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The beauty of submissive men

Erochic said:
I'm moving more to embrace my dominant side, and the more I read the more I realise there is a huge disconnect between the image of Femdom and what the majority of dominant women want.

Femdom porn leaves me completely cold, and it wasn't until I stumbled upon blogs and tumblers celebrating the beauty of submissive men and read others thoughts on the matter, that I realised why.

In my view Femdom porn completely dehumanises the dynamic and reduces the Domme to a latex clad boot wearing 2 dimensional cut out figure(not that there is anything wrong with latex and boots if you enjoy them, but it should not be a requirement ) ... And completely leaves the woman and her pleasure out of the picture.

So here I want to share, and ask others to share, links and discussions and pictures that celebrate the dominant woman and submissive man in a beautiful way.

No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!
Click to expand...



The femdom images in porn also leave me cold as well. I think they are really geared towards men and men's desires even when they are submissive. It sort of misses the whole point of a dominant female to me.

I prefer the notion of a dominant woman turning everything on its head. What would she want of her man and how would she lead him......not how would he like to be led? I enjoy my man's submission and now that he is properly trained there is no need to impose my will forcefully (there never was really).

Nor do I get any pleasure in humiliating or torturing him. Abusing the person who has given such a wonderful gift of submission and love would make me an evil bitch, not a Dom. I think any Dom needs to have great compassion, acceptance and understanding. Being his Dom has taught me a lot about what it is to lead and assume responsibility - I feel as though don't get to indulge in blaming others. He is strong in his submission and so I must be strong in my leadership.

As he has opened himself to me and gracefully laid his deepest secrets and desires at my feet I have tried to recognize how difficult that is for any person. I take what he is given me and treat it with respect, not step on it. As you say there is nothing wrong with latex boots and a good spanking when he has earned it. And he has so I indulge him and enjoy doing it. While others would see that as punishment we both recognize it as something he craves deeply.

I make the decisions and dominate our day-to-day life as well as our sex life. He gladly submits and sincerely appreciates the direction and leadership. If that isn't Dom and Sub I don't know what is. There is no need for cruelty or humiliation. The clarity of our arrangement is a calming force in our hectic lives because our souls are open to each other unlike with any person I know.

His ultimate submission to me is the acceptance of my other sexual partners (no I am not submissive to them - that would be an offence to my Sub husband). I understand that isn't for everyone and certainly needn't be a part of a Dom/Sub relationship. For us it is the ultimate test of his obedience. It is his way of putting me and my pleasure first. I have other ways of putting him first which also includes a varied sex life for him as well. But always with my control and his submission because that is the way we like it.
 
policywank said:
The femdom images in porn also leave me cold as well. I think they are really geared towards men and men's desires even when they are submissive. It sort of misses the whole point of a dominant female to me.

I prefer the notion of a dominant woman turning everything on its head. What would she want of her man and how would she lead him......not how would he like to be led? I enjoy my man's submission and now that he is properly trained there is no need to impose my will forcefully (there never was really).

Nor do I get any pleasure in humiliating or torturing him. Abusing the person who has given such a wonderful gift of submission and love would make me an evil bitch, not a Dom. I think any Dom needs to have great compassion, acceptance and understanding. Being his Dom has taught me a lot about what it is to lead and assume responsibility - I feel as though don't get to indulge in blaming others. He is strong in his submission and so I must be strong in my leadership.

As he has opened himself to me and gracefully laid his deepest secrets and desires at my feet I have tried to recognize how difficult that is for any person. I take what he is given me and treat it with respect, not step on it. As you say there is nothing wrong with latex boots and a good spanking when he has earned it. And he has so I indulge him and enjoy doing it. While others would see that as punishment we both recognize it as something he craves deeply.

I make the decisions and dominate our day-to-day life as well as our sex life. He gladly submits and sincerely appreciates the direction and leadership. If that isn't Dom and Sub I don't know what is. There is no need for cruelty or humiliation. The clarity of our arrangement is a calming force in our hectic lives because our souls are open to each other unlike with any person I know.

His ultimate submission to me is the acceptance of my other sexual partners (no I am not submissive to them - that would be an offence to my Sub husband). I understand that isn't for everyone and certainly needn't be a part of a Dom/Sub relationship. For us it is the ultimate test of his obedience. It is his way of putting me and my pleasure first. I have other ways of putting him first which also includes a varied sex life for him as well. But always with my control and his submission because that is the way we like it.
Click to expand...

What a beautiful heart warming post! Thankyou you sincerely. Xx
Two beautiful souls in one thread making this a nice place to revisit.
 
Erochic said:
I'm moving more to embrace my dominant side, and the more I read the more I realise there is a huge disconnect between the image of Femdom and what the majority of dominant women want.

Femdom porn leaves me completely cold, and it wasn't until I stumbled upon blogs and tumblers celebrating the beauty of submissive men and read others thoughts on the matter, that I realised why.

In my view Femdom porn completely dehumanises the dynamic and reduces the Domme to a latex clad boot wearing 2 dimensional cut out figure(not that there is anything wrong with latex and boots if you enjoy them, but it should not be a requirement ) ... And completely leaves the woman and her pleasure out of the picture.

So here I want to share, and ask others to share, links and discussions and pictures that celebrate the dominant woman and submissive man in a beautiful way.

No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!
Click to expand...

There is no beauty in fascism, or in those who fetishize it with abhorrent sex acts.
 
Erochic said:
Thank you:)
There seems to be a number of sad posts .... I think it's desperately sad that men are struggling with accepting the part of their nature that's submissive - as if it's something wrong with it.
Click to expand...

New to the forum, not sure if it is appropriate to just jump in. But I found your comment and thought it quite on the money. Thank you.
 
A Sideways Perspective, Perhaps

My first Sir, J, was a bi switch. While he was quite the dominant with me, he was submissive to the primary man in our collective relationship, D (with whom I had a relationship mostly as friends, though we had a few...difficult-to-describe moments). I was very rarely allowed to view the submissive side of J. When I was new to the relationship he didn't want me to confuse The Way Things Were Supposed to Be. As we all grew together, things became a bit more relaxed. I was gifted with the chance to watch a few sessions involving items J wanted to introduce me to, with him as the subject; I think it was in part to reassure me (I can take this, so will you).

One year, on his birthday, the three of us went to the old Hellfire Club in NYC. (I was living in Brooklyn at the time, and a regular member--yes, I'm olllld.) I was appointed as assistant for the evening, while D played with J. It was, quite honestly, one of the sexiest, hottest, and most beautiful evenings of my life. They'd been together for several years and knew each other quite well, of course. The way they moved, reacted and did the dance with each other was incredible. There was no humiliation, no belittling, none of the stereotyped 'sissy' attitude (and I'm not demeaning that, IF both parties are into that form of expression). J was 'all man' even in service. It's really very hard to describe the sense of strength and...dignity (?) that ran as a strong undercurrent through the whole scene, the entire night really.

On a very physical level, J was just gorgeous, and D (who wasn't my type) had this very sexy air of concentration that was completely unexpected. I wish I could pull it all out of my head and share it as stills or video, I truly do.
 
J was 'all man' even in service. It's really very hard to describe the sense of strength and...dignity (?) that ran as a strong undercurrent through the whole scene, the entire night really.
Click to expand...

That is so very hot!!

I love that idea of strength and dignity... While being submissive:)

It's so very hot!!:rose:
 
Mmm... Right now I'm planning a second meeting with a man I've been talking to who likes submission.

Our first meeting we just met for coffee and talked ... And had a really nice talk... Both innocent and suggestive. We didn't touch at all... But there was still a very nice sexual tension.

Today I'm going to meet him for coffee again ... And it will be completely innocent again - on the surface.

We have been emailing and i have been teasing him gently... And he is staying polite and gentlemanly but is following my lead very nicely...and I know I have him so horny he is starting not to be able to think straight.

He doesn't know it yet, but I'm planning to tease him mercilessly during our coffee date. Tell him to do things and tell me things, while keeping everything as innocent as possible on the surface... And of course switching back and forwards from teasing to the mundane. He's said that he likes taking orders... So we'll see how he goes.
He has to meet work colleagues after that for dinner, so I am planning that he will be in agony by then and nothing he can do about it.

I'm feeling delighted and giggly about this. Yes, I'm planning to make it that he will be aroused and he can't do anything about it, and I am getting off on the power of controlling him.... But it's not a mean kind of power trip at all. I've been smiling with appreciation at his responses so far, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how he will respond today:)

It's like a dance and it takes intelligence and an appreciation of subtlety to follow it well:) That is really sexy.
 
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Erochic said:
Mmm... Right now I'm planning a second meeting with a man I've been talking to who likes submission.

Our first meeting we just met for coffee and talked ... And had a really nice talk... Both innocent and suggestive. We didn't touch at all... But there was still a very nice sexual tension.

Today I'm going to meet him for coffee again ... And it will be completely innocent again - on the surface.

We have been emailing and i have been teasing him gently... And he is staying polite and gentlemanly but is following my lead very nicely...and I know I have him so horny he is starting not to be able to think straight.

He doesn't know it yet, but I'm planning to tease him mercilessly during our coffee date. Tell him to do things and tell me things, while keeping everything as innocent as possible on the surface... And of course switching back and forwards from teasing to the mundane. He's said that he likes taking orders... So we'll see how he goes.
He has to meet work colleagues after that for dinner, so I am planning that he will be in agony by then and nothing he can do about it.

I'm feeling delighted and giggly about this. Yes, I'm planning to make it that he will be aroused and he can't do anything about it, and I am getting off on the power of controlling him.... But it's not a mean kind of power trip at all. I've been smiling with appreciation at his responses so far, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how he will respond today:)

It's like a dance and it takes intelligence and an appreciation of subtlety to follow it well:) That is really sexy.
Click to expand...

Keep an eye on your drink.
 
Felix_Jones said:
Keep an eye on your drink.
Click to expand...

Haha... No it was at a fancy hotel and we drank tea and had fancy cakes.

He didn't roofie me - in fact he didn't even touch me, even though he really wanted to.
We kept it all looking innocent from the outside - but I asked him questions about what he liked and what he wanted and how he was feeling that he has to answer honestly ... He could be explicit but not crude, and every now and then I would tell him to touch himself very discreetly and then tell him when to stop. And then before we left I got him to go to the bathroom and touch himself and take a photo and then come back to the table.

He left aching.
 
Erochic said:
Absolutely.
Because it is such a gift.

I like face sitting and intense oral... And oh my god that is so accepting and generous. To have a man delighting in doing it and wanting to do it as long as you want .... And adoring how much I love it - damn that's better than diamonds!!

The last time my special guy did that for me (the day before he flew away) ... after an incredible series of orgasms I collapsed off his face like a rag doll to see him lying there with a blissful smile and a glistening face... As he said "that was heaven". I just adored him at that moment... And curled my body around to hold him and cherish him.

Fuck yeah - if I don't appreciate that I don't deserve it.
Click to expand...

I so much find what you say attractive. And I think its not so much about me being the mistress or the dominant figure but about what BiTodd says about being the pleaser, it's about him adoring you, wanting to please you..


BiTodd said:
A large part of my sexuality is. hugely stimulated by being the pleaser. I want to cherish the one I love. And serve that person with all of me. But as was well stated I want to be appreciated in turrn not humiliated.
Click to expand...
 
tumblr_nehh7aNebo1tghbqho1_500.gif


tumblr_nd3hpc30MX1tw8mtoo1_1280.gif


tumblr_lpfa2uZXKO1qmvowuo1_500.gif
 
miasorrow said:
I so much find what you say attractive. And I think its not so much about me being the mistress or the dominant figure but about what BiTodd says about being the pleaser, it's about him adoring you, wanting to please you..
Click to expand...

Oh yes! He's adoring *you*, wanting to please *you* And even the teasing is about him wanting *you* so much that he can't think straight;)

Thank you so much for contributing and joining the conversation... And thank you for posting some of the photos. Please feel free to post whatever you like ... Thoughts, links, photos, experiences:)
 
besty95 said:
Pm me
Click to expand...

Yeah... That's not how it works.
The point is that that is *not* attractive to most dominant women.

If you are truly interested in being submissive, and not just the porn fantasy read the links and the conversation and reflect on what is being said here.
 
Erochic said:
Mmm... Right now I'm planning a second meeting with a man I've been talking to who likes submission.

Our first meeting we just met for coffee and talked ... And had a really nice talk... Both innocent and suggestive. We didn't touch at all... But there was still a very nice sexual tension.

Today I'm going to meet him for coffee again ... And it will be completely innocent again - on the surface.

We have been emailing and i have been teasing him gently... And he is staying polite and gentlemanly but is following my lead very nicely...and I know I have him so horny he is starting not to be able to think straight.

He doesn't know it yet, but I'm planning to tease him mercilessly during our coffee date. Tell him to do things and tell me things, while keeping everything as innocent as possible on the surface... And of course switching back and forwards from teasing to the mundane. He's said that he likes taking orders... So we'll see how he goes.
He has to meet work colleagues after that for dinner, so I am planning that he will be in agony by then and nothing he can do about it.

I'm feeling delighted and giggly about this. Yes, I'm planning to make it that he will be aroused and he can't do anything about it, and I am getting off on the power of controlling him.... But it's not a mean kind of power trip at all. I've been smiling with appreciation at his responses so far, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how he will respond today:)

It's like a dance and it takes intelligence and an appreciation of subtlety to follow it well:) That is really sexy.
Click to expand...
I am enjoying your description of your interaction with this lucky guy. Its obvious that you care about him and he isn't just a plaything which is so common in the female dominatrix stereotype. I have no desire to be controlled, but I am watching you and taking notes. You definitely have my attention. :)
 
I might subscribe...

OK.. that's a lie. I already subscribed..

Would taking your pleasure from a submissive man also include using a strapon that could make you cum... again.. and again.. and again... as he enjoys your enthusiasm and the pleasure that you give him??
(granted... this particular site is all ff... but you get the idea... straplessdildo.com)
 
Understanding the need

As a male who is in a leadership role in my work life, I have always appreciated a lover, male or female, who takes charge of a lovemaking session and understands my frequent need to be submissive. One of my best lovers told me, "The most important act of love is understanding someone's need. I'd much rather be understood than to have someone tell me that they love me."
 
Erochic said:
Oh yes! He's adoring *you*, wanting to please *you* And even the teasing is about him wanting *you* so much that he can't think straight;)

Thank you so much for contributing and joining the conversation... And thank you for posting some of the photos. Please feel free to post whatever you like ... Thoughts, links, photos, experiences:)
Click to expand...

You are welcome..:rose:
An interesting thread indeed!
 
Why does this have to be zero sum?

Both archetypes are important to me. I actually DO get off on some of the porny and problematic interactions with some people.

AND I actually do relational erotic BDSM with other people. I can be nurturing as fuck. But I will NOT have that demanded of me as part of being "correct" by anybody.

I'm sick of being told what I should and should not like. Dominant woman thing, I guess.

I will say that the "no REAL woman could possibly get off on treating men like this" that I've seen a lot of is VERY heterocentric. Women who do not relate to men heterosexually can certainly objectify them, exert sadistic power over them, and derive pleasure from it, and if that is consensually arranged, then what the hell is the problem?

Eroticism is a lot of things. Romance and orgasm is just one facet. You don't even have to have appropriate orientations or attractions that "fit" traditionally to have it.

So I'll take a pass on being saved from femdom porn, as much as I've taken a pass on having to conform to its dumbest standards.

And if I want to look at men being hot submissive and sexy, I look at gay smut. I never relate to the female presence at all in these things, whether it's conventionally hot or not when I'm in androphile mode on state. I want to be the consumer and consume him, not find an avatar that looks like me.
 
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Erochic said:
Haha... No it was at a fancy hotel and we drank tea and had fancy cakes.

He didn't roofie me - in fact he didn't even touch me, even though he really wanted to.
We kept it all looking innocent from the outside - but I asked him questions about what he liked and what he wanted and how he was feeling that he has to answer honestly ... He could be explicit but not crude, and every now and then I would tell him to touch himself very discreetly and then tell him when to stop. And then before we left I got him to go to the bathroom and touch himself and take a photo and then come back to the table.

He left aching.
Click to expand...

That anecdote reminded me of the time I took my then girlfriend to the Everything-To-Do-With-Sex Show. Which is a fucking misnomer because all they're doing is selling silicone gadgets and advertizing memberships for their fucked-up clubs. But I digress, what I saw was a man and a woman, her sitting on a plastic chair holding a leash, connected to a collar around his neck. He was sitting cross-legged sort of beside her. She was this gross, corpulent sweaty fat mess, a Jabba the Hut wearing Rennaissance fair kit, while he was an old man maybe over 60 with a shaved head and leather clothing. That in a nutshell is how I perceive BDSM. The dregs of humanity, sitting there, being ugly in one of the few venues where they can display their deffective sexual urges in public.
 
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