I read your story simply because my friend 8letters used the magical words "show, don't tell," which made me chuckle - because I think 8L is the master of tell, not show, and he and I have exchanged a number of friendly conversations - my style is so very much the opposite of his.
But he is right - you're providing a detailed narrative of getting on a plane, stowing bags, and it's dull.
You know how we all sit through the cabin briefings, paying no attention at all because we've heard it all before, and then you notice the attendant has got a cute little dimple, or her lipstick is a little uneven and she looks tired, and you begin to wonder what she was doing last night?
You've given us the safety card in the seat pocket. You need to show us the dimple or the tired smile.
But then you give us this:
A tiny little flame had been lit deep within her and that flame was only getting hotter and hotter warming her body from inside. Although that flame was not yet wild it was only growing in intensity and as it did, Courtney's thoughts were like freed from the shackles of her mind...
- lose the "like" (your generation, please, just learn another word; "like" is, like, so meaningless) and these sentences are the best in your story.
My advice - collaboration with another writer is very difficult. I've done one collab with a writer here, and it only worked because we both know our own styles, and we each wrote using characters we'd already established. As practiced writers, we fed off each other and came up with an interesting piece.
Shameless self promotion: https://www.literotica.com/s/the-floating-world-pt-04-1
Whereas you are still finding your own style, your own voice, and still learning the technical writing stuff. At this point you need a rigorous editor to help with your basic writing - it shows that English is not your native language, as 8L points out.
The story isn't strong enough or self contained to stand by itself, so you might as well continue learning the basics with these characters for one or two more chapters, but 8L is right, don't drag it on. Wrap something up, short and sweet, and write another one.
I didn't score your story, but the flickering glimmer of the sentences quoted above got my attention, and by themselves, a five. Write more like that, give us emotion and depth, and you'll get readers.
Also, if you're native born French and grew up in France, write from your own experience in America - that would be first-hand cross cultural experience right there, and could be more interesting than taking your characters to Shanghai - which most of your readers won't know anything about.