First Submission - Feedback Requested

[penandpaper]

I would greatly appreciate any feedback, especially constructive criticism, on my first Lit post. Cheers and happy reading.

[ples]

Originally Posted by penandpaper

I would greatly appreciate any feedback, especially constructive criticism, on my first Lit post. Cheers and happy reading.

I like what I have read - have to go, but will read the rest latter.

Good concept and character development. Only suggestion at this point is the verb transitions do not flow well in the beginning paragraphs.
Ples

[hardtaskmaster]

Comments posted direct.