perspective.
 
One thing to keep in mind is that some of the "ladies" here, particularly on the personals board, are fakes. Quite why they do this is a bit of a mystery to me. Perhaps they get a kick out of fooling people. If so, that might explain why they lose interest once you have fallen for the scam by complimenting them on the fake pic.
There is also at least one real woman who posts fake ads, asking for things she then doesn't really want and not responding - again I don't see what she gets out of this. So like you I am puzzled.
However, I have met several very genuine and fun women here and had longterm conversations.
 
hadruprider said:
One thing to keep in mind is that some of the "ladies" here, particularly on the personals board, are fakes. Quite why they do this is a bit of a mystery to me. Perhaps they get a kick out of fooling people. If so, that might explain why they lose interest once you have fallen for the scam by complimenting them on the fake pic.
There is also at least one real woman who posts fake ads, asking for things she then doesn't really want and not responding - again I don't see what she gets out of this. So like you I am puzzled.
However, I have met several very genuine and fun women here and had longterm conversations.
Click to expand...

I hear ya there. I’ve met a few genuine ladies on forum that I like to chat with too...
 
You might also be touching an insecurity nerve. Some people come here because they can hide their insecurities better online than in real life. When you start mentioning looks, or something else that they may not feel confident about it can be a "back-off" warning, because they fear they won't live up to your expectations.
Sometimes it really is them and not you. You have to be who you are.
 
Monamaybee45 said:
You might also be touching an insecurity nerve. Some people come here because they can hide their insecurities better online than in real life. When you start mentioning looks, or something else that they may not feel confident about it can be a "back-off" warning, because they fear they won't live up to your expectations.
Sometimes it really is them and not you. You have to be who you are.
Click to expand...

What you say is true.
 
Monamaybee45 said:
You might also be touching an insecurity nerve. Some people come here because they can hide their insecurities better online than in real life. When you start mentioning looks, or something else that they may not feel confident about it can be a "back-off" warning, because they fear they won't live up to your expectations.
Sometimes it really is them and not you. You have to be who you are.
Click to expand...
I like this post, it's so true as well.
 
I can't speak for everyone, but being the best person you can be at all times takes out the pretense factor. Being friendly first opens up more doors and pathways than expecting an instant relationship. It also takes more of the pressure off of living up to an expectation without showing who the real you is within.

Also, you get to know the person without having to live up to an unrealistic ideal of who you expect them to be. Maybe I'm just old fashioned in believing in good old conversations. Some of those can sway a person's opinion better than you realize.
 
It's a bitch of our own creation....

Lit, as I assume is common with most all web communities, is just a bunch of people using their interaction here to fill a gap. Something is missing, or we have a "Want/Need" that for logical reasons of socially acceptable behavior in their lives, can't be satiated. An itch needs scratched.

Because the door is literally wide open to everyone, we will encounter people with widely varying levels of humanity and social interaction. It is ALL here. I could describe this more in detail, but why? It's something we should all be aware of after spending about 10 minutes here.

It's actually pretty amazing. There is a kaleidoscope of mentality, ideas and culture here and the primary media of its expression is simultaneously the most socially freeing, subjective and fully awkward; especially by some more circumstantially limited and uneducated. Text.

So, we should move forward with higher standards and expectations for ourselves among those we choose to speak meaningfully to, but likewise be prepared to temper those expectations with a bit more patience and understanding to occasionally interact with those not on our individual wavelength. Literotica is a Roulette Wheel. But instead of 38 potentials, the possibilities are amaranthine.

Good luck.
 
Interesting thread

I think some women have shared valid points in answer to your question. From a guy that has experienced the same thing, I think it comes down to numbers. The women are vastly outnumbered on here. So for every pm you send there are 5,10,15 pms from other guys trying to get her attention as well. And she has the pick of the litter so to speak. You dont tickle her fancy or catch/keep her attention she’ll just drop or ghost you and move onto the next guy that’s waiting in line to kiss her butt and cater to her.
If you’re looking for a real connection something meaningful then you’re fishing in the wrong pond. Not saying you can’t find that here, I have been lucky enough to find a good connection with a couple people. But I think that’s the exception and not the usual. This is an adult sex site, people come here for thrills, escape their real lives or just distraction.
I wish you the best.
 
I can say I have found valued friends here that I treasure and value. I didn't come to Lit looking for this, however they have grown in my heart. This is a sex site, but there is more that goes on here than sex. Friendship bonds are made through regular posts and interactions with others. But this is just my experience here.
 
I haven't read all of the replies, but I have shared PM's with you and have found you to be a decent guy. :rose:
 
glBock said:
The worst thing about Lit, IMHO, are not women, who stop writing you with no discernable reason, when the communication that flowed before was fairly "light", as you indicated it was, in your opening post, Krazy Kat. The ladies who posted #5, #6 and #7 mentioned some plausible reasons, why that may have happened.

Much worse than that are women, who lead you on. Who let you believe they want what you want (and have clearly indicated in several posts of yours), and to top it off, who make you believe in their mails that you have reached their hearts and souls. Only to gost you then, after you begin losing your heart to them.

Important to realize, perhaps, is that Lit is not a place where you can find eternal happiness, however much you may crave it. I used to believe several times I had found that, only to learn later, how self-centered pretty much every woman is, who comes here. After all, when 10 or more men are available for the picking, for any women, and maybe 50-100 for any woman, who can write a half ways decent ad, why should she really behave any different than women who go shopping on-line for items of clothing?

They can always send everything back and order more; it won't cost them anything

The "trick" IMHO would be to find a woman who is definitely not self-centered and egotistical. Who wants to listen, understand, and provide some empathy here or there. In return for what she is getting from you. A woman, who used to exist in earlier times, perhaps, when the "rules of the game" were completely different, when civilized behavior was still the norm

But we live in different times now, Krazy Kat. No sense complaining; you'v gotto run with the flow, and enjoy to the fullest what you can get.
Click to expand...

Yes yes, and yes! Start talking to a girl like she’s interesting to you. Not just that her bio says “talk dirty to me!” The first guy that does is usually out! Be respectful. If she doesn’t have a long profile, ask questions! Get to know her! The chances of it going somewhere down the road are much better than if you say “Hey baby, wanna cam?”
 
FantasyGir1 said:
Yes yes, and yes! Start talking to a girl like she’s interesting to you. Not just that her bio says “talk dirty to me!” The first guy that does is usually out! Be respectful. If she doesn’t have a long profile, ask questions! Get to know her! The chances of it going somewhere down the road are much better than if you say “Hey baby, wanna cam?”
Click to expand...

Yep.:D
 
This is a strange place. A fun place and a dangerous place.

With the veil of the computer screen and the pretense of anonymity, we are free to say just what we want...

As a self proclaimed attention whore, i talk some shit, flirt pretty hard, get slapped occasionally.and cyber rather well,(if I say so myself), Jesus, I even showed my girls...I digress...

The connection is the thing.
Come to my pm...get to know me...and you will find a different side to me.but how do you get in? Be real. Be fun. I have enough drama this side of the screen to warrant a full on retreat!
That being said...
I have met some amazingly wonderful people. Sexy and brilliant, beautiful and kind. I adore them with all that I have. Even the ones who moved on. But that took time to establish. It's organic. Might just be me...
I have been ghosted...yeah. it hurts. But you just keep going.
Maybe ask yourself...what is your motivation? What is your end game? You want a relationship? Or to fuck? That might help in your pursuits and determine who you should chat with and how you say hi. Just don't shake your genitals...not yet anyway.

One more thing. Say what you mean. And mean what you say. Can't go wrong there.
 
I think because the ratio of women to men on here is so small that a lot of the women are probably big headed because they get so much attention on here that realistically they don't get in the real world so they feel they have the pick of the market. now don't get me wrong. those women are idiots and there's never any need to be rude. another point is that even if a woman says she's into a certain thing or likes talking dirty etc she still needs to feel a connection with the person she's talking to. and you don't find that connection with everyone. and thirdly maybe you're moving too fast. build a rapport and build a bit of trust and see what happens.
 
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