anal insecurities - my man gay?

[kizzee]

Hello everyone,

I really need some advice and general opinions!

I will try to keep it concise. I am 21, my partner is 23, been together since late teens, now have a house together, I am an account manager and he is self employed.

We have always had a passionate relationship.

That has all gone. I used to love sex, and being close to him but now I can not bear it.

All this is because I feel confused. My partner enjoys anal sex, I have not ever minded and if I was also in the mood I could enjoy it very much too. But I am not sure if he is having homosexual fantasies whilst I am doing this. That is a real turn off.

It is so hard to put this across without sounding daft or stupid but it is really getting to me.

If I changethe vibrator I am using, and he asks 'did that dick had just cum in my tight little ass' or 'im a little dick slut' makes a lot of penis related comments whilst I am thrusting into him, and will also enjoy sucking dildos.

The annoying thing is though, if I didnt love him I wouldnt be bothered really what he was thinking and still be enjoying it. The thought that he is imagining having a man fuck him whilst I am destroys me. I am not against homosexuality at all, but I dont want my partner to be having these thoughts.

He asks for it a lot now, where as before it was a fortnightly thing before we shared a bath or something. Now it is almost every time. He will even just ride a dildo whilst I am sat there watching.

I fully understand why it is a turn on for him having his prostate pleasured, but I am just not sure that is all it is.

Any men out there who enjoy anal sex please can you tell me what it is you like? Should I have reason to be insecure? Am I just being stupid?

I want to enjoy sex again!! Good hard passionate sex.

Please help!

[human_male]

You're not being stupid. I think you have a legitimate concern. But he may not necessarily be gay. Despite the "I'm a little dick slut" comments. Straight guys can have fantasies like this. Check out the "I wish I was her" thread here. Some guys seem to have a fantasy of experiencing sex from a female perspective. Of being treated like a slut. And there's a fascination with cocks and cum too. I know it's hard to believe but that doesn't make them gay. Weird as that sounds, it doesn't. Well, I guess a little gay, but a lot of people are a little gay.

He might also be bi, or he might also be actually gay. Only he could tell you.

The thing is you're unhappy because he wants this all the time. That's the main thing there I think. I think you should discuss this with him in a calm and non judgmental way and tell him that although you enjoy this kind of fantays role reversal thing to a point, you don't like that it's all the time. And that it hurts your feeling because he's apparently imagining you're a man. Tell him you want the kind of sex that you used to have. That you like to be the woman! Hopefully, when he realises that he's been neglecting your needs and making you unhappy he'll change.

I hope it works out for you. Keep us updated if you would. And good luck.

[PertPerth]

Hi Kizzee

Unfortunately, the only one who can tell you if your boyfriend likes boys is him!
I don't think I'll ever understand men and their obsession with anal sex (and two women kissing...but that is another topic!).
It is obviously bothering you, and it sounds like that it's starting to put a stress on your relationship. My thoughts are - be honest with him. Find out what he likes about anal and tell him that it's making you feel insecure.

[kizzee]

Hello Human Male,

I never stopped to think of it from that point. I will check out that thread you stated. I think you might have hit something right there though.

I can understand where that psychology comes from.

I could well be wrong for a lot of people here, but I swear sex without strings is easier. Might not be better or as good but it is certainly easier. If I didn't love him i dont think it would be a problem.

[69her]

I'm sorry but he's gay. No straight man says the words "i'm a little dick slut." That pretty much sums it up.

[69her]

Not trying to be rude with my first response. Thats just my opinion. I could be wrong. Is he into you sexually. I mean is he fucking you and seeming to enjoy it? Or, is it just you fucking him?

[kizzee]

No thats ok.

We have been together 5 years. This has only become frequent within our sex probably past 8months to a year. Before it was just an occasional thing when it jsut happened.

I used to feel that he was very much into me. Sex used to be a huge part of our life together. But now I do not feel I pleasure him as much. I think it is because obviously anal sex feels better than just regular for him, and now he has had quite a lot of that im guessing usual sex is just a bit dull for him.

I used to feel like he fancied me very much and I pleasured him, but now i am not so sure it is the case unless it is through anal. He stills appears to enjoy regular sex but visibly not as much.

[intruder52]

for a number of years...really you should know by now if he is gay. Needed. wanted to be stimulated anally is not an indication you are gay. Being gay is not have sex with women ever...or just to procreate.

Gay men do not need, want, desire sex with women.

You say your sex life with him has been exciting, fullfilling until the last months year or so. Then my take it is a "phase". Enjoy it, you are fullfilling his deepest sexual desires.

On the other hand...what do you want, need, desire? Maybe there is something a little dirty\slutty that you need. Share that with him, trust me he wants to know, and he wants to help you achive your desires also.

Communications, love, respect, and a sex positive attitude will get you throught this rough time.

[human_male]

Originally Posted by kizzee

Hello Human Male,

I never stopped to think of it from that point. I will check out that thread you stated. I think you might have hit something right there though.

I can understand where that psychology comes from.

I could well be wrong for a lot of people here, but I swear sex without strings is easier. Might not be better or as good but it is certainly easier. If I didn't love him i dont think it would be a problem.

I hope so, but talk to him about it regardless. Your needs are just as important.

[mentionME]

Originally Posted by 69her

I'm sorry but he's gay. No straight man says the words "i'm a little dick slut." That pretty much sums it up.

LMAO ..i agree but really i presume its cuz i'm not mature yet then again yall are around the same age..so, you should ask about him possibly being bisexual.

[none2_none2]

Personally, I think that being 23 is a bit early to know exactly everything you want out of life for the next 50 or so years. I also think a guy that young wouldn't share the love of anal sex craving with you if he suspected he was gay. At that time in a guy's life proving to yourself that you are straight (or "normal") tends to be a big deal even if you suspect you are gay/bi. So sharing anal enjoyment with someone else -- especially a girlfriend would be almost taboo. I would think if a guy had to have that, he would use a false name & find some hooker who would indulge him without telling anybody about it.

Also, I would add that I think that you are making a big deal out of this. You are who you are. Just because you are female, doesn't mean you represent everything female out there. Lots about yourself you cannot control. What if your big boned, and your boyfriend has a fantasy of sex with a petite girl? What if you are short, and he has a fantasy of sex with a really tall woman? What if you are large breasted, and he has a fantasy of sex with a girl with very small breasts? What if he has a fantasy of sex with a really hairy woman, and you are pretty much naturally smooth? What if you are a fair skinned caucasian woman, and he has a fantasy of sex with a dark woman with a large lip, nose, and an afro? What if he has a fantasy about sex with someone old enough to be his mother or grandmother?

What I'm trying to say is what really matters is if the guy loves you (in the non-brotherly sense). That matters more than anything else, and that is going to matter in the long haul more than rather he whether acts like some ultra-straight guy who even hates toilet paper touching his ass because it might be considered gay.

Just so you know, I'm considered gay. I love fucking butch, hairy, masculine men in the ass. However, I don't care for penises. I may wish my own was larger, but that aside, I do NOT like a penis in my ass nor in my mouth -- or for that matter dildos/toys. I also don't care for the taste of cum. So all that being said, if a gay guy can dislike penises and cum, can't a straight guy like a finger/dildo/vibrator up his ass?

[Huffie86]

this seems remarkably similar to the post you did 10 hours before this one. bottom line Relax. So he might be a flamer. Or he's just discovering that he found something else out of the norm that he would never tell any of his guy friends about and that makes it more fun. we're guys we're fucked up so just kick back relax the truth will reveal itself eventually and 90 percent is he's straight!

[subwannabe]

First of all, there is a little difference between being gay and being bisexual. Being bisexual doesn't necessarily mean you are gay but if course the exact definition here is most important to the ones involved. We don't know his definition for sure but it sounds to me like you define gay as being gay or bisexual. From your post I would lean to the side that he probably is at least bisexual but that is not a certainity. It is still possible that he just likes to fantasize about it but wouldn't really be interested in real life. You may never know because if he gets the feeling your are terrified of this he will probably either lie to you or clam up and not tell you the truth. About the only way to get the truth out of him would be to let him know you are ok with it if he is, which I don't think you are capable of.

[kizzee]

Hi,

Yeah somehow I managed to do two posts the same so I do apologise for that. I am going to say this on both of them though...

To be honest I think that my inexperience and naivety has shone through to the maximum here!

I did gently broach the subject over the weekend with him, and I received a reassuring response. He agreed he had been a little self-indulgent recently and could understand why I hadn't been so excited by it all. He also admitted that he hadn’t realised how much we were doing, and said it wasn't something he wanted to be doing so frequently either.

He explained that he didn't want sex with another man because there would not be any physical attraction, (which certainly reassured me) but he couldn't explain why he likes it as he does. I think the rest of you might have got it though - the submissive being fucked from behind sensation etc. I love being a women, I love the way he can pick my little body up and take me, its exhilarating and amazing so I can understand that. Like you said, he is sharing it with me and enjoying it with me.

I have no reason to not trust or believe what he says so I may as well chill out and enjoy it and stop my crazy insecurities of ruining it for me.

[human_male]

Originally Posted by kizzee

Hi,

Yeah somehow I managed to do two posts the same so I do apologise for that. I am going to say this on both of them though...

To be honest I think that my inexperience and naivety has shone through to the maximum here!

I did gently broach the subject over the weekend with him, and I received a reassuring response. He agreed he had been a little self-indulgent recently and could understand why I hadn't been so excited by it all. He also admitted that he hadn’t realised how much we were doing, and said it wasn't something he wanted to be doing so frequently either.

He explained that he didn't want sex with another man because there would not be any physical attraction, (which certainly reassured me) but he couldn't explain why he likes it as he does. I think the rest of you might have got it though - the submissive being fucked from behind sensation etc. I love being a women, I love the way he can pick my little body up and take me, its exhilarating and amazing so I can understand that. Like you said, he is sharing it with me and enjoying it with me.

I have no reason to not trust or believe what he says so I may as well chill out and enjoy it and stop my crazy insecurities of ruining it for me.

That's good to hear. That sounds really encouraging. Thanks for letting us know.

[curiousgeo62]

Originally Posted by kizzee

Hi,

Yeah somehow I managed to do two posts the same so I do apologise for that. I am going to say this on both of them though...

To be honest I think that my inexperience and naivety has shone through to the maximum here!

I did gently broach the subject over the weekend with him, and I received a reassuring response. He agreed he had been a little self-indulgent recently and could understand why I hadn't been so excited by it all. He also admitted that he hadn’t realised how much we were doing, and said it wasn't something he wanted to be doing so frequently either.

He explained that he didn't want sex with another man because there would not be any physical attraction, (which certainly reassured me) but he couldn't explain why he likes it as he does. I think the rest of you might have got it though - the submissive being fucked from behind sensation etc. I love being a women, I love the way he can pick my little body up and take me, its exhilarating and amazing so I can understand that. Like you said, he is sharing it with me and enjoying it with me.

I have no reason to not trust or believe what he says so I may as well chill out and enjoy it and stop my crazy insecurities of ruining it for me.

Once you get comfortable with the idea, you can buy a strap on and really give it to him. You will have to be very comfortable with the idea though. HEewould go crazy if you did it to him. I'm not gay or bi either, but love ass play. I'm not into making my partner uncomfortable. I want to indulge in play that we can both get off on. Good luck!

[Jayzus]

Anal just feels amazing on both ends when done right. I love the way anal feels while giving it-the kink, the tightness, the orgasms that it can give when done with clitoral stimulation-but when I am realllly horny, I like to receive it too. I feel really bad, and I just love being a bad boy in bed. Moreover, to have my prostate stimulated while receiving a blowjob is mind blowing. It's out of this world good. That doesn't make me gay, that just makes me hedonistic. If anything. I do not want or desire a man, just as much sexual pleasure as humanly possible, that can be experienced in a session.

[SilkyDave]

ask him ! he might just want to explore his own sexual limits, if done right anal feels good even for a straight guy, maybe he just likes the kinky aspect of anal sex being forbidden. maybe he is gay, maybe bi sexual or curious. you say you love him, explore some with him, maybe your inhibitions are an issue - no offense intended...

[lex8508]

Originally Posted by kizzee

Hi,

Yeah somehow I managed to do two posts the same so I do apologise for that. I am going to say this on both of them though...

To be honest I think that my inexperience and naivety has shone through to the maximum here!

I did gently broach the subject over the weekend with him, and I received a reassuring response. He agreed he had been a little self-indulgent recently and could understand why I hadn't been so excited by it all. He also admitted that he hadn’t realised how much we were doing, and said it wasn't something he wanted to be doing so frequently either.

He explained that he didn't want sex with another man because there would not be any physical attraction, (which certainly reassured me) but he couldn't explain why he likes it as he does. I think the rest of you might have got it though - the submissive being fucked from behind sensation etc. I love being a women, I love the way he can pick my little body up and take me, its exhilarating and amazing so I can understand that. Like you said, he is sharing it with me and enjoying it with me.

I have no reason to not trust or believe what he says so I may as well chill out and enjoy it and stop my crazy insecurities of ruining it for me.

aka power exchange.. for someone thats always in control and doing all the work (well mostly) it can be a big thing too just give up that control and indulge in being made to cum rather than doing it for yourself. I myself am 24 and still a virgin, consider myself to b far from gay, the thought of a guy kissing me or doing anything romantic with me makes me want to vomit, yet in my curiosity (and listening to ppl online) Ive "borrowed" toys and tried them and found out I love anal play and the feeling of being full, definately alot better than just old righty.. thats neither here nor there tho..

all I have to say is these day the lines between straight and bi are becoming blurred, look at all the "straight" couples looking for a bi guy on cl these days... and as for the little slut comment.. I think part of that is indulging in how taboo a guy using toys on himself is, and how dirty it seems to be.. Ive had plenty of women tell me theyd love to turn me into their little boy slut so I know the feeling.. and as for not understanding why he likes what he does, or even feeling guilty/gay over it.. I know that feeling well as well..

I hope my ramblings helped you...

[Turned]

Yeah i can understand where he's coming from. I like to be fucked in my ass too, it feels good, it feels dirty, and there is an element of submissiveness that goes with it that i also enjoy. I would not do it with a guy though, I have no attraction to men. I know it is an automatic assumption that any guy who likes it up the ass must be gay or bi but its not true, its just typical of our homophobic society. A soft, sexy beautiful woman wielding a toy and a big hairy dude with a dripping cock are two very different things and I think the distinction is pretty clear.

[Bystander]

I have to say that anal sex feels really good. The few times I've done it I've actually enjoyed the feeling better than having regular sex. As a guy it just feels nice to not have to do a lot of work but just lie there, take it and feel good.

[smileinsecret]

Hello.
I am straight, ang I enjoy anal.
It's a lot of fun. My girlfriend takes control of the vibrating butt-plug I have, pushes it onto my prostate nice and hard... we both really enjoy it.
Tried to get her iinto the idea of a strap on, but she wouldn't go for it becuase she thought it made me a bit gay.

In honesty, I just don't get off on dudes. But I would LOVE my girlfriend to fuck me in the ass.
Anal feels good. End of.

Despite your man's 'little slut' comments, I wouldn't instantly think he was gay. Possibly bi, but not gay. I dont think any homosexual could sustain a hetro relationship for that long.
Could YOU live with and fuck a girl for four years (Im assuming youre sraight here)?

Talk to him.
After all, if you cant share fantasy with a lover, then who can you share with???

[MICH69AGIE]

Originally Posted by smileinsecret

Hello.
I am straight, ang I enjoy anal.
It's a lot of fun. My girlfriend takes control of the vibrating butt-plug I have, pushes it onto my prostate nice and hard... we both really enjoy it.
Tried to get her iinto the idea of a strap on, but she wouldn't go for it becuase she thought it made me a bit gay.

In honesty, I just don't get off on dudes. But I would LOVE my girlfriend to fuck me in the ass.
Anal feels good. End of.

Despite your man's 'little slut' comments, I wouldn't instantly think he was gay. Possibly bi, but not gay. I dont think any homosexual could sustain a hetro relationship for that long.
Could YOU live with and fuck a girl for four years (Im assuming youre sraight here)?

Talk to him.
After all, if you cant share fantasy with a lover, then who can you share with???

Great post. I wish I were you!

[jacks324]

pretend to go out of town.


hire a really hot gay guy to hit on your boyfriend and see what happens.


If he turns the guy down, hooray he's not gay, if he doesn't at least you'll have an answer even if it's not one you like

[Cajon555]

He might just be into the role reversal part. Perhaps he wants to be dominated/humiliated a bit?