Mr. Brightside

[The_Spectre]

You never forget your first love, the one that warms your heart, the one that take you to place inside that is hard to reach, the one you thought you'd spend your entire life with. Jason thought he found the person, she was beautiful, smart, and made him feel good about himself about everything. They had went out for over a year and in one night it ended. It was first time they had ever had sex, it should have been an amazing time for Jason, yet in the morning she was gone, no note, nothing. The next day he went to her apartment and on the way he saw her in the arms of another man.

When you're heart breaks, it feels as if it's in a vice, your breathing becomes heavy, a whirlwind of hate and sorrow goes though you, and you don't know what to do. All Jason could do was go home, and with that he excommunicated with everyone, friends, family. Staying in bed the tears flowing for what seemed like forever feeling anger toward her, toward himself, finding solace only in sleep. This went on for a month of pure self pity, until finally he became tired of feeling sorry for himself.

After awhile things seemed to get back to normal, he was working again for his work, and while the pain still lingered a bit, he didn't let it control him. It was around six and Jason was preparing dinner he was quite the cook and he was making his favorite lasagna. As took it out of the oven he looked over it, his brown eyes scanning it to make sure it was perfect, all while talking on the phone. "Yeah I just sent the article" he said over the phone, brush a strand of his black hair from his face "all right, I'll talk to you tomorrow..." Jason hung up the phone, when suddenly there was knock on the door. Jason went for the door, as he opened it, he froze, as if he saw a ghost. There she was the one who took his heart and shattered it in two, she looked the same, at least he thought she did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrkeWsQZNyU
((I need a very good female player(one who won't abandon the story) to play Jason's ex. As you might guess she is pregnant and it is his, though neither know this exactly. I want a lot of emotion in the story and just just mindless sex, after all you are playing a girl who cheated on the one guy who truly loved her and now he can't even look at her and need to win back his trust while he fight with himself on whether to forgive her or not, if you're interested pm with a sample))

[Tanned_babe]

He made her feel special. He made her feel safe. He made her feel calm. He made her feel sexy. Hemade her feel loved. He made her laugh uncontrolably without even trying. So why hadn't she seen him for over two months?

Zara sat at her old battered desk in the corner of her small bedroom in a rented two bed apartment she shared with a friend who was on the same course at NYU as her, history of fine art. She had been staring at the laptop for an hour yet the word document titled 'Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn effects on the Ductch Golden Age', was still blank. This was usless, she wasn't going to be ableto do anything until she got this off her chest. The thought of it made her stomach flip into her mouth.

She got up from her desk, moving over to the window to have a quite look at the fall colours outside before pulling on her racing green trench coat that had been, flung across her bed when she came back in from lectures this afternoon. The coat covered up her blue 60s style dress with little white flowers dotted over it. Zara had unbuttoned quite a few of the clips around the chest to show off a pheonix pendant that he had bought her a few months ago while at a German market. She grabbed her canvas shopping bag, pulled on her vintage brown leather cow boy boots and headed out.

As she walked the 30 minute stroll to his house Zara paused about 20 times, having to force herself to keep tramping through Central Park, watching the runners, cyclists, couples coming and goes as she listened to Jim Morrison's words pour from her ipod through to her ears.

Zara all too quickly was at Jason's apartment. As her boots clicked on the vinyl floors thousands of excuses ran through her head, excuses about why her betrayl was valid but none stuck, none were good enough, nothing was good enough. He hadn't deserved what she had done or what he was about to do.

For one last time she almost turned away but again forced herself to stay put and knock at him door. He answered way to quickly and when she saw him it was like getting a kicking in the stomach by a big pair of steel toe caps. She recovered as quickly as possible and spoke in a shaky whisper. "Can I come in?"

(Pics to follw )

[The_Spectre]

Zara... at point her name would have sent shivers down my spine, served as the blanket that kept me warm at night. Now all it did was pierce me, it made me think of her and think of the horrible names I made for her out of angry and grief, things I would never say to her in a million years. Seeing her there used to make so happy, I wouldn't have hesitated to pull her inside and wrap my arms around her. Now as she stood there before, I couldn't even look at her without the sharp pain in stomach reminding me of what she did. I tried to cover my animosity as I stared at her with a neutral look of my face when she asked me if she could come in.

It was multiple choice. Either A. I tell her off and slam the door in her face, B. Say nothing and slam the door in her face, or C. Let her in and let her plead her case. Granted none would really solve anything and there were more choices, but none seemed as.... ethical. "I'm debating about it," I said as if in a whisper, letting her stand there as I considered my options. I took the high road, letting her in to explain herself as if our relationship had a chance. It made him feel like a doormat, as if all she had to do was bat her eyelashes and get all teary eyed to make everything better. My defenses were up, I saw her as a curse rather than a god send, remembering the scar she left on my heart, Pat Benatar was right , Love is a Battlefield.

I let her walk in, watching over her as if she committed a crime. Leaning against the counter, my left foot moving slowly back and fourth on the mahogany floor, my thumb in the pocket of my black jeans
while my other hand held on to the sleeve of my dark grey Social Distortion shirt, I always liked dark clothes. There was no doubt that she knew I was furious at her.... and yet I still thought she was so beautiful and from the looks of it, had a real sense of fashion, it was almost artistic which made sense. I looked at her and gave a hard sigh, waiting for her to say something. It seemed futile though, she was on trial and I already had my guilty verdict written out, "What do want Zara?" the tone in my voice was cold, replacing the warm and loving timbre I would give her in each joke, in each consoling gesture, in each time I said I loved her and followed by a kiss. The Mr. Brightside she once knew wasn't there, instead it was a man with a frozen heart standing before her with his arms crossed, wanting to hear what she had to say.

(As you can see, I've chosen to write in the third person.)

[Tanned_babe]

When Jason finally let her in she didn't raise her head to meet his eye, she couldn't. As she walked into his apartment all their memories started rushing back to her, she was kicked in the stomach again, blinking back the tears as she looked over at his kitchen, where Jason had prepared countless dinners for the two of them, where she had managed to burn toast for breakfast. Her eyes then moved to his comfy gree sofa where the two had colapsed together when returning from a gig, debating on whither the support act ended up being better than the main performance. And finally, her eyes found his bedroom door, she instantly looked away as the harsh dagger of guilt stabbed her.

Zara dragged her eyes from the inanomate objects in the room to look at Jason. Standing about 6 ft away from him she watched him. He was broken, a shell, he looked like he had lost weight- which didn't do him any favors.

"What do want Zara?"

She almost burst into tears there and then, just the sound of his voice, if he wasn't standing infront of her she wouldn't beleive he could sound so bitter, cold and disconnected in just four short words. As she tried to speak she had to take a moment to compose herself. "I'm so...." But it was usless she couldn't get the shakiness out of her voice or stop the tears from wealing up in her big blue eyes and trickling down onto her cheek. "I'm so sorry Jay, I didn't mean for any of this to happen," She sobbed, wiping her face with the sleeve of her coat. "It was just a really stupid mistake that I wish I could take back but I can't. I just can't."

[The_Spectre]

At that moment, as I saw the tears fall from Zara's eyes, I hated her for splitting my mind in two. One side wanted me to hold her in my arms, wipe her tears away and forget any of this ever happened. the other side scolded these thought constantly reminding of what she did, seeing nothing but crocodile tears run down her cheek, it was enough to turn my stomach. Perfect, once again she took away my appetite, as if I needed to lose more weight. God only knew I missed her and even though after the hell that raged through me for months, I still loved her. I tried to swallow my emotions.

"Is that why you're here?" I asked, my voice a bit stirred "To plead you're case in hopes I exonerate you of your sins, to just go back to the way we were?" the cold, frigged figure had now began to reveal the shambled person I once was "I'd want nothing more than to do that, but you'll excuse me if I can't". I watched the tears fall from her cheek, and it tore me apart. I wanted to be with her, Zara was my muse, the Linda to my Paul, June Carter to my Johnny Cash, but my mind kept telling to not be stupid, that she was trying to play me like a fiddle. I didn't know what to else to say to her. Each emotion was fighting the other inside me, I felt even more sick. I just looked at Zara waiting for her to say something else, that would redeem her, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

[Tanned_babe]

He was so cold and it was her fault. And even though she couldn't see the warm kind hearted guy just now she knew he was there somewhere. He had to be, all those times they had cuddled up infront of the TV, the times he had walked her to uni, even when she heard her gran had passed away and how he consoled her in his arms- they couldn't all disapear like that.

"I'd want nothing more than to do that".

At this her eyes lit up and her heart lifted ever so slightly, "But why not? If we both want the same thing then whats stopping us." She took a couple of steps closer to him, tears still running down her cheeks. "We were great together weren't we?"

When Jason stayed silent Zara bowed her head, causing her blonde curls to cascade over her shoulders. Butterflies flitted through her stomach, she needed to tell him. If she didn't do it now she doubted she ever will. "I'm... I took this test," But she couldn't get anymore words out before her sobs became harder and she too lent against the work surface. Covering her face in her hands as her body jerked while she sobbed.

[The_Spectre]

"But why not? If we both want the same thing then whats stopping us."

"We were great together weren't we?"

I just looked at Zara, both questions should have been rhetorical. I didn't want to say what was stopping me from getting back together with her, because I figured she had to know. "That's an understatement, Z" I was calling her by her nickname, maybe subconsciously I was hinting that we had a chance, even I didn't truly believe it. We were perfect together, at least I thought we were, we always that bit of connection to one another as if we knew what the other was thinking, now that connection seemed severed "The problem is that I can't trust you.... I can't look at you without being reminded of what you did, and I hate that, because I used to never take my eyes off you".

The theory of adultery is that a person who cheats on their spouse will most likely do it again. It was the somewhat sad and inconvenient truth that I didn't want to believe, but if I didn't, I'd feel like a fool. When Zara said she took a test, I didn't think anything of it she took lots a test, why would she bring it up right now, then it hit me. Perhaps that connection of our's was still there as I was able to decipher her message out of the static that was he sobbing. I got a bit close to her, my hand tilting her head to look at me, a faint perception of my former self returning to her, triggered by her eyes and sweet scent, God I forgot how good she smelled. "Z... are you pregnant?" I asked, my heart was beating rapidly, the frost that encased it was beginning to melt, as I looked at her with worry, wanting to know if it was true.

[Tanned_babe]

"The problem is that I can't trust you.... I can't look at you without being reminded of what you did, and I hate that, because I used to never take my eyes off you".

These words sawed through her like a rusty knife. "I'm so sorry Jay, if I could take this all back I swear I would. It was just.... just...." She sobbed even harder, keeping her head bowed as she used her jacket sleave to wipe her face.

As Jason tilted Zara's head up her big brown eyes, inphisied by the glassey tears, met his; making her legs feel like jelly. She had missed the way he caressed her hair, her cheek, God she just missed ever part of him!

"Z... are you pregnant?"

Zara pressed her lips together tightly as looked longingly into her ex's eyes. "I think so," She whispered with tears streaming down her cheeks. Zara took a step back, leaning against the kitchen work top and sliding down the side so she was sitting on the cold tile floor, her elbows resting on her knees with her head bowed again. "I can't beleive this has happened!" She finally managed to sniff as her tears started to subside.

[The_Spectre]

My heart dropped as I sat next to Zara on the floor. Suddenly all the anger I felt for her disappeared, now there was fear as I looked at the wall at opposite end of the room. Before all this, we did talk about kids and marriage, but agreed against it. Zara was in college and I was working as freelance journalist, the thought of children was just something we didn't need. But here we were, sitting on the cold floor, my dinner getting cold on the counter and in a few months I was going to be a dad. I wanted to ask a the question of how she even knew the baby was mine, after all the very reason I hadn't talked to her was because she cheated on me, but I couldn't even stomach asking her. Perfect, only a few minutes and she makes me feel guilty.

I looked over at her, I wanted to take her by the hand and kiss her, something that would at least take the tears away, but I didn't. What was heated tension now turned into a moment of awkwardness as we sat there, "are you hungry" I asked trying to... I don't what I was trying to do "I made lasagna... that is if you want some" I stood up and offered my hand to her, hoping that we could think about this on a full stomach.

[Tanned_babe]

Zara was strangley comforted by how close Jason had sat to her, so much so that she lent her head against his shoulder, wiping the tears away from her cheek along withe some makeup as her sobbing subsided.

As the two sat quietly Zara's head was racing, what was he going to do? Take her back? Ask to leave? Shout at her?

The silence was broken by Jason asking id she was hungry. What he said took a minute to sink in, had he just asked if she was hungry? She tells her something like that and the first thing he thinks of is his stomach!

"Did you hear what I just said?" Zara looked at him in sheer disbeleif. She got up from the cold kitchen floor. Atleast he had taken her mind off the pregnancy. "I tell you I'm pregnant and that is what you come up with? Some lasagne!?" Zara frowned at him, shaking her head and raising her voice ever so slightly.

[The_Spectre]

Part of my plan worked, as Zara seem to had forgotten that she was pregnant, yet when she spoke as if almost yelling at me, she had tripped of a mine in my head. I stood up and looked at her a very cold stare on my face. I then lifted up my shirt showing the weight I had lost, "As you see due to a few things that had happened over the last months I haven't eaten very well" my voice was stern and cross as if trying to strip away any reason for her to get upset at me. "Today was supposed to be the day I finally got over you".

"And all of a sudden you show up and tell me your pregnant as if it's mine." I didn't raise my voice at her, my tone was strong. I didn't want to throw everything at her face but she forced my hand. "So you'll excuse me if it's all a lot to take in, so have 3 options, A. eat with me and we can discuss this thing, B. you can let me eat and we can talk about this later, or C. get out and go talk to that guy you were cheating on me with and tell him your great news". I walked around the counter to get a plate for myself. Amazing, this was perhaps our first actual fight and we weren't even together. I looked over at her awaiting for what she was going to do, a sharp pain in my gut caused from the thing I said to her.

[Tanned_babe]

Zara glared at Jason as his hands gripped the bottom of his grey Social Distortion shirt. When she showed her his stomach Zara absently mindedly bit her bottom lip. She had just realised that she didn't just miss him but she missed his body too.

"Today was supposed to be the day I finally got over you".

This frank statement snapped her out of the trance. "What do you mean today was the day? Have you got it marked in your things to do list for today? Oh 29th of October- get over Zara!?" She frowned at him.

"And all of a sudden you show up and tell me your pregnant as if it's mine."

BANG!!! Another below the belter! She had had enough of him and they had only been in the same room for 15 minutes. "You know what Jay!" She said moving towards him, clearly not happy, "I know I did a really shitty thing, like really bad but I'm here now! You have no idea how bad I felt. I came to your door like four times after it happened and you never answered, you didn't come to me once!"

She listened to the options he had given her, "Tell you what, you eat your lasagne and have a think about things before you say anything else you are going to regret, Ok?" At this Zara moves towards the door, looking back over at Jason and giving him a half a smile but by her eyes he knew she didn't mean it. "You know, I don't even know the guy and I bet he would be mor understanding than you."

[The_Spectre]

"I don't even know the guy"

I sure hope she caught herself on that, "So you cheated on me with a guy you didn't even know?" I said as I looked away thinking about it myself "Just some guy as if what we had was nothing, as if every moment we spent together meant nothing". The very thought made me sick, my stomach curdling giving me different perspectives on our relationship. I saw that she was going for the door a fake smile on her face, I wondered how many of those she gave me. So I figured I needed to lay everything out there and show her the man she made when she tore my heart out.

"If you want to leave, you're more than welcome to Z, but I want you know this" this was it every little thing I needed to get out, or else it would eat at me "I love you, to say we were amazing together is an understatement , every time I held you, every time I kissed you and consoled you and said I love you wasn't some ploy to have sex with you, it was because I truly loved you, and I couldn't bare to see you sad" my voice was waning as if I was about to cry, "And when I saw you with that other guy, it sent me in a spiral. You think you know what pain is, try having a pool of emotions in you, feeling anguish thinking everything we shared was a lie, hating you, that other guy, and myself as if it was all somehow my fault, and at the same time still loving you...needless to say my body didn't exactly agree with all this, so you could excuse me if I didn't want to even look at you much less answer my door or your messages, yes I got them. Today was supposed the be the day I got over you, because it was the day I wasn't going to let what you did control me."

I thought to myself again, a small smile on my face as if finding humor this divine comedy of our's "You know this is perhaps our first fight, our first fight and we're not even together, and you know what really makes me mad is that even after all this and your little speech of trying to justify what you did and make me feel guilty about what you went through, I still love you....I want to kiss and hold in my arms" At the same time it hurt and felt good to confess that "and I hate myself for that because part of me still feels like everything we shared was just a lie, just some game of your's. So if you want to explain yourself, fine why did you cheat on me?" There was my question laid out as it was. "Was it because you thought my writing wasn't going anywhere, or maybe you didn't love me anymore, or what?"

[Tanned_babe]

"....maybe you didn't love me...."

"Of course...... Of course I love you!" Zara croaked, having again been moved to tears by his little speech. "There hasn't been a day go by that I don't think of you and not just from a couple of weeks ago. From the moment we met theres been this connection between us and I am so so sorry I snapped it."

Zara turned her body from facing the door, leaning against it for a moment as she listened to him, twidling her long blonde hair nervously as he started to smile. "I still love you....I want to kiss ". As he told her this butterflies flitted through her stomach and soft, warm feeling came over her like it was going to be alright. However as soon as he asked that deadly question the butterflies left- leaving a huge gaping hole of... nothing.

"why did you cheat on me?" "

The question hung in the air like a bad smell. She wished she had a reason, a motive, an excuse but she didn't and she couldn't lie not to Jason. "I... I.... don't know. The opertunity presented itself, I guess and....." She searched for words to make this less hurtful but there weren't any. "Me and you had been together for so long that I didn't know how we were placed, if we had ended up just being friends? We were always together and I dunno, I maybe subconciously needed some space?" Well she certainly got it.

As Jay went to speak she raised her hand to silence him and moved towards him, looking up into his big gorgeous eyes as she took his face in her hands feeling the stuble the was starting to form on his cheek. "I swear to you, it ment nothing." Her eyes glglased over with tears as her heas bowed and hands moved down his body. "I didn't take off my dress. It was horrid and quick. I thought of you the whole time." She moved her head forward to it rested on his chest as she cried into his tshirt.

[The_Spectre]

I didn't like Zara's answer, but what I did like was her leaning on my chest. Maybe it was out of a reflex or something else, but I put my arms around. It felt right, but at the same time stupid. Was being needy, was she playing me, I didn't know. I lifted her head and looked at her once more, my heart beating rapidly, "If you really want to be together again, we can try" I softly to her "But you have to understand that it's going to take me a long time for me to trust you again... I love you Z, and if you 're willing to meet me half way on this, maybe we can try to salvage what we had".

Look at me, a few minutes ago I wasn't giving an inch, now I was trying to find some way to keep us together, pathetic. As I inhaled I took in her scent, my arms arms feeling at home as I felt her slender figure, god I missed her. "How about we sit down and talk about... this" I paused for a moment as I placed my hand on her stomach.

[Tanned_babe]

"Of course I really want this to work" Zara murmoured, as she looked up into Jay's eyes.

As Jason's hand rested against Zara's stomach she brushed it away and went and sat on the sofa in his open plan kitchen/living room. Watching Jason move towards her.

[The_Spectre]

I sat next to Z, my heart pounding and my mind trying to gather up everything by the feel of her brushing away I took it the less she was reminded about being pregnant, the better. I put my hands on my laps and looked down, while there was a lot to think about, only 3 options were available. "Alright," I said softly , almost faint as I slowly spoke "You're pregnant", great, let's state the obvious. "We've talked about stuff like this before... and I think it's safe to say neither of us want to give up what we're doing, so keeping....baby... is probably out of the question". I may have had some resentment still toward Z, but I didn't want her having to leave school because of this.

I guess this it the best time to explain what I do. I hated school, it was a 12 year prison to me so you could probably imagine why I didn't want to go to college. The only things I excelled at were writing and music...and history but that's irrelevant. I love music, you know the guy who seems to lose himself in Bohemian Rhapsody, that was me. I give you bare fact or dissect an album song by song. However I took a rather unorthodox path with my writing, going to blog after on various sites putting up review and thought on anything music related, while some night job at a grocery store, until finally I got contacted by some new music site to write for them, it wasn't the best salary, but it something I loved and be given free cd's to review among other thing wasn't bad either. I worked hard to get here, and I didn't want to give that up.

My head came back up as I looked at Z, "So..." I was stalling hoping she already knew what I was going to say "I suppose we should consider giving up the baby for adoption or......an abortion" the murmured the last word, still not sure if was the best choice "either way you should see a doctor, just to be safe."

[Tanned_babe]

"You're pregnant". She heard his voice as if it was miles away even though he was sitting so close that their knees were practically touching. "Mmhmmm," She murmoured, staring blankly at the wall.

She listened to Jay, it may have seemed that she wasn't what with they blank stair and monatone murmours coming from her lips but she was. Her mind too was racing, she didn't want to leave uni, her life would be over for 18 years, her parents would be so angry (at first). On the other hand how can she deal out death? Its not.... its fault so why should it suffer? Her parents may be angry at first but they would support her. Jason was here.

Zara bit her bottom lip, still looking at the wall, "I have no idea what I want to do. A doctor would be an idea I suppose." She finally tore her eyes from the wall and looked up at Jason through her big baby blue eyes that were framed in smudged black mascara, reaching for his hand that was resting on his lap and took it in hers, squeezing it tightly. "It'll be alright."

[The_Spectre]

"It'll be alright."

Words that in some way I believed even if I didn't want to, but the way Z said it made me feel at ease, not to mention just being around her. Her touch that always feel warm, her hair that I could help but play with the times we laid on the couch so many time, and her beautiful blue eyes with smudged mascara around them, I had to admit it looked good on her, she made it work. For a short while, I forgot she even cheated on me, or maybe I realized she did love me and forgave her, or perhaps I was just so lonely that I no longer cared.

We held hands for what seemed like forever like we were elementary school children in recess. We both had a lot on our mind, yet found some solace in the fact that were together, I guess it's right what they say, misery loves company. "Z.." I started as I looked at her, her baby blues seeming to brighten my dark brown eyes. "I really do want you to see a doctor as soon as possible, just to make sure you're okay... I'll even go with you". The last thing I wanted was something to happen to her because or her pregnancy, not to mention I needed to let her know that I was there for her, because in the end she was the one with baby inside her.

[Tanned_babe]

"I really do want you to see a doctor as soon as possible, just to make sure you're okay... I'll even go with you".

"Yeh," She nodded slowly, "I think you're right. I take it its just an ordinary apointment at the usual doctors?" Zara had no idea why she was asking Jay, if she wasn't sure how to go about this why would he?

I don't want to be sitting in one of those chairs with the attached ankel supports. She frowned to herself as she thought about the possible process. Her forwn changed to a slight smile as she looked down at their hands linked together like old times.

"Well I should probably head off, and sort some stuff out." She said, not taking her eyes off of his as it lost in them. "I'll text you as soon as I've sorted out an appointment and if your.... free, then maybe you could come along, yeh?"

[The_Spectre]

It didn't take a genius to know Z was worried, after all it would be her that would be looked at to see if the baby was fine, I didn't know what they would do but, I was certain it wouldn't be comfortable. "I can only imagine they'd just ask you a few questions just to see if you've been feeling sick or anything" I said trying to put her at some ease. It was odd, granted I hadn't seen Z in a few months but even now she had shown no signs of being pregnant, not even much as a bump on her stomach. But even if she was desperate as to get back together, she would have never lied about something, at least I hoped not.

We both sat on the couch, faking a smile to hide our fear of our lives falling apart as the silence between us set in once more. The whole time I wanted to hold her, kiss her to let her know she wasn't alone in this, but the thought of her betrayal still loomed over me as it whispered in my ear. I listened as she talked about heading home and suddenly something came over me, "Do you want me to walk you home?" I asked softly almost right after she spoke, I would always walk her home to make sure she was safe, but perhaps this time it was my subconscious attempting to rekindle my feelings for her. I could only hope.

[Tanned_babe]

Zara sat quietly, thoughts of doctors, babies and Jason running through her head. She did feel really sorry for Jay, it was the last thing he needed when trying to get over her. Neither of them were religious but if they went through with this would they have to get married? Or even just live together? She didn't know how anyone would take it? Her parents would be ok eventually, but what about his? Has he told them about what she did to him?

"Do you think I've done the right thing? Like telling you about this?" She asked him.

Zara moved off of the sofa, buttoning up her coat. "Look just have your dinner and mull things over. I need to nip into a couple of shops and book this appointment and stuff. You don't need to walk me."

[The_Spectre]

"Do you think I've done the right thing? Like telling you about this?"

I didn't answer her question right away, because in all honesty I didn't know what to say "No... but it was the honest thing to do" it was all I could think of because anything else would be a lie. I didn't bother insisting on walking Z home, I figured she had stuff to do as she said or just wanted to get far away from me to say the least. I just nodded, amazing how one's self esteem could go up and down in a short time. I though about the whole thing, wondering how everyone would react to the news, that I was going to be a daddy. I honesty didn't know how my mom would react and as for my dad, well I hadn't seen him since I was 5. Even after all this time there were still things I never told Z. I just sat there looking at the floor the blank hopeless look on my face the pressure on my chest closing in as a slight vertigo set in, feeling like I was at the edge of a cliff, wanting to fall and let it all end.

[Tanned_babe]

"No... but it was the honest thing to do"

"What??" Her head snapped up from her bag, while she rumaged for her ipod, "You think I shouldn't have told you?!" She frowned down at him. Maybe it was hormones that were making her so snappy towards him but that was the last thing she expected him to say.

She fastened the belt on her trench coat before noticing that Jason hadn't responded to her question. He looked like he had seen a ghost, the way he was stairing at nothing with a wide eyed look of panic on his face. Zara moved towards him, the heels of her boots clicking on his hard wood floor, putting a slender hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. "Jay? Jay?!?!" She said sternly, noticing beads of sweat forming on his for head.

Zara dropped down to her knees infront of him, then it dawned on her. This vertigo thing he sometimes took. She had seen Jason do this before when they went up the Empire State building in May "Hey!" She said even ouder this time, looking up into his deep brown eyes, with a look of genuine concern on her face.

[The_Spectre]

"Jay? Jay?!?!"

Her voice was distant, almost muffled as I stood there. It felt like a dream, a bad movie that I was just waiting for to end. But the film kept rolling and the movie kept playing, Z was pregnant everything we worked for was in jeopardy and we were improving. Whether she was thinking this the same was unknown to me, but if she was she was hiding it well. Z's last shout brought me back if only by a few seconds, my eyes shifted to her seeing the concern in her eyes. I didn't know if she was worried because she loved me or because she didn't want to face this alone, regardless her stare warmed me a bit even if what we had was a bit hollow right now. "I'm fine," I said to her even if it what I said was meant only physical wise "You can leave if you want, don't worry...I'm probably just going to take a shower get some rest" the last thing I wanted her to worry about was me, even if I missed her company, "Just let me know when the doctor's appointment is, okay?"