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Do I still have to have a real conversation with her?

should i have a real conversation first with her?

  • yes you should first converse/ chat with to get to know her

    Votes: 17 81.0%

  • no need since she's already crazy about you

    Votes: 4 19.0%
  • Total voters
    21
carnal47

carnal47

Really Experienced
Joined
Aug 10, 2016
Posts
129
Even if a girl is very into me and crazy about me, do i still have to have a real conversation with her (getting to know each other) before asking her out? i mean i don't mind I'm just asking for the girl's sake so that she doesn't get offended or find it inappropriate anything. She gets really happy when i look at or smile at her. Also when I talk to her asking if she needs help with something, or asking her something important (she works as a personal trainer at my gym). Or even if she's not showing interest and I catch her by surprise of guard like if I surprise her when i walk up to her and ask if she's using a machine or something like that. I even caught her looking at me many times and when i did she freaked out if that helps.
 
you come across as full of yourself and just a touch creepy - do her a massive favour and leave her alone.
 
NightL said:
you come across as full of yourself and just a touch creepy - do her a massive favour and leave her alone.
Click to expand...

okay you basically got an attitude problem due to which you seem like the real creep so im just gonna ignore that before this could escalate further...im not asking for anyone's judgement here. Just answer to the question above
 
Talk costs nothing but a minute, risks nothing but your pride and helps ensure you are both on the same song-sheet. If she's as you say a trainer, even asking her how to set a machine will give her the chance to engage more with you.

And the dance begins...
 
TarnishedPenny said:
Talk costs nothing but a minute, risks nothing but your pride and helps ensure you are both on the same song-sheet. If she's as you say a trainer, even asking her how to set a machine will give her the chance to engage more with you.

And the dance begins...
Click to expand...

but don't ask her out straight away after just one convo right?
 
"Do I still have to have a real conversation with her?"

Honestly, big un, that phrase right there gave me pause. I can't speak for anyone else, but it took me a minute to get past that "have to have" to actually read and parse the real question. I'm reasonably sure that you meant it differently. But, it came across as "I don't want to waste time talking but take her out to get her drunk so I can get in her panties." And my first thought at first glance was, "um, usually there is some conversation involved on a date... unless you slip her a mickey finn..."

However. quite often our word choices, even when we think we meant something different, give away our true agenda. I mean, think about it for a moment. WHAT exactly is the hurry to get her to go on a date? What do you feel is different about being on a date as opposed to just speaking with her there and then? What different outcome are you hoping for from a date that you don't think would happen if you spoke to her at your gym?

Any road, for whatever it's worth, my general rule of thumb was that if I felt any rush at all getting involved with someone, then I tended to question just why I wanted to get involved with them in the first place. And more often than not, if I found myself using phrases like "have to," I tended to pause and do exactly that.


In this particular case, that would mean that if I were the one facing the conundrum of whether I "have to" talk to her more before asking for that date, I would definitely make it a point to try to talk to her some more.

*shrug*

Just the two cents of an old fart with more than a few scars from "the battle of the sexes" over the past several decades.
 
carnal47 said:
Even if a girl is very into me and crazy about me, do i still have to have a real conversation with her (getting to know each other) before asking her out? i mean i don't mind I'm just asking for the girl's sake so that she doesn't get offended or find it inappropriate anything. She gets really happy when i look at or smile at her. Also when I talk to her asking if she needs help with something, or asking her something important (she works as a personal trainer at my gym). Or even if she's not showing interest and I catch her by surprise of guard like if I surprise her when i walk up to her and ask if she's using a machine or something like that. I even caught her looking at me many times and when i did she freaked out if that helps.
Click to expand...

It is part of her job to smile and be friendly to you. This doesn't automatically mean she's interested. Unless you've talked to her, you don't know whether she's into you.
 
carnal47 said:
Even if a girl is very into me and crazy about me, do i still have to have a real conversation with her (getting to know each other) before asking her out? i mean i don't mind I'm just asking for the girl's sake so that she doesn't get offended or find it inappropriate anything. She gets really happy when i look at or smile at her. Also when I talk to her asking if she needs help with something, or asking her something important (she works as a personal trainer at my gym). Or even if she's not showing interest and I catch her by surprise of guard like if I surprise her when i walk up to her and ask if she's using a machine or something like that. I even caught her looking at me many times and when i did she freaked out if that helps.
Click to expand...
You ask her out and get to know her on a date. Have a conversation there.

What you should avoid is having sex before getting to know her - this is what may make her feel like you are only interested in getting laid. But there's nothing wrong about dating, and getting to know each other while dating. That's what dating is FOR, actually. It's the whole point.

As Bramblethorn said, the fact that she smiles doesn't automatically mean she's interested. BUT that doesn't change anything - if you like her, just ask her out. Regardless of if she says no or yes - you'll know the answer. Only remember that dating a client is actually a piece of baggage that a lot of people try to avoid. Also there could be rules in her contract that she can't date clients to begin with, so this may be a question of hurting her career, and she'll refuse because of that.
If she says no - don't pester her, but you could just try and develop a friendly relationship with her, and ask her out again half a year or a few months later. Just don't do it every week unless she really telegraphs her interest.
Be careful, because guys generally suck at reading girls. You may feel she wants you, while she's only being polite and friendly.
 
Last edited:
Okay... I'll be the odd one out here. If I were you, I'd just ask her out. Then again, I'm not her and I don't know how she thinks.

I have had conversations with guys and then they asked me out. I have had them ask me out straight away. If they ask me out straight away, I will usually give them a chance unless something about them gives me the creeper vibe. If I don't know the guy, I will usually tell him to meet up with me at the very place where he asked me out. That's usually a safe bet.

I think some people tend to overthink and complicate things. If it feels good, then just do it!

Then again, being asked out to me is not akin to having sex. If I am into the guy, it sure might happen. If I am really into the guy, we may not even go out. We may just go straight to the sex. All depends on the guy and the situation and again...I'm not her.

I will say that women can generally pull off taking a guy straight to bed. The guy may not be so lucky. I know a heck of a lot of women who would not go for that at all.

Also, I can't tell you how many first dates I've been on that were cut short by me. Some by the guy. Just because someone seems appealing at first glance, doesn't mean they are the one for you. I am not the type who will continue going out with someone until someone better comes along. I'd rather be alone and happy than waste someone's time.

Good luck! Think positively and just do it! :D
 
show her this thread you made about her - guaranteed to elicit a response.

Where in your head did you think making a poll over this and asking opinion on how much of an arrogant arse you should be in getting to know this person is beyond me.

Your title "Do I still have to have a real conversation with her?" and post
=
"How can I be as insensitive as possible in order to shortcut the effort, dignity and respect of a woman before I can shag her. Do I actually have to talk to her?"
=
misogynist arsehole

Your previous posts here tell it all, you are not interested engaging women at all, you just see them as body parts.
 
NightL said:
show her this thread you made about her - guaranteed to elicit a response.

Where in your head did you think making a poll over this and asking opinion on how much of an arrogant arse you should be in getting to know this person is beyond me.

Your title "Do I still have to have a real conversation with her?" and post
=
"How can I be as insensitive as possible in order to shortcut the effort, dignity and respect of a woman before I can shag her. Do I actually have to talk to her?"
=
misogynist arsehole

Your previous posts here tell it all, you are not interested engaging women at all, you just see them as body parts.
Click to expand...

okay darling first of all i want to go out with her and see where this goes (with the intention of a commitment). but many women tend to have principles have a real conversation with the guy first) and some want to also just rush into a date if their really crazy about the guy. so i want to know what is the most appropriate approach so i DON'T displease, upset or offend or DISRESPECT HER! you prejudice judgmental cunt!
 
Bramblethorn said:
It is part of her job to smile and be friendly to you. This doesn't automatically mean she's interested. Unless you've talked to her, you don't know whether she's into you.
Click to expand...

yeah well heres the thing. If i don't give her any attention she gets upset and disappointed. Even if i walk up to her she gets very happy and then i ask if she's using a machine shes instructing another member next to, she gets disappointed and with a disappointed tone she says ''no im not. its all yours..."
 
carnal47 said:
yeah well heres the thing. If i don't give her any attention she gets upset and disappointed. Even if i walk up to her she gets very happy and then i ask if she's using a machine shes instructing another member next to, she gets disappointed and with a disappointed tone she says ''no im not. its all yours..."
Click to expand...

You are massively overthinking this. You want to ask her out? Just do it. Is there a place nearby where you could get coffee or ice cream or something like that? Ask her if you can buy her a whatever it is nearby. She might say "no" but other than that, you have nothing to lose.
 
carnal47 said:
Even if a girl is very into me and crazy about me, do i still have to have a real conversation with her (getting to know each other) before asking her out? i mean i don't mind I'm just asking for the girl's sake so that she doesn't get offended or find it inappropriate anything. She gets really happy when i look at or smile at her. Also when I talk to her asking if she needs help with something, or asking her something important (she works as a personal trainer at my gym). Or even if she's not showing interest and I catch her by surprise of guard like if I surprise her when i walk up to her and ask if she's using a machine or something like that. I even caught her looking at me many times and when i did she freaked out if that helps.
Click to expand...
Look if all else fails, just be yourself.
What confuses most folks is the do I still have to have a real conversation with her , not sure what you consider a "real conversation". You don't have to totally know someone to ask them out, that is the purpose of the date, so just ask but it would be nice if you did say Hi first.

This is just a sissy opinion.
 
PuckIt said:
"Do I still have to have a real conversation with her?"

Honestly, big un, that phrase right there gave me pause. I can't speak for anyone else, but it took me a minute to get past that "have to have" to actually read and parse the real question. I'm reasonably sure that you meant it differently. But, it came across as "I don't want to waste time talking but take her out to get her drunk so I can get in her panties." And my first thought at first glance was, "um, usually there is some conversation involved on a date... unless you slip her a mickey finn..."

However. quite often our word choices, even when we think we meant something different, give away our true agenda. I mean, think about it for a moment. WHAT exactly is the hurry to get her to go on a date? What do you feel is different about being on a date as opposed to just speaking with her there and then? What different outcome are you hoping for from a date that you don't think would happen if you spoke to her at your gym?

Any road, for whatever it's worth, my general rule of thumb was that if I felt any rush at all getting involved with someone, then I tended to question just why I wanted to get involved with them in the first place. And more often than not, if I found myself using phrases like "have to," I tended to pause and do exactly that.


In this particular case, that would mean that if I were the one facing the conundrum of whether I "have to" talk to her more before asking for that date, I would definitely make it a point to try to talk to her some more.

*shrug*

Just the two cents of an old fart with more than a few scars from "the battle of the sexes" over the past several decades.
Click to expand...
That struck an odd chord with me as well. I routinely find myself enjoying conversation with people I don't intend to enjoy carnal knowledge of.

To the original question though, depending on the level of attraction one senses, why wouldn't one ask the girl out during the initial conversation? There is no requisite nuumber of contacts before one expresses interest. I would always advise being direct and forthright about such things.
 
carnal47 said:
okay darling first of all i want to go out with her and see where this goes (with the intention of a commitment). but many women tend to have principles have a real conversation with the guy first) and some want to also just rush into a date if their really crazy about the guy. so i want to know what is the most appropriate approach so i DON'T displease, upset or offend or DISRESPECT HER! you prejudice judgmental cunt!
Click to expand...

May want to check that temper, bud.
 
Let’s step back and try again, shall we?

As I understand it, there’s a lady you are attracted to and who a) has a semi-professional relationship with you and b) has shown what might be interest in you. OK, that’s basic boy-meets-girl setting. Nothing unusual about it.

I would have a short ‘professional’ conversation with her in the gym. What I suggested earlier (“How do I use this machine?”) is an example. Afterwards, you could just say, “I really appreciate your help. Is there a place around where where I can buy you a coffee sometime to say thanks?” That’s not creepy, no matter what a whole platoon of strident SJW Red Guards say. If she’s sincerely interested in you (as opposed to BT’s very possible thought that her smile might just be professional), then it will give her an opportunity to say yes. If she says no, accept it with good grace, thank her again and have a good workout. Oh, and don’t ask her again.

If you get to the coffee stage, that’s when you can have a longer conversation. Take it from there. If all goes well, say that this was fun and you’d like to see her again. Again, it’s not creepy and lets her decide.

Try not to overthink things, even in this *’d up, everybody’s-so-fragile society we’re creating around ourselves. Most girls still want to meet nice boys and it ain’t no sin to ask somebody out for a coffee.
 
Last edited:
you came back 2 months after your thread started to defend yourself..

but you never told us if you asked her out.

If the real purpose of this thread was the gather a general consensus about how many conversations one should have before asking for a date, we're well beyond the timeframe where that should have happened.

did she say yes?
 
carnal47 said:
oh so when she called me an arsehole she doesn't have to control her temper. Only when i verbally abuse then i'm the one with anger management issues?
Click to expand...

Yeah when you verbally abuse you have anger management issues. That should go without saying. NightL called you an asshole because you sound like a major asshole. I hope you spared that woman misery and left her alone.

Why did you assume NightL is a woman?
 
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