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Old 04-23-2004, 03:49 PM   #1
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Advice for first time young mothers

An acquaintance of mine found out the middle of last month that she was almost 3 months pregnant. They were using condoms but weren't being careful ... ya'll know the deal.

She has no health insurance, she is 23 and dropped out of college last year or so. She isn't working, she smokes pot (but is quitting since she found out), she is manic, she is bipolar, isn't on medication, she doens't have many female friends, shes a child in mind- isn't on her feet ... shes my boyfriend's roommate's sister. (lets call her "R") I don't talk to R much, but I am very very concerned for her health and the health of the child.

R'srelationship isn't an awesome one. They care for each other, but when the going gets tough, I can see him bailing out on her, they fight alot. She doesn't have the option to go home, her mother isn't well (drugs are a part of that)... they got kicked out of their apartment bc of his selling pot I believe and something about owning a cat and not being allowed to. Currently, they're paying "rent" at a hotel so to say... and he is sort of going to classes, but has now picked up more hours for more money to support them. They live in Vermont, in a TINY TINY town (pop. maybe 2,000 counting the college in town)

As I said before, she has no health insurance, hasn't seen a doctor, ... really, doesn't know what she is doing or should be doing (just mother's tales and the obvious things like no alcohol etc..) as far as I know. I've felt bad for not getting to know her for the past six months +...( her childness, immaturity, different of interests really- it wasn't bc shes a bitch or bad person) she doesn't really have many female friends... and needs one now, so I'm going to step in and say hey. usually we all just keep to ourselves, but it isn't fair for her ... so here I am at Lit.

I don't know myself much about being pregnant or not having health insurance, where she should be/what she should be doing at 3 months or so... and i just want to help, be a friend and all. I don't want to get involved in their situation (money wise or anything...) but I do want to help her out, make a friendship and all because besides needing one - I know I can help her out as well.

I want to get her a book, they're inexpensive and it'll really help her. Anyone know a good couple I can look into?
I need info also, on the free clinics or the free care she can obtain for herself and the child ... or close to free, affordable.
Anything I can tell her besides no smoking, no coffee, eat vitimine rich foods, excerzise , no alcohol, best thing to do during morning sickness (which i know is coming for her soon, unless shes one of the lucky ones that wont experience it) ... ?

I just want a little bit more info so I can have a conversation with her w/o sounding too clinical and all. Start off on the right foot.

any other words of heart to heart wisdom other then all the rudeness that many people are able to produce in situations of "not being careful" ? What has happened, happened ... now the steps to deal and survive need to be taken.

---
yes, I posted this on the GB, but I enjoy the wisdom that HT has, and the close bond and genuine kindness that you have offered.

---
this is REALLY for a friend of mine, if it was me I would be open and honest for it and practically keep a thread/chart of how I was doing on Lit probably right here on the HT.
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:00 PM   #2
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Look into WIC (or WIK?) for single mothers.

Also, the book "What to Expect when you're expecting" is a popular one.
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:07 PM   #3
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I believe that all counties in states have health programs for expectanct mothers. I know you said this young woman is in Vermont, but I know in California there is provision for medical care for women without insurance, and food stamps for those who qualify for it. Vermont may have something similar. The best thing would be to check with your County Health/Human Services. They can give you the information about what programs she might be eligible for.

She needs to see a doctor, because if she is bi-polar, that means even if she were taking drugs, she might not be able to take them during pregnancy. Or she might. Only a doctor will know.

A lot of times there are counselors available on a sliding scale to help her straighten out what she needs to do in the way of housing, support, parenting classes, etc.

Lastly, I would have her contact Legal Aide to find out what she needs to do in the event that her boyfriend bails. He would still be responsible for child support. He may not be able to afford it, but she can still have an order placed on him in the event he doesn't hold up on his responsibility.

Good luck to you, and I hope she accepts your offer of friendship. She certainly will need one, but she will need to grow up as well. It will be helpful to have some one around who be an example to her.
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:19 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by RawHumor
Look into WIC (or WIK?) for single mothers.

Also, the book "What to Expect when you're expecting" is a popular one.
on the GB that link was offered to me and I've got 2 free books coming to me in 3-4 weeks, I just made the calls switching from GB to HT
I know that one is on the tip of everyone's tongue, I'm just here making sure it was for legitimate reasons and not because its tradition and all that.

SexyChele: She isn't taking the drugs because she can't afford them/doesn't have health insurance ... is immature and it hasn't been delt with properly. I may be more concerned for her/baby then I'm letting on I guess...
She has the means to get to FREE counseling right here on campus/in town, I know I will bring that up bc I know she has needed it but will maybe now do it for the baby.
He seems to always be at her side now, I just worry because of all the fights I do hear them get into - maybe this is what he needs as well to get his act together. IT could pull them closer then ever or push them apart --- its still early is all I'm going to say.
Legal aid, and health/human services.. I have to get the phone book out for that and my red pen.

Thank you for your help!
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:36 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by RawHumor
Look into WIC (or WIK?) for single mothers.

Also, the book "What to Expect when you're expecting" is a popular one.
Her county health department can help quite a bit, with exams and such that she is going to need. WIC (stands for Women, Infants and Children) is good for her AND the baby. She will be given vouchers for milk, juice, things that a mother needs to help her baby grow; once the baby is born, WIC is available for formula and such...for someone with very little income, it is a godsend. She can get information from her health department.

She needs to check into the medicare/medicaid programs in her area, and also get referrals from the health department on a good doctor/midwife. If she is already this far along, she needs to do it pronto. She also needs to check into hospitals and find out which ones accept medicare/medicaid, and plan accordingly.

The most important thing, other than all the things listed here already, is growing up. Period. She has to realize the magnitude of the situation she is in. That might not happen until that baby kicks for the first time, or until she actually holds her child...who knows? But the time for immaturity is over.

A note about being bi-polar...brain chemistry is going to go a little nuts during pregnancy. It could make her much better or it could make her much, much worse. She HAS to get to a counselor and a doctor concerning medications, etc. Even if she has an opposition to it, frankly...too late now. This is no longer about her, it's about a little life inside her. She has to get treatment, and she has to get it NOW. I can't stress that enough.

Otherwise...a good multi-vitamin does wonders. The less stress, the better. Walking is a good exercise to take up now. No smoke, and try to avoid secondhand smoke as well. Alcohol is not a good idea, neither are drugs, but she probably knows that already...

I'm sure I will think of more things.

Talk her into getting to the doctor right now. Her health department should be the first stop...they can tell her all she needs to know about the medicare/medicaid, WIC, etc. And they can give her the first exam.



Good luck to her...

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Old 04-23-2004, 05:03 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by sheath
Her county health department can help quite a bit, with exams and such that she is going to need. WIC (stands for Women, Infants and Children) is good for her AND the baby. She will be given vouchers for milk, juice, things that a mother needs to help her baby grow; once the baby is born, WIC is available for formula and such...for someone with very little income, it is a godsend. She can get information from her health department.

She needs to check into the medicare/medicaid programs in her area, and also get referrals from the health department on a good doctor/midwife. If she is already this far along, she needs to do it pronto. She also needs to check into hospitals and find out which ones accept medicare/medicaid, and plan accordingly.

The most important thing, other than all the things listed here already, is growing up. Period. She has to realize the magnitude of the situation she is in. That might not happen until that baby kicks for the first time, or until she actually holds her child...who knows? But the time for immaturity is over.

A note about being bi-polar...brain chemistry is going to go a little nuts during pregnancy. It could make her much better or it could make her much, much worse. She HAS to get to a counselor and a doctor concerning medications, etc. Even if she has an opposition to it, frankly...too late now. This is no longer about her, it's about a little life inside her. She has to get treatment, and she has to get it NOW. I can't stress that enough.

Otherwise...a good multi-vitamin does wonders. The less stress, the better. Walking is a good exercise to take up now. No smoke, and try to avoid secondhand smoke as well. Alcohol is not a good idea, neither are drugs, but she probably knows that already...

I'm sure I will think of more things.

Talk her into getting to the doctor right now. Her health department should be the first stop...they can tell her all she needs to know about the medicare/medicaid, WIC, etc. And they can give her the first exam.



Good luck to her...

S.
I'm going to poke around in the WIC option because I haven't heard about it and it would be easier to be a little knowledgable before I bring the idea to her... after work though, I have to leave in 15 minutes and then I have a show to go to (on a good note, I'm in the community concert band and the spring concert is tonight). The medicare/medicade she has to do on her own because I don't know details about their money situation and the resources they might have that I don't know about ... but it will be brought up and stressed as well. She NEEDS to know her options before she attemps to just carry the baby to term and pay a monsterous birth hospital bill... which I'm terrified of her doing.

But I plan to spend some time on this tonight, we're having a little bbq tomorow and R and boyfriend are invited so it'll be a good time to start things up.

I understand the urgency. My boyfriend was sworn to secrecy, and just mentioned it to me yesterday bc even he was getting concerned (usually, as said before we mind our buisness, but this isn't about her anymore...)
I saw her yesterday, her usual bubbly self. I noticed some weight gain - which is when S/O told me- and I was floored. I couldn't believe it at all (even though, knowing how carful they aren't... I suppose I shouldn't be so suprised.) ... she had on the cutest ever maternity top now that I think of it because shes starting to show ... and I have a funny feeling that she is just absorbed in the clothing and baby bottles and how cute it all is. -pushing everything else away- Again, I haven't talked to her so I don't know what else she is thinking about .. oi .. I'm just so worried, as nice as tonight is going to be, I can't wait for tomorrow to come. To talk with her.

She should have been with a counselor to begin with, I've been saying this since I first met her. I don't even know how touchy she is with it. I know shes open about her problem, uses it as a crutch and blames outbursts of all shapes and sizes on it...

vitimens, excorsize, water ... all this stuff I sort of know, most people know ... and are going to be the ice breaker for me tomorrow besides the "oooh I just found out, how exciting!" heh... just a little little tiny bit of acting so she can earn my trust and I can help her get the ball rolling so shes at least setting herself up to be in a better position.

I just hope I don't get booted, and she takes what I say to heart... I don't want to take over, I don't want it to seem like I feel she is 13 years old with the mind of a monkey unable to wipe her own ass... I don't want it to sound like I'm insulting her.
I do want to be more of a friend then her medical life consultant ... nor do I want her leaning on me too much and end up being called in the middle of the night when she gets a cramp.

... oi, the thin line I'm on lol.

Thank you for your wisdom once again all.

----
anything that she might be experiencing that feels abnormal but is completly normal ... shes 23 and prolly scared if something is the wrong color, smell ... heh... when are they supposed to stop having sex btw ... They do want to keep the child, not to cause her to loose it in anyway... and she isn't the healthiest person.

OOOH!
and my boyfriend and I were talking about amneosenthesis and sonograms ... what exactly can you tell from amneo? sex, health, if its alive, has everything developing correctly ... or for alot of these things you need the sonogram to see if all is well. Does the expecting mother NEED the sonogram or is an amneo fine or vice versa?
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Old 04-23-2004, 05:20 PM   #7
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Old 04-23-2004, 05:28 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlueSugar
----
anything that she might be experiencing that feels abnormal but is completly normal ... shes 23 and prolly scared if something is the wrong color, smell ... heh... when are they supposed to stop having sex btw ... They do want to keep the child, not to cause her to loose it in anyway... and she isn't the healthiest person.

OOOH!
and my boyfriend and I were talking about amneosenthesis and sonograms ... what exactly can you tell from amneo? sex, health, if its alive, has everything developing correctly ... or for alot of these things you need the sonogram to see if all is well. Does the expecting mother NEED the sonogram or is an amneo fine or vice versa?
If she has any blood or bleeding, she should go to a doctor.. the same if she's got bad morning sickness and can't gain weight. She needs to gain.. the baby drains on you, and it grows from what she's eating.

Stay away from spicy foods unless she's craving them and can't help herself... It can give you some gastrointestinal distress. She should try to eat healthy as much as possible, and lots of orange juice for the calcium and nutrients in it.

Sometimes you get really emotional, easily upset, and in her case, that could be bad. If possible, she should really see someone about her mental illness, if only to find out what they recommend as safest for her baby and her own health.

I never had an amneocentisis... I think they're generally only used to test for certain birth defects, and they're not always recommended or necessary. A sonogram, on the other hand, is usually recommended, (I had three), to make sure that the baby is moving properly and that all the internal organs are developing, etc. You can find out the sex of the baby if you wish by either method, but it's not required, of course.

What To Expect When You're Expecting is an excellent, easy to follow book. Prenatal clinics often give out magazines on childbirth as well. There's one called The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy, I think it is... good, amusing book with some excellent information in it.

Hopefully she'll be willing to accept your help.
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Old 04-23-2004, 05:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
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If she's a few months along she's maybe starting to have round liament pains. The ligaments that carry the uterus get streched so it feels bit pinchy right around the tummy above the hip bones. As for sex- unless she's having a complicated high risk pregnancy most OB's tend to be ok with sex until the last 6-8 weeks of the pregnancy. I don't bother giving up sex at all personally. LOL Sperm has prostaglandins in it that can get labor going, but the odds are it won't happen unless her body is ready to give birth. Unless the pregnancy is high risk they won't hurt the baby by having sex. it get awkward as hell towards the end (sigh... pregnancy does rather limit positions at some point), but they should be fine.
Oops. Forgot this stuff.

The ligament pains were awful for me.. And sometimes it helps to sleep with a pillow between your knees when you start to fill out, to keep your body more balanced and comfortable.

I had sex right up almost to the last two weeks of my pregnancy. My hormones were out of control. And my daughter was still born two weeks late, and took her sweet time in coming out even though I ended up having to be chemically induced. After a while, doggy style tends to be the most comfortable... I couldn't lie on my back at all because the weight pinched nerves and made me pass out from the pressure on my spine, and face it.. it's kinda like climbing Mount Everest when you're eight-nine months along.

And I agree with CutieMouse on the amnio. They can be very dangerous, and should really only be done in the case of severe risk to the baby.
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Old 04-23-2004, 06:31 PM   #10
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just some practical tips from what i remeber when i was pregnant:

If she has any problem with leg cramps (i did for a while and it was a nightmare) eat lots of bananas and potassium rich foods.

As for morning sickness having a ginger biscuit before getting up is meant to help...or some kind of ginger tea... ginger setlles the tummy. I was lucky I didn't get too much morning sickness!

Just tell her to listen to her body..to rest when she feels tired,eat when she wants and what she wants (little and often works best to limit heart burn) and to do as much excercise wise as she can manage.


I will keep her in my prayers.
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Old 04-23-2004, 07:02 PM   #11
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Thank you ladies very much. Orange juice, bananas ... anything else organic or natural to eat and do that she can do on her own to better everything. Ginger, fenil too helps with stomach that much I know.
Anything besides spicey food to stay away from? What about meats, poultry, fish .. should anything be upped or downed?

Hm, I thought you could only have sex till about mid-end of second trimester bc of maybe accidental hitting cervix and all those things that our body does naturally - could induce pregnancy. I'll be sure to pass this info along, never know what her stance is let alone what she believes.

do any of those stretch mark products work?

as for the amnio and sono... I know the procedure, and was 99% sure what could be told from them- I was just double checking. My mother had 4 children, my aunt had 4 children, my aunt on the other side had 3 ... and they're all hypocondriacts... so I know alot of little things about the medical realm. I'm just trying to gather info in one or two places instead of having it all collected in my mind. Plus, I myself has never been pregnant so.. here I am at Lit

I knew amnio was dangerous and isn't routine. That was just a discussion between my boyfriend and I about what it does tell about the baby and its environment.
Sonograms I knew were routine and most opt for them, they've become tradition almost just to make sure we have two arms and two eyes and all those other important numbers - I was just wondering if you can go w/o them .. and you can. He believed that you can tell EVERYTHING from amnio and I was pretty sure there were some things ya needed to check out on the sonograms... turns out I was correct

blood/bleeding, cramping ... pillow support...

as for the books, I've heard a few people take the standing point that it sounded like a disease or infliction that one has to deal with... and yet eeeveryone reconmends it because its one of the few well known books that circulate. Just debating still if I should pick it up or not.

I'm making a check list sort of, I'm going to tell her I found it.

Anything else? and I do mean anything ... little things, big things... I know it varies from person to person, I just want to get her started with things she might have happen until she gets a book or my books come in the mail, while she waits to see a Dr.
So she is at least comfortable, aware and thinking.

thank you for your prayers english lady
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Old 04-23-2004, 07:19 PM   #12
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Being a young mother of two, I've delt with some of the issues she is. First off, medicaid is wonderful for the pregnant mother. It covered all of my prenatal checkups, the delivery, my sons' circumcision (not all states cover this cost), and also covered my children for a year after they were born. When she applies, they can give her a list of doctors that accept medicaid. Going with her to apply would be a great way to help build up that friendship...it's not always easy to admit you can't afford it yourself.

WIC is great, especially after the baby is born. If she doesn't breastfeed they'll cover some if not all of the formula the baby will need. If she decides to breastfeed they'll cover carrots and tuna for mom, along with the usual milk, eggs, cereal, etc.

When I got pregnant with my son at 16 I found the What to Expect when Expecting to be a great book. Like others have said, it's easy to follow, and if a question arises it's easy to find the answer. I found this book to be a lifesaver...it eased my mind, and made me feel more informed about what was happening.

Other tips I can think of...

If she gets bad morning sickness there's this stuff called cola syrup, works great if you can get past the taste of it. I've heard that it's not available anymore, but if it is, it can be found with the other over-the-counter meds.

For leg cramps....have her slowly point her toes up towards the ceiling (if she's laying on her back).

Later in pregnancy her feet may swell and her shoes may become tight, this is normal. But if her ankles, legs, hands, or face begin to swell noticably check with the doctor, it could be a sign of preeclampsia.

Okay, that's all I can think of for the time being.

I wish you the best of luck, she's lucky to have someone like you wanting to help her. I hope she takes it. Pregnancy can be difficult, especially for the first time mother.
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Old 04-23-2004, 07:29 PM   #13
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Okay, so I went and pulled out my book. This is some of what I found concerning the food question.

Not good to eat during pregnancy...

Swordfish, fresh tuna, and shark....because of high levels of mercury.

Eat lean cuts of meat and remove visable fat and skin...chemicals fed to livestock concentrate in these areas.

Don't go overboard....trying too hard to eat right can make life more stressful.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask here or send me a pm and I'll pull out my trusty old book.
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Old 04-23-2004, 07:53 PM   #14
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Another very good book...

"The Mayo Clinic Complete Book of Pregnancy and Baby's First Year". It's a big, thick volume full of all sorts of information.

Best of all, it's free through State Farm Insurance Company. Those are supposed to be for their customers only...but if she contacts them, they will be more than happy to give her one. It's all about building good will with future customers, you know.

State Farm/Pregnancy Book Site

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Old 04-23-2004, 07:56 PM   #15
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Foods to be avoided also include... soft eggs (runny yolks)... pates... and unpasturised cheese.
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Old 04-23-2004, 09:43 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hotred911

Later in pregnancy her feet may swell and her shoes may become tight, this is normal. But if her ankles, legs, hands, or face begin to swell noticably check with the doctor, it could be a sign of preeclampsia.

Okay, that's all I can think of for the time being.

I wish you the best of luck, she's lucky to have someone like you wanting to help her. I hope she takes it. Pregnancy can be difficult, especially for the first time mother.
aw, I remember hearing the women of my family complain about their feet, I didn't know about the rest of the body though... I figured everything swells and all, I'll make a note of that though.
I knew about the fish, I didn't know why though- thank you for looking it up, it was very helpful!
Runny eggs, pate, and unpas. cheese? I hope I find that in a book, because I understand the eggs and cheese ... but the pate? hm..

... Now I'm hoping she isn't a vegitarian, I have no clue, but many MANY people around here in town are.

Sheath: I called in for the two free books, its going to come to me in 3-4 weeks and I'm going to give them both to her, I ordered them today I may just get her the expecting book as well as a little something from me and my boyfriend.
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Old 04-23-2004, 09:51 PM   #17
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If she is a vegitarian it shouldn't be a problem. When she visits the doctor s/he can give some good advice on what to eat more or less of, and may also prescribe a prenatal vitamin that will include the nutrients found mainly in meats.
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Old 04-23-2004, 09:59 PM   #18
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Blue Sugar, may I say that your willingness to step up and be a friend to this girl is amazing. I admire you for your compassion and concern.

Please be careful about how close you get to her. I don't say that to be mean, but she sounds like an extremely needy and unstable personality, and you could find yourself in a little deeper than you intended.

And God particularly bless that innocent little baby.
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Old 04-23-2004, 11:33 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hotred911
If she is a vegitarian it shouldn't be a problem. When she visits the doctor s/he can give some good advice on what to eat more or less of, and may also prescribe a prenatal vitamin that will include the nutrients found mainly in meats.
There is another expectant mother up here, but they were married two years ago in Wales on a choir trip, they're organic farmers for the campus garden/farm ... they're the cutest couple EVER, all hippy like and everything, both are vegitarians .. shes having a water birth, and shes due in the next couple of months I believe. But she has a head on her shoulders... and I don't talk to her much ... long story short, I knew being vegitarian wasn't a problem - but she does it right ... I don't think R does.

Quote:
bobsgirl: Blue Sugar, may I say that your willingness to step up and be a friend to this girl is amazing. I admire you for your compassion and concern.

Please be careful about how close you get to her. I don't say that to be mean, but she sounds like an extremely needy and unstable personality, and you could find yourself in a little deeper than you intended.

And God particularly bless that innocent little baby.
::blush:: just being a good person, I wouldn't expect anyone to help me if I was in her position, but.. I'm good like that

I know about her personality which kept me from being close to her to begin with. I'm a psych major fingertip reach of my BA... I know the dangers, I know to seperate myself ...I'ma going to walk on eggshells for a bit. I'll be careful, I promise !!
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Old 04-24-2004, 05:41 AM   #20
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just a few quickies that I can recall from my last pregnancy and the two that preceeded it...

If she thinks that her shoes don't fit her they probably don't! A womans feet can grow up to 1/2 a shoe size (or more) during pregnancy.

if she begins to show early and finds that the round ligament pain or lower back pain is quite bad recommend a maternity belt. It sits just below the belly and helps support.

it is perfectly normal to be short of breath and gassy.

if she is as you say caught up in the cuteness of being pregnant try to remind her not to walk swaybacked- that is to say not to thrust her belly forward and cause her back to curve. This will make the back pain that automatically comes with pregnancy 10x worse.

she needs to listen to her body and that means eat when she's hungry, and eat what she wants since ther is a reason her body is craving. she will also find as her pregnancy progresses that she becomes very easily fatigued. when she does she needs to rest. She needs to trust her own body because it is the best indicator she has of what is going on with her pregnancy and it doesn't always follow the textbooks.

Nesting syndrome. Some women never have this but mine was thru the roof. Tell her to be prepared to have an uncontrollable desire to cook, clean, redecorate, you name it in order to be ready for the baby to arrive.

check with an OB before taking any over the counter medications.

prenatal vitamins, prenatal vitamins and oh yeah...prenatal vitamins! I cannot stress how important they are!

she needs to learn about her family medical history and the fathers family history as well. Her OB will ask lots of qeustions about it to help determine what tests are necessary for the baby. For Ex: I am a Tay Sachs carrier and but my husband is not. We opted to have gentetic screening done on our children to see if I had passed the gene on to them.

be honest with the OB...it is important that she form a good relationship with the person who is going to help bring her child into the world. Most OBGYN's today are very good about working with moms to help formulate a birthing plan and getting set up with local aide agencies to ensure mom and baby start off right.

any cramping or bleeding should be reported IMMEDIATLEY to a doctor!

be on the lookout for HYPERREMISIUS GRAVIDARUM...in laymans terms an extreme form of morning sickness which causes weight loss and severe dehydration. I had this with 2 of my pregnancies and the first time just assumed it was just bad morning sickness. I ended up having to be sent the hospital to be rehydrated and drinking protiens shakes daily to put back on the 15 lbs I'd lost in 2 weeks.

WIC....it's an amazing program!

good luck, I'll be thinking of you and your friend.
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Old 04-24-2004, 09:16 AM   #21
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Lots of great advice here but mine would be to priorize what she needs most...like get to a doctor. No point in over whelming her when it sounds like she's having difficulty coping as it is. Personally I'd stick to the basics and encourage/direct her to the necessary help. Then just be a friend.
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Old 04-24-2004, 09:31 AM   #22
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If she wants the kid, it will all work out. If not, all the money in the world won't make a difference.
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Old 04-24-2004, 09:58 AM   #23
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The best thing you could do for her would be to convince her to give the baby up for adoption.

Barring that, contact your local social services and find out how to get her set up with WIC and Medicaid. Find out if she or her boyfriend have any responsible relatives nearby who can help with housing, childcare, etc. Try to get the couple to focus their attention and efforts on assuming the lifelong responsibilities of parenting, rather than on having an optimal pregnancy.

Nothing prevents stretch marks except genetic good fortune, but that's the least of her problems anyway.
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Old 04-24-2004, 12:40 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by Queen Bee
The best thing you could do for her would be to convince her to give the baby up for adoption.

Barring that, contact your local social services and find out how to get her set up with WIC and Medicaid. Find out if she or her boyfriend have any responsible relatives nearby who can help with housing, childcare, etc. Try to get the couple to focus their attention and efforts on assuming the lifelong responsibilities of parenting, rather than on having an optimal pregnancy.

Nothing prevents stretch marks except genetic good fortune, but that's the least of her problems anyway.

Queen Bee, you just said what I had been thinking last night.

Blue Sugar, I just have to be blunt about this--from what you said, this little baby is getting ready to be born right into the middle of a train wreck. This girl is obviously way far away from being ready to accept the responsibility of parenthood (and again I have to say, this opinion is based only on what I've read here). And the dad's probably no better.

I'm sorry--I just feel very sad about this.
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Old 04-24-2004, 01:14 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mskey

it is perfectly normal to be short of breath and gassy.

if she is as you say caught up in the cuteness of being pregnant try to remind her not to walk swaybacked- that is to say not to thrust her belly forward and cause her back to curve. This will make the back pain that automatically comes with pregnancy 10x worse.

Nesting syndrome. Some women never have this but mine was thru the roof. Tell her to be prepared to have an uncontrollable desire to cook, clean, redecorate, you name it in order to be ready for the baby to arrive.

she needs to learn about her family medical history and the fathers family history as well. Her OB will ask lots of qeustions about it to help determine what tests are necessary for the baby. For Ex: I am a Tay Sachs carrier and but my husband is not. We opted to have gentetic screening done on our children to see if I had passed the gene on to them.

be on the lookout for HYPERREMISIUS GRAVIDARUM...in laymans terms an extreme form of morning sickness which causes weight loss and severe dehydration. I had this with 2 of my pregnancies and the first time just assumed it was just bad morning sickness. I ended up having to be sent the hospital to be rehydrated and drinking protiens shakes daily to put back on the 15 lbs I'd lost in 2 weeks.

good luck, I'll be thinking of you and your friend.
oooo, family medical history, very good point to remember. I just hope she can get that out of her mother (father passed away 2 months ago... long history of cancers due to smoking)

I nested when I got my puppy, I nest before I get my period... I can only imagine what nesting is like when you're actually pregnant.. oi. The little crazy things women are put through (that men have to put up with hehe)

morning sickness. I am doomed to have it bad, haha. But her, I have no idea about... How long does that last on average?

thank you for your thoughts

wicked woman Oh, she'll go.. I don't know about coverage in the obgyn but ... she WILL go. It isn't about R anymore.
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