Having sex for the first time.

I'd agree that the social chit-chat about sex and swapping stories is embarrassing and girls are as bad as guys in talking it up. I wonder how much is bullshit, because occasionally I'll bullshit bac just to appear 'normal' (oops confession). Then I'll try to steer the convo away.

FireBreeze is always worth listening to.

btw does you AV stand for Very Sensible Virgin Person?

Doog_kuron said:

In fairness I am not sure what the appeal is for a lady.

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Athalia wrote a story about that called "The Dorm Mother." (Disclosure: I edited it.)

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-dorm-mother

For the protagonist, the thrill was predominantly about power, the ability to be fully in control of the situation, rather than be the submissive partner. It seems logical to me, although maybe that was just good storytelling.

I'm also still a virgin (but male)

I don't have any sort of experience beyond 2 female friends who tell me everything about their intimate lives and what I read around and about.

But the idea of ever coming to a point and losing it terrifies me (don't get me wrong, I want to be 'active' so to speak)

xtinelauren1 said:

I definitely know that feeling. Like some of my closet friends are having tons of sex and whenever they talk about their many sexcapades, I just nod my head and agree with whatever they're saying like I TOTALLY know what they're talking about haha. Meanwhile the majority of my knowledge comes from Cosmo and the random sex books I pick up whenever I'm at Barnes and Noble.

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Just so that you know, Cosmo* knows less about sex than I know about how to perform brain surgery while flying through space.

You will have time to explore the wonders of sex - there is no rush. Many people who rushed into regretted it (though, I have to point out not all). I would also take a grain of salt of your friends' sexacapades - in your early twenties, you tend to exaggerate a bit.

You'll get there.

*and I will add most magazines.

MeekMe said:

The guy you decide to get down with isn't lucky because you're a virgin. He's lucky because you decided he was the right person to get so intimate with.

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That. Stay away from people who seem excited by virginity. They're pretty damned creepy. I've slept with two virgins and it was complimentary for precisely the reasons outlined above. It did not make me extra horny or somehow fulfil a bucket list. Being trusted by somebody is always going to be a compliment, that's it.

TheSilverLining said:

Don't have sex just for the sake of having sex!
If you do then it's likely that the person won't be quite right and you'll probably regret it.

It's not the be-all-and-end-all. The earth will not move.

But if it's with someone that you know well, have a connection with and trust (can't stress how important that bit is going to be) then none of the other stuff matters.

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Most of all - THIS. It'll happen, the smartest advice I can give is to people in your situation not get hung up on it (some hope I know).

I ended up being pounced upon by what we'd now call a cougar. She guessed I was a virgin and was actually pleased to take me in hand (as it were) and relieve me of the burden of my virginity (and to brush up on my oral skills). We both got a lot out of it and I never saw her again. If you're able for such a scenario then great, but this is, to my mind at least, a definite second best. Someone you know, trust and like is going to be preferable than waiting for an experienced kindly stranger to just happen by. You want to find someone honest who you can be open with. That doesn't mean it has to be a One True Love but it does tend to help if it's someone you can at least call a good friend.

stickygirl said:

I'd agree that the social chit-chat about sex and swapping stories is embarrassing and girls are as bad as guys in talking it up. I wonder how much is bullshit, because occasionally I'll bullshit bac just to appear 'normal' (oops confession). Then I'll try to steer the convo away.
I've been so poked and prodded over the last few weeks, I don't feel I have any ownership of my body anyway... kinda medically raped, so the physical side of things holds little mystery to me, but the intimacy does.
FireBreeze is always worth listening to.

btw does you AV stand for Very Sensible Virgin Person?

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hahaha, no. but it should, i love that.

In a letter to her daughter said:

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.

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For your first time you will be sloppy, fumbling, and downright incompetent. Do it with someone who won't be troubled by that.

GyratingGiraffe said:

...Stay away from people who seem excited by virginity...

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That's good advice.

xtinelauren1 said:

Also, sex has always been really fascinating to me. I can't even begin to tell say how many books on the subject I've amassed over the years...

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I hope that some of those books are:
"The Joy of Sex", or
"Making Love: How to Be Your Own Sex Therapist" by Raley or
"Getting it on"

BertrandRussell said:

I hope that some of those books are:
"The Joy of Sex", or
"Making Love: How to Be Your Own Sex Therapist" by Raley or
"Getting it on"

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More like Porn Star Secrets of Sex, Sextrology, Sex Signs and some (mostly) useless book by Cosmo. I'm sure I have more. I'll check those out, though.

I know where you're coming from OP, my first year of uni I was in heat so much I almost wanted to drag aside any random cute stranger and offer them myself.

However, I knew I wanted someone who was going to care about me and what my body was feeling, and actually respect me completely - they didn't desperately need to be the one true love or even relationship material. It happened that way quickly enough after that painful needing period of time (it felt like an eternity then), and I'm still glad to this day I made sure whoever I slept with fulfill at least those criteria.

Whenever it happens for you, please think about whether the other person does care about you as a person and your experience of it, and respect you. It's less likely to be something you think back and regret.

...that...

...sums it up best of all.

xjasminex said:

I know where you're coming from OP, my first year of uni I was in heat so much I almost wanted to drag aside any random cute stranger and offer them myself.

However, I knew I wanted someone who was going to care about me and what my body was feeling, and actually respect me completely - they didn't desperately need to be the one true love or even relationship material. It happened that way quickly enough after that painful needing period of time (it felt like an eternity then), and I'm still glad to this day I made sure whoever I slept with fulfill at least those criteria.

Whenever it happens for you, please think about whether the other person does care about you as a person and your experience of it, and respect you. It's less likely to be something you think back and regret.

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jessalynn15 said:

I'm 25 and a virgin. I'm usually not embarrassed by it, but every time conversations come up like "When did you lose your virginity?" I clam up. Mostly because I hate the looks and the questions... Like I'm some animal in danger of extinction, haha.

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I didn't lose mine til I was 26. I hated the questions too, but there are more of us than you think

Thinking back.....this will be with you forever. It is a little bigger than where you ate your first ice cream cone, or the first time you rode a two-wheeler.
You, as a person, are like a diamond, and should be treated like a diamond.
There are plenty of guys who would want you for a date and a fuck. If you go that route, that will be your memory.
Believe me, you can't bleach your brain.
Find a partner that looks you in the eyes and melts you for just being you.

Wait for a good guy. You will be awkward, but close your eyes, and slow everything down, and it can be a memory that will make you smile...forever.

Believe it or not every guy has done it the first time and it was probably awkward. I would worry more about having done it several times and you still suck at it. If I were you I would start the sexual relationship off with a BJ and let it develop from there since you've already had experience with that. What guy wouldn't like that?

if it makes you feel better i am still a virgin at 21, and know how you feel lauren

Maybe we should arrange "the grand lit opening convention"?


Nice place, good food... And then either speed dating or randomed coupling, followed by intercourse under the watchful guidance of an experienced instructor.

Maybe not exactly romantic, but it would solve a lot of frustrations.

OregonWriter14 said:

Find yourself a nice married man that you know and trust and go to a motel. Not your house, not his, and certainly not a car or park lawn or ... whatever: a neutral place that is nice but which you will never go to again.

Make sure that he knows you are a virgin and that you want to be "broken in" but gently and slowly. The basics: oral sex and intercourse. No alcohol; maybe a glass of wine.

Make sure that he understands that this is a one time thing, that you just want to lose your virginity in a nice but enjoyable way.

I did this once with a young woman I knew, and it was a good time. (I wasn't married, but I knew it was just a one time thing. It actually turned out to be three nights over a month, but same thing: we knew it was just "education", and that she would then be turning to men her own age, which she did.)

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Dont take that advice.


And at 23 Im also a virgin
Hope that makes you feel a little better knowing youre not the only one.


And on a side note take your time and be in control of the situation when it happens (youve held out this long, dont settle for mediocore).