Old 11-04-2017, 05:30 PM   #2576
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This was an actual letter from and a reply to the Mich. Dept. of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan


Reply To: Grand Rapids District Office
State Office Building 6th Floor
350 Ottawa NW
Grand Rapids MI 49503-2341

John Engler, Governor Russell J. Harding,
Director Department Of Environmental Quality
Hollister Building,
PO Box 30473,
Lansing MI 48909-7973

December 17, 1997 CERTIFIED MAIL

Mr. Ryan De Vries
2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339

Dear Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W, Sec. 20, Montcalm County

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all unauthorized activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the strewn channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 1998.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++







RESPONSE

Dear Mr. Price:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Montcalm County

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to. You sent out a great deal of carbon copies to a lot of people, but you neglected to include their addresses. You will, therefore, have to send them a copy of my response.

First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they
would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natural building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they first must fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence which the department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition - please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter-being unable to read English) -- be sure they are read the Miranda rights first.

As for me, I am not going to cause more flooding or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers-be aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA. If your dam Department seriously finds all dams of this nature inherently hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this State - I seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this dam policy - or once again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice!

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears. Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office via another government organization - the dam USPS. Maybe, someday, it will get there.

Sincerely,

Stephen L. Tvedten



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Old 11-04-2017, 07:15 PM   #2577
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Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer.”
The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, “How long were you married?” He answered, “24 years.” “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”,
St. Peter asked. The guy said, “Yeah, 7 times … but you said I was forgiven.”
St. Peter said, “Yeah, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto to drive.”

The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out.”
St. Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Lincoln.”

The third guy walked up and said, “St. Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!”
St. Peter said, “That’s what I like to hear. Here’s a Jaguar!”

A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!”
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Old 11-17-2017, 09:35 AM   #2578
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Old 11-19-2017, 07:17 AM   #2579
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I... I'm impressed

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Old 11-22-2017, 07:13 PM   #2580
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When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.
"That's the one!"
That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy the suit, his #$&^ing guide dog bit me."
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
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" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
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Old 11-23-2017, 04:44 AM   #2581
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This extensive play of words will conflagrate thy dwelling

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Old 11-23-2017, 05:22 AM   #2582
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Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was holding the first one's hand.

Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree?

He thought it was a game.
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
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Old 11-26-2017, 02:03 PM   #2583
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It does not matter whether you win or lose, it is how the band plays.

Sure to light your fire if your wood ain’t too wet.

Kind of like analyzing the dissection of a frog. There is no good way do so, and the frog still dies.

Sometimes you have to jump off a bridge and build your wings on the way down

It is hard to kiss the lips that chew your ass all day long.

We ain’t all here because we ain’t all there.

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Old 11-26-2017, 06:05 PM   #2584
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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse."

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that..."
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
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Old 11-29-2017, 08:22 AM   #2585
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Dad would just whoop our asses

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Old 11-29-2017, 02:13 PM   #2586
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A couple of poachers are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
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Old 12-08-2017, 10:43 AM   #2587
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I was visiting my daughter last week when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century. We don't waste money on newspapers," she said. "Here, take my IPad."

All I can tell you is this:

The fly never knew what hit him.
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Old 12-08-2017, 02:50 PM   #2588
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One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.
No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?"
"Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.

None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"

Billy holds up his hand an d says, "It's a zebra."

"Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."

Little Johnny shouts out, "Is it a horny *******?"
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
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"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
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Old 12-09-2017, 10:35 PM   #2589
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You don't need another reason

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Old 12-10-2017, 07:35 AM   #2590
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Stewardess to a passenger on a flight, "would you care for an orange juice sir?"
Passenger replies, "Yes, if it needed me"
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...php?uid=883259
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Old 12-10-2017, 10:34 AM   #2591
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Which is more important, the sun or the moon?

The moon is more important. The sun only shines during the day, when there's plenty of light anyway. The moon shines at night, when you really need the light.
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Old 12-10-2017, 11:03 AM   #2592
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Richard View Post
Which is more important, the sun or the moon?

The moon is more important. The sun only shines during the day, when there's plenty of light anyway. The moon shines at night, when you really need the light.
I love everything about that, RRichard!

A certain space agency looked into sending a rocket to the sun. When told "The sun is too hot. It will burn up!" The space agency said, "Fine, then we'll go at night." Problem solved.
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Old 12-10-2017, 02:16 PM   #2593
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A Vampire Bat arrives back at his cave with his face full of blood dripping down his furry face. All the other Vampire bats gathered round him in a total frenzy of excitement. They all asked where he got it from.

"Follow Me" .............he says as he beckoned with his wing.

Off they flew, over hills, down dales over rivers into the night sky ...to a dark forest.

The Bat stopped, hovered and says" You see that big, big Oak tree there"?

"Yes" they all said with anticipation..

"WELL I F**ING DIDN`T ...........said the Bat.
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Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...php?uid=883259
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