Female-Led Relationships

littlecordelera said:

I was trying to get our taxes completed, and I had been after Jason to get me a 1099 from an online account. I had been after him for weeks, but he kept putting it off. I was about to pull rank and go make him do it, but just then, he told me of a little excursion he was planning with some guys. So I waited.

The morning came that he stepped into my office (home office) to kiss me on the cheek and head out the door. He was all dressed for his excursion, all his equipment stuff was ready, and he was in a hurry to leave. Jason hates to be late.

"I'll be home around five," he said as he turned from the kiss and hastily started toward the door.

"Jason," I called, and he turned back to me. "Where's my 1099?" I had that look on my face.

"Haley, not now! Are you serious? I'll get it when I get back!" he said. "I promise!"

"You'll get it now."

He knew I meant now or he would pay dearly. His face turned to anger, and he spat, "You fucking waited until now! Goddammit, Haley! Goddammit!" and he stormed out my office door. About 10 minutes later, and now late for his excursion, he stepped into my office and slapped the freshly printed 1099 down on my desk.

"You're a real bitch sometimes, you know that?" he said, and he walked out.

He got home around 5:00, just as he said, but we didn't talk much, mostly because I worked late. He stayed downstairs and watched Netflix. I took a shower around 9:00 PM, dried my hair, put on a sleep shirt, and stepped into the upstairs hallway. The hallway looks down into our family room where Jason was watching TV.

"Jason," I called, and he looked up at me. "Come to bed," I told him, and I walked back to our bedroom.

Our four-poster bed faces the doorway to our bedroom. There is an upholstered accent bench at the foot of our bed that matches the width of the bed. It is an elegant bench, somewhat firm, with a tufted back.

When Jason entered the room, I was bent over the bed on my side, perusing the Internet with my tablet lying on the bed in front of me. I was not showing anything suggestive in being bent over. Jason was to my left as he entered the room, and the sleep shirt is long enough to just cover my ass.

I didn't pay any attention to him as he entered, but I could see he paused. He knew that he was going to have to make amends for his earlier behavior, or I would make his life miserable. When he finds me in that position, he knows that I expect him to follow through with an unspoken ritual between us.

He went into the master bath, got ready for bed, and then entered our bedroom with a bit of hesitation. I still didn't pay any attention to him. I flipped through Instagram. He knew I was waiting for him to admit that I am the boss, he's the pussy boy, and he better fucking do what I tell him.

Without a word spoken, he stepped over behind me, knelt on the floor, lifted my sleep shirt, and began kissing my bare ass. I let him kiss for a while, all over, with great dedication he did, and I completely indulged the fact that my husband, who had been so rude to me earlier, was now kissing my ass. His kisses got a little braver and deeper, and I opened my legs a bit more to give him access to where I expected his tongue to end up.

"Get your face in there, boy," I told him, and the good boy that he is, buried his face so deep in the flesh of my ass he could no longer breathe. He licked my forbidden spot with adoration, and I pulled on his hair to keep him in place, and to let him know that I am the boss. He is the bitch.

Eventually I ended up seated on the bench at the foot of our bed, my legs spread, and Jason's obedient and well trained mouth bringing me to a wonderful, crying-out orgasm.

Once I calmed down, I told him to put my tablet away. I climbed under the covers, and he got into bed and cuddled up next to me. I could feel his little erection was hard as a brick.

Comfy, warm, and satiated, I drifted off to sleep.

That's one way in which I keep the peace around here.

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I'm really chuffed/honored you used a quote from my post as an in for your post. Loved your story, and absolutely loved how you dealt with your fella...

gregy70 said:

I love visiting this thread .
You ladies are amazing.

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Justplatonic said:

I'm really chuffed/honored you used a quote from my post as an in for your post. Loved your story, and absolutely loved how you dealt with your fella...

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Your words really struck a chord with me. For Jason, it's not always as he likes it, and I make sure of that.

But he likes it, nonetheless.

littlecordelera said:

Your words really struck a chord with me. For Jason, it's not always as he likes it, and I make sure of that.

But he likes it, nonetheless.

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You are more than welcome. You're a woman after my own heart... You're simply brilliant...

Scareltt said:

I have no idea what my husbands inner dialogue is, but it probably goes like this.

“I don’t have to do this! I shouldn’t have to do this! Why does she insist on me doing this? God why do I still want to do this?

I should stand firm and be quiet to her. I should tell her to take a cold shower. I can’t apologize, she needs to apologize. I can’t believe I’m about to apologize and beg to kneel before her.

I hope she doesn’t make me create another PowerPoint on how I should apologize for my bad attitude.”

That’s probably not it, but it can’t be too far off.

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Does he ever stand his ground?

Is there more sex in a FLR?

Ladies, since you took control in the relationship would you say there is more sex in your relationship? How would you compare yourself to your vanilla friends?

I know everyone is different, so I thought I would ask. This is a great group. I apologize in advance since it is none of my business, but if you care to share please do.

ES

eroticspank said:

Ladies, since you took control in the relationship would you say there is more sex in your relationship? How would you compare yourself to your vanilla friends?

I know everyone is different, so I thought I would ask. This is a great group. I apologize in advance since it is none of my business, but if you care to share please do.

ES

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I have always had a very high sex drive, so sex has always been a big part of my life. I am not sure if the dynamics of my relationship have anything to do with the amount of sex in my life.

eroticspank said:

Ladies, since you took control in the relationship would you say there is more sex in your relationship? How would you compare yourself to your vanilla friends?

I know everyone is different, so I thought I would ask. This is a great group. I apologize in advance since it is none of my business, but if you care to share please do.

ES

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eroticspank... That question has vexed me for quite a while, but I lacked the courage to ask. Thank you for asking!

littlecordelera said:

I have always had a very high sex drive, so sex has always been a big part of my life. I am not sure if the dynamics of my relationship have anything to do with the amount of sex in my life.

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Thanks for your candor littlecordelera. I really appreciate it. I'm a little less vexed now...

Scareltt said:

I have no idea what my husbands inner dialogue is, but it probably goes like this.

“I don’t have to do this! I shouldn’t have to do this! Why does she insist on me doing this? God why do I still want to do this?

I should stand firm and be quiet to her. I should tell her to take a cold shower. I can’t apologize, she needs to apologize. I can’t believe I’m about to apologize and beg to kneel before her.

I hope she doesn’t make me create another PowerPoint on how I should apologize for my bad attitude.”

That’s probably not it, but it can’t be too far off.

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I feel as though you need to flesh out your story Scareltt, with all due respect. It takes two to tango, and context helps (like littlecordelera's story about her taxes...). For example, please explain why (in this instance) you don't know your husband's inner dialogue (I appreciate/respect certain aspects are implied in your post, but we're also left to assume... Why can't you ask?). Why is it so important this time? Sorry to answer your question with more questions... Just trying to help.

I feel this way, you'll probably garner more useful answers?

How to sub with a Vanilla Lover | A guide on shades of FLR | Intro | Bringing It In

I have a few ideas I've tried, buzzing around in my head. I’d like to share them with my fellow subs, the ones who long for a slice (or even shades) of FLR. I’ll just post one idea every so often (if people are cool with that).

By the way, I welcome everyone’s comments. I’d be more than happy to improve this idea (or others in the future), or build new ideas based on this approach.

My objective is to help improve relations between a sub and his Vanilla Lover. Although if you're fine as you are, that's OK. Otherwise... I’ll start with… Hugs.

I’ll preface a little first. What makes a relationship so special in the honeymoon period IMHO, is all the idiosyncrasies. They seem insignificant by their own merit at the time, but retrospectively they’re greater than the sum of their total. It’s what makes that phase so special.

I see friends and family members in relationships like two neighboring islands instead of one harmonious island. Because all those idiosyncrasies have receded… This is my over arching objective with my relationship (to become one harmonious island), and you could take action and become a harmonious island with your Vanilla Lover too.

So… Are you a hugger? I know it sounds like a daft question, but please read on, as it will make sense soon. If your answer is "Yes", then great. If its "No", you may change you mind…

Four things you need to appreciate. Your POV, her POV, and both your respective expectations. You can alter your POV, which will improve how you feel (in a sub way). The cherry on the cake... You’ll learn to care more for your Vanilla Lover. Be a better husband or boyfriend… From her POV, that’ll impress her.

You want to work within her expectations, but you must temper your own (because you cannot appease all your kinks, as that wouldn’t be fair to your Vanilla Lover). You’ll be amazed how she will respond though, because quite frankly all women are great if you give them a chance to shine (this is so key). Our perception has to be adjusted from time to time to appreciate this!

How does a typical sub hug his Lady/Domme? Well, I would say (IMHO from a CFNM viewpoint) naked, kneeling (or sitting) on the floor, when she allows it. Or some variation of that. My point is, that is part of our POV. You may not be naked at the time, but you can still kneel on the floor. However timing is crucial (we don’t have a Lady/Domme to tell us when). And don’t over think, or over do it either. Change it up, sometimes be Vanilla, nothing wrong with that. Variation is supreme.

I hug my Vanilla Lover if I’m in the bedroom in the morning and she’s drying her hair, or putting on make up (I check her body language, her facial expression, and tone of voice). Sometimes it’s simply a no go. I can hear the stress in her voice, she’s late for work. So a simple small kiss on the back of her neck works.

If I can proceed though, I can’t hug her standing up… She’s liable to elbow me in the head as she prepares herself (if you do have any accidents when hugging, have a laugh about it, have fun!). So I kneel to hug her waist and legs. Understand what I mean? There has to be a compelling reason for your Vanilla Lover to accept your new strange hug, so it stays firmly within her expectations of you. She may have a knee jerk response initially because its a different side of you. But just explain why (the aforementioned reasons and/or substitute you own). Always talk! She’ll understand.

When you think about it, they’ll be other ways you could hug in a more sub like way. Another example… I hug my Vanilla Lover sometimes when she’s sat on the edge of the bed reading her messages on her mobile in the morning. I’m still sleepy as I’ve just woke up, so I lay my head near her side, and wrap my arms round her hips as I lay on the bed along it’s width. If she’s standing instead, I leave her to it. No need to push for it, especially if she pushes you away (please respect her wishes, as you may have misread her, she’s simply not in the mood, or you'll need the reevaluate whether the hug is viable). We have to march to the beat of her drum. But you’ll have plenty of other chances. It’s not how often (up to three ‘encounters’ a day, as there’ll be several to pick from eventually), but rather the quality of the encounter that matters, and the accumulation of them over the long term that can change hearts and minds for the better.

I think you must understand where I’m coming from now? You need to bridge the gap (without any paraphernalia that will scare her). You’re together probably for very good reasons, but since becoming more self aware, you’ve lost your way a little. It’s OK. I’ve been implementing several ideas over the past few months. Let’s just say, my Vanilla Lover feels so much more secure in herself (and in me), and she's happier. She is starting to shine, becoming more confident, caring more about her appearance again, and making efforts that have really surprised me in good ways.

Just be patient and consistent. Give her a chance to shine… And then she’ll feel able to hold your hand, so you can shine too.

Next > How to sub with a Vanilla Lover | A guide on shades of FLR | Happy Feet

Thank you for sharing justplatonic

lady_jennaxx said:

Thank you for sharing justplatonic

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You are welcome Lady Jenna. I just hope it helps people to feel better about each other...

littlecordelera said:

I doubt that. Jason and I can talk about anything. He may not get his way, but I can't imagine he has ever been afraid to approach me about a concern. And besides, it takes a lot to make me angry.

I become stern when he doesn't follow through with something or he does something stupid, but to me, stern and angry are very different things.

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It's 'funny', as your comments above are almost identical to my relationship with my Vanilla Wife.

pumperguy191 said:

So, my wife and I have been married for over 25 years. It's not always been perfect. I've written before of her infidelities. I've never discussed mine. Well, an innocent incident happened a month ago and it really bothered me. Finally, I had enough. I told her that we had to talk about things that happened. Reluctantly, she agreed. I then told her that we had an appetite for partners of another race. This was my way of admitting my infidelities. We continued talking for a while (this conversation was all done over text messages) and then I sent her a video link of a guy being put into a male chastity cage. She found it interesting.

Over the next couple of days, we continued divulging secrets of our past. The idea of chastity got stronger. Finally, I ordered our first male chastity cage. I was locked up 3 weeks ago. She understood that she controlled the key, not me. She was to decide when I got an erection which in turn means she decides when I get to achieve orgasm.

After looking online, we decided that we were entering a FLR. Obviously, we are in the beginning stages but it has been amazing. She is quickly getting used to the idea that she is in complete and total control. Last week, while caged, she decided that I was going to take her clothes off. I knew that I could do only that and no more. It was the most erotic encounter we have ever had. A couple of nights later, while still caged, she told me to perform oral sex on her until she said stop. It was even better than the undressing. Then, I told her that my last was 11 days prior. That night, she told me tom stand in the shower. She poured baby oil on my erection and said to have at it. She stood completely naked in front of me for inspiration. In a few short minutes, I believe that I shot the second biggest load of my lifetime. The first being when she first released me so we could have sex.

Due to some issues with the cage, I was let free for a few days while the little guy healed up. She has sent me a message every day indicating that it was time to go back in the cage. Upon inspection, the little guy wasn't ready. This morning, he was ready. I put the cage on and she inserted the lock and turned the key.

I have tried to explain the psychological effects of being caged. Whoever came up with the phrase that a man has 2 heads and usually thinks with the wrong one is so correct. My thoughts have been clearer while caged. My devotion to my wife has increased drastically. I've learned to keep quiet and not snap at her. She is learning control like never before, not just sexually. It has brought us closer than we ever thought possible. I love being in a chastity cage, I beg to get back in when I'm free. Early on, I bought her a gold key pendant to wear around her neck. I can't wait until someone asks what it means and she tells the truth.

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Although I'm not an advocate of that lifestyle, I wanted to thank you pumperguy191. I respect your account (and candor), and really for the first time, I can appreciate the appeal of chastity to some guys from the male perspective.

irishblade said:

How can we get more women to see that the future needs to be more female? I’m in a male-dominated, macho field but when I come home, I long to be in an FLR. My partner isn’t interested though it’s her personality. I’m sure there’s millions of women like this who refuse to try because society (or whatever other factors) have defined gender roles for them.

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I don't know the answer to your question. I will say, though, that most women are not inclined to seek power. That's more of a male thing. Even I do not normally use the words "dominant" and "submissive." That may be what it is, but I don't think about a relationship in that way.

littlecordelera said:

I don't know the answer to your question. I will say, though, that most women are not inclined to seek power. That's more of a male thing. Even I do not normally use the words "dominant" and "submissive." That may be what it is, but I don't think about a relationship in that way.

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I have to politely disagree. When I look around I see a lot of Flr in some form or another. I can’t speak to their sexual interaction but only to their household interactions.

People joke about it “we know who wears the pants in their house”. Well yes we do she does. Or maybe they say a woman is bitchy because she’s always telling her husband what to do and talks down to him in front of others.

I know a lady who leads from the bottom. She just lets her husband believe everything is his idea. “Yes honey you were right! The living room would look better if we painted the walls plaid”.

“A happy life is a happy wife” why? Because she’s getting her way.

Yes I understand in most regards we are talking about in the bedroom. But I also think that while women might not be the aggressor they do control if it happens or not.

So Im down to have sex all the time, if I have a headache, the flu, or broken bone I’m ready. So who’s really in control if you have to wait until she’s in the mood?

lady_jennaxx said:

I feel this is the best male audience to pose a question to.

Would a female led relationship appeal to you and, if so, what would it look like? I realize there are many variances to this particular theme and the 2 people involved can make it whatever they choose, but are there key components that would draw you to this particular dynamic?

My question extends beyond the sexual component, of course. Being a strong woman with a slightly "sub" man is nothing new of course...but I am not speaking of a D/s type interaction. Ordering someone around and expecting your bidding to be done without question isn't my thing. I prefer a much more cerebral, gentle dynamic where my strength isn't used to wield punishment, moreso guidance and nurturing.

Any of you out there currently enjoying such a dynamic? Hoping to or actively searching for such a thing? Would love to discuss the ins and outs and get a real life feel of how this manifests in your day-to-day lives.

As always, PM's are not only welcome, but encouraged

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I have no problem with an assertive and confident woman, but I prefer a relationship where there is give and take on both sides. We all have our strengths and weaknesses which eventually manifest themselves in the various situations that come along. Once both partners recognize these, then I've found it comes naturally to allow the more capable person to assume the lead when the situation is more suited to their strengths.

It is a similar story with sex. We all have horny days and not so horny days. If one partner is more enthusiastic than the other, then let them go for it and be the initiator.

In the same vein, I find a good mind is just as important and just as sexy as a good body. The sexiest women I have known have been super smart.

Erodicus said:

I have no problem with an assertive and confident woman, but I prefer a relationship where there is give and take on both sides. We all have our strengths and weaknesses which eventually manifest themselves in the various situations that come along. Once both partners recognize these, then I've found it comes naturally to allow the more capable person to assume the lead when the situation is more suited to their strengths.

It is a similar story with sex. We all have horny days and not so horny days. If one partner is more enthusiastic than the other, then let them go for it and be the initiator.

In the same vein, I find a good mind is just as important and just as sexy as a good body. The sexiest women I have known have been super smart.

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Thank you for your input

lady_jennaxx said:

Thank you for your input

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You're welcome. Thanks for the acknowledgement. I'm enjoying this thread.

Goldenfinger said:

I have to politely disagree. When I look around I see a lot of Flr in some form or another. I can’t speak to their sexual interaction but only to their household interactions.

People joke about it “we know who wears the pants in their house”. Well yes we do she does. Or maybe they say a woman is bitchy because she’s always telling her husband what to do and talks down to him in front of others.

I know a lady who leads from the bottom. She just lets her husband believe everything is his idea. “Yes honey you were right! The living room would look better if we painted the walls plaid”.

“A happy life is a happy wife” why? Because she’s getting her way.

Yes I understand in most regards we are talking about in the bedroom. But I also think that while women might not be the aggressor they do control if it happens or not.

So Im down to have sex all the time, if I have a headache, the flu, or broken bone I’m ready. So who’s really in control if you have to wait until she’s in the mood?

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Oh! You may be correct! But if what you say constitutes an FLR, then almost every marriage is an FLR.

So if a woman does not submit to sex because she is not in the mood, that amounts to an FLR?

Wow. Then I am in the wrong thread. And I don't know what Jason and I should call our relationship, because there is no way I am ever going to "lead from the bottom."

Erodicus said:

I have no problem with an assertive and confident woman, but I prefer a relationship where there is give and take on both sides. We all have our strengths and weaknesses which eventually manifest themselves in the various situations that come along. Once both partners recognize these, then I've found it comes naturally to allow the more capable person to assume the lead when the situation is more suited to their strengths.

It is a similar story with sex. We all have horny days and not so horny days. If one partner is more enthusiastic than the other, then let them go for it and be the initiator.

In the same vein, I find a good mind is just as important and just as sexy as a good body. The sexiest women I have known have been super smart.

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Agreed... An intelligent Woman is extremely attractive to say the least...

I have always wanted to find out who said "relationships are fifty-fifty" so I could just slap them silly.

No they are not, and it is impossible for them to be.

As an example, if my wife and I are going out to eat, and she wants Chinese Food and I want a Steak Dinner, realistically we are not going to both places, we must make a choice. In that way, marriage is not 50/50 but 0-100 for her if we go to a Chinese Restaurant, or 100-0 for me if we go and gets some steaks.

In a healthy relationship it ends up swapping back and forth, and really must; otherwise if one gives in all the time, then sooner or later there is resentment. There has to be some care enough so that even in a Female Led Relationship the man feels respected and valued.

I see a Female Led Relationship as being that 60%-80% of the time she gets her choice because the man wants to please his wife/girlfriend. But if it is 80-100 percent of the time, that is not a Female Led Relationship, but a Female DOMINATED Relationship, and that hardly a healthy one at that.

Now for me, I go to a conservative church, and so I believe my marriage is male-led, but it still has a lot of limits.

I have read the bible cover to cover several times and there are many checks and balances in there for both genders.

For me, the pride of my marriage is having deep, intelligent religious talks with my wife that spill over to everyday decisions. I would not do much without consulting her because I adore that about her and our marriage.

But unlike some male chauvinists that believe the bible says man is over woman, I do not take it to mean domineering at all. For my wife and I, it just means, IF we cannot come to an agreement, then what I think we should do, will be the final word. Sometimes someone has to make a decision, and for us that comes down to me. But 99% of the time, we converse about the pros and cons, and come to a consensus between us.

I think one of the issues that faces the world today is the rise in female Led Relationships.

One thing that gets muddled is control and romance.

For a lot of women that have been stung by divorce, or multiple divorces; is that they gave up a lot for their men, like moving into their house, having their children, and generally giving of themselves for that person. And it really hurt them, so they are very guarded.

However, a man can take that "guardedness" which is really fear of being hurt again, and assume that the woman wants a hands-off approach, and that is not the case at all. They don't want to be hurt again, but they still like romance. It's okay for the man to hold the door for her once and awhile, or buy her flowers, or leave a note just saying, "I love you", once and awhile.

But what happens far too often, is that the man... who has an ego that easily gets bruised... takes a comment that is made, and stops being romantic altogether thinking that's what the woman wants. But that is not it at all.

So what is the answer? For me, it is drawing a bath for my wife, setting a snack on the tub beside her, a good book and a glass of wine. While she is soaking, I'll even throw a towel in the dryer for her so it is warm and fluffy when she starts to prune. That puts her needs first, but yet is also romantic. There should not be an expectation of sex afterwards by any means, but woe to the wife that does not thank her husband for that either. If a lay scoffs at such a show of kindness (romance) then she is going to deeply bruise the mans ego.

I think there should be a lot more of that, and I will toss myself under the bus, I do not do that enough!