Help me to understand what this means

Cathleen · Aug 24, 2014

I think this is all a bunch of crap. You only have 78 posts and you contradict yourself all over the place.

"I just asked her..." "I just told her..." "She doesn't care..." She told you that you make her mentally ill, you killed the dog and she's going to write a book. This one post in the sexless marriage thread is crazy contradictory to this thread as has "Been away for a while" and "New Year - new life" threads.

You state you "work in counseling, education and legal advocacy for the poor and disabled", but you can't see the trees through the forest on this.

In this current thread her sister was supposed to use the $10,000 to buy a vacation place in the Philippines. In another thread (the sexless marriage thread) you said you gave her family the $10K to help them and they never thanked you.

I am not sure you even have a wife. You're together, you split, you're back together but not. The constants have been gardening and dogs, and a woman of Asian descent.

I could spend more time but I'm not up to the challenge. A lot of people have spent a lot of time responding with kindness and good information. If I'm wrong I'll offer my apology but it all sounds dubious.

Your threads

simplegirl · Aug 24, 2014

Cathleen said:
I think this is all a bunch of crap. You only have 78 posts and you contradict yourself all over the place.

"I just asked her..." "I just told her..." "She doesn't care..." She told you that you make her mentally ill, you killed the dog and she's going to write a book. This one post in the sexless marriage thread is crazy contradictory to this thread as has "Been away for a while" and "New Year - new life" threads.

You state you "work in counseling, education and legal advocacy for the poor and disabled", but you can't see the trees through the forest on this.

In this current thread her sister was supposed to use the $10,000 to buy a vacation place in the Philippines. In another thread (the sexless marriage thread) you said you gave her family the $10K to help them and they never thanked you.

I am not sure you even have a wife. You're together, you split, you're back together but not. The constants have been gardening and dogs, and a woman of Asian descent.

I could spend more time but I'm not up to the challenge. A lot of people have spent a lot of time responding with kindness and good information. If I'm wrong I'll offer my apology but it all sounds dubious.

Your threads

I agree. One minute it's over, the next they need to find another place to live because of her allergies, yet she gardens, then she's moving back to her home country, then she's not, etc...

I hate to say it, and it sounds harsh but you're one big ball of "poor me". You've got to consider, are you looking for clarification and help or are you looking for sympathy because you're really squeezing the sympathy card dry. People on here can only give you so much advice. You're contradicting yourself so much now that it seems you're screwing around with everyone. If you are being serious and not playing, then you've got to help yourself. I wish you the best of luck and hope things turn out well for you, whether that means you need to build a life alone or saving your marriage.

I would suggest counseling, whether it be for both of you, or if she won't go, for yourself at least. It would go a long way to seeing your way clear to which path you're going to take.

SashaGaga999 · Aug 24, 2014

victorious said:
Right before I told my wife that I was going to retire in May of this year, she asked me this question:

"Do you want to retire or do you want to die?"

Any help in understanding what this means, especially from those trained in professional counseling would be greatly appreciated.

For a lot of people, work becomes inextricably linked with how they view themselves, as well as how they view other people.

And a lot of people dont really know how to relate to people who dont have 9-5 jobs.

Unfortunately I think your wife has, to some degree, bought into that whole system.

If you're truly in the financial position to retire, you need to explain to her that you are not your job, and that you have desires and interests that you want to pursue outside of your career.

"Retiring" should just allow you to focus on the things you really care about in life--your hobbies, your home, your wife. How can she argue with that.

Question: does she work?

victorious · Aug 24, 2014

SashaGaga999 said:
For a lot of people, work becomes inextricably linked with how they view themselves, as well as how they view other people.

And a lot of people dont really know how to relate to people who dont have 9-5 jobs.

Unfortunately I think your wife has, to some degree, bought into that whole system.

If you're truly in the financial position to retire, you need to explain to her that you are not your job, and that you have desires and interests that you want to pursue outside of your career.

"Retiring" should just allow you to focus on the things you really care about in life--your hobbies, your home, your wife. How can she argue with that.

Question: does she work?

I am perusing other things- hobbies, and other interests, and still being able to work part-time. As to does she work, no, she stopped working when we married because we were well off and I was able to comfortably support us. I still am at this time as well. She is beginning to create her own business and I am supporting her in doing it- both with my time in doing research for her and with money to get her started.

Help me to understand what this means

Cathleen

Summer breeze...

simplegirl

Really Really Experienced

SashaGaga999

Really Experienced

victorious

Really Experienced

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