Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Story Feedback

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 11-27-2017, 11:41 PM   #3376
sr71plt
Literotica Guru
 
sr71plt's Avatar
 
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 51,760
Published to Literotica on 27 November 2017, a Middle East GM espionage thriller by Shabbu, Velvet Interrogation, offered for free read for the first time. Shabbu is a coauthoring of Literotica authors sr71plt and Sabb. In espionage terms, a velvet interrogation is one in which the one being interrogated doesnít know itís an interrogation.

https://www.literotica.com/s/velvet-interrogation


Following is a five-star review, posted to Dark Divas and Goodreads by Kassa:

Velvet Interrogation is a stunning short story that packs a heavy punch. Although a mere 45 pages, the characters are robust and instantly interesting and the conflict is engaging. Well written, intense, and emotional, Shabbu provides great characters in sparse prose. There is a needed element of suspension of disbelief as the story drops the reader right into the action of international espionage and the romantic connection is perhaps the weakest aspect, but the story is worth reading and enjoying.

The story opens with an American ex-embassy worker giving what he thinks is a fluff interview piece. Chet Bender thinks heís there to offer a human side to one of the Lebanese presidential candidates, a man named Nabil whom he saved from a refugee camp many years before. However there is something much more sinister going on as Chetís answers hold his life and Nabilís life in the balance.

The delicate cat and mouse game reveals how the two men met and their deep connection through a series of first person memories. Told from both Nabil and Chetís point of view, the two men remember how they met, their motivations, and how they perceived the other person. The story delves into the manipulations of both men and each feels they controlled the relationship while seducing the other. This makes for a fascinating telling as the question of who manipulated whom and what each man really knew shows the different facets of their personalities.

Initially Chet seems to have been manipulated and used by a politically hungry and ambitious Nabil. Though no one could blame the young man for trying to save his life and give himself a future, even if at the expense of using an American sexually and emotionally. However, through Chetís internal musings the reader comes to understand that Chet had his own reasons and his view on Nabilís actions is very different than what some may realize. The knife edge balance that Chet and Nabil walk, somewhat unwittingly, creates a fantastic suspense and carries the tension incredibly well. The constant threat to both menís lives is very real and well drawn while keeping an element of subtly and sophistication.

The story does need readers to suspend their disbelief and delve into the world of international espionage as depicted. Perhaps the scenes are outrageous and could never happen but the skillful writing weaves a seemingly plausible story from start to finish. The one qualm I have is the ending is too pat and out of character. I didnít believe Nabilís final choices, though they were the only way for a happy ending of sorts. I can still easily recommend this quick delight. The well developed characters combine with a well written intense plot to deliver a really remarkable and unique offering. Get it today, right now!


__________________
______________________
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-04-2017, 07:28 AM   #3377
electricblue66
Literotica Guru
 
electricblue66 is offline
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Oz
Posts: 3,246
My latest story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/english-summer-tales-pt-01

This started as a collaboration with Jason Clearwater, but he graciously allowed my hero to steal his girl.


Lucy flicked her head and her hair turned in waves, and she held his gaze, challenging him, and challenging herself not to look. She held his gaze as he came towards her across the room. His eyes were blue, dark blue, and Lucy held his gaze as it became more intense, because she carelessly let the gown fall open to reveal her pale English skin.

She held his gaze as Alex climbed up onto the bed and crawled towards her, but how could he crawl if the towel was still around his waist? Lucy held his gaze as his hands went inside the dressing gown and were warm on her skin, but then it was too late.

Even if she dropped her gaze then, to blatantly look at him, Alex was too close for Lucy to see any part of him except his luscious lips, and they were on hers and her arms were around his neck; and anyway, Lucy couldn't see because her eyes were closed as she gave herself up to his kiss.

They fell backwards onto the bed, and Lucy felt his long heat against her belly and his warm hands on her sides, and Alex was peeling the thick cloth of the gown away from her and Lucy was deliriously naked except for her knickers. And they were a froth of cloth that hid her sex, but Alex was discovering Lucy's throat with his lips and his palm was on her breast and sweetness you are beautiful, could you be more delicious?

And yes, she could, Lucy could, as Alex took her in his arms and kissed her breasts and she held him held him and ran her fingers through his hair and it was still wet from the water and Lucy was so wet, so very wet and Alex peeled the final cloth down her slender legs and his mouth was hot on her cunt and Lucy hadn't seen his sex yet.

That didn't matter because her eyes were still closed and her mouth was open in a silent 'oh' of wonder as Alex licked her in one long stroke from the tight rose of her asshole all up the leaves of her cunt and she opened for him like a blossoming flower and she was wet, so wet, and his mouth was so hot.

https://www.literotica.com/s/english-summer-tales-pt-01
__________________
electricblue

My stories: https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-19-2017, 01:08 AM   #3378
EnglishTeacher
Experienced
 
EnglishTeacher is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Asia
Posts: 67
https://www.literotica.com/s/whitewa...sing-sun-ch-04

Newest chapter in my Rising Sun series. Yakuza politics on the rise for those who enjoy the political side of things.
__________________
Interested in White Male/Other Female interracial? Into Superheroines and harems? Stop by and browse my stories.

Like my work? Support me on Patreon.

Feel free to message me on KIK: WIRProductions
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-19-2017, 08:23 AM   #3379
AveryElle
Literotica Guru
 
AveryElle's Avatar
 
AveryElle is offline
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,175
My first part of my first submission just got approved and posted.

Itís about a young woman, who kind of keeps to herself at graduate school, but sees a guy working on campus that she canít stop thinking about. They bump into each other at a coffee shop and they begin to interact. Sheís not a prude but isnít used to affections lately and it takes her by surprise. Heís a mix of assertive and genuinely interested in her. However, they arenít sappy romantics.

Itís based on fantasies, real events, and fictionalized versions of a few people mashes together. Excited to get feedback!

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-sta...g-good-ch-01-1
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-21-2017, 11:56 PM   #3380
loc_hlaith
Really Experienced
 
loc_hlaith is offline
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 112
My first story, Through The Woods, just got published. I would really appreciate any feedback or comments.

https://www.literotica.com/s/through-the-woods
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-25-2017, 11:46 AM   #3381
EnglishTeacher
Experienced
 
EnglishTeacher is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Asia
Posts: 67
https://www.literotica.com/s/whitewash-christmas-2017

A hot, lewd, Christmas Annual for my Whitewash High verse. Enjoy, everyone!
__________________
Interested in White Male/Other Female interracial? Into Superheroines and harems? Stop by and browse my stories.

Like my work? Support me on Patreon.

Feel free to message me on KIK: WIRProductions
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2017, 11:09 AM   #3382
CoyoteMittens
Experienced
 
CoyoteMittens is offline
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 42
My first story has been posted! Actually, I wrote it like a month ago, but then I decided it needed to be expanded, and did, and the edit was just posted. Very excited!

https://www.literotica.com/s/but-a-big-dream
__________________
Sins for the win... uh, wins.

Yes, I partake in the shameful activity of writing. Read a bit here.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-30-2017, 11:42 PM   #3383
cliteatingman
I make pussies happy
 
cliteatingman's Avatar
 
cliteatingman is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 32,871
Excellent totally hot!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AveryElle View Post
My first part of my first submission just got approved and posted.

Itís about a young woman, who kind of keeps to herself at graduate school, but sees a guy working on campus that she canít stop thinking about. They bump into each other at a coffee shop and they begin to interact. Sheís not a prude but isnít used to affections lately and it takes her by surprise. Heís a mix of assertive and genuinely interested in her. However, they arenít sappy romantics.

Itís based on fantasies, real events, and fictionalized versions of a few people mashes together. Excited to get feedback!

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-sta...g-good-ch-01-1
__________________
I LOVE thee not for sacred chastity.
Who loves for that? nor for thy sprightly wit:
I love thee not for thy sweet modesty,
Which makes thee in perfection's throne to sit.
I love thee not for thy enchanting eye,
Thy beauty, ravishing perfection:
I love thee not for that my soul doth dance,
And leap with pleasure when those lips of thine,
Give musical and graceful utterance,
To some (by thee made happy) poet's line.
I love thee not for voice or slender small,
But wilt thou know wherefore? Fair sweet, for all...

'Faith, wench! I cannot court thy sprightly eyes,
With the base viol placed between my thighs:
I cannot lisp, nor to some fiddle sing,
Nor run upon a high stretching minikin...
Not I, by cock! but I shall tell thee roundly,
Hark in thine ear, zounds I can **** thee soundly.

Christopher Marlowe
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-31-2017, 03:50 PM   #3384
EnglishTeacher
Experienced
 
EnglishTeacher is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Asia
Posts: 67
https://www.literotica.com/s/whitewash-precinct-ch-02

Chapter 2 of my satirical, interracial police series. Enjoy and feel free to leave feedback.
__________________
Interested in White Male/Other Female interracial? Into Superheroines and harems? Stop by and browse my stories.

Like my work? Support me on Patreon.

Feel free to message me on KIK: WIRProductions
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-01-2018, 10:33 PM   #3385
sdnt
Call me Essie :)
 
sdnt is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NJ/NY
Posts: 4,305
https://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-04

Red: The story of Mina's artistic adventure into the lifestyle.

Chapter 4,

Mina attends Saturday's event. How have the Mistresses and Masters of Salvation been getting along, and what's in store for the night?
__________________
happily taken

My||Stories
Rating, feedback, and opinions are welcome!


  Reply With Quote

Old 01-03-2018, 02:13 AM   #3386
Damoiselle
Experienced
 
Damoiselle is offline
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: California
Posts: 73
Chapter 5 of my noncon series Imperius has posted.

https://www.literotica.com/s/imperius-ch-05

It's getting more action heavy.
__________________
My submissions: https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-07-2018, 08:26 PM   #3387
Soma99
Really Really Experienced
 
Soma99's Avatar
 
Soma99 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 325
I posted something short (825 words or so) in the Letters and Transcripts section, I would love if someone read it!

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-letter-to-alyssa

It's very snarky!
__________________
These are my stories, let me know if you enjoy them!

https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-08-2018, 11:48 AM   #3388
sdnt
Call me Essie :)
 
sdnt is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NJ/NY
Posts: 4,305
https://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-04

Tonight's the night, and Mina is ready for whatever's to come - or so she thinks. After a chance encounter with Master Connor and the reveal of the night's special event, can Mina pull it together to accomplish the job? Find out in the 4th chapter of Red!
__________________
happily taken

My||Stories
Rating, feedback, and opinions are welcome!


  Reply With Quote

Old 01-08-2018, 02:08 PM   #3389
Macthegreat05
Virgin
 
Macthegreat05 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
The Wrong Choices - My first story.


https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wrong-choices-ch-01

It is a story of an Indian girl, who is thrown onto a roll coaster ride of betrayal, revenge and bondage - and in many ways she ends up enjoying it. Chapter 1 to 6 have been published, and 7 more chapters are on their way.

Please feel free to share your thoughts.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-09-2018, 02:12 PM   #3390
CoyoteMittens
Experienced
 
CoyoteMittens is offline
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 42
But a Big Dream, 2

But a Big Dream, Ch 2.

My updated second chapter has been posted!

https://www.literotica.com/s/but-a-big-dream-ch-02

The series follows a college senior, third generation Japanese, spending a vacation in Hawaii, who finds herself exploring her own budding sexuality with a series of partners. Chapter 2 continues with a filthy series of texts with her stateside boyfriend, and delves into the history of their relationship with a few remembered fucks. Zeus, her imaginary friend and sometimes fuckbuddy, reappears to give some council. All ends with dirty but authentic romantic feelings.
__________________
Sins for the win... uh, wins.

Yes, I partake in the shameful activity of writing. Read a bit here.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-15-2018, 05:01 PM   #3391
Runner2016
Virgin
 
Runner2016 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 12
Smile Second Story Published - Love some feedback

I just published my second story last week, and would appreciate any constructive feedback I can get. It's in Group Sex, but there is a lot of male/male action, so if that's not your cup of tea, no worries. Its a different sort of structure from my first, and I'm not as confident of the writing as I was the first time around. Interested in what folks think of the writing, pacing, etc.

Appreciate the feedback. Thanks!

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-weekend-ch-01-5
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-17-2018, 03:25 AM   #3392
spongeman
Virgin
 
spongeman is offline
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 6
I've submitted an extract from a book I'm writing and I'd love some feedback. This is my first submission.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-first-encounter-12
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-17-2018, 04:14 PM   #3393
housewares
Virgin
 
housewares is offline
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 8
Smile Vicki Loves

Hello! The first 3 chapters of my story "Vicki Loves" have been posted! What's it all about? A high-school knockout with a huge heart (and an even bigger chest) suddenly finds herself in one incredibly inappropriate relationship after another with a bevy of gorgeous futanari women who all want nothing more than to mate with the stunning, exceptionally-stacked student over and over again. So, if you like huge boobs, insatiable girlcocks, incredibly messy orgasms, buckets of cum, and oodles of girly passion, please check Vicki's adventures out!

https://www.literotica.com/s/vicki-loves-ch-01-vicki

https://www.literotica.com/s/vicki-loves-ch-02-jeannie

https://www.literotica.com/s/vicki-loves-ch-03-celia

(I noticed a few formatting issues introduced from the conversion of my original document that need to be addressed, especially near the end of chapter 2, so please bear with me!)

Last edited by housewares : 01-22-2018 at 10:34 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-28-2018, 03:44 PM   #3394
EnglishTeacher
Experienced
 
EnglishTeacher is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Asia
Posts: 67
https://www.literotica.com/s/whitewa...sing-sun-ch-06

Chapter 6 is live for my crime thriller. Enjoy!
__________________
Interested in White Male/Other Female interracial? Into Superheroines and harems? Stop by and browse my stories.

Like my work? Support me on Patreon.

Feel free to message me on KIK: WIRProductions
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-28-2018, 04:54 PM   #3395
seraph_nocturne
Really Experienced
 
seraph_nocturne's Avatar
 
seraph_nocturne is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 204
Title: The Dead World (1, 2, 3..)
Genre: Erotic Horror
Tags: post-apocalyptic, zombie apocalypse, zombies, survival, dystopian, cross-dressing, dubious consent, molestation

Author's Overview: Sooo, bear with me on my first publications on the site, it's an ongoing work-in-progress and I'm working without an editor! If you're interested in gritty, darker style stories with non-con sexual themes and realistic undertones of survival along with moral/power struggles, then I suggest my first submission to you. It's a bit slow to start in my opinion, but pretty much takes the wheel as a typical zombie-apocalypse survival story, promising deeper and darker twists and turns as it progresses.

Synopsis: Charlotte is a quiet woman living alone in an old resort on the scenic Georgia coastline, six years after a deadly virus outbreak devastated the world and all but put the human race on the extinction list. She presumes herself a widow; her husband ventured out years ago and never returned but she waits anxiously for his return. Nestled on a cliff and accessible only by a bridge; the Oasis Palms resort boasted self sufficiency and private luxuries--things which have been the saving grace for Charlie, she's been here very nearly since the beginning of the end. She finds herself at a deadly standstill however when an unfamiliar group of all-male travelers lands at her doorstep, and she prepares to assume the persona of a young man as she attempts to make her escape into an unfamiliar, dangerous and terrifying new world.
__________________

"Don't follow me, for I am as lost as you are!"
Apologies for slow replies, a little hectic out in the real world. ~ Seraph

SRP Profile
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-03-2018, 05:43 AM   #3396
ChloeWritesX
Virgin
 
ChloeWritesX is offline
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 3
I recently submitted my first story to Literotica - comments and feedback would be very welcome!

https://www.literotica.com/s/measured

'Measured' is a very short story involving a woman having her first experience with another woman in a lingerie shop while her partner watches. I hope you will enjoy it...
__________________
You can find my stories here https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...hp?uid=3676014 or come make friends with me on Fetlife
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-15-2018, 01:47 PM   #3397
EnglishTeacher
Experienced
 
EnglishTeacher is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Asia
Posts: 67
https://www.literotica.com/s/whitewa...sing-sun-ch-07

Two roads. What would have happened if the other one got picked?
__________________
Interested in White Male/Other Female interracial? Into Superheroines and harems? Stop by and browse my stories.

Like my work? Support me on Patreon.

Feel free to message me on KIK: WIRProductions
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-16-2018, 09:55 AM   #3398
Bothways4days
Virgin
 
Bothways4days is offline
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 3
After The Party *Gay Male*

Hello Literotica!

I have never written erotica before and for a long time I was too nervous to share my story. The first part of my saga seems to have been received well from the majority of people that read it, but I would love as much feedback as possible. After a week of way too much over thinking the second episode of my tale is now available to read as well. I would really like to know if anyone would be interested in me continuing this delve into my first gay relationship.

After The Party
https://www.literotica.com/s/after-the-party-44

After The Party Pt. 2
www.literotica.com/s/after-the-party-pt-02
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-17-2018, 03:38 AM   #3399
BastionSeraphic
Virgin
 
BastionSeraphic is offline
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 2
Hello all! So I wrote my first erotica short story a few weeks ago and I would really like some proper feedback since I intend to write more stories of this nature. This story I'm posting is a story about two men named Maxwell and Kastor. Maxwell has recently been through some bad times in his life involving his family and his sexuality and wonders into a bar owned by Kastor for a drink and things pick up from there.

Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks again!

Respite:
https://www.literotica.com/s/respite-3
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-21-2018, 02:31 AM   #3400
Blind_Justice
Literotica Guru
 
Blind_Justice's Avatar
 
Blind_Justice is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cyberspace, the final frontier
Posts: 1,208
The first two chapters in my ongoing space opera "Fading Stars" are out. Weird alien sex, sexy androids, cat girls and a threat which is snuffing out whole suns like nobody's business. Feedback appreciated and welcome.

https://www.literotica.com/s/fading-stars-ch-01

https://www.literotica.com/s/fading-stars-ch-02
__________________
Squatter in the Music thread

My Geek Pride Day submission:
-----------------------------------
The Rembrandt Legacy
Convicted engineer with special power gets recruited by alien rogues to pull off a difficult heist.

My stuff on Lit
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:43 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.