The New and Rule-Friendly "I Wish I Was Her/Him" Thread

Hehe! He is cute Arlan, I'll give you that!
Here's question for you and for everyone - including you TG lurkers out there!
What was you earliest memory of your dysphoria ( I'll save you the Google, dysphoria = Am I a girl or a boy or something else, WTF? )
Here's the first one I can recall, which would be looking through my Mum's dress-making patterns to find one for me. I had a plan I could short-stitch the whole thing together as I didn't know how to use a sewing machine. The whole plan got shot down in flames by my Mum who asked with her 'slightly shocked voice' "You're not trying to make a dress are you?"
Jeez - you know, writing that brings back all the same emotions. Up to that point I hadn't occurred to me that it was gender thing ( I just wanted a damned dress ) but, at that moment I realised: Owch! Boys don't make dresses do they? / Mum doesn't sound too happy / Eek! So I did the emergency back-out by replying with a voice stung by false accusation "No!" I still remember how I felt both embarrassed I'd been found out but also how annoyed I wasn't going to have a dress. Grrr! :D I suppose I was about 10 or 11yrs.

So! That's my truth or dare story: there are numerous others but I sure as hell ain't gonna put them down here!!! Who's next?
 
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Hehe! He is cute Arlan, I'll give you that!
Here's question for you and for everyone - including you TG lurkers out there!
What was you earliest memory of your dysphoria ( I'll save you the Google, dysphoria = Am I a girl or a boy or something else, WTF? )
Here's the first one I can recall, which would be looking through my Mum's dress-making patterns to find one for me. I had a plan I could short-stitch the whole thing together as I didn't know how to use a sewing machine. The whole plan got shot down in flames by my Mum who asked with her 'slightly shocked voice' "You're not trying to make a dress are you?"
Jeez - you know, writing that brings back all the same emotions. Up to that point I hadn't occurred to me that it was gender thing ( I just wanted a damned dress ) but, at that moment I realised: Owch! Boys don't make dresses do they? / Mum doesn't sound too happy / Eek! So I did the emergency back-out by replying with a voice stung by false accusation "No!" I still remember how I felt both embarrassed I'd been found out but also how annoyed I wasn't going to have a dress. Grrr! :D I suppose I was about 10 or 11yrs.

So! That's my truth or dare story: there are numerous others but I sure as hell ain't gonna put them down here!!! Who's next?

When I was 4 or 5, I used to play a super hero game with my cousin Tom, until until one day Tom said that he got to have super strength and I didn't because he was a boy and boys are stronger. I was insulted, and stormed upstairs to tell my mom and my aunt what Tom said, sure that he was just being stupid and they would tell him so. Instead, my mother the statistician said it was partly true and explained bell curves and sexual dimorphism in adulthood, as it relates to strength, in terms that a 4 yr old could understand.

It seemed so deeply unfair, and it was little consolation that the grown-ups pointed out to Tom that *neither* of us had, or ever would have, super strength, so it was silly for him to say it was more realistic for him to have it, and we could both pretend to have whatever super powers we wanted.
 
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For me, I knew way before that, at least pre-Kindergarden, so probably 4 or 5. Because my mom was single, I really had no father figure in my life. I had an older brother, but he wasn't very involved, so it was really just me and my sister. I remember when my sister would have a sleepover with a friend, they would dress me up and put make-up on me. I didn't think anything of it, I lived with women for goodness sake, and gender roles were never an issue that was raised by my mother. I knew I was a boy, genetically, but I didn't have anyone over my shoulder telling me that's not how boys act. Obviously I knew that's how girls acted, so I just assumed I was one of the girls.

But certainly I felt my dysphoria when I would play with the little boy next store. He came from a broken home also, so it seems we would channel what we were both missing in our lives and play "house". I'd always insist on being the Mommy. I always took my teddy bear to his house (that was our baby) <3, and we'd sit in his room, or the garage, and I'd make them breakfast or dinner, or we would play in the car, and pretend we were driving somewhere, but always I was the Mom. The woman. I remember we would even kiss and talk about having more babies. I remember getting so excited thinking I was going to have a baby!

Obviously, that has and will never happen, but the feelings of being a woman have never gone away.

Because I am one.
 
But certainly I felt my dysphoria when I would play with the little boy next store. He came from a broken home also, so it seems we would channel what we were both missing in our lives and play "house". I'd always insist on being the Mommy. I always took my teddy bear to his house (that was our baby) <3, and we'd sit in his room, or the garage, and I'd make them breakfast or dinner, or we would play in the car, and pretend we were driving somewhere, but always I was the Mom. The woman. I remember we would even kiss and talk about having more babies. I remember getting so excited thinking I was going to have a baby!

Obviously, that has and will never happen, but the feelings of being a woman have never gone away.

Because I am one.
OMG - Stacey, you've just reminded me of something at kindagarten, but that can wait: these are such lovely tales :heart:
 
OMG - Stacey, you've just reminded me of something at kindagarten, but that can wait: these are such lovely tales :heart:

I love opening myself this way! I've never really shared any of these stories before, and I think it's important that we do, so that we can maybe understand ourselves a little better!

<3
 
Spike-drusilla.jpg


I wanna be him. He does stupid/crazy things wholeheartedly all the time, takes a lot of falls, and still manages to be cool.
Oh yeah, Spike is one of my role model dudes too, now that you mention it.
 
I'll come back to this, but there are two elements to my dysphoria; one is that all of my life I have woken up grabbing for the piss-hardon that isn't actually there. The visceral feeling of having a cock.

The other issue is that I was raised in a household that paid lipservice to feminism-- and at the very same time, my father preferred that women be decorative, objects of pleasure, adorable, childlike. My mother alternately fought against this notion and acquiesced to it. I'm living with them now; the damage is evident in both of them.

But for me, I was motivated to DO things, BE the hero, Save the world. I wasn't getting any messages that girls could do those things. I played that I was Robin Hood, never Maid Marion. I could tell the dirfference between BatMAN and BatGIRL. (and women were called 'girls' in society in general)

To be fair, my dad taught me carpentry, got me up on the roof to repair it alongside him-- but the schools did a fair amount of stifling of sexual roles back then. Girls couldn't wear pants or jeans untill I was fourteen. And we couldn't play a whole lot of sports because of that.

Meh. My young cousins are ten years younger than me, and they both took any shop classes they wanted. So things have changed in that regard.

These days, I am pretty okay with being a genderqueer woman with a phantom cock and a very nice pussy, but that's a re-definition that took years to comprehend.
 
Hi Starr. I hope you don't beat yourself up about this? Take Stella's experience: it can take years to find a balance in your life. Sure it's tough for anyone, any gender, if you don't conform to what the movies and adverts idealize but in the end I just said "fuck 'em" . You only get one shot at life and there is so much to do - looks are superfluous. The people that really fuck me off are the ones that try to obstruct what I want to achieve because of my chromosomes: I mean WTF is that about?! Same thing goes for racial discrimination. I just don't get that either.
Love yourself honey and start now :)
 
Starr
I've spoken to a few people who's gender was pretty blurry and they couldn't decide where they stood, but that is a fantastic opportunity too, because they naturally have empathy for gender. But none of these choices are without compromise: there is no pot of gold to be claimed, it's just about making peace with yourself first, then seeing where to go from there. I used to worry that I still had sexual feelings towards women until a girl friend said "So what? I have those feelings too."
Sorry - don't know if this is really answering your points... I tend to ramble. I get marked down for it all the time :rolleyes:
 
I thought I would say.........

that this thread is remarkably beautiful and gentle in its truths.
 
I'll come back to this, but there are two elements to my dysphoria; one is that all of my life I have woken up grabbing for the piss-hardon that isn't actually there. The visceral feeling of having a cock.

I feel like this, except the other way around! Constantly feeling like I should have a vagina and a clit, instead of this cock sticking out! Stella, I'll trade you anytime science finally perfects the procedure!

it's just about making peace with yourself first

God bless you on your journey, Starr, and listen to my sister sticky! She knows what she's talking about!

I think this peace within ourselves is something we're all trying to struggle with, and it makes it doubly difficult because we live in a world that is not entirely tolerant of us.
 
Hehe! He is cute Arlan, I'll give you that!
Here's question for you and for everyone - including you TG lurkers out there!
What was you earliest memory of your dysphoria ( I'll save you the Google, dysphoria = Am I a girl or a boy or something else, WTF? )
Here's the first one I can recall, which would be looking through my Mum's dress-making patterns to find one for me. I had a plan I could short-stitch the whole thing together as I didn't know how to use a sewing machine. The whole plan got shot down in flames by my Mum who asked with her 'slightly shocked voice' "You're not trying to make a dress are you?"
Jeez - you know, writing that brings back all the same emotions. Up to that point I hadn't occurred to me that it was gender thing ( I just wanted a damned dress ) but, at that moment I realised: Owch! Boys don't make dresses do they? / Mum doesn't sound too happy / Eek! So I did the emergency back-out by replying with a voice stung by false accusation "No!" I still remember how I felt both embarrassed I'd been found out but also how annoyed I wasn't going to have a dress. Grrr! :D I suppose I was about 10 or 11yrs.

So! That's my truth or dare story: there are numerous others but I sure as hell ain't gonna put them down here!!! Who's next?

I have never really felt like either/or.
I knew that the body housed my inner most bits but it was never really important.
However, I knew that My body did not match my brain when I developed breasts...
that would have made me about 12.
Basically, I went from totally flat chested to a 38DD in about 3 months time. I hated them. I was jealous of the guys that I was friends with because they didn't have these massive growths and suddenly they all had way better balance than I did.
I spent a goodly amount of my teen years binding them away. Disgusted by them.
In my heart I was pissed at my mom for being so well endowed and passing the *blessing* on to me. I wanted to be built in the same way I felt.

Chest, not breasts.
Small hips.
Broad shoulders.

I wanted to be androgynous looking. To not be curvy and girly because it did not fit...ME.

The me inside is neither male nor female, it just is.
The me inside can be mistaken on any day for a guy.
The me on the inside is BOI...not boy.

SO yeah...dysphoria became real to me when I grew tits...and now at almost 40 years of age~

The me inside...still wants all these curves...gone.
 
I have never really felt like either/or.
I knew that the body housed my inner most bits but it was never really important.
However, I knew that My body did not match my brain when I developed breasts...
that would have made me about 12.
Basically, I went from totally flat chested to a 38DD in about 3 months time. I hated them. I was jealous of the guys that I was friends with because they didn't have these massive growths and suddenly they all had way better balance than I did.
I spent a goodly amount of my teen years binding them away. Disgusted by them.
In my heart I was pissed at my mom for being so well endowed and passing the *blessing* on to me. I wanted to be built in the same way I felt.

Chest, not breasts.
Small hips.
Broad shoulders.

I wanted to be androgynous looking. To not be curvy and girly because it did not fit...ME.

The me inside is neither male nor female, it just is.
The me inside can be mistaken on any day for a guy.
The me on the inside is BOI...not boy.

SO yeah...dysphoria became real to me when I grew tits...and now at almost 40 years of age~

The me inside...still wants all these curves...gone.
I would love to see the real you.

Would you still be short? 'Cause I love short men...:devil:
 
I would love to see the real you.

Would you still be short? 'Cause I love short men...:devil:

Do you know whenever I think on the Me inside...

I never imagine myself as tall nor overtly masculine.

Most of my muscles stay in the same places...

I just lose some extras that are not meant for Me.

So yes, you sexy beast, I would still be short. I would just be missing tits, all of these hips and some of my ass.

A random thought~because I have never wanted a penis...EVER...cept when it's cold and I gotta pee, out of doors~is it still dysphoric when what I really want is to look like Buck Angel?? Toned, cut, well developed build...with the cunning cleft left just the way it is??

I enjoy THAT part of my body...it's all the rest of it that causes me such pain.
 
I have never really felt like either/or.
I knew that the body housed my inner most bits but it was never really important.
However, I knew that My body did not match my brain when I developed breasts...
that would have made me about 12.
Basically, I went from totally flat chested to a 38DD in about 3 months time. I hated them. I was jealous of the guys that I was friends with because they didn't have these massive growths and suddenly they all had way better balance than I did.
I spent a goodly amount of my teen years binding them away. Disgusted by them.
In my heart I was pissed at my mom for being so well endowed and passing the *blessing* on to me. I wanted to be built in the same way I felt.

Chest, not breasts.
Small hips.
Broad shoulders.

I wanted to be androgynous looking. To not be curvy and girly because it did not fit...ME.

The me inside is neither male nor female, it just is.
The me inside can be mistaken on any day for a guy.
The me on the inside is BOI...not boy.

SO yeah...dysphoria became real to me when I grew tits...and now at almost 40 years of age~

The me inside...still wants all these curves...gone.

For me, it was when I started growing hair on my legs, chest and arms, so right around 13/14 maybe? I remember shaving my legs for the longest time to try and postpone the inevitable. My dad is VERY hairy and masculine, so of course, I was blessed with his genes. I hated having a hairy body. I did what I could to try and keep a womanly appearance, but when you were my age at that point in time, you didn't want to walk around the locker room in middle school/high school looking like that. Times were waaaaay different. Everyone has a little bit of hair, but I have having to take an hour every other day to shave! Too much surface area!

Here's a question I have. Are there different...levels to being transgendered? What I mean is this. Take person A, who feels so strongly that they have to go through the process of physically aligning their bodies with their genders. Then take somebody like me. I know I'm a woman on the inside, but I'm not sure that I want to go forward with any sort of transitioning, aside from shaving my legs, etc., and wearing pretty clothes. Am I...less of a transgender, or not transgender at all? If I knew I could have a complete reassignment surgery with ZERO risk of complications, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but, I'm just too scared to start that process. That's what I struggle with, because I know in my heart and my soul, I'm a woman, but I'm not sure that I'm truly transgendered because I'm not transitioning.

Does that make any sense at all?
 
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This is turning into such a beautiful thread!
Stacy: people are wired to judge by appearance (you're the biologist!) it's a survival mechanism in the wild but the transgender label refers to what you feel inside and what you aspire to, not the process of how you deal with it. I'm sure there must be an analogy somewhere but perhaps someone else can chip in!?
We all have to throw off those ingrained values of society, because society judges: it judges in an instant and sentences for a lifetime. The human race has to move beyond that animal/survival reflex.
 
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I think this fits in here and is ok with the rules *crosses fingers*

I did post this in the old thread, but it was drowned immediately amongst the slightly more adult themed contributions. :)

Watching this just makes me smile for all kinds of reasons.

The way she moves, the huge huge smile, and needless to say... I would rather like to be able to sing like her into the whole deal. :)

I think this performance really sums up a lot of the wonderful external aspects of physical femininity that men are unable to achieve (I know some men are far more feminine than others, but I think even a lot that have spent years working at it, don't achieve it at this natural level).

I have probably not explained that all very well. I certainly don't have Stacy's ability to make sense of it all on the page.

Anyway... hope it fits ok! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBmmf9s4EA0&feature=related
 
I really wish academics would take the sex out of transexual - people like Blanchard & Freund have taken the huge amount of raw data from the Kinsey report and thought they really ought to do something with it. Too much emphasis is placed on the sexual and fetish aspects of trangenderism. I for one do not wake up in the morning thinking about sex - its guys who do that! For me sex is about 20% of being TG - it's about being a woman and living a fulfilling life as a woman. Maybe that's just me? Is it just me?! Do write and say!

I may just be being a weenie bit cynical here but academic research has to be funded and headline-grabbing sex stories won the funding for Kinsey. Kinsey as a sex expert? That's like saying a heroin addict is an expert: not wrong, but not exactly true either huh? :)

Sorry Starr - I wasn't having a go at you at all! It's those academics that press all my buttons grrrr! :)
...and I'm no expert in that kind of research - just a lab-rat
 
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Thanks Starr - some interesting thoughts there and obviously you have looked into those reports far more than my woeful cursory skims. Maybe there's a language-culture thing behind my reaction because in the UK, we tend to frown on the use of the word transexual, because it suggests a sexual angle to the topic. Sure enough sex is just a word, but it comes loaded huh?
As for SRS, bear in mind it isn't just the surgery but the hormones that offer relief to so many of us and being rid of so many contrary male impulses is such a blessing, quite apart from the more obvious physical changes they produce. But yes, you're right, it is aimed at mental well-being.
Blanchard uses a category to describe MtF who seek a male partner as a homosexual transexual and I have to say I find that a very …unfortunate use of language. I can't help but feel that despite his extensive work he may have lost the plot or at least his perspective in that respect. But that's just my personal reaction.

But thank you so much for explaining your orientation: I've only ever heard vague references before so I found it really interesting. :) Hey - I'll go to that art show with you that next NFL game ( err… is that, what, a baseball team… God, sorry - I haven't the faintest :D )
Anyway, like all these other fab posts, I feel I'm learning so much about the rest of the community and that so valuable!
 
Here's a question I have. Are there different...levels to being transgendered? What I mean is this. Take person A, who feels so strongly that they have to go through the process of physically aligning their bodies with their genders. Then take somebody like me. I know I'm a woman on the inside, but I'm not sure that I want to go forward with any sort of transitioning, aside from shaving my legs, etc., and wearing pretty clothes. Am I...less of a transgender, or not transgender at all? If I knew I could have a complete reassignment surgery with ZERO risk of complications, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but, I'm just too scared to start that process. That's what I struggle with, because I know in my heart and my soul, I'm a woman, but I'm not sure that I'm truly transgendered because I'm not transitioning.

Does that make any sense at all?

Makes perfect sense to me. I'm used to my body. It's dependable. It does everything I need it to do, and most of what I want it to do. Messing with it seems frivolous. I'd love to have a male shape magically bestowed upon me, but it doesn't work that way in the real world.

What are you? What am I? I don't know. I know what I'm not. I'm not female, and lately I am so sick of people thinking they know something about me because they've categorized me as a woman. They'd also be wrong if they categorized me as a man, but less wrong. Do I qualify for a membership in the transgendered club? Does it matter?
 
Makes perfect sense to me. I'm used to my body. It's dependable. It does everything I need it to do, and most of what I want it to do. Messing with it seems frivolous. I'd love to have a male shape magically bestowed upon me, but it doesn't work that way in the real world.

What are you? What am I? I don't know. I know what I'm not. I'm not female, and lately I am so sick of people thinking they know something about me because they've categorized me as a woman. They'd also be wrong if they categorized me as a man, but less wrong. Do I qualify for a membership in the transgendered club? Does it matter?

*nods*

That's it in a nutshell.

I look at me and see wrong things...but am okay with it as I have had 40 years to learn to love those wrong things.

When I bind, strap up? I become more of what I want to be...but that doesn't mean that I feel less like myself when I am *normal*...

I am always ME.

Just the ME inside happens to have a lot more testosterone...

I think of myself as gender queer...because I am.
I think of myself as BOI because I am.
Other people's opinions don't matter two shits to me...because as Popeye said best~

"I am what I am and that's all that I am."

I feel comfortable in this thread because it means that i am not alone in my dysphoria. Other people experience it. Other people know it. People HERE understand that I don't think of myself as 5 feet nothing, 135 pounds, 36DD woman.

I think of myself as BOI...and the rest of it is irrelevant.
 
The word transsexual is only loaded to people who don't know that the word 'sex' means more than one thing.

In this case, "sex" means the procreational capability of the organism, as in the male sex, the female sex.

The word as it's used today is a short version of "sexual congress" or other versions of that concept, meaning putting male and female sexual organs together. We started shortening "having sexual congress' into things like
'having sex'

Transsexuals are people who have been able to, or want to, change the organs that define their sexual capability.

does that make sense?
 
Sure, the etymology of the TS word is sound but the media, and the internet mostly, equates shemale with transexual, so by association the original meaning has been skewed... so... pfft - I'll keep reminding myself of the original meaning! :)
Random blurt re american football: when some 6'6" 300 pound hulk makes a 'touch-down?' , how come they do that silly little girl dance on their toes :D That has always cracked me up. Sorry - I hope that not terribly disrespectful!
 
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