Insider or Outsider?

Although a LOT of regulars here are lifestyle, and although there is a tendency to talk as if lifestyle is the only style, many of us are not D/s and I for one make it a practice to remind people that kink is legitimately a part of BDSM.
so yeah, stick around, we can use more diverse voices.
 
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And this is exactly why I hope they'll both stick around. And you, too, by the way. :rose:

thank you.:rose:

I poke my nose in now and again, but I find it's often both more efficient and more personal to simply consult one of my friends who is further down the D/s path than am I.

but i'll be back. I think Stella wants to spank me. :D
 
thank you.:rose:

I poke my nose in now and again, but I find it's often both more efficient and more personal to simply consult one of my friends who is further down the D/s path than am I.

but i'll be back. I think Stella wants to spank me. :D

Maybe you could lure her into the Barn so we could all watch? :devil:
 
Although a LOT of regulars here are lifestyle, and although there is a tendency to talk as if lifestyle is the only style, many of us are not D/s and I for one make it a practice to remind people that kink is legitimately a part of BDSM.
so yeah, stick around, we can use more diverse voices.

Yes, I think that is an important distinction to make. Whilst I identify as submissive, and my relationship is D/s, I see kink as separate from that.....and when the two happen to converge, I am a very happy girl.

Referring to the OP, I tend not to post as I feel I likely don't have anything of worth to contribute. I am fascinated with the cerebral aspect of submission as an entity in and of itself, but don't see many threads which delve into this. Yes, I could start such a thread, but a wordsmith I am not, words tend to be my nemesis and I always fear my question/point would be lost amongst the awkwardness, then I'd just feel stupid for having opened my mouth in the first place, and would go back to lurking, tail firmly between my legs.
 
Yes, I think that is an important distinction to make. Whilst I identify as submissive, and my relationship is D/s, I see kink as separate from that.....and when the two happen to converge, I am a very happy girl.

Referring to the OP, I tend not to post as I feel I likely don't have anything of worth to contribute. I am fascinated with the cerebral aspect of submission as an entity in and of itself, but don't see many threads which delve into this. Yes, I could start such a thread, but a wordsmith I am not, words tend to be my nemesis and I always fear my question/point would be lost amongst the awkwardness, then I'd just feel stupid for having opened my mouth in the first place, and would go back to lurking, tail firmly between my legs.

Please reconsider this. I think one of the best things about the discussions here is that we learn quite a bit about ourselves - a necessary and healthy part of growing - from trying to express ourselves even if we miss the mark. Also, as others respond to what we say, we find that our understanding grows and becomes more finely tuned.
 
Yes, I think that is an important distinction to make. Whilst I identify as submissive, and my relationship is D/s, I see kink as separate from that.....and when the two happen to converge, I am a very happy girl.

Referring to the OP, I tend not to post as I feel I likely don't have anything of worth to contribute. I am fascinated with the cerebral aspect of submission as an entity in and of itself, but don't see many threads which delve into this. Yes, I could start such a thread, but a wordsmith I am not, words tend to be my nemesis and I always fear my question/point would be lost amongst the awkwardness, then I'd just feel stupid for having opened my mouth in the first place, and would go back to lurking, tail firmly between my legs.

flip, you have proved right here that you are more than capable of expressing yourself clearly and without the awkwardness you seem to fear.:rose:
 
Please reconsider this. I think one of the best things about the discussions here is that we learn quite a bit about ourselves - a necessary and healthy part of growing - from trying to express ourselves even if we miss the mark. Also, as others respond to what we say, we find that our understanding grows and becomes more finely tuned.

flip, you have proved right here that you are more than capable of expressing yourself clearly and without the awkwardness you seem to fear.:rose:

Thank you, both :rose:

When something is on my mind, there's a tendency for it to become a jumbled mass of syllables and connectives which don't always spill forth in the correct order....my fear of appearing stupid tends to accentuate that trait. :eek:
I do enjoy having my way of thinking challenged though, so maybe I did ought to just bite the bullet and jump in. I do have visions of being run out of town to cries of 'fuck off, hippy' though, given where my interest mostly lies ;)
 
Thank you, both :rose:

When something is on my mind, there's a tendency for it to become a jumbled mass of syllables and connectives which don't always spill forth in the correct order....my fear of appearing stupid tends to accentuate that trait. :eek:
I do enjoy having my way of thinking challenged though, so maybe I did ought to just bite the bullet and jump in. I do have visions of being run out of town to cries of 'fuck off, hippy' though, given where my interest mostly lies ;)

Don't worry. Some of the rest of us are hippies, too. :rose:
 
meet you in the barn ;)

w00p w00p! meow! :cattail:


i'm too young to have been a full-fledged hippie, but I carried my Holly Hobbie and then Donny Osmond lunchboxes to school with pride in my patchwork bell-bottoms and crocheted vest. ;)



cowabunga, dudes. :kiss:
 
:(

I saw your post, and still have it up in another window. I think you should put it back.:rose:

Me too - I was going to drop him a note in appreciation of his post but didn't get to it :(

This all raises another good point, on line vs skin to skin. There are experts in .. say.. WWII and the Bronze Age who didn't experience a bit of the real life activity. Their perspective and insight can still be extremely valuable.

Also, I would argue that for me, personally, an on line element adds an additional line of communication that I can sometimes be more open with, more honest and communicative. Less shy than in person. I'm glad you are dumping your past beliefs, MWY. I'm with you on that one :) On line relationships can be just as much of a mind fuck, and emotionally gripping as any other relationship. The sex is just a bit different :p
 
Me too - I was going to drop him a note in appreciation of his post but didn't get to it :(

This all raises another good point, on line vs skin to skin. There are experts in .. say.. WWII and the Bronze Age who didn't experience a bit of the real life activity. Their perspective and insight can still be extremely valuable.

Also, I would argue that for me, personally, an on line element adds an additional line of communication that I can sometimes be more open with, more honest and communicative. Less shy than in person. I'm glad you are dumping your past beliefs, MWY. I'm with you on that one :) On line relationships can be just as much of a mind fuck, and emotionally gripping as any other relationship. The sex is just a bit different :p

Did someone mention mind fucks? :D :D
 
..to be honest I saw someone up thread refer to the playground as superficial and felt momentarily taken aback even though it's true. It's that judged feeling again. There are some deep and meaningful interactions held there too...not many though

I'm the one who used frivolous in conjunction with the PG, and if my words made you feel judged, I'm sorry for that. I'd like to clarify what I meant.

On the PG, the communication style seems to be fast paced, flirty and witty - all of which are skills that are distinctly not my forte. I can be silly/light hearted on occasion, but the majority of the time, you're likely to get a more literal response from me. Because by the time I've thought of what I think is a clever response to a post, the thread has already moved on to the next page. I'm actually in awe, and slightly envious of those for whom witty rejoinders flow with ease.

So when I said the PG is more frivolous, it wasn't meant as an expression of disdain or dismissal for that board or it's participants. I just meant the more straightforward communication style of HT and the BDSM boards are easier for literal minded me to follow.:eek:
 
I'm the one who used frivolous in conjunction with the PG, and if my words made you feel judged, I'm sorry for that. I'd like to clarify what I meant.

On the PG, the communication style seems to be fast paced, flirty and witty - all of which are skills that are distinctly not my forte. I can be silly/light hearted on occasion, but the majority of the time, you're likely to get a more literal response from me. Because by the time I've thought of what I think is a clever response to a post, the thread has already moved on to the next page. I'm actually in awe, and slightly envious of those for whom witty rejoinders flow with ease.

So when I said the PG is more frivolous, it wasn't meant as an expression of disdain or dismissal for that board or it's participants. I just meant the more straightforward communication style of HT and the BDSM boards are easier for literal minded me to follow.:eek:


Oh gosh, absolutely no offence taken (nor meant) you are quite right it is a frivolous flirty place ...it's just I wouldn't want to appear one-dimensional or superficial, even, surprisingly to me, on a porn site on the internet :eek:
 
I think this word "lifestyle" is sometimes more exclusive than it should be. I live my lifestyle 24/7. I am who I am 24/7. "I am" maybe shouldn't be so tangled up with the verbs of how people practice and identify BDSM. When people get snappish it is usually about their identity being denied as valid and that is heartbreaking to see when I know I have had to work hard at really feeling and loving my own skin. I find community and comfort in reading the habits, wants and needs that are talked about here that allow me to feel "same". Two people can identify as 'insert identity here' and have completely different ways they express and experience it.

"Same" builds community. "Different" is the medium for discussion and learning. A discussion board that tries to define a community based only on agreement will struggle. How could it not? Communication is a skill that has to be practiced, and usually requires a lot of compassion when it engages the emotions. Discussion is a dance and it makes sense to me that when strangers try to dance for the first time that some toes are going to be stepped on.

What I know now is that the voices here each have a story that explains their tone and each one teaches when I can allow the tone to just be one part of the message and not the defining lesson. It's the people here that make me grit my teeth that have the most to teach me, and I just try to hold that.

When I first came here it was difficult for me to speak up, and in many ways I still struggle to speak freely about the "I am" statements that are still in the works. I hope that the voices that hold back find the courage to speak because lingering these halls has taught me so much about myself and added so many colors to my human crayon box.

There are so many discussions that get shut down that I wish could be embraced but I can also own that it is also me that shrinks at responding that the topic is welcome and maybe I should speak up more, especially when it's something I know nothing about.

Thanks for this thread MWY. :rose:
 
I think this word "lifestyle" is sometimes more exclusive than it should be. I live my lifestyle 24/7. I am who I am 24/7. "I am" maybe shouldn't be so tangled up with the verbs of how people practice and identify BDSM. When people get snappish it is usually about their identity being denied as valid and that is heartbreaking to see when I know I have had to work hard at really feeling and loving my own skin. I find community and comfort in reading the habits, wants and needs that are talked about here that allow me to feel "same". Two people can identify as 'insert identity here' and have completely different ways they express and experience it.

"Same" builds community. "Different" is the medium for discussion and learning. A discussion board that tries to define a community based only on agreement will struggle. How could it not? Communication is a skill that has to be practiced, and usually requires a lot of compassion when it engages the emotions. Discussion is a dance and it makes sense to me that when strangers try to dance for the first time that some toes are going to be stepped on.

What I know now is that the voices here each have a story that explains their tone and each one teaches when I can allow the tone to just be one part of the message and not the defining lesson. It's the people here that make me grit my teeth that have the most to teach me, and I just try to hold that.

When I first came here it was difficult for me to speak up, and in many ways I still struggle to speak freely about the "I am" statements that are still in the works. I hope that the voices that hold back find the courage to speak because lingering these halls has taught me so much about myself and added so many colors to my human crayon box.

There are so many discussions that get shut down that I wish could be embraced but I can also own that it is also me that shrinks at responding that the topic is welcome and maybe I should speak up more, especially when it's something I know nothing about.

Thanks for this thread MWY. :rose:

Beautifully said. Thank you. :rose:
 
You'll notice this "oldbie" has posted twice before in here. No one quoted me. No one responded. This place is so cliquish and mean, mean, mean! I'm taking my toys and going home!

:D
 
In this discussion of Insiders and Outsiders, all but four of the many posts were submitted by people who have previously submitted thousands of posts on Lit. No judgement, just an observation.
 
In this discussion of Insiders and Outsiders, all but four of the many posts were submitted by people who have previously submitted thousands of posts on Lit. No judgement, just an observation.

Well a few people came over from their "usual" forum homes to post, so that was cool. Also if you are making the point that some people just don't post a lot, regardless of what the subject matter is, you're right, of course. We may be the BDSM crowd, but we can't force people to post :D
 
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