Kinky People in Vanilla Relationships

tristantrotsky said:

I have never ever had a single word of moral censure about sucking my married Boyfriend's big beautiful cock from any male reader. Only from you girls..! Make of that what you will...

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I'm not a girl, thanks.

And don't worry, my husband would most definitely balk at the idea.

Oh man, respect for my POV is just shining through there.

Last I checked I'm female, and the only censure you're getting is make sure it's clean. That's a tip, not a command. I'm not the sex police.

I pretty much assume that all married guys are sucking each others' cocks lately.

Showing My Gratitude...

All_4_Love said:

Finally! Mr. Tristan Trotsky! You say something that makes sense!
Something...
well...
reasonable!

I seem to have forgotten your previous indiscretions.

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Always more than pleased to be of service, All4Love...

tristantrotsky said:

Always more than pleased to be of service, All4Love...

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Mmmm... me too. We have something in common.

Emergingwoman said:

Ski bums are boring in bed. I am moving on!

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thats because there thinking about moguls

I would say you should communicate this to your mate. I know it is scary, but even if you could tell him a little...to feel out how he feels. Maybe you could bring up the subject outside of things and see how he seems to take that. I think him not knowing anything about that in your past seems a bit concerning! If he is like definitely NO WAY, then the decision would be for you to decide if you can shut the door on your desires or contemplate other things to satisfy. I think a lot of men would be open to a little kink though.

I also agree that communication is key. I mean, you may not want to put it all on the table at once, but encouraging your partner to start in small ways seems to help. My boyfriend had never really tried anything regarding BDSM, but I told him that I really like it rough, and he tries to accommodate me as much as possible. He's actually getting really into spanking me! Just try little things at first and work your way up. We went from vanilla sex to where we are now, which includes spanking, a bit of dirty talk, hair pulling, and sometimes even me calling him "sir." I mean, it's not quite the level I'm accustomed to, but communication leads to growth, and I think most times, your partner will be more than happy to help you feel satisfied!

DarlingCunt said:

I also agree that communication is key. I mean, you may not want to put it all on the table at once, but encouraging your partner to start in small ways seems to help. My boyfriend had never really tried anything regarding BDSM, but I told him that I really like it rough, and he tries to accommodate me as much as possible. He's actually getting really into spanking me! Just try little things at first and work your way up. We went from vanilla sex to where we are now, which includes spanking, a bit of dirty talk, hair pulling, and sometimes even me calling him "sir." I mean, it's not quite the level I'm accustomed to, but communication leads to growth, and I think most times, your partner will be more than happy to help you feel satisfied!

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Agreed, communication is the key. And a great foundation for open, honest communication is trust. The fear of judgement guides the majority of men and women, so, for many, it's often easier to say or suggest nothing in order to avoid risk/vulnerability.

But when trust is part of the equation, opening up becomes much, much easier.

I had a very vanilla half Japanese gf many years ago. In fact, we were just casual friends for years before we started dating because she didn't drink and wasn't particularly flirty or playful although she wanted to know what I was doing all the time.

Eventually we got together three week-ends in a row when we were both between relationships. Our third date sex was just okay. But it got better every week. Better and better. She started greeting me at the door in sexy new lingerie (after asking what I liked), which led to watching straight, then lesbian, then gangbang porn in bed. She started talking dirty in bed and begging for it in the ass. She wore jean skirts because she knew I found them sexy and started showing me that she left her panties at home with a naughty grin when went on hikes in the Hollywood Hills. Not long after that she took me shopping at Home Depot for some plants for her garden and we ended up having an honest, really hot conversation in the rope aisle. (I bought a lot of rope that week-end!

Then I came over for dinner one Friday as planned and right on time and "caught" her masturbating with a big new double dong vibrator in her living room. She chastised me for being early (which I totally wasn't) and then begged me to "punish her for being such a slut".

My point is, six months later I was fucking her and her gorgeous best friend and a month after that I was taking her to a seedy motel on Culver Blvd to meet a couple of guys we found on Craig's List.

All because she trusted me and opened up to me about her fantasies even though she was normally very shy and reserved.

Communication is the fundamental key to happy perversion! (at least in my experience)

NaughtyinVegas said:

My point is, six months later I was fucking her and her gorgeous best friend and a month after that I was taking her to a seedy motel on Culver Blvd to meet a couple of guys we found on Craig's List.

All because she trusted me and opened up to me about her fantasies even though she was normally very shy and reserved.

Communication is the fundamental key to happy perversion! (at least in my experience)

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That's a nice story.

Maybe there's hope for all of us, yet...

Sexy_NArkansas said:

Thank you

Thank you for your post. I can identify a little with what your feeling and it is good for me to see others have similar frustrations. I married a very conservative and religious man. He was my high school sweet heart. The only man I have ever kisses much less had sex with. He is only interested in sex maybe twice a month and hates my big breasts. I always have to keep a shirt on during sex. He has never touched them. I've never had an orgasam during sex. I feel as if I am missing out on so much.

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You definitely are missing out and so is he. Having access to a woman's entire body during sex only increases the pleasure factor for both.

Wow, this thread's old as fuck.

PaxNurgle said:

View attachment 2295027
Wow, this thread's old as fuck.

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It’s a really good one though.
Not many conversations like this one going on any more.

Over 25 years with my spouse and the differences between us sexual-compatibility wise has grown into a chasm. It's to the point where it's become a struggle for me as sex and intimacy is extremely important to my well-being. Sometimes I feel like it's very shallow to give so much priority to sex in my relationship but I need more and no amount of talking and communication has fixed it. Depressing.

rthnck said:

Over 25 years with my spouse and the differences between us sexual-compatibility wise has grown into a chasm. It's to the point where it's become a struggle for me as sex and intimacy is extremely important to my well-being. Sometimes I feel like it's very shallow to give so much priority to sex in my relationship but I need more and no amount of talking and communication has fixed it. Depressing.

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It's not shallow. Without intimacy, what separates couples from roommates?

The conversation needs to start outside the bedroom and find out what she's missing from life in general that's affecting her desires in the bedroom.

Ultimately, counseling or a change in the relationship parameters may be needed

My wife and i were in a monogamous relationship for more than 30 years. Then I realized I had developed a sexual attraction to men. It did not replace my sexual desire for my wife or women in general. It was an add on.

Before my first encounter with a man I came out to her. We worked out rules on engagement, and within these rules I was free to have gay sex. I told her I would not object if she had sex with others, male or female. She experimented a bit, but soon decided to remain monogamous.

Our marital sex remained fairly vanilla, with perhaps a few exceptions. She liked for me to wear panties. She also wanted me to make her cum from cunnilingus. We had always engaged in cunnilingus but only as foreplay. Our standard sexual scenario became me giving her oral sex until she was spent. Then she would play with my balls while I masturbated. We both had more intense orgasms that way than we did through penis in vagina sex.

I had an initial period of frequent gay sex. This settled down to about once a month with occasional overnights when my wife was out of town.