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Old 01-02-2018, 10:13 AM   #1
Hugo_Literatura
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Post New Story, First submission

Hello all,

Longtime reader (lurker?) and posted a story for the very first time a few days ago to end the old year Got some “comment box” feedback but was wondering if in here you could let me know more about “do’s and don’t”. Or any other thoughts.

In any case all critics are welcome, specially the constructive ones

Thanks.

Link to submission: https://www.literotica.com/s/flirtin...m-goes-too-far
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Old 01-02-2018, 12:51 PM   #2
Areala-chan
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Good job on taking the plunge, Hugo! Welcome to the ranks of the published.

That said, you're probably going to get slammed in the comments section over a few things.

1: You need either an editor or a proofreader, preferably both. It's clear English isn't your first language, and having a native speaker correct your work will do wonders by itself.

2: The story format is an odd stylistic choice. Presenting a prose story like a script or play format will be very off-putting for readers, especially in this category. This format CAN work, but you need a very good reason to use it as opposed to standard prose, and there's nothing here to indicate why it was written this way. Connecting with an audience using a scripting format requires considerable skill, and you are nowhere near ready to tackle that challenge.

Writing is hard. Writing well is even harder. You only get better with practice, so don't get discouraged. Make your next story read like traditional fiction (see the top lists to get an idea of how the best ones here do it), and get a native English speaker to proofread, and you'll see better results, guaranteed.
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Old 01-03-2018, 04:30 AM   #3
CoffeeWithMonkeys
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I'm not into incest at all so I only skimmed your story.

It's not bad especially if English isn't your first language. I have a Dutch friend and I always tell her she's doing great as long as I get what she's trying to say.
She writes well, and you aren't bad either.

You have a very simplistic plot which works well with strokers.

The only thing that truly bothered me was this
Took my time to look at her vagina and only afterwards to her eyes while getting up.

And that's because unless you were giving her a pelvic exam you wouldn't be able to see her vagina. A vagina is internal.
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Old 01-03-2018, 05:05 AM   #4
Hugo_Literatura
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Thank you both.

I never thought that level of detail was important, clearly a big mistake. As for the simplistic plot, it is the best way to get some feedback can’t imagine the comments if I had written a 7 page series, probably discouraging.

Indeed hard to write well in a language that is not your first.

One question: is it possible to edit the story after it has been published to amend some “rude” mistakes?

Cheers to both of you for taking the time.
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Old 01-03-2018, 07:26 AM   #5
electricblue66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hugo_Literatura View Post
One question: is it possible to edit the story after it has been published to amend some “rude” mistake?

To submit an edited story, just prepare your revised text, and then submit with the same story name plus EDIT in the title. Also put a note in the "Notes to Editor" box at the bottom of the submission page, that says "story edited". Don't worry about the tags. Laurel will then replace the old text with your new version. Scores, number of views, and comments will not be affected.
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Old 01-03-2018, 03:46 PM   #6
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I found the structure very odd at first, but I quickly got used to it and it made for easy reading.

The main problem I had with the story was that he got to look at her naked too easily. She just opened the shower door while he was standing in front of the shower. That wasn't set up, I felt. The whole beginning felt rushed. And if it was too easy to see Mom naked, anything else was going to be too easy.

So next time, slow down and build up the tension before people get naked.
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Old 01-04-2018, 02:33 AM   #7
Hugo_Literatura
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Thanks electricblue66, will do as advised.

8 letters, tried to make it short but if think about that perspective it was actually a bit rushed and unrealistic. Will correct the main mistakes of this one and try another story line for the next submission.

Thanks both.
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