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Old 10-27-2014, 10:26 AM   #1
mrstojourspret
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Threesome?

My husband and I have been married a few years. We love each other very much and have a great sex life. We have lots of friends who are married and single...He has one particular single friend who hangs out with us a lot. I joke that he is my other husband because he eats dinner with us all the time and he and my husband are such good friends.
Lately my husband and I have been having anal and then he uses a dildo in my pussy too. He seems to get really turned on by the idea of me having two dicks in me. I can't say that I wouldn't mind...but he's my husband and I feel like if we go through with this...there is no going back.
Well...a few weeks ago we all got drunk and apparently I began to get undressed with the door open and this friend claims to have seen my tits. He and my husband laughed about it and joked at me for it the next day. I was so embarrassed! However, they seemed to think nothing of it really. Well....we got super drunk again with a big group of people and I was hanging on our friend and he jokingly eating chips out of my mouth. I have no idea where that all started but I swear his lips brushed mine and I really felt something electric. He came over again the next day and they started joking about me showing my tits again.
Now, we are all going on a trip and sharing one room.
I have a feeling that something is going to happen. On one hand I am ok with it but on another I feel like maybe that would just ruin things. We are all such good friends (as in someday we are going to ask him to be our baby's godfather). Advice?
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:32 AM   #2
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Question for Your Husband

Next time you are double penetrated by your husband and the dildo ask him if he wod like to see his friend in mace of the dildo. His response either physically or with his words will be a good indicator!
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:37 AM   #3
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While we were having drunk sex after the last party, he did ask me "You want two dicks in you?" and I said yes and then he asked me who and I said "I guess since he's seen my tits you'd let "friend"" He didn't seem to mind. However, we only talk like that when we're drunk. He has also fantasized out loud about me and another woman. I only encourage him because I know it turns him on . Again...we are drunk when this happens.
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:50 AM   #4
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Ask when sober

His responses when sobER may well be the best indicator. Make sure he knows how much you like having both holes filled. Ask again when sober if he would like to see or feel the DP? If you can handle another woman to please him might lead to reciprocation.
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:55 AM   #5
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I think the whole thing should be discussed BEFORE the trip when you two are not drunk nor aroused (if possible )
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:56 AM   #6
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The fact that all of this has taken place while you're drunk raises a red flag. If you have to be liquored up to intimately engage with this other man, that says quite a lot, doesn't it?

First and foremost, I think you should talk about this with your husband in the cold light of day, when you're sober. There are people who manage to make an open relationship work, but from what I've read and been told, it takes a shit ton of open, honest communication. You can't do that when you're drunk.

It doesn't sound like either of you have seriously thought this through. How you would manage any serious complications? What if your husband finds he can't handle seeing you with another man? If you're still able to conceive, what if you get pregnant by this other man? Birth control isn't always fool proof. These are things that could possibly happen, and for which you and your husband need to have a serious discussion before you proceed any further.

Then there's the friend. What are his expectations? Is this a one off thing? Or does he expect continuing involvement? What happens if he develops serious feelings for you? What happens if you develop serious feelings for him in return?

Honestly, I'd put this trip on hold until every one has had time to rationally think and talk this thing through, and where everyone knows where the boundaries lie. Even then, recognize that it could all still go to shit. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

Given the potential to wreck everything, this is NOT something you want to leave to chance.

A good starting point would be Tristan Taormino's Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. It's a book my husband and I read when we were considering this option (but ultimately decided against).
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Old 10-27-2014, 11:10 AM   #7
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Great Advice

This is great advice. Sober and unaroused is probably the best and most logical scenario. The ramifications could be long lasting and potentially catastrophic!


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Originally Posted by bailadora View Post
The fact that all of this has taken place while you're drunk raises a red flag. If you have to be liquored up to intimately engage with this other man, that says quite a lot, doesn't it?

First and foremost, I think you should talk about this with your husband in the cold light of day, when you're sober. There are people who manage to make an open relationship work, but from what I've read and been told, it takes a shit ton of open, honest communication. You can't do that when you're drunk.

It doesn't sound like either of you have seriously thought this through. How you would manage any serious complications? What if your husband finds he can't handle seeing you with another man? If you're still able to conceive, what if you get pregnant by this other man? Birth control isn't always fool proof. These are things that could possibly happen, and for which you and your husband need to have a serious discussion before you proceed any further.

Then there's the friend. What are his expectations? Is this a one off thing? Or does he expect continuing involvement? What happens if he develops serious feelings for you? What happens if you develop serious feelings for him in return?

Honestly, I'd put this trip on hold until every one has had time to rationally think and talk this thing through, and where everyone knows where the boundaries lie. Even then, recognize that it could all still go to shit. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

Given the potential to wreck everything, this is NOT something you want to leave to chance.

A good starting point would be Tristan Taormino's Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. It's a book my husband and I read when we were considering this option (but ultimately decided against).
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Old 10-27-2014, 01:07 PM   #8
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Thanks for all the honest feedback....maybe we could just let him watch. I would never let another man be in me bareback (as per the pregnancy question). Maybe I just give him a BJ while my husband fucks me...I don't know. You are all right though. I need to talk with him and set CLEAR boundaries before this trip.
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Old 10-27-2014, 02:51 PM   #9
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If you decide to go any further than letting him watch, I'd suggest all parties get tested for STI's before going on this trip. Granted, it's not fireproof, but provided the friend isn't with anyone else between the time he gets tested and travels with you, it should lessen the possibility of picking up an unwanted souvenir.
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Old 10-27-2014, 05:04 PM   #10
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Update: My husband and I had sex tonight where we were both sober. I suggested we have anal and I got out my dildo. I used it on me while he fucked my ass....and out of no where he said "You like having two dicks in you?" I couldn't help but scream out "YES!" while I came...
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Old 10-27-2014, 05:16 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vibes View Post
I think the whole thing should be discussed BEFORE the trip when you two are not drunk nor aroused (if possible )
+1. Threesomes can be great but it's best to establish ground rules beforehand so people don't end up with regrets after. (Or if they do, at least those regrets will be formulated as "I misjudged" and not "you cheated".)
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Old 10-27-2014, 05:21 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstojourspret View Post
Update: My husband and I had sex tonight where we were both sober. I suggested we have anal and I got out my dildo. I used it on me while he fucked my ass....and out of no where he said "You like having two dicks in you?" I couldn't help but scream out "YES!" while I came...
That just means he is acknowledging that you like it while aroused, not that he would want that to happen.

Frankly, I would not pick a family friend unless you don't mind possibly breaking up the friendship. There are other dangers too.
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Old 10-27-2014, 05:48 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Noor View Post
That just means he is acknowledging that you like it while aroused, not that he would want that to happen.

Frankly, I would not pick a family friend unless you don't mind possibly breaking up the friendship. There are other dangers too.
Alright, so basically.... I need to flat out ask him "Would you be ok with you friend fucking me?"


Maybe it's because I just want to try something new...so I think instead we will go to a strip club this weekend. That's new...and safe.
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Old 10-29-2014, 11:11 AM   #14
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Still trying to decide....
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Old 10-29-2014, 11:19 AM   #15
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keep us posted!
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Old 10-29-2014, 11:51 AM   #16
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The dick-stuffed bottom line here is that if you can't even talk about this sober and rational, while you both still have all your clothes on, you shouldn't even be considering doing it.

Then there's the question of 'who.' What was the discussion around booking a trip where you all share a room? What happens if things go to shit while you're away and you're all potentially stuck with one another? The friend is of course not the only option and it's tricky. You have to weigh up how much familiarity you want with the second guy against the potential fallout in your social circle. Strangers are very risky but you can be confident you don't have to see them again - assuming you're not stupid enough to invite one to your home.

If you both decide you want to do this and that your friend is the way to go, you need to have a frank discussion with him before the trip. It's not really fair to ambush him after a few drinks once you're all away together. He's less emotionally invested in this but he should still have the opportunity to consent while sober and without coercion, otherwise you run a higher risk of losing his friendship afterwards.

Condoms are great but you shouldn't rely on them alone. Consider taking a 'Plan B' in case of a serious accident.
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Old 10-29-2014, 02:25 PM   #17
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Bailadora and LithiumKiss have excellent advice. You MUST have this discussion OUTSIDE of the bedroom and while sober. Asking each other while you're in the middle of sex or aroused is not a good basis for a decision. While in the bedroom or in the middle of sex, you're enveloped in fantasies and a fantasy scenario is much different than a reality. Discuss all the possible ramifications, bad as well as the good. Then, if you're both on the same page and do want to explore this, then have a frank discussion with the friend. Explore possible ramifications with him as well as expectations on all of your parts. The last thing you want is for anyone to feel pressured or have a boatload of regret and resentment later on.

Furthermore, you don't want insecurities to creep in into your marriage. In other words, you don't want the friend to think you'll pursue a sexual relationship between the two of you solo. If it does move forward, it's with your hubby present only. How would your hubby feel if the friend showed up at your place after this event, say waiting for your hubby to show up. If you two were alone, even for a few minutes, would he have doubts about what you were up to without him? Would you be tempted? This is where things can get dicey. So tread carefully. Open and honest communication is the only way to go. You have to have absolute faith in each other and yourselves.
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Old 10-30-2014, 03:18 PM   #18
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Either way I hope that it helps open doors for you and your husband
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Old 10-31-2014, 06:33 AM   #19
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As someone who had a threesome and lost a good friend because of it... Be careful. Jealousy is a terrible emotion that can grow.

Me and the wife invited another girl into our bed... A good friend of ours and while the actual night was great for all of us the wife couldn't get it out of her head later and started getting jealous of certain things that happened.
It boiled in here head and the two of them had a falling out and we lost a friend.

Now... I'm not saying that this will happen... I hope you have a great time if you do it. But pre-planning and communication are REALLY IMPORTANT!

Good luck.
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Old 11-01-2014, 01:10 AM   #20
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Threesomes can be wonderful, way beyond DP, but sober and tested are the only way to go.

My dear sweet husband and I have been involved with another man for almost 35 years - he is a good friend, we do not meet up under the influence, we have been tested several times and we did not meet up during those times he was in a relationship.

You have to be relaxed - at least two of you have to be able to talk things through - being able to laugh is a good sign.

Don't do it just for the DP - a dildo is less trouble - do it for the experience for all three of you.
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Old 11-03-2014, 05:32 PM   #21
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More often than not, reality is no where near as hot and enjoyable as the fantasy. Think about how awkward sex can be the first time with a new partner and now your adding a third personality.

Is the friend, or your husband going to be comfortable coming into intimate contact with another man's genitals? How will one or the other react if they get the other man's ejaculate on them? You don't have to think of these things in a fantasy, but they are very real possibilities in a threesome. Especially if you want DP.
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Old 11-04-2014, 04:25 PM   #22
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I think it's wonderful you're posting here before doing anything and you're getting fantastic advice! I agree with what everyone is saying. I can't stress open, completely honest communication enough. My husband and I decided this is something we wanted to try. We talked for weeks about it, and after finding someone who had the same wants and ideals as us, we talked with HIM for extended periods of time. We have been with him three times, and the third time, things went bad because I drank too much. I broke a couple of the rules and it could have been the end of us. Hubby took several days off work just so we could be together and talk and we realized where it all went wrong. We didn't communicate enough! We were both shocked because we'd spent hours discussing and planning!

The best part about it is it's brought us so much closer together. We will continue seeing this man, but clearer guidelines and rules have been set and we'll continue to communicate about it all (with the 3rd party, too) until we see him again. But amazingly enough, we truly feel that this type of lifestyle can really strengthen a marriage...IF you go about it the right way.

If you decide to do this, communicate, set rules in stone, discuss it with your friend, and write out a contract if necessary! And when you've thought you've talked about it enough, talk more!

I wish you luck in whatever decision you make!

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Old 11-05-2014, 12:04 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by FantasyGir1 View Post
I think it's wonderful you're posting here before doing anything and you're getting fantastic advice! I agree with what everyone is saying. I can't stress open, completely honest communication enough. My husband and I decided this is something we wanted to try. We talked for weeks about it, and after finding someone who had the same wants and ideals as us, we talked with HIM for extended periods of time. We have been with him three times, and the third time, things went bad because I drank too much. I broke a couple of the rules and it could have been the end of us. Hubby took several days off work just so we could be together and talk and we realized where it all went wrong. We didn't communicate enough! We were both shocked because we'd spent hours discussing and planning!

The best part about it is it's brought us so much closer together. We will continue seeing this man, but clearer guidelines and rules have been set and we'll continue to communicate about it all (with the 3rd party, too) until we see him again. But amazingly enough, we truly feel that this type of lifestyle can really strengthen a marriage...IF you go about it the right way.

If you decide to do this, communicate, set rules in stone, discuss it with your friend, and write out a contract if necessary! And when you've thought you've talked about it enough, talk more!

I wish you luck in whatever decision you make!
Fantasygirl, i am interested in what rules/limits you had, and which you broke. If you are comfortable sharing that.
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Old 03-15-2018, 10:33 PM   #24
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Still trying to decide....
Hi Mrstojourspret,
Reading your posts down through the thread it sounds like you already decided. I suggest that you just accept that and take every precaution you can think of to prevent something regrettable from resulting from the overnighter.

Worst case, it doesn't happen but you were ready for anything. Best case... well you know what that is.
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Old 03-16-2018, 09:23 AM   #25
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Quote:
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Hi Mrstojourspret,
Reading your posts down through the thread it sounds like you already decided. I suggest that you just accept that and take every precaution you can think of to prevent something regrettable from resulting from the overnighter.

Worst case, it doesn't happen but you were ready for anything. Best case... well you know what that is.
The thread you're replying to is four years old. Probably a bit late to be giving advice on this one?
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