Yet Another Demand on Your Time

[penandpaper]

Since I've been pestering all of you the entire summer, I figured I would continue... I would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism you may have about my very first posting on Lit. My primary writing genre has been non-fiction, and I would like advice from the people on this forum. All of you seem to be fiction writers with a bit more experience than me. And on top of that, I have grown to appreciate many of your views. So, if you wouldn't mind, please, please, please read and offer criticism.

Thanks and I look forward to how to improve.

[Boxlicker101]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

Since I've been pestering all of you the entire summer, I figured I would continue... I would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism you may have about my very first posting on Lit. My primary writing genre has been non-fiction, and I would like advice from the people on this forum. All of you seem to be fiction writers with a bit more experience than me. And on top of that, I have grown to appreciate many of your views. So, if you wouldn't mind, please, please, please read and offer criticism.

Thanks and I look forward to how to improve.

I intend to read as many stories in the Summer Livin' Contest as I can, and vote and comment. This includes yours, but I haven't done so yet. When I do, I will leave a comment and, if I think it is justified, I will send you a PM with more detail.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It's rare for me to comment about LIT stories unless someone asserts that a story is the best in the history of Earth.

Unless you have an editor who truly knows her shit, I think its most helpful to immerse yourself in the masters to discover how they did what they did.

Last night I spent several hours examining a dozen classics to discover what the authors had in common when they depicted characters. And there are patterns they follow, naturally or by design. Like parade floats, some impress more than others, but the basic pattern exists beneath the roses and foil.

[SimonBrooke]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

Since I've been pestering all of you the entire summer, I figured I would continue... I would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism you may have about my very first posting on Lit. My primary writing genre has been non-fiction, and I would like advice from the people on this forum. All of you seem to be fiction writers with a bit more experience than me. And on top of that, I have grown to appreciate many of your views. So, if you wouldn't mind, please, please, please read and offer criticism.

Thanks and I look forward to how to improve.

Hey, I read that story. I even commented at the time:

Holy WOW!
That is staggeringly good. You paint that poor out-of-her-depth lassie with such delicacy and such assuredness. And with such sympathy! Entrancing and transcendent writing; you make me very jealous.

You do not need to improve. In fact, it is quite unfair of you, writing that well, to post here. You should get out there and get published.

[penandpaper]

Originally Posted by SimonBrooke

Hey, I read that story. I even commented at the time:



You do not need to improve. In fact, it is quite unfair of you, writing that well, to post here. You should get out there and get published.

I thank you very very much for the extremely nice feedback; however, this being my very first fictional story, I thought it would be nice to get some help from the people who write in this genre often often.

There actually was a huge amount of insecurity looming around me until I read your comment. Now my head (and smile) is as big as a bobble-head doll.

[SimonBrooke]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

I thank you very very much for the extremely nice feedback; however, this being my very first fictional story, I thought it would be nice to get some help from the people who write in this genre often often.

There actually was a huge amount of insecurity looming around me until I read your comment. Now my head (and smile) is as big as a bobble-head doll.

I thought you caught that kid unbelievably well. You may me understand her - understand what it must be to come out of a background where the only cultural referents were soaps and trivia. She isn't stupid. She isn't bad. But in a world where people are literate and are part of a culture which is not purely ephemeral, she is lost. Her culture shock is intense.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

PENANDPAPER

Did you bring the story here to get some cheap flattery?

[penandpaper]

Originally Posted by JAMESBJOHNSON

PENANDPAPER

Did you bring the story here to get some cheap flattery?

No James,

I brought the story here for reasons stated earlier. This is my very first story in fiction that I have ever let others read. I truly want constructive criticism. I want to improve in the genre.

I do as you suggest as well - read. But, one can read all they want, yet never be able to write well. That's why I asked the people here to take a look and offer advice on how to improve. It is, after all, an author's forum.

[TE999]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

No James,

I brought the story here for reasons stated earlier. This is my very first story in fiction that I have ever let others read. I truly want constructive criticism. I want to improve in the genre.

I do as you suggest as well - read. But, one can read all they want, yet never be able to write well. That's why I asked the people here to take a look and offer advice on how to improve. It is, after all, an author's forum.

I thought your story was quite polished and interesting. I feel no need to crticize as I saw nothing that needed improvement. Good luck in the contest.

[DeeZire]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

.... I truly want constructive criticism. I want to improve in the genre....

I thought the story was great. There were a few places where it seemed as though the tenses changed when she was having her inner dialogue, but those few places didn't pull me out of the story.

Being an impatient reader, I was tempted to skim a few places. For example, when her thought process interrupts the action, it can be annoying. But at the same time, her thought process really does bring life to the character, so I suspect it's a subjective call.

I really liked the open-ended ending. Great work!

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

No James,

I brought the story here for reasons stated earlier. This is my very first story in fiction that I have ever let others read. I truly want constructive criticism. I want to improve in the genre.

I do as you suggest as well - read. But, one can read all they want, yet never be able to write well. That's why I asked the people here to take a look and offer advice on how to improve. It is, after all, an author's forum.

I dont believe anyone brings their wares to this board for honest criticism and helpful hints. I certainly cant read minds, but your stated goal definitely goes against the relentless pursuit of flattery and points. I wonder how naive you are to expect candor. You must suspect that most writers ONE-BOMB other writers who find fault.

So you get plastic trophies and fooled by your buddies.

Honesty is a big chunk of writing, too.