COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Young married man not satisfied

Do yourself a favor and don't have any children with her. You think you're not getting enough sex now? After children it will get much worse. By then you will have kids, be cheating, and then go through a divorce and have to pay child support. While everyone, including me, will say that communication is the key, the fact is you can only get so far with communication. A person is who they are and you're not going to change them. You're not going to accept less sex and she apparently is not going to give more.

I would try counseling ASAP and if you can't get anywhere with that then you need to admit you made a mistake, get divorced, and move on. It would really be the best and fairest thing to do for both of you. Cheating, even over the internet, is the wrong way to go in a marriage. If you have to cheat then you shouldn't be married in the first place and the longer you live like this the unhappier you will get to the point of eventually having a failed marriage leading to divorce anyway and having to pay child support on top of it.
 
Here's the advice I didn't see much of: TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.

A lot of people are talking about what you can do, alone, about the situation. That's good counsel, because ultimately the only thing you can change is yourself. And yes, this does indeed mean that your marriage may not be salvageable, since that's not a decision you make alone. Your wife also needs to be committed to the marriage, to figuring out what's going wrong, to fixing it.

And that's the thing I'm not seeing being said out very much: talk to her about it. What IS going wrong? How DO you fix it? There's only one person on the planet who knows the answer to those questions, and--with no disrespect intended to my fellow Litsters--none of us here are that person. You'll find her sleeping in your bed with you every night.

When you know why she's no longer interested in sex, you'll know how to proceed. Until then... well, we're just kind of spitballing here. And again, much of the advice has been good. But not all of it will be relevant, because each of us is assuming certain things about what's going on in your wife's head. And all of us are wrong--or, if we're right, we're right on accident, the way a stopped clock is right twice a day. We don't actually know what the problem is. We know what the symptom is--"young married man not satisfied"--but not the actual disease. And that additional information will really help everyone.

Finally, I leave you with a saying I heard from a friend recently: "Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but don't like that answer."

Good luck.
 
query said:
It just hit me that for some men, especially with a whore madonna mindset, it is suddenly not some deflowering process. I have heard more complaints from women about this change in libido associated not necessarily with marriage but with her becoming a mom...and if my theory holds, a maddona figure now.
Click to expand...

Yep my husband didn't have sex with me *at all* in the three years after our child was born.

Eventually, after refusing to admit for a long time that there was a problem, he told me that he "couldn't see me as anything other than a mother"
 
Not all of us are like that!

It was me that got the milk flowing.
:D
 
MeekMe said:
These questions/topics come up fairly often and I'm always a little surprised/disgusted by the amount of replies that blame one or the other. More disgusted at the people who seem to generalize women as being so evil they would have sex until marriage and then just stop because they've already reeled him in. Seriously, that's some cartoon fuckin' silly clown shoes shit.

You're in a relationship with someone. That means you both have to talk and come to an agreement. Find out why sex is no longer important to her. If there's a medical reason find out what can be done to help. If there's a breakdown somewhere else in the relationship, find it and fix it. If your own orgasm matters more than hers, maybe that's the interest killer. Seriously, if masturbation has better outcomes than sex with my partner, masturbation wins.

My husband and I have traded off throughout our ten years together with both of us losing interest at different times. All for different reasons. Stress from work, my cycle, depression, medical issues, all have played roles in mismatched libidos. Each time, we have casual talks to pinpoint and try to fix this issue. It's not fail proof and it doesn't happen over night. It's also rarely just about sex or lack of it.

I think it's a bad idea to think that the only way your wife can show you she loves you is by having sex with you (as some have suggested). Take a look and see if she's doing other acts of intimacy like hugging or holding hands or whatever that looks like in your relationship. Are those things still happening?

Examine yourself and your relationship. We are very quick to blame the other for how bad things are. I know I've made the mistake of thinking I was totally right, when all along it was just easier for me to blame him instead of owning up to my shit. Usually, blaming each other has been fruitless, we have more successful talks when we both come forward with our shortcomings and agree to work on them.

If it turns out your wife really just doesn't want to have sex that often (that's ok, people have different needs) then look for a solution that you can both agree on. I think you've received some good advice here, along with some really bad advice. No one here is in your relationship, so none of us can really give you the perfect answer. Your relationship maintenance is up to you and your wife.
Click to expand...


I agree that it is rare that a woman intentionally draws a man into marriage then cuts off the tap. But we all "put our best foot forward" during courtship and one of the things that frequently does wane thereafter for women is sex. The scenario where women decrease sexual activity to a level lower than what the man desires is quite common. That doesn't mean she should automatically let him set the pace. But nor should she get to unilaterally set the pace.

The fact that she shows affection in other ways and didn't intentionally create this situation is evidence that there is something worth working on - not that he should accept a sexless marriage.

With most such matters we approach them on the basis that all perspectives are valid and we need to find a way to compromise. But for some reason when it comes to sex the male perspective is sometimes treated as deviant and therefore not valid - we are sex obsessed dirt bags for even bringing it up. And my point is that otherwise generous women engage in dismissive behaviour that is justified by this Pespectice on male sexuality. Once you strip away they negative presumptions about our sexual needs her behaviour looks very selfish.

So work at it, invest in your relationship but don't accept the premise that your sexual needs and desires are less valid than hers.
 
SlutAddicted said:
I agree that it is rare that a woman intentionally draws a man into marriage then cuts off the tap. But we all "put our best foot forward" during courtship and one of the things that frequently does wane thereafter for women is sex. The scenario where women decrease sexual activity to a level lower than what the man desires is quite common. That doesn't mean she should automatically let him set the pace. But nor should she get to unilaterally set the pace.

The fact that she shows affection in other ways and didn't intentionally create this situation is evidence that there is something worth working on - not that he should accept a sexless marriage.

With most such matters we approach them on the basis that all perspectives are valid and we need to find a way to compromise. But for some reason when it comes to sex the male perspective is sometimes treated as deviant and therefore not valid - we are sex obsessed dirt bags for even bringing it up. And my point is that otherwise generous women engage in dismissive behaviour that is justified by this Pespectice on male sexuality. Once you strip away they negative presumptions about our sexual needs her behaviour looks very selfish.

So work at it, invest in your relationship but don't accept the premise that your sexual needs and desires are less valid than hers.
Click to expand...

I don't know where you got that I was suggesting men are evil for wanting sex. Or that he should accept a sexless marriage.

I did, however, suggest they look for a solution that works for both off them.

This is also coming from a woman with a typically higher sex drive than her husband. But as I've said, in 10 years with him we have both had dry times and it's part of life (at least in my experience). Each time we've worked together to find solutions, ya know, because we're adults in a relationship.
 
The other thing - what is 'vanilla' to the OP might be profoundly kinky and fulfilling to the OP's wife. If he sets himself up as 'the kinky one' and her as 'the vanilla one' in the relationship and talks to her as if she's letting him down by being too vanilla, then she may not want to share her kinks with him.
 
I have no friggen idea what the problem is when two people in their mid 20's are not having sex expecially when there is not a life changing event like a baby etc. I do know that this forum is frequented by a bunch of hacks (myself included) and I would not do anything rash without consulting a professional. Have you considered a sex therapist?

Read This: http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-sex-therapy/0001087

I thought that a sex surrogate could help but maybe this is a stretch? Maybe they are a bunch of charlatans? Here is a web site with licensed surrogates. The first one on the list deals with couples. Most deal with individuals. Also, some teach tantra. What could be wrong with learning this as a couple?
http://sexsurrogateofla.com/certified-surrogates/mukee-okan.php

I am assuming that your wife is in her mid 20's. (Did you say 24?). If so, she has a long way to go and much to learn. (You both do.) I have heard it said that men reach their sexual peak at 18 while woman peak in their 30's. So for her, the best is yet to come. She has a lot of potential. Your job is to work with her to achieve it. I don't know what to tell you but maybe some of the professionals listed in the web sites I cited that can help?

I have made a lot of mistakes and bad choices along the way. I will list a few of the good and bad things that I have done. You make the choice.

Watching porn - bad
My S.O. once walked off to bed and said you have a choice to make: Watch porn or me. I secretly chose porn and I drained a lot of good mojo - wasted on porn. I would have been better off not jerking off and saving my sexual energy for her. Even at the point of being a little frustrated. You are going to have to jerk off sometime but twice a day? Can you save one for just in case?

The introduction of Intimate oils and toys - good
Once I met a woman that owned a sex shop . A conversation ensued. She advised me that the Silver Bullet was the #1 sex toy of choice of woman. She told me to gently massage the clitoris while having doggie intercourse. This was fantastic for awhile.
Once I bought a fairly expensive kit of massage oils and lubricants etc. I gave it to her and I told her I wanted to grow closer as a couple and have a better sex life together. She was so touched she cried. It got us talking. We had a great time for months after.

I think I will stop here for now. If this is helpful please feel free to PM me.
 
Last edited:
NeglectedWife said:
Yep my husband didn't have sex with me *at all* in the three years after our child was born.

Eventually, after refusing to admit for a long time that there was a problem, he told me that he "couldn't see me as anything other than a mother"
Click to expand...

I know I have whore/madonna tendencies. It is one of the dumbest things in human sexual dynamics. It serves no useful purpose from a bonding or evolutionary perspective. I am not one to blame religions for things, but this one I do.

In my case it could have been worse. When I met the woman that would be the mother of my five children, she already had one of them. So during that whole arousal/new relationship phase she was already a mother and sexy so I had less trouble getting my head around it all, I suspect.

I met a girl about three years ago. At the time I thought she was just a little thick shall we say. In reality she was a pregnant, former size zero. That is how we ended up getting together. She found herself pregnant from a one night stand. She, at the time had a couple of FWBs...both of whom expressed some discomfort with being sexual with a pregnant woman, and both tapered off to nothing when she started showing.

I joked that I had 36 months experience fucking pregnant women, and that was my entree. So those guys missed out on some good sex in her latter part of her pregnancy. I know they missed out because I was there and it was outstandingly enthusiastic.

A close friend of mine had the post postpartum-no-sex problem with the accidental father of her third child. She had two while married to her ex-husband. Had apparently a good sex life with this guy, then they had a kid and he just backed off to nothing. I gave her some advice that unfortunate worked because I kind of hoped she would stay sexually available.
 
Somehowyou said:
I have no friggen idea what the problem is when two people in their mid 20's are not having sex expecially when there is not a life changing event like a baby etc. I do know that this forum is frequented by a bunch of hacks (myself included) and I would not do anything rash without consulting a professional. Have you considered a sex therapist?

Read This: http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-sex-therapy/0001087

I thought that a sex surrogate could help but maybe this is a stretch? Maybe they are a bunch of charlatans? Here is a web site with licensed surrogates. The first one on the list deals with couples. Most deal with individuals. Also, some teach tantra. What could be wrong with learning this as a couple?
http://sexsurrogateofla.com/certified-surrogates/mukee-okan.php

I am assuming that your wife is in her mid 20's. (Did you say 24?). If so, she has a long way to go and much to learn. (You both do.) I have heard it said that men reach their sexual peak at 18 while woman peak in their 30's. So for her, the best is yet to come. She has a lot of potential. Your job is to work with her to achieve it. I don't know what to tell you but maybe some of the professionals listed in the web sites I cited that can help?

I have made a lot of mistakes and bad choices along the way. I will list a few of the good and bad things that I have done. You make the choice.

Watching porn - bad
My S.O. once walked off to bed and said you have a choice to make: Watch porn or me. I secretly chose porn and I drained a lot of good mojo - wasted on porn. I would have been better off not jerking off and saving my sexual energy for her. Even at the point of being a little frustrated. You are going to have to jerk off sometime but twice a day? Can you save one for just in case?

The introduction of Intimate oils and toys - good
Once I met a woman that owned a sex shop . A conversation ensued. She advised me that the Silver Bullet was the #1 sex toy of choice of woman. She told me to gently massage the clitoris while having doggie intercourse. This was fantastic for awhile.
Once I bought a fairly expensive kit of massage oils and lubricants etc. I gave it to her and I told her I wanted to grow closer as a couple and have a better sex life together. She was so touched she cried. It got us talking. We had a great time for months after.

I think I will stop here for now. If this is helpful please feel free to PM me.
Click to expand...

I like the insights you have gained about yourself and your relationship here.

I wondered about the "for months after" comment. That sounds like it once again waned a bit?

I went through that in my marriage. I thought we had found the magic formula, and rekindled things well. It wasn't too long after that it became apparent that was a swan song.

Be nice if the same thing worked to rekindle each time you hit a rough patch.
 
query said:
I like the insights you have gained about yourself and your relationship here.

I wondered about the "for months after" comment. That sounds like it once again waned a bit?

I went through that in my marriage. I thought we had found the magic formula, and rekindled things well. It wasn't too long after that it became apparent that was a swan song.

Be nice if the same thing worked to rekindle each time you hit a rough patch.
Click to expand...

Thanks. No, this relationship has spanned a few decades. There are no silver bullets (with the exception of the one I gave my SO LOL) that last forever. I think you have to infuse newness and be creative because once something gets old...well, it gets old.

A few of the other things I have done is fly her out to meet me at a back end of a business trip. Even once to San Diego and to South America. Just a change of scenery can make a huge difference. these were like huge adventures for her and we had great sex doing the same things that we do in our marital bed but a change of scenery made everything fresh.
 
MeekMe said:
I don't know where you got that I was suggesting men are evil for wanting sex. Or that he should accept a sexless marriage.

I did, however, suggest they look for a solution that works for both off them.

This is also coming from a woman with a typically higher sex drive than her husband. But as I've said, in 10 years with him we have both had dry times and it's part of life (at least in my experience). Each time we've worked together to find solutions, ya know, because we're adults in a relationship.
Click to expand...


I know my comments on this particular topic (well maybe others too) can seem a bit harsh. They aren't intended that way. My overriding message is to communicate and work at it and expect the same from your SO. Both parties must find ways to collaborate, compromise and grow together.

But if one party reserves the right to discount or dismiss the priorities of the other this becomes much harder. Guys are often dismissive of the little things that turn a woman on or off and we are implored to be more sensitive and attentive. Fair enough. The flip side is that women are sometimes dismissive of the male perspective on sexuality. In other words anything beyond what they find acceptable is deemed dirty and perverted and is "off the table". That isn't fair.

Whether or not a woman chooses to indulge a man's dirtiest desire is another matter - compromise doesn't mean capitulate. But taking things "off the table" amounts to saying I will compromise but only within the bounds of what I already deem acceptable. That isn't compromise and by definition amounts to refusing to hear part of what your partner is saying.

So just as we men are rightly implored to be more attentive (and less dense) so should a woman be implored to open her mind and her heart to her husband. BOTH must set aside existing hang-ups, outside influences and maybe even personal discomfort.

Whether we start out from a perspective of "she should put out more" or "he should do more to woo her" we are implicitly making assumptions that may not be valid. Neither of these approaches is inherently more accurate than the other.

And I suppose I react to what I perceive as a cultural and societal assumption that it is always on the man to do more. In some cases this absolutely true. But almost every man has also been in the position where the harder he works to please her the more she takes him for granted. There is no right answer except to invest yourself in the relationship AND expect your partner to invest themselves as much as you do.
 
Last edited:
Dont cheat,could come back to haunt you if you get caught, and its neither of yours fault if your that different,neither deserve to be unhappy, if its that bad move on and let her go, so she can be happy as well, sex drive is almost like religion, both can be a very big deal in a marriage and one you must come together on if you want it to work otherwise forget it working,it won't.
 
Cut your losses, get a divorce. Life is too short to settle. You're too young to give up and accept your self made prison. You hold the keys. Unlock the door and leave before you're too tied to her with kids and financial entanglements and become too complacent.
 
since the OP hasn't chimed in since dec 29th, my guess is he didn't get the advice he was hoping for...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

C
… discuss pegging with your wife
Replies
16
Views
2K
nothingatall27
N
J
How to Explore the World of Sex Toys?
Replies
9
Views
872
ericalauren
ericalauren
C
Wife has questionable past
2
Replies
38
Views
3K
NormalMarriedWhiteGuy
N
MissMaidenMinx
How do I reduce my neediness?
2 3
Replies
59
Views
2K
Fingerfuxs
Fingerfuxs
K
Get her to give in...
Replies
9
Views
2K
Dapperguy
Dapperguy
Back
Top