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Old 12-03-2017, 12:09 AM   #1
ChibiFangirl
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Having trouble writing a blow job scene

I don't know why, but these are the scenes that stump me when itv comes to writing erotic fiction. Perhaps since I'm still virginal, this could be it. However from what I am told I can write other sex scenes, like certain kinks, cunnilingus and the sex it self.

I've posted two stories on Lit so far, but I have been writing erotic fanfic and I seem to have a trend to repeat the word play from previously done series.

What I mean is all my BJ scenes look like this:
'She takes his cock, gently with her hand. Then slowly takes him in. He moans and wraps his fingers in her hair. She savors his taste until he finally comes."

^Just an example, not an actual writing sample. Tips? (Pun intended) Please?
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Old 12-03-2017, 12:20 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiFangirl View Post
I don't know why, but these are the scenes that stump me when itv comes to writing erotic fiction. Perhaps since I'm still virginal, this could be it. However from what I am told I can write other sex scenes, like certain kinks, cunnilingus and the sex it self.

I've posted two stories on Lit so far, but I have been writing erotic fanfic and I seem to have a trend to repeat the word play from previously done series.

What I mean is all my BJ scenes look like this:
'She takes his cock, gently with her hand. Then slowly takes him in. He moans and wraps his fingers in her hair. She savors his taste until he finally comes."

^Just an example, not an actual writing sample. Tips? (Pun intended) Please?
She slides just the tip of her tongue up the underside, so light he can barely feel it - it's mostly just the sensation of her breath. She can sense his cock twitching. Once she reaches the head, she slides her lips over it ... just the head ... sucking it in, swirling her tongue around it. She can hear his breath catch as she sucks a little harder.

... something like that. The important thing to remember is that blow job is more than just having a cock in your mouth. There's a thread somewhere called Oral Servitude (I'll try and find it to link you) - have a look at the photos and think about describing those.
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Old 12-03-2017, 12:22 AM   #3
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Inspiration

Most recent Oral Servitude thread.

Huge amount of variation, as you'll see.

I've heard that eye contact is a huge turn on.
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Old 12-03-2017, 02:35 AM   #4
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Think about sound. The hisses of air at the corner of the lips. The slurps. The pops. Maybe croaks if she's deep-throating. His groans. Her moans vibrating around him.

If it's her, she can feel it throbbing between her lips ó harder when she does something wonderful he wasn't expecting. The little burst of flavor from pre-cum. A lot of women who enjoy it are getting off on being in a subservient position, but in reality they are holding all the puppet strings. Get into her thoughts if you're in her POV.

It's not all about sucking. Long licks up and down the shaft. Curling the tongue around the head. Flicks while looking into his eyes. Don't forget the family jewels.

For that matter, not ever suck is the same. Barely there, just giving head. Deep throat. Middle of the road. Fast. Slow.

Hand action can break things up. Twisting while stroking. Is her grip light, or firm? Does she have to keep her hand down there to keep a monster out of her throat? Especially the closer he gets to coming? She might be holding it up straight, or pushing it against him to tongue his balls.

Throw a little titty action in there. Bounce it between some big hangers. Rub the tip over her nipple. Wrap it up in a warm nest between them.

Is her hair long enough that she needs to flip it out of the way? That's going to happen more than once. She can also take advantage of it. Long, soft, silky hair tickling you is a tantalizing breather, or a nice little start. Maybe the way it falls over one eye as her lips are sliding down his shaft is incredibly sexy for him.

Is she wearing lipstick? You can get some mileage out of that smearing all over Mr. Happy.

Prone on the bed? On her knees with him standing? Blessed up top enough for a combination titty-fuck & suck?

Does she swallow? Let it dribble out of her mouth and down him? Stop and tongue-tickle the frenulum to make him spurt where she can see it? Stop and jack it off in her face? On her tits?

Step off the beaten trail of cock + lips = splooge. Put on your pith helmet and explore
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Old 12-03-2017, 05:42 AM   #5
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Blowjob is normally written as one word.

Secondly, forget about writing blowjob sounds, that's amateurish. Just write enough for the reader to fill in the rest. Unless you're writing a pornography story or a cartoon story ala Batman with 'slurp, slurp, slurp, we get it. He's having his cock sucked.

Readers (men) more want to know that the woman is staring up at him while kissing, licking, and stroking his cock. Readers (men) want to know that he stared down at her while watching her sucking him. Readers (men) want to know if he put a gentle or heavy hand behind her head and if she allowed him to cum in her mouth and if he gave her a cum bath.

Unless your story is called, "Blowjob" whatever you write about a woman giving a man a blowjob will stop the action, delay the story, and take away from the story. Don't get too hung up on giving a blowjob. Most readers already have their image in mind.
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:54 AM   #6
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Go give someone a blowjob, take notes and then write it into a story.
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Old 12-03-2017, 07:05 AM   #7
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Go give someone a blowjob, take notes and then write it into a story.
Actually, that's a good suggestion but practice makes perfect. For her to write the best blowjob scene, she'd have to give lots of blowjobs. The more cock she sucked the better her writing a blowjob scene would be.

Any volunteers to help out this needy writer? Please sign up here if you'd like ChibiFangirl to suck your cock in the name of research, of course.

"Oh, please, you don't have to thank me. You're welcome, ChibiFangirl. I'm glad I could help."
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Old 12-03-2017, 07:42 AM   #8
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Actually, now that I think more about it, giving blowjobs as research to write a better blowjob scene would make for a good story.

Giving Blowjobs by ChibiFangirl

What do you think?

"Chibi? What are you doing with your brother in his room?"

"Nothing, Mom. I'm just doing research for my story," said Chibi.

"Okay," said Chibi's mom Bambi before returning to her vacuuming.

"So, lemme get this straight," said Chibi's brother Chabibi. "You want to blow me as research for your blowjob story. Is that it?"

"Yes," said Chibi unzipping her brother, reaching her hand inside his pants, and pulling out his cock. "I need to blow you so that I can write a more realistic blowjob scene," she said stroking her brother's prick.

"May I cum in your mouth?"

"Cum in my mouth?" She looked at him as if she didn't know what that meant. "I think you'd have to cum in my mouth for me to get the taste and texture down enough for me to write the scene."

"Will you swallow my cum?"

Again, Chibi looked at her brother as if she didn't know what swallowing cum was.

"Of course," she said with a shrug. "How else would I know what more to write?"

"And may I give you a cum bath?"

"A cum bath?" Perhaps a bath was something she needed to have after giving someone a blowjob. "Only, if you don't mind, Chabibi. I would love for you to give me a cum bath," she said blowing on her brother's erect prick as if blowing out birthday candles. "No doubt, after blowing you, I'll be dirty and will be in need of a bath."

Chabibi stared at his sister.

"I think you're supposed to suck it, Chibi. You need to take my prick in your mouth," said Chabibi.

"I knew that," said Chibi taking her brother's cock in her mouth and sucking him.

Just as she's blowing her brother, her father barged in his son's room.

"I heard you're doing research for your blowjob story, Chibi. I'd like to help," said her father Chubbi. He unzipped himself, pulled out his cock, pushed his son aside, and stuck his stiff prick in his daughter's mouth.

Wow! I think you have a winner here Chibi. This could be one Hell of a blowjob story. Good job. Congratulations.

And you acted as if you didn't know how how to give a blowjob. You had me fooled, kind of, a little bit, well, not really (lol).
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Old 12-03-2017, 09:35 AM   #9
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There are some helpful tidbits in the thread like making eye contact during and the like and it's also true that real life experience is a great teacher.

If it's written in third person then it can be a list of physical action/reactions with at least some indication of how they play out for the participants. In first person then the feel, tastes, sensations, and emotions can be paramount and whether it's between lovers, is a business arrangement, or something else should color how the scene is described.

Also though normally I wouldn't say to watch porn to guide writing since you say you're not experienced it might help here. Maybe watch a few pov (from male's view) amateur blowjob scenes to see how it looks close up and with luck there may be some verbal interaction between the participants that could inspire as well.

Cool avatar btw ChibiFangirl.
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Old 12-03-2017, 10:36 AM   #10
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Here's something I'm putting in my next blowjob scene if I can communicate its eroticism well enough: my last lover had a way of twisting my hair into his hand and tugging on it just a little - not roughly - while I was sucking him. I can't explain what it was about that simple thing that just drove me mad.
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Old 12-03-2017, 11:53 AM   #11
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My thought is it all depends on the context what is written. Also , I'd be sure to have a hpv vaccination if I were embarking on getting a lot of practice. Genital warts in the throat aren't particularly pleasant. They kill.
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Old 12-03-2017, 12:05 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rutger5 View Post

Also though normally I wouldn't say to watch porn to guide writing since you say you're not experienced it might help here. Maybe watch a few pov (from male's view) amateur blowjob scenes to see how it looks close up and with luck there may be some verbal interaction between the participants that could inspire as well.
Watching porn in this situation is a great idea though. There are a lot of different kind of blowjobs. There are loving, romantic, seductive, slow and sensual, sloppy with slobber, all-out face-fucks, hand jobs, tit jobs, licking, edging, deepthroat, just the tip, cum denial... Blowjobs are different in seduction scenes than gonzo or bondage, bondage-type tactics can be used outside of bondage scenes to change the dynamic.

Watch as many blowjob scenes as you can. You don't even need to watch the whole thing as most of them get fairly repetitive. Skip around a bit. But pay attention to the variety of setups and motivations. Are they both sitting? Is one kneeling? Is she lying on her back as he fucking her head? Are they 69ing?

What is he feeling during a blowjob? What is she thinking? Is this her first blowjob? Is this new in exciting for her? Is this a learning experience where she needs to get better at it? Does he want to be there? Who's perspective is more important to you?

As a lot of questions about you characters. Ask a few questions about yourself. Just because you haven't done something yet doesn't mean that you can't write about it. I have only had sex 8 times 10 to 20 years ago. I still write about sex.

In fact, I need to go edit some of the things that I am working on while applying some of my own advice...
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Old 12-03-2017, 01:01 PM   #13
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While I applaud the idea of getting in a little practice at least as much as any male would, I wonder if we shouldn't back up the crazy train for just a moment.

Just what is it you are wanting to get across with a blowjob that you feel you are failing at? I mean, yes, I read what you wrote. What I don't know is just where you are trying to get to.

The snippet you included was third person with some insight into the female mind, at least the way I read it on first glance. Technically, savoring could be a descriptor of her actions I suppose, so perhaps I shouldn't have leapt to the conclusion we were reading how she felt versus how she appeared to feel.

But, I think maybe you are wanting something with a little more demonstrative feeling to it, so here goes;

1) Nail down in your mind how each of the two feels about the act they are consummating.
2) Check out what some other writers have to say about blowjobs;
a) https://www.literotica.com/s/how-i-l...give-a-blowjob
b) https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-give-head
c) https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-give-great-blowjobs and the follow up https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-...blowjobs-ch-02
d) [Please don't post links to competing sites. Thanks - AH Mod]
e) http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/s...oral-sex-tips/
(There is, of course, a metric ton of advice on "how to" out there to find. But, that should suffice to get you started.)
3) Practice. If you don't think you're quite ready to start a sign up sheet, there's always carrots.
4) Write it up.
5) Read over it and see if it advances characterization, plot, or, at least, some vicarious excitement.
6) Delete it and try again with different word choices.
7) Rinse and repeat until you've gotten something that makes you blush.

Best of luck and looking forward to seeing what you can do.

Last edited by AH_Mod : 12-04-2017 at 03:20 PM.
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Old 12-03-2017, 01:56 PM   #14
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Just a note that, in U.S. style, "blow job" is two words, not one. It's in Webster's.

"Susan" (a middle-aged male performance artist name Freddie who has been weaving personal fiction to punk other posters on the forum for over a decade) is a danger to take advice from on much of anything.
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Old 12-03-2017, 02:14 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiFangirl View Post
I don't know why, but these are the scenes that stump me when itv comes to writing erotic fiction.
Have you ever considered just not writing blow job scenes? It's not like you're writing a porn "script" where the first scene after the pizza is delivered must be a 10-minute blow job.

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Old 12-03-2017, 02:38 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by ChibiFangirl View Post
I don't know why, but these are the scenes that stump me when itv comes to writing erotic fiction. Perhaps since I'm still virginal, this could be it. However from what I am told I can write other sex scenes, like certain kinks, cunnilingus and the sex it self.
My question is, what leads up to the blowjob in your story?

Example:
- She's never given a blowjob before, but wants to show him that she [fill in the blank with her motivation]. He wasn't expecting this. He starts out reluctant to come across as a perv, but when he sees she really wants to do this, he overcomes his shyness.

If there is a good lead-up, I don't know that a lot of details regarding blowjob mechanics are necessary.

Below is a link to what I guess is my favorite erotic short story. It consists entirely of leadup to sex, a dinkus ("* * *"), and then a description of what happens after the sex. It's a perfect story to me, I wouldn't change a word.

http://www.mcstories.com/TalkedMeInt...dMeIntoIt.html

Just my two cents, take it for what it's worth.
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Old 12-03-2017, 10:45 PM   #17
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Just as a Comment, from the example you give you're not being very explicit. If yo want to get more explicit you're going to have to figure out all that detail. Without personal experience (0hhhh) I'd suggest reading reading and more reading to figure out what makes a good blowjob scene. Also what you're trying to do with it makes a huge difference. Romantic. Loving. Abusive. Dominating. Messy, humiliated. You name it.
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:15 AM   #18
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What works best for me

is to imagine I am the one giving, and this is what I would do if given the chance, or I am the one receiving, and this is the way I would like it done.
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Old 12-04-2017, 01:13 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanJillParker View Post
Actually, now that I think more about it, giving blowjobs as research to write a better blowjob scene would make for a good story.

Giving Blowjobs by ChibiFangirl

What do you think? [snip]

...

[/snip] And you acted as if you didn't know how how to give a blowjob. You had me fooled, kind of, a little bit, well, not really (lol).
Not bad but Chibi should be taking notes and pausing to ask, "What are you feeling right now? And, please, be honest. This is for posterity." And commenting on things like, "Your penis is very stiff and yet the skin is so soft. Also, while it has a somewhat floral scent with a touch of musk, the taste is of sweat with a bitter aftertaste."
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Old 12-04-2017, 04:48 PM   #20
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I would say the key to a good written blowjob is details. For example, maybe focus more on the balls in one story.

Ex: She peeked up at him and watched as his hand slowly went up and down his length.

"Are you going to help?" He chuckled.

At that she leaned in and gently kissed his balls. She heard a grunt of approval then slipped out her tongue and let it glide over his skin.

Or in another situation you could just have them laying in bed together being lazy but sexual.

Ex. Her cheek rested on his hip, one hand on his cock. He wasn't fully hard, but that was easy to fix. She slowly stroked him til he was long enough to reach her lips when she shifted him. He was damp with precum and her tongue flicked out to taste it before she tilted her head to take just the tip of him in her mouth.

Try focusing on different moods for the sex or parts of the cock. Try to be detailed, and maybe watch some porn. A lot of porn will show the same technique which is more for visual pleasure, but there is some variety.
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Old 12-06-2017, 09:30 PM   #21
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Most recent Oral Servitude thread.

Huge amount of variation, as you'll see.

I've heard that eye contact is a huge turn on.
This seems to be unanimous. I don't get it. During cunninlingus, I like to close my eyes or ponder the ceiling/sky and reflect on the feelings.

I suppose there's some power relationship involved, though I haven't identified it yet.
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Old 12-06-2017, 09:38 PM   #22
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Try checking out some of the Bi male threads, there's some blokes who worship blow jobs in that community and that's giving and receiving. You might find some BJ inspiration

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Old 12-06-2017, 09:48 PM   #23
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As a suggestion

Couple of suggestions

Do some research. Yes, I'm certain you received this advice before.

But seriously, have you given any thought to why you're going down on your man? That's what you need to covey written your story. Good mechanics / description always help. But, who wants to be blown by some vulcan? Got to make your words turn into verse and passion

Second suggestion, give some thought to read the various postings from Nimi. One example: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...&postcount=762
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:29 PM   #24
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Ok. Seriously now:

First off, don't just write about the mechanics. Those are less important than what you feel.

If from a male perspective, the slippery yet rough texture of her tongue. The heat of her mouth. The almost tingly sensation as she sucks hard on it.

If from a female perspective, the feel of his pulse through his penis in your mouth. The smoothness and softness of the skin covering the hardness underneath and the way the skin moves over it as you suck.

These are the things that bring the mechanics into a real picture for the reader.

Write about his reactions. Her reactions. His reaction to her reaction. Hers to his.

The actions are the mechanics. The REACTIONS breath life into them.
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:41 PM   #25
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If you are looking to inject realism, make sure to mention duration.

It is fun and sexy, but unless you are really good at it, and or you love giving BJs, you will get tired of it after a few minutes.

Also, porn and lit stories have built up this convention of a blowjob to completion right before sex, but realistically, most guys would need a break after you suck them off.

I usually just suck him off instead of sex, or suck him off a little to get him ready for me.

Though if he can cum in my mouth then still fuck, it is quite nice.
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