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Have I been Friend-zoned?

Also, because I think it's unduly harsh to single out women, men do it too. I flirt all the time even where I have no intention of pursuing anything. I like flirting. I think it's a natural impulse sometimes, and not to be taken too seriously.
 
Recidiva said:
This may be true for some women, but mostly I think it's true for men who think that being a "strong" anything means "win"!

But people are much more complicated than this and this wouldn't work with me.

Sure, let women know you're interested, but the whole manipulative "see her interact with strength with other girls" is patently that. Manipulative. Go out of your way to set up some sort of drama and that's where 'gentle dread' comes from, which is an interesting phrase, but in this case, used in bewildering context.

Gain someone's attention through manipulation and an inability to deal straight with someone, and that's the relationship you're going to have.

My serious impression from all these guys giving bad advice about women? They would like to see you fail. That may be fair or unfair, but a lot of this advice is just an attempt to look Alpha and gather a pack of Beta Padawans. "Look to me for the secrets to liiiiife. Bitches. Fuck 'em. Here's how!"

How about be a human being and make a friend and have some vulnerable moments and have some strong moments and spill a drink and crack a joke and see who you like and who likes you. It IS complicated because it's unpredictable, but it's not that damned hard or dire.

Stop watching or reading stuff written by guys and do the smart thing and ask some women. You'll find different answers. "One Size Fits All" only gets you one type of woman and that's why you end up with the people using these approaches also simultaneously fairly hateful and thoroughly unrealistic about women.

If you guys think women can't read and don't know this is what you're doing...and that you're setting each up for epic failure...you should.
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BINGO.

The secret to life isn't how to have the biggest and hairest and most masculine testicles ever because being an Alpha Male that fucks all the whores is the ONLY IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE EVER--

The secret to long-lasting happiness and living with no regrets is being a good and kind person that never hurts or takes advantage of anyone, ever.

You constantly work towards that and you'll end up a man on his deathbed at 95 knowing for sure that you made the world a better place.

Don't listen to those assholes. They don't actually know the first damn thing about women. Don't ever trust anyone who HATES women to give you good advice about them. I literally cannot stress that sentence enough.

boutrosboutros said:
Also, because I think it's unduly harsh to single out women, men do it too. I flirt all the time even where I have no intention of pursuing anything. I like flirting. I think it's a natural impulse sometimes, and not to be taken too seriously.
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If you're going to listen to a dude here, listen to this one. :)
 
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Some women enjoy turning men on and know that talking about sex will do just that but she will have no intention of going further. The fact that she said outright that if she is interested in someone she will tell them, then didn't tell you she's interested was her way of letting you know she is NOT interested.
 
Bramblethorn said:
It's possible she's interested but has decided that getting involved with her manager is a bad idea.
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This would be my guess as well. It's a bad idea, in any case - if you're 28 you really shouldn't be dating an 18 year-old, especially since you're her manager. :)

Recidiva said:
How about be a human being and make a friend and have some vulnerable moments and have some strong moments and spill a drink and crack a joke and see who you like and who likes you. It IS complicated because it's unpredictable, but it's not that damned hard or dire.
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Very well said!
 
If I got this right, your texts have only been sexual when she's been drinking. If that is not correct, then my apologies.

Seems to me, as I was once an 18-year-old-fickled-fuck, she doesn't know come here from sick-em. Or, perhaps she does and she's just fucking with your dome. Either way, if this is a sex only venture, back off. It's not worth the tension for you, in the workplace. If there is more here, something beyond sex, wait her out another 6 years. She's fresh out of highschool and, well, you're 4 years younger than me. :eek:
 
JAMESBJOHNSON said:
I read an article about Miley today. At 20 years of age she's twerking, when Shirley Temple was 20 she was married and starting a family....and retired from Hollywood.

Another article I read says the new 18 is 25.
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Okay, I have to ask

what the hell is twerking mean?
 
She's 18. She probably doesn't have much of a head for alcohol, and she's probably enjoyed being able to talk about sex with a man, openly, in a safe kind of way. 'Trying out' her newfound adulthood, if you like. She probably thinks the age gap is too much, or that the workplace connection would make things too awkward if anything 'real' were to happen.

I wouldn't count anything she's said while drunk as a positive 'signal' - all that is is a lack of inhibitions, nothing more.
 
Hello all,

I've been away for a while and a bit surprised at how many responses this thread has got! Thanks to everyone for their advice both wise and not-so-wise.

Also, many thanks to those who have given me the benefit of the doubt and not assumed the worst of me. Especially Rainshine who seems to understand my point of view.

Just to clarify, while many of these textings were when we were both drunk there has been a few occasions when we were both sober and the conversation pretty much went the same way so I don't think alcohol can be blamed for anything.

Regarding the woman in question, I don't think anything done/said has been vindictive or manipulative, she really isn't that kind of person. You may think that my judgement on this is may not be objective but I'm a very good judge of character (and usually think the worst of people). Also, while I couldn't claim she's the most worldy-wise, to say that she is a child is ridiculous.

It's all a moot point anyway as I have decided to not take action and back off while I still can and am avoiding any texting, drunken or otherwise. The sensible option that I always knew was the right thing really for a big list of reasons.

I guess what it comes down to is a habit of over thinking everything. The texts and the face-to-face don't match and I can't explain why. I'm fine with walking away I just really don't like not being able to explain it!! I never have liked not knowing, on any subject. :)

Anyway thanks to (mostly) all of you for the advice. I hope there are others out there in similar situations who maybe getting something out of this thread.
 
Sometimes you just won't get to know exactly why things turn out like they do. It seems like she's also decided to put some professional distance between you, so hopefully it will turn out for the best. :)
 
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