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Old 09-04-2017, 12:26 PM   #1
delicious_man
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Does anybody use meter in their poetry anymore?

Call me old fashioned but when it comes to poetry I am a big believer in meter. In fact, I would say that rhythm is one of the primary distinctions between poetry and prose. I'm wondering if there is anybody out there in the world of literotica who shares my view and writes within any kind of metric form in their poetry. Please post any examples you have in the thread below.


To kick things off I'd like to share the following example. Since it was only recently composed and most likely needs a few tweaks I have not yet submitted it to the site but plan to do so soon. However, I'm posting it here as an example of meter in erotic poetry. This poem uses (or at least tries to use) dactylic tetrameter (although there are some lines of amphibrachs in the final stanza). Feel free to comment on the poem, especially if you think you might be able to assist with any necessary fine-tuning, as well as post your own examples.

---

first time


lightly his fingers traverse her pale abdomen
trailing a course over skin soft as rose petals
breathlessly tensing with arms and legs writhing she
strives to make sense of conflicting emotions


stark contradiction both wanting and fearing him
wild with desire yet so young and so innocent
how could she let this man threaten her purity
hard to admit but she wants him so terribly


no one has ever before been allowed where he’s
threatening to go with his hands slowly wandering
lower and lower and dangerously closer and
nearer the place where she craves him so desperately


lying spread-eagled and trembling beneath him she
nervously thinks to herself that perhaps she should
stop this whole madness before it’s too late but she
knows that she can’t now he’s temptingly close to her


toes curling she clutches the bedsheets and closes
her eyes tightly shut and gives in to the moment
don’t leave me hanging she thinks to herself as his
hand lingers teasingly close to her clitoris
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Old 09-05-2017, 08:27 PM   #2
pelegrino
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good effort. Dactyl is hard even in Greek, but work on it, you are getting there, choose more carefully the stresses of the inner feet, though hard to find appropriate words always.
(Homer could not always manage it in his dactylic hexameters, so many verses in the Odyssey end up with a trochee as a 6th foot transforming a naturally short syllable into a long one):

Άνδρα μοι-ένεπε-μούσα πο-λύτροπον-ος μάλα-πόλλα
etc
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Old 09-06-2017, 03:27 PM   #3
delicious_man
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Thanks pelegrino. I'm afraid I have no knowledge of Greek although I have read some translations of the classics.

It felt a bit like cheating but I downloaded a word document that attempted to list all the dactylic words in the English language. This definitely helped.
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Old 09-30-2017, 09:00 PM   #4
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Yes. #*#*#*#*#
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Old 03-05-2018, 07:17 PM   #5
JCSTREET
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you're old fashioned

I never leave home without a metronome strapped t my back and I always run it when I'm writing a poem (but not when I'm writing an 800-worder for a wire service, on deadline)
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Old 03-09-2018, 12:04 AM   #6
williamesquire
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I am trying to learn in my spare time.
At first I tried to make each line the same number of syllable counts; thinking that is what a meter is and people just used a foreign counting system to come up with didactic hexameter or whatever.
From reading here I guess that the meters refer to a specific rhythm.

Here is my first attempt at a sonnet, I just tried to make the lines 10 syllables. Some aren't, I know.

My encounter with three naughty Bar Girls and an Angel

The three surrounded me with hungry eyes and smiles
Then politely asked to join me at my fries.
With low cut tops and high heeled styles
They massaged and pinched me hard with horny wiles.
I asked “what charge for desert applies”,
They replied a price that satisfies.
Then they lead me to the place that amplifies
Our building lust within our bodies tingling.
In bliss’ grasp the angel had me gasping while it was asking
“What is thy guilt for such flesh indulging,
What is the black hole that thou art filling?
A murder foul without comprehending,
thy foolish service without dignifying?”
“Nay good angel, an education I’m receiving”

I love rhythm and would like to know what it is all about.
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Old 03-09-2018, 06:58 AM   #7
Boxlicker101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by delicious_man View Post
Call me old fashioned but when it comes to poetry I am a big believer in meter. In fact, I would say that rhythm is one of the primary distinctions between poetry and prose. I'm wondering if there is anybody out there in the world of literotica who shares my view and writes within any kind of metric form in their poetry. Please post any examples you have in the thread below.


To kick things off I'd like to share the following example. Since it was only recently composed and most likely needs a few tweaks I have not yet submitted it to the site but plan to do so soon. However, I'm posting it here as an example of meter in erotic poetry. This poem uses (or at least tries to use) dactylic tetrameter (although there are some lines of amphibrachs in the final stanza). Feel free to comment on the poem, especially if you think you might be able to assist with any necessary fine-tuning, as well as post your own examples.

---

first time


lightly his fingers traverse her pale abdomen
trailing a course over skin soft as rose petals
breathlessly tensing with arms and legs writhing she
strives to make sense of conflicting emotions


stark contradiction both wanting and fearing him
wild with desire yet so young and so innocent
how could she let this man threaten her purity
hard to admit but she wants him so terribly


no one has ever before been allowed where he’s
threatening to go with his hands slowly wandering
lower and lower and dangerously closer and
nearer the place where she craves him so desperately


lying spread-eagled and trembling beneath him she
nervously thinks to herself that perhaps she should
stop this whole madness before it’s too late but she
knows that she can’t now he’s temptingly close to her


toes curling she clutches the bedsheets and closes
her eyes tightly shut and gives in to the moment
don’t leave me hanging she thinks to herself as his
hand lingers teasingly close to her clitoris
I use meter, and I'm almost fanatical about it. With the exception of Haiku, all the poems I have written, erotic or not, are in meter. I will include a few here:

A blowup doll has never said “I’m not that kind of girl.”
She never says “Don’t mess my hair, I just now did the curl.”
She doesn’t make me sit and wait while gabbing on the phone.
She never says “I’ll be right back,” and leaves me all alone.

A blowup doll is true to me and doesn’t run around.
And when I do not want to talk, she doesn’t make a sound.
She never says “Oh, buy me that,” of some expensive thing.
She doesn’t ever ask me for a golden wedding ring.

But even so, I have to say that women are the best.
A doll has some advantages but doesn’t have the zest.
A doll won’t wrap her arms and legs around me when we screw.
And doesn’t have the juicy pussy lips that women do.

Regardless of their negatives, I want to have it said,
You can not beat a woman when it comes to fun in bed.
So Buddy, if you’re looking for someone that you can fuck,
If you don’t have a woman, you are strictly out of luck.


To the supermarket Judy drove with burning cunt.
Thinking it a place to meet a guy.
Through the store she wandered on a strictly carnal hunt,
There to find a man and not to buy.

By the produce section was a tall and handsome buck
Checking out the apples and the peas
“That’s the one,” she told herself, “The guy I’m gonna fuck.
Gave his ass a friendly little squeeze.

Up to Judy came his wife and she was really pissed.
Rage and ire were rampant on her face.
“Leave my man alone and get away from him,” she hissed.
Judy left to try some other place.

At the meat department was another handsome bloke
Judy went to him to try her luck.
Subtlety was not her thing, so Judy plainly spoke,
“Hey,” she said to him, “I wanna fuck.”

“Oh, who doesn’t, Sweetie,” he responded to her plea.
Both his wrists were limp as any rag.
I am also looking for a man to jump on me.
That, and only that, and not a hag.

At the checkout stand there was a bagger, tall and trim.
Never had she seen a man so hot.
“I will need your help out to my car,” she said to him.
So they went out to the parking lot.

“Got an itchy pussy,” Judy whispered to the hunk.
Thinking she would give him quite a ride.
“I can’t tell imported cars apart.” He closed the trunk.
Left her there, unfucked, unsatisfied.

And, of course, I have a lot of limericks, which are always dependent on meter.
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Last edited by Boxlicker101 : 03-09-2018 at 07:06 AM.
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Old 03-09-2018, 07:12 AM   #8
Boxlicker101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by williamesquire View Post
I am trying to learn in my spare time.
At first I tried to make each line the same number of syllable counts; thinking that is what a meter is and people just used a foreign counting system to come up with didactic hexameter or whatever.
From reading here I guess that the meters refer to a specific rhythm.

Here is my first attempt at a sonnet, I just tried to make the lines 10 syllables. Some aren't, I know.

My encounter with three naughty Bar Girls and an Angel

The three surrounded me with hungry eyes and smiles
Then politely asked to join me at my fries.
With low cut tops and high heeled styles
They massaged and pinched me hard with horny wiles.
I asked “what charge for desert applies”,
They replied a price that satisfies.
Then they lead me to the place that amplifies
Our building lust within our bodies tingling.
In bliss’ grasp the angel had me gasping while it was asking
“What is thy guilt for such flesh indulging,
What is the black hole that thou art filling?
A murder foul without comprehending,
thy foolish service without dignifying?”
“Nay good angel, an education I’m receiving”

I love rhythm and would like to know what it is all about.
It is syllables, but it's also where the words are accented. Here is something you might be able to use:

https://www.literotica.com/s/doggerel-for-dummies
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Old 03-09-2018, 10:30 AM   #9
JCSTREET
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A clever, mirthful poem
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Old 03-09-2018, 08:42 PM   #10
williamesquire
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Thank you for the pointers Boxlicker.
"JCSTREET A clever, mirthful poem" I hope you mean mine!

While I was thinking over the lack of meter in the poetry here a couple of things occurred to me. Firstly the site is mainly about reading and writing. Therefore perhaps the meter is more important to spoken poetry. Secondly, that the pleasure associated with the poetry here derives from the eroticism alongside, and perhaps in place of the rhythm or rhyme. Or is it a wider thing? I have to say that I read some poetry from a prominent poet recently and couldn't find any rhyme or rhythm. But what would I know; I'm just a novice.

So is the observation of poetry lacking meter about poetry on this site or poetry in general?

By the way, hats off to delicious_man and Boxlicker101 I enjoyed the poems.
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