Feedback. please

[thekarpathianman]

This is my last story:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/sh....php?id=445965
Your feedback is really welcome.
Thanks to all of you who will have the kindness of reading and letting me know comments/suggestion.

[Jenny_Jackson]

Well... As I was starting to read this caught me right off...

The boy tore off his shorts and briefs and stood naked in front of her sleepy mom: his shaft was jutting up, in all its hardness, from his hairy crotch.

This is a kind of transgender thing, I guess.

Generally this is a "Stroker" scene from a story, not a story at all. A story has a beginning where the characters are introduced, a middle where the action takes place then an ending where the reader finds out what happened to the characters. Did they improve? Did they learn something? Are the better off or did they just get in, get on and get off?

[thekarpathianman]

Originally Posted by Jenny_Jackson

Well... As I was starting to read this caught me right off...



This is a kind of transgender thing, I guess.

Generally this is a "Stroker" scene from a story, not a story at all. A story has a beginning where the characters are introduced, a middle where the action takes place then an ending where the reader finds out what happened to the characters. Did they improve? Did they learn something? Are the better off or did they just get in, get on and get off?

No transgender. It's simply a language mistake (in Lit stories I found a lot of them), as can be easily verified in the course. I sincerely apologize.
This story is the second Chapter of a sequel to a 4 part Series. The characters are introduced in the previous Chapters. Sorry if you don't like.
Anyway, thanks for your kind attention.

[Jenny_Jackson]

Originally Posted by thekarpathianman

No transgender. It's simply a language mistake (in Lit stories I found a lot of them), as can be easily verified in the course. I sincerely apologize.
This story is the second Chapter of a sequel to a 4 part Series. The characters are introduced in the previous Chapters. Sorry if you don't like.
Anyway, thanks for your kind attention.

Didn't say I didn't like the story, just that it's not really a story. Generally each chapter has all three elements, an introduction, a middle and some ending. In mutli-chapter words the introduction can be quite short referring back to the original.

You're writing is not bad for a new writer, but I would like to have seen a little more beyond the fuck scene.