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Can We Please Talk about After Care?

tryn2Bgood said:
Well, shame on you for being so inconsiderate! 😔
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i, as a fairly hardcore sub agree with tryn2Bgood. i know it varies with everybody but personally I think it's mean to not even offer aftercare. if you go as deep as I sometimes do, it's very necessary to make sure both/all parties are ok.
 
learningslut said:
i, as a fairly hardcore sub agree with tryn2Bgood. i know it varies with everybody but personally I think it's mean to not even offer aftercare. if you go as deep as I sometimes do, it's very necessary to make sure both/all parties are ok.
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You should go back and read the whole thread. Aftercare isn't always necessary for everyone and nobody HAS to OFFER it. If someone needs it, they should say so and discuss it and come to an understanding. That situation you think is shameful was handled appropriately, IMO.
 
learningslut said:
i, as a fairly hardcore sub agree with tryn2Bgood. i know it varies with everybody but personally I think it's mean to not even offer aftercare. if you go as deep as I sometimes do, it's very necessary to make sure both/all parties are ok.
Click to expand...

To me it makes absolutely no difference if I "go deep" or if it's just a few swats on the ass or whatever, I generally do not want or need aftercare in the sense of cuddling, handholding, talking, being fed or whatever it is that's usually considered aftercare. I want and need to be left alone.

My aftercare is both of us looking at each other to visually gauge everything's ok, possibly asking if everything's ok, and then we go on about our own things. I believe that if the other party needs some hand holding after what we've done, they are capable of saying so and then I'll be there and hold their hand.

But the hand holding situation has to be the the exception, not the norm. I have learned my lesson, I am not a suitable partner for someone who needs cuddling or handholding afterwards.
 
BaronessOpenmindedHeavyhanded said:
Hello,

1) Do you and your partner(s) do after care?
2) What does After Care mean to you?
3) Do D's need After Care too?

If there anything else about After Care you would like to talk about?

Baroness
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learningslut said:
i, as a fairly hardcore sub agree with tryn2Bgood. i know it varies with everybody but personally I think it's mean to not even offer aftercare. if you go as deep as I sometimes do, it's very necessary to make sure both/all parties are ok.
Click to expand...

I'm a fairly "hardcore" bottom, however, I only submit to one person - my husband. I'll bottom to others; I enjoy "deep" play - heavy impact, humiliation, ugly make me cry play.

What is necessary with a play partner is - for me - to carefully negotiate those scenes from beginning to end.

With my husband, not so much, unless it was something new.

I'm in the Meek and seela camp. I do NOT want cuddling, touching, petting or sex after from a play partner. Checking in? Yes but that should happen throughout as well as after. Including immediately after and if needed, the next day.

From my husband - perhaps. Well. Sex, usually! But the rest? Depends on the scene. Humiliation play will need some connection after.

It's always necessary to check if each person playing is ok. Is that aftercare? Maybe. More just smart play.

Does a Top or D or PYL need aftercare? In my experience, they've needed just as much connection or processing or whatever you want to call it.
 
Aftercare Cooling Aloe Gel

yea Id say the correct and caring way to do it to take care of the submissive after you spanked her and caress her and use soothing cooling lotion. They must sell this somewhere too. A soothing cooling gel with aloe and rub it on their butt and definitely up in the crotch and in between their legs and they will enjoy it too
 
cookiecat said:
I'm a fairly "hardcore" bottom, however, I only submit to one person - my husband. I'll bottom to others; I enjoy "deep" play - heavy impact, humiliation, ugly make me cry play.

What is necessary with a play partner is - for me - to carefully negotiate those scenes from beginning to end.

With my husband, not so much, unless it was something new.

I'm in the Meek and seela camp. I do NOT want cuddling, touching, petting or sex after from a play partner. Checking in? Yes but that should happen throughout as well as after. Including immediately after and if needed, the next day.

From my husband - perhaps. Well. Sex, usually! But the rest? Depends on the scene. Humiliation play will need some connection after.

It's always necessary to check if each person playing is ok. Is that aftercare? Maybe. More just smart play.

Does a Top or D or PYL need aftercare? In my experience, they've needed just as much connection or processing or whatever you want to call it.
Click to expand...

Cookie - I always appreciate everything you write. Some of this resonates with me exactly. Other parts not so much.

I agree that in a heavy scene that check in should occur throughout... not just at the end.
I am a big aftercare person. I want a lot of touch and cuddling, petting, and physical connection and tenderness after any kind of intimacy be it BDSM, BDSM lite or vanilla with sprinkles. Sometimes I want to have some debriefing and talking... cause depending on the scene... I may have a bunch of feelings bubble up that I need to cry or talk about. I wish I didn't sometimes, but, there you are. Just is. Someone who has no interest in giving me this kind of attention would never work for me.

Also - I have noticed that my husband particularly needs reassurance and aftercare after a scene that involves impact play or pain or if I have been crying. So yes, I would guess that PYL's are likely to need such "aftercare" or whatever you call it at the same rate as pyl's do.
 
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