Non-Consent - looking to improve.

(Originally posted in the wrong forum, copied content to here)

I've always had a very dark fantasy life filled with domination, torture, and rape. I'm almost always the victim in these fantasies. I've written a story that follows [spam/advertising/solicitation of offsite links prohibited per our forum guidelines]

It's dark, and includes rape and torture. The victim is someone everyone can feel empathy for. It's themes include: [Magic], [Rape], [Torture], [Lesbian], and [Betrayal]

Full Disclosure: The story was rejected earlier today for two reasons. (1) The torture is too extreme, and (2) containing "nonconsensual sex in which the "victim" gets absolutely no sort of thrill or enjoyment from the acts".

I have no problem toning down the first, but I actively dislike changing the second. I hate the expectation that rape victims will enjoy what happens to them, not that a victim should be ashamed of involuntary body responses.

That said, I hope some of y'all are interested in reading and willing to give me some advice. I've uploaded a copy of the story to google docs, and turned on commenting. You can suggest changes right there in the document. If people act like jerks I'll need to turn it off, but I hope it's not a problem.

A word of warning: If you are logged into google under your name, other people can see it. Use an incognito window to prevent this.

[spam/advertising/solicitation of offsite links prohibited per our forum guidelines]

Additionally: Any suggestions of a good place to share a story like this?

Thank you in advance.

-Evilynn

The following comments are based on stand alone short story format, not the novel you're alluding to at the end.

1. Too many characters: you introduced a number of characters that had nothing to do with the rest of the story. Your world building could be just as robust with just the three primary characters.

2. Tense: from the start, and as it progressed in format, it reads like a first person dairy, which ends up clashing with it's present tense narrative.

3. PoV: Because you (the writer) are interested (from an observer POV) in the complexity of non-con psychology doesn't mean your reader is interested in experiencing real-life psychological trauma (first person POV). If you're trying to tie it back to a Stockholm-Syndrome-esque approach to this genre, then first person POV is not the right format.

4. Action: First person present is difficult on sequencing and tension building. For example at the start of Hearthfire 20 1E950, Tia'tha's eyes open and hands reach for her throat (present action) and a few words later the reader is informed that this was a lie because Tia'tha's actually paralyzed. Confusing.

This post violates the rules of this Web site, Evilynn. Be prepared for it to be removed by the owners.

EquinoxRising said:

This post violates the rules of this Web site, Evilynn. Be prepared for it to be removed by the owners.

Click to expand...

What rule am I breaking?

Asking seriously, not trying to argue

I'm really not trying to cause problems, and I wouldn't deliberately break the rules.Id rather delete the post myself.